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Truth or Toxic Thoughts?

Truth or Toxic Thoughts?

Many times, there are things underneath the surface that keep us from having a thriving relationship. These can be the effects of a past breakup, childhood abuse, bullying, or any number of other distressing experiences. These old pains can repeatedly come up in our minds and cause us to think things that aren’t true about ourselves, others, and God. We refer to this as having “toxic thoughts.”

A toxic thought is a lie against your core identity, against God’s identity, and/or against the identity of others.1 It stems from a violation of love and trust and/or from pain we have suffered. We put our faith in a person, and something they do or say (or fail to do or say) blindsides us and causes emotional injury. The experience leads us to believe something untrue, and when we accept the untruth, it enforces a toxic thought.

Pain we experience can come from anyone or any circumstance. Anyone that we allow to speak into our lives can trigger us to believe toxic thoughts. When we respond by jumping to conclusions about who we are, who God is, and who others are, based on what we see or hear, we are creating belief systems that may or may not be accurate.

The pain can hit the worst when we see it as being caused by those we should be able to trust the most or whom we put the most trust in—the ones we should be able to feel safe with. Often, those we perceive as having let us down have titles such as God, parent, grandparent, teacher, best friend, coach, boyfriend, or spouse. These are the ones who are supposed to be for us, to be on our side. They are not supposed to harm us but help us. In our hurting world, though, hurt people hurt people, no matter what title they hold. Our toxic thoughts stem from a violation of love or trust—including the times we feel like we have failed ourselves.

Toxic thoughts can end up feeling much more like truth than the actual truth. Because we live in a fallen world, our perception of reality is faulty. We can be quick to believe our experiences and what others say (or what we think they are implying), especially if we don’t know to believe something different.

How do we know if we have toxic thoughts? And how were they formed in the first place?

Each human who has walked on this earth has most likely experienced one or many toxic thoughts. They are not merely emotions. They are instead the beliefs that can trigger many of the negative emotions we feel. Our primary emotions are happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and anger. When we feel sadness, fear, anxiety, loneliness, confusion, emptiness, longing, etc., we will often find toxic thoughts underneath them.

Consider this example of how toxic thoughts come about: each time you get an email from your boss, your heart drops. Although you’ve been a teacher at the same school for the last five years, and in all that time you’ve only received one negative email, that one email still haunts you. It was that moment, three years ago, when a parent-teacher conference went horribly wrong. The parent lashed out at you, and you responded with unkindness. The principal (your boss) sent you a strongly worded email the next day, and you had a rough meeting with her. Since that incident, you’ve received nothing but kind emails or normal updates from your boss, just like it had been before that conflict.

But your heart rate still increases every time you see your boss’s name in your inbox. You start to overcompensate and stay later at work, and you say yes to all the extra things she asks you to do.

The reason you are feeling anxious in this scenario is that the initial email led to a toxic thought about your identity that now gets triggered every time you see the boss’s name.

The toxic thought it triggers is I’m not good enough or I’m a failure. Your brain rushes to the thought, Oh no, they’re going to tell me I did something wrong again.

In order to start changing this pathway, you have to identify what you are feeling. You have to acknowledge, Wow, when I get an email from my boss, it triggers the toxic thought, “I’m not good enough.”

That’s a very strong belief to hold. The toxic thoughts we believe about ourselves, others, and God might start with a seed of doubt, but they can quickly grow into the biggest tree, with roots that overrun our thoughts, beliefs, and lives because our experience points to the toxic thoughts as truth.

But Jesus came to save us. He is the Savior of our world, and He knew His identity. He heard His Father’s voice, and He knew the mission He was called to on this earth. Jesus knew that each of us would be born cursed to sin. That we would feel the pain and shame and lack of knowing our true identity. That we would search our whole lives trying to find who we really are. That we would look for love and meaning in unsatisfying and harmful places.

