Anyone else in a challenging season of life? I could not raise my hand higher. Maybe you are feeling a bit lost? Or possibly feeling like you are running on anxiety? I will get straight to it because one thing I know is that vulnerability heals–not just the person being vulnerable but also the people that hear her too.
I use the word “challenging” with a lot of intention. Just because this season is challenging does not mean that it is bad. And just because it is not bad, does not mean I am not allowed to cry or feel sad or frustrated.
Needless to say, God is teaching me A LOT right now. But if I could narrow it down to one sentence, it would be this, “Worship doesn’t have to be happy.” I truly think that God sent a sweet daughter of His to remind me of this last week.
That rocked my world because my husband and I are trying to conceive right now. And each month there is a negative pregnancy test or I start my period, I feel a deep sorrow unlike anything I have experienced before. The first few months, that sadness felt wrong. I know God has perfect timing and I should just trust in that. I’ve tried to resist those feelings. I never gave myself permission to worship IN my sadness. I also have never desired anything as much as I desire a baby now. Which is super ironic because I am not the gal that has LOVED kids her whole life. Actually, babysitting was my least favorite job, which I have felt guilty for because I thought that was supposed to be in my nature as a woman. Another story though, for another day.
But in the sorrow I am experiencing beauty. In the waiting season I am experiencing change. Refining, if you will. I am learning what it looks like to really rely on the Lord’s strength… ONLY. For so much of my life up to this point, I have had a grip on my own steering wheel. I have tried to manufacture my own life in so many areas. I have obsessed over my body and food. I have made my business my first priority. I have gotten away with putting my identity in men (LOTS of consequences of course, again another story). And here I am now, wanting that same control. Except there is absolutely nothing to grab onto. Can you imagine your steering wheel getting ripped off when you’re driving and not being able to hit the brakes? You have completely lost control. You have no choice but to surrender to wherever the car takes you and trust that you will be safe.
It is terrifying. There are so many “what if’s”. I am a seven on the Enneagram. Which basically means that optimism is IN me, especially when speaking to other people and helping them see the positive. So this fear and these ugly thoughts I am fighting in myself feel foreign and extra scary. But, God. He is using this to take me back to the cross. The enemy can try, but he cannot win. Not now. Not ever.
Right after college, I got Isaiah 41:10 tattooed down my wrist. It was a verse I clung TIGHTLY to when I was in a massive transition. And here I am again with nothing to clench onto except His Word.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I need help. Isn’t that what therapists say is the first step to getting help–actually admitting you need it? It is not my job to know, it’s my job to embrace. Embrace this story right where it is. Embrace His truth and His promises. Embrace the other stories around me that are similar. Embrace the tears. Embrace the excitement. Embrace His righteous right hand.
Waiting seasons are tough, sisters. But so are you and so am I! Getting sad or shedding tears does not make us less tough. It makes us human. Humans who need a Savior. And it is so cool that we get access to a God who wants to give us strength. A God who wants to hold us up when we feel like crumbling. Every tear you shed and every giggle that comes out has a purpose. Absolutely nothing is wasted. So let’s keep worshipping this Father that is limitless and has much better timing for every part