When we choose to believe toxic thoughts about ourselves, it keeps us from discovering the identity that we are destined to have. We continually substitute lies for the truth of God, and we let those toxic thoughts run rampant.

The good news is that the toxic thoughts we believe are, in fact, lies. They aren’t true, and they don’t need to remain as part of our identity. The next time you feel anxious or sad, try tracing back what caused you to have the reaction you did, and what toxic thought you might be believing underneath it.

1. Terry Hargrave and Franz Pfitzer, Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy (New York: Routledge, 2011).

Adapted from Wholehearted Love: Overcome the Barriers That Hold You Back in Your Relationship with God and Others—and Delight in Feeling Safe, Seen, and Loved by Stefanie and Caleb Rouse, releasing in April 2024.

The Battle is Not Yours to Hold

The Battle is Not Yours to Hold

The battle is not yours to hold.

Are you in the middle of the battle of your life? Maybe it’s a health battle and you just received some life altering news, maybe it’s a relationship battle and you’re at a crossroads wondering if you should stay or go, or maybe it’s a financial battle and you’ve lost the income you’ve relied on – and now in the middle of this battle, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that YOU have to figure it all out on your own, but the battle is not yours to hold. 

God has a lot to say about our battles, and I want to encourage you with a story of God taking ownership of a battle, giving His people the victory over it, and using it to help strengthen their faith and trust in Him. 

In Exodus 14, God calls His people out of slavery in Egypt, and in this story the Israelites have just begun their journey when they encounter the biggest battle of their lives and face death with 600 Egyptians charging them to bring them back to the place they just left. The people are so fearful in this moment that they ask Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” (Exodus 14:11-12).

Have you said something similar to God? “God, why would you provide this job just for it to be taken from me?” “God, why would you bring me this spouse just to have them cheat on me and leave me to parent alone?” “God, why would you heal my cancer just to have it come back?”

The Israelites said the same thing, “God, why would you give us the hope of a life outside of slavery just to have us die on our way to it?”

And as the Israelites were shaking in fear with death looming right in front of them, Moses answered the people with something monumental that changed their perspective in the battle of their lives:

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:13-14).

What are the commands we see in this passage? Have no fear, stand firm, and be still. 

What are the results we see in this story? God takes ownership of their battle, He gives them the victory, and He uses it so they have a deeper trust in Him. 

  1. God takes ownership of the battle. It’s not your battle to hold. It’s His. The people of Israel started to freak out because they believed it was THEIR battle to figure out and then blamed Moses and assumed they were going to die. In the scripture above, Moses reminds them of two things, one – to not be afraid, and two – to be still because God is the one that fights on their behalf. We also see these two things again in 2 Chronicles 20:15, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.”
  1. God gives us the victory in the battle. He goes before us and guess what? We win! We may not see the victory of our battle in the way we want to see it or in the expectation we have, but we do have a promise that He goes before us, behind us, and beside us to fight our battles, and we are promised the victory. In this story, the people of Israel were saved from the Egyptians who all died in the middle of the sea that God parted for them to cross. In Deuteronomy 20:4 we are reminded again that we have the victory over our enemies, “For the Lord, your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.”
  1. God uses the battle. He’s a good God and even though He does not like our pain or want us to struggle, He uses it for the good of us and others. God used this story and what the Israelites witnessed to change their view on their battle and on Him, and in that they ended up trusting God and Moses to continue to lead and guide them. Later Paul writes something similar to the Romans in Romans 8:28, “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” 

Maybe the battle you are currently walking through doesn’t seem to have a way out or a good ending, but that is exactly what the enemy wants you to believe – that you are stuck in this forever, that there is no way out, or even that you will die like the Israelites thought, but as we see God is a God of promises, and He promises that you are not alone, that the battle is His, that you will see a victory, and He will not only use it to strengthen you, but to strengthen people around you. 

God, we pray right now for the woman reading this who is currently in the battle of her life, give her daily strength to surrender this battle over to you, just as we have seen in this story in Exodus, your victory doesn’t always look like how we thought it would, but you go before us, behind us and beside us to protect us, to give us the victory and to use not only the good parts of our story, but the battles as well. Thank you, God for all you have done for us and all you will continue to do. We love you and trust you today and always. In Jesus mighty name, amen.

A bit about the author:

Hello sister and friend! I’m Kayla Nordlum! I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon and now live in the beautiful state of Arizona, where the sun really never stops shining!

My story might be similar to yours, for years life felt empty, confusing and disappointing. Unmet expectations left me stuck and hopeless. I struggled to trust that God had good plans for my future because I constantly replayed the mess I made of my past. BUT GOD.

Through a personal relationship with Jesus I realized it was never about what I did or what I would do, but everything to do with what He could do through me. I decided to fully surrender to the Lord in May of 2020. Through my act of obedience, I watched toxic relationship cycles end and negative mindsets slowly transform. God finally had my FULL heart and life was now EXCITING. I had vision, passion and purpose that I could not come up with on my own.

In August of 2020, I started a business called Worth More Co. (@worthmoreco). A space to remind women to never settle in life, love, or faith + it’s been so amazing to see what God has done and what he is doing with this sweet little community, PLUS I create fun merch, and who doesn’t love that?!

Writing has always been healing for me, I have journaled almost daily since I was young, but I never felt qualified to write for others (doesn’t God always use those people?) In January of 2021, I got serious about writing my first book (“The One That God Away”) and it’s almost ready to be released! God is so faithful and kind, He really has the best redemptive stories!

Now more than ever I know that with God THERE IS MORE + I’m super passionate about helping women find the MORE in their stories too.

XO

Kayla

Keep up with Kayla on Instagram @kaylanordlum

I Want God More Than Control

I Want God More Than Control

Back when we had permed hair and were twentysomething vibrant, we used to talk about how we hoped God would never send us as missionaries to Africa.

My best friend and I recently revisited this twenty-year-old conversation: how while we walked the halls of a seminary where we studied God, we secretly feared a call on our lives that would make us do something radical and hard. Now, on one hand, we cringe at this. We want to judge it and call it ignorance or selfishness or being really young or thinking life was just up to us, but then we step back, pause, and get honest.

Were we really that different from most believers? We say we want God but sit with fingers crossed behind our backs, hoping He will never ask us to do something too sacrificial.

The truth is that our fear was never really about Africa. Africa just represented something that was unknown. Africa got blamed for what was really a small faith—a mindset whereby we could love God but never let that love interrupt our plan for a beautiful house, a handsome husband, three kids, a dog or two, manicured nails, church on Sunday, and cute jeans. It was never about Africa. It was about wanting life both ways.

Somewhere in the midst of the daily whirlwind of life, we have convinced ourselves that we can live in the in-between when it comes to God. We are convinced we can make our faith what we want it to be— customize it like we do with food at restaurants, ordering faith to fit our tastes. But when we become followers of Christ, we don’t get to make up the script. It’s either all God or no God, He says.

Our desire for control—for logic, for reason, for that which makes sense to us—is one of the biggest factors in why we don’t have more of God. It’s not that God is displeased with our logic or that we shouldn’t seek spiritual understanding through the study of Scripture. In fact, this is the essence of spiritual growth: we want more of God the more we know Him. But if we truly want God, the piece that must be abandoned is our demand for logic. We have to want Him more than what we can understand since intellect gets in the way of unvarnished love. When we demand that God make sense, we overstep our role and show our sense of entitlement. In life, God calls us to scary places we can’t understand, and we must have an open heart of faith to take the leap with Him. We must come as children who know and care nothing of formulas, calculations, and risk. That is faith. That is what makes a Father glad.

Life with God was never meant to be a calculated risk; it was meant to be an illogical surety. Logical people are at risk of stepping in the way of the supernatural. We don’t mean to—it’s just that often there’s a core incompatibility between what is known (tangible, flesh, earth) and the Unknown (God), and when we choose logic, it hinders His work. Don’t misunderstand—God doesn’t need us to understand to do His thing. He can work under any conditions, at any time, in any way. But whether we submit to His working is in our hands.

He wanted us to choose things and see things and experience things from a free will and an open heart. Otherwise, He would have created robots to simply do His bidding. But He didn’t. Because He is God, a part of Him will always be unknown to us as humans with limited minds. Yet so much of Him can be known by way of Scripture, experience, the heart, the mind, and the senses. We don’t need logic and reason to know we love and trust God.

And while logic feels good because it is a controllable entity, God often calls us to illogical and unreasonable places to expose what position control holds in our lives. He calls us to the things we fear because they’re foreign and require sacrifice. The things we don’t want to face because they seem too hard.

I wonder: What is your Africa? It took twenty-five years, but my best friend finally met hers. It started with a simple phone call, a “simple” inquiry about foster children in her county who needed a home, but it really started before that. The heart change had to come first, and did. It started seven years before with a trip to Colorado for couples struggling in their marriage. She went with her husband, fighting long-held private struggles. But she came back herself having changed. My best friend wasn’t the same best friend when she came back. She was a better version of the same one I loved. Something inside of her had met God in a different way in those Colorado mountains— something that made her more God-hungry than ever before. She was just . . . different.

So I wasn’t completely surprised when she called me a few years later to tell me the news. “We’re going to look deeper into foster care, Lisa. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I just feel pulled to do this and I can’t explain why.”

I didn’t need her to explain. I knew from my own life that wanting God means doing things that move His heart—which we want to do. People will no longer have to pitch us on God-causes; our heart for Him compels us to pursue them.

And I knew this, too—that God doesn’t typically ready us in ways we think work best and look best to others. He readies us on the inside when we can’t see it ourselves. (It’s a myth to think we will ever be ready for anything that is a God-sized undertaking. We can position ourselves but can never fully prepare.) My friend would never be ready to do foster care. But she was already ready to do it because of her desire for Him.

She’d done some form of foster care for many years, but I remember her first two years as a foster mom well. Many phone calls where she cried in frustration because it was hard and heartbreaking. Many moments when she felt like she wasn’t enough. I would tell her I loved her but offered little more than that because I just couldn’t help like God. She was bitten and spat on, and held children deep into the night while they told her they heard voices. She was in way over her head, way “underqualified” for the things she could and would tell me about. My little khaki-wearing friend became a woman who walked in and out of jails and spoke to the courts like an expert, without batting an eye. She loved her foster kids. They loved her. They became family. She cried, even when she knew it was right, the day the baby she’d had since birth left their home. I watched, from afar, as an observer. None of it made sense.

But it was all God. It’s what she could not unknow after she knew it.

We have both learned much since those seminary days. About life, God, and what messy looks like. We have learned that life is not our script to write and God lives in the illogical sureties, which are abundantly superior to the calculated risks.

And there is much more to learn. But some things about God we never will. So we keep going and make peace with the not knowing, understanding it is an important part of wanting Him first and most.

Article adapted from I Want God: How to Love Him with Your Whole Heart and Revive Your Soul by Lisa Whittle. Copyright © 2023. Use by permission of Thomas Nelson.

Lisa Whittle, a bestselling author, speaker, podcast host, and Bible teacher is the author of I Want God: How to Love Him with Your Whole Heart and Revive Your Soul. Lisa is the founder of Ministry Strong and the popular Jesus Over Everything Podcast. www.LisaWhittle.com

The Power of Parenting with Empathy

The Power of Parenting with Empathy

It is so important to let kids know that we value their feelings. This improves their sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Dr. Fay clearly remembers one of the many times his dad, Jim, showed that he valued Dr. Fay’s feelings, and it really stuck with him: “I was just 10 years old at the time, and our family was having dinner with Dr. Cline who lived nearby. My dad and Dr. Cline were grousing about how their teachings about limits and accountability only worked in half the kids. They couldn’t figure out why the same strategies didn’t work for the other half of the kids, who basically ended up just disliking their parents more than they already did. All of a sudden, they turned to me and asked, ‘What do you think, Charles?’”

“‘Who, me?” I asked. I didn’t have an answer for them, but the fact that these two grown men with decades of experience wanted my input made me feel special.”

They eventually found the solution they were seeking, and in part, it came from observing the actions of a woman who worked in the school administration office. Mrs. MacLaughlin was a strong but loving woman who was the first person students visited when they had an “emergency” like a forgotten lunch, lost coat, scraped knee, or a hassle with another student. Students in that school believed that all such “crises” required a quick rescue call to one or both of their parents—and these were the days before cell phones.

As they begged to use the office phone, Mrs. MacLaughlin would smile sweetly, look into their eyes as if they were the most precious thing on earth, and say, “Oh honey, what happened?” The kids would describe the problem, she’d listen with great interest, and then she’d respond with empathy by saying:

“Oh, that’s gotta feel so bad. It’s never any fun to have a problem like that. It’s sad, but I can only let you use the phone if there is an emergency. If any kid can handle this, though, you certainly can.”

The kids generally figured out how to solve their problems on their own without using the phone, leaving them full of self-confidence and love for Mrs. MacLaughlin. Jim Fay and Dr. Foster Cline soon discovered the key to making the Love and Logic approach really work: empathy.6 Mrs. Mac always provided a strong dose of this magic before she set a limit or held a student accountable for their actions. This showed the students that she valued their feelings.

Empathy opens a child’s heart and mind to learning, whereas anger shuts the door on learning and relationship.

Anger vs. the Power of Empathy

Empathy, when done correctly, sends a message of love and competence. Some parents think that raising their voice or unleashing ultimatums is the way to get kids to toe the line. It might scare kids into submission, but it comes at a price. Kids whose parents routinely lose their temper or yell at them are vulnerable to a host of consequences that rob mental strength, including:

Feeling stressed, which has negative implications for brain development

Blaming themselves for whatever is making their parent mad

Responding to a parent’s anger with aggressive behavior

Having trouble sleeping

Physical ailments, such as stomachaches

Increased risk for mental health issues later in life

Even more concerning, harsh parenting practices also negatively impact how the brain develops and how it functions. A 2021 study found that frequently yelling or getting angry at children is associated with children having a smaller brain in adolescence.7 When it comes to the brain, size matters.

When a parent gets angry, the child’s brain can view it as a threat. This fires up the amygdala, a brain region that is associated with emotions like fear and anxiety and that is linked to the fight, flight, or freeze response. Guess what this does to the thinking regions of the brain in the prefrontal cortex—it shifts activity away from the thinking areas and makes kids more likely to react with heightened emotions.

Of course, all of us lose our temper once in a while, but there are simple strategies you can use to calm anger. For example:

Take a few deep breaths. Gaining control of your breath can help soothe irritability and deliver more oxygen to your brain to help you respond more rationally to a situation. As soon as you begin to feel anger rising, take a deep breath, inhaling for four seconds, hold it for one second, then exhale for eight seconds. Repeat this 10 times, and you’ll feel more at peace.

Know your triggers. Keep track of when you get mad. Is it when you haven’t eaten for too long? Is it when you’ve had a stressful day at work? Is it when you haven’t gotten enough sleep? When you know your vulnerable times, you can make a plan to circumvent anger before it starts.

Take a time-out. If you feel like you’re going to lash out in anger at your kids, simply say, “I need a time-out,” and take a few moments for yourself. Going for a quick walk, doing a few stretches, or listening to some happy tunes for just a few minutes can often be enough to defuse anger.

Empathy, on the other hand, is far more powerful and beneficial than anger. Empathy is our ability to sense what others feel. In dealing with your kids, empathy pays great dividends. Findings from a 2020 study show that parental empathy enhances kids’ social competence, which is associated with reduced risk of emotional and behavioral problems.8 Increased empathy also leads to an important side effect: accountability. Research9 shows that empathy also plays a role in brain function and activates areas involved in cognitive skills,10 learning, and bonding.

Empathy vs. Sympathy

Empathy is often confused with sympathy. The two couldn’t be more different. While empathy is being able to understand and share another person’s feelings, sympathy is feeling sorry for someone else. Here are a few examples that show the difference between the two:

Sympathy: “It’s too bad you didn’t get chosen for the dance squad. Maybe if you take more lessons, you can make the squad next year.”

Empathy: “That must feel bad not getting chosen for the dance squad. I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.”

Sympathy: “That’s terrible that your friend said something mean to you. At least you have other friends.”

Empathy: “It’s OK to feel bad when someone says something mean. I get it.”

Each is largely communicated through subtle yet very powerful factors, such as tone of voice, facial expression, and other forms of nonverbal communication. Sympathy creates lack of confidence and fear. Empathy builds confidence and resilience.

When you consistently send messages of love to your child, they grow up self-confident and assured. With the feelings of security and safety that come from these loving messages, you give your child’s brain, sense of self, and mental strength room to develop.

7. Sabrina Suffren et al., “Prefrontal Cortex and Amygdala Anatomy in Youth with Persistent Levels of Harsh Parenting Practices and Subclinical Anxiety Symptoms over Time during Childhood,” Development and Psychopathology 34, no. 3 (August 2022): 957–968, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33745487/.

University of Montreal, “Does ‘Harsh Parenting’ Lead to Smaller Brains?” ScienceDaily, March 22, 2021, https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/03/210322085502.htm

8. Kun Meng et al., “Effects of Parental Empathy and Emotion Regulation on Social Competence and Emotional/Behavioral Problems of School-Age Children,” Pediatric Investigation 4, no. 2 (June 2020): 91–98, https://mednexus.org/doi/full/10.1002/ped4.12197.

9. Jean Decety and Meghan Meyer, “From Emotion Resonance to Empathic Understanding: A Social Developmental Neuroscience Account,” Development and Psychopathology 20, no. 4 (Fall 2008): 1053–1080, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18838031/

10. Kamila Jankowiak-Siuda, Krystyna Rymarczyk, and Anna Grabowska, “How We Empathize with Others: A Neurobiological Perspective,” Medical Science Monitor 17, no. 1 (2011): RA18–RA24, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3524680/.

Adapted from Raising Mentally Strong Kids: How to Combine the Power of Neuroscience with Love and Logic to Grow Confident, Kind, Responsible, and Resilient Children and Young Adults by Daniel G. Amen, MD, and Charles Fay, PhD, releasing in March 2024.

God Loves You!

God Loves You!

God loves you. A phrase that some of us might feel numb towards because we have heard so much, a phrase that might feel untrue or unfathomable, a phrase that maybe you are reading for the first time. Regardless of how it lands when you read it, it changes everything if it is true. Personally, I believe that God loves you, and you may like the sound of that, however, it really doesn’t matter what we think or believe as much as why we can believe it to be true. Where is the proof?

The Bible is full to the brim of stories displaying God’s love for His people, so I have condensed those into a few major themes.

He created us, in His image and He didn’t have to. Genesis 1:27 says “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” We were made in His image, given dignity from the very beginning. Job 33:4 says “The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” God does not need us, but we need Him. Only in Him do we have life, we could not and would not be here without Him. Thankfully, His love and creativity overflowed into His creation of mankind and the world.

Although we separate ourselves from Him, through our sin, He made a way for us to spend eternity with Him. Romans 3:23 says “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. Not one person on earth could earn the love of the Father, no one is righteous – except one, Jesus. Not only is He righteous, but His righteousness becomes our own when we accept Him. So even though we consistently fall short, because of the fact that He never fell short our lives are changed.

Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” His son, His choice, Jesus died for us so that we may live, and for FREE! We did not do anything to merit the gift that is salvation through Christ. In God’s LOVE and generosity and mercy he gifts us righteousness through Christ, all we have to do is accept it.

John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” God loves us so much, He sent his son, while we were still sinners, to die for us, so that we may spend eternity with Him forever. While we were actively running away from Him, He ran toward us. He endured the cross while we mocked Him as our choices put Him there. In His love He stayed, died for us, and made a way to bridge the gap sin created between us and God.

He sacrificed for our benefit, and our eternity can be secure through Christ. John 17:3 says, “And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” John 1:12 says, “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,” I struggle to think of how the Creator of the universe could love us more than by including us in His family, and offering us eternal life with Him.

This is the gospel, this is the GOOD NEWS! We can be coheirs in the kingdom of God! Titus 3:4-7 says, “But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.”

Why does any of this matter?

If it is true that God loves me, why does that change my life?

I would challenge that once you know you are loved by God, everything you do no longer is about you but Him. I can trust Him, He loves me, my life is His! Friendships, relationships, work, hobbies, eating, drinking, exercise, everything is about him. What relief and freedom His love brings to not have to bear the burden of selfishness and control.

I am currently in a post-graduate fellowship program and one of our themes for the year is focusing on our belovedness. The acknowledgement and deep understanding of God’s love for us is what allows us to honor and enjoy Him all the days of our lives. God consistently describes His love as steadfast toward us. It is resolute, unchanging, and steady. It does not waver based upon our actions, it cannot be earned, and it is always consistent. He never leaves or forsakes us. In every season, every mountain and valley, God’s love for us is steadfast. No matter what you may be going through you can rest in God’s love for you. He calls you…

Blessed – “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places,” – Ephesians 1:3

Free – “We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin.”- Romans 6:6-7

Beautiful – “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”- Psalm 139:13-14

Victorious – “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” – Romans 8:37

Chosen – “even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love” – Ephesians 1:4

Forgiven – “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,” – Ephesians 1:7

Understanding our belovedness changes our identity. We are not defined by who anyone says we are, by our failures or accomplishments, or even who we think we are. We are defined by our Maker, as people created in his likeness, for his glory, out of His love. So if you get anything from reading this blog, I hope it is the simple and complex truth that God loves you.

Macy is from Orlando, FL, and currently resides in Nashville, TN. Keep up with Macy on Instagram at @macy_laegeler 🙂

How To Be The Light That Ignites Hope

How To Be The Light That Ignites Hope

Early one sunny spring morning, I went downstairs from my bedroom into our kitchen to make myself some coffee. As I put the grounds in our espresso machine and waited for my milk to froth, I felt defeated. The night before, my husband and I had been lying in bed and I had one of those moments where I should have held my tongue but instead decided to bring up everything he had been doing that bothered me. (If you are engaged or newly married or have even been married forty years, I highly recommend you do not do this).

I knew I had hurt his feelings because the tone of his voice completely changed. I was instantly convicted of what I had done and realized I needed to apologize. After I said I was sorry, we both rolled over and tried to go to sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, replaying what I said over and over, making myself more upset at what I had done. What I said to him was not out of a kind and loving heart but rather came from the stress and bitterness I had been feeling from work, relationships, and the devastating situations I kept seeing on the news. It took me forever to fall asleep because I felt like the worst wife in the world. 

As I waited for my coffee to brew, terrible thoughts played over and over in my mind. How could someone love me when I just pointed out everything that was selfishly bothering me? How do I deserve to be loved by this selfless man? I don’t deserve forgiveness. I feel like a fake in every area in my life. What started as good conviction turned into a big spiral of lies. I know now they were thoughts from the Enemy and completely not true. But they felt so real to me at the time. They ate at me and made me feel like my brokenness was just plain ugly. I felt shame. If only I could take back everything I had said and everything I had made my husband feel. I kept wishing that I could just be a better wife. 

Finally, my coffee was ready. I poured the frothed milk over my iced espresso and prepared to spend some time with Jesus. As I was walking from our kitchen into the living room, I noticed a blue image that was reflected onto the wall behind our front door. As I stared at it, I realized that the rising sun was shining through the blue stained-glass window. The window I always complained about. 

You see, when my husband and I moved into our house, one of the things I really disliked about it was that it had random stained-glass windows. They are not the beautiful modern stained-glass windows. No, these have pink roses on them that make you feel like you are in the movie Beauty and the Beast. Our front door even has a little blue stained-glass window. It made no sense to me and was something I couldn’t wait to replace. In fact, when people came over to the house I would say, “Don’t worry, we’ll eventually be getting rid of these windows.”

But this particular morning, I saw something I had never noticed before. Cast on the wall was a perfect image of the door’s stained-glass window. You could see in detail every broken piece that had been used to make it a true work of art. For the first time, I saw its beauty. And it brought me joy.

As I went to the living room to read my Bible, the Lord interrupted my thoughts. It was as if He said, Allyson, you are just like that window. You are often broken and shattered—too broken to put yourself back together. And yet there is beauty in your broken pieces, and I see the masterpiece that you are. It was a beautiful revelation; I visualized the Lord taking each of my broken pieces and putting them together, binding them with His love and grace. Just like in a stained-glass window, each broken piece is hand-placed into a very specific spot by the Artist Himself. He makes a beautiful masterpiece out of what we thought was a disaster.

I know that all of us have had very hard and painful things in which we have walked through in our lives. Have you had experiences that you feel can never be redeemed or used for good? Do ou feel as if there are things in your life that keep you from fully living in your identity as a child of God? If so, I want to remind you that our God is a redeemer. He takes what the Enemy meant fro evil and turns it into something good. He is not a God who inflicts pain, but rather He takes the pain that we have experienced in this fallen and dark world and shines His light into it. He is a God who is in the business of redemption, of creating beauty, not of shaming and belittling.

God takes our shattered pieces and creates a marvelous mosaic. I love to picture Jesus gathering all the broken pieces of glass that represent us. He grasps each piece so gently with His loving and careful hands. He speaks life and purpose over each piece. Then He starts creating the masterpiece. He picks up the shiny pink oval representing the traumatic event I saw as a nurse. He then chooses the periwinkle triangle that denotes the anger and bitterness of my heart and places it next to the oval. He picks up your emerald-green hexagon, the one that represents your strained relationship with your mom, and places it next to the cherry-red square that symbolizes the abuse you experienced as a child.

He does this with every shattered part of who we are. God wants us to see the beautiful masterpiece that He sees in each of us. 

God doesn’t stop with the arrangement of our pieces. He then shines His light through us, creating a reflection of His masterpiece through our once-broken fragments, now made whole in Him. And notice this: It isn’t the stained glass itself shining but rather the Light shining through it.

How different God’s view is from that of Satan–who loves to showcase only the individual shattered pieces. I know it is so easy to fixate on the one destructive moment, the mistake we made, or the horrible thing we witnessed. But remember, that one piece doesn’t define us. When it is placed among all the other fragments, it finds its home. It is washed by the grace of the Father. It has a place in the masterpiece of who you are.

In my home that morning I was reminded that the light of the Lord never stops shining, just as the sun never stops shining, even if we can’t always see it. His light is always shining through you, my friend. You, with all of your broken pieces bound together by the grace of the Lord, are a walking reflection of the love and light of Jesus Christ.

Excerpt from Arise and Shine: How To Be The Light That Ignites Hope In A Dark World by Allyson Golden

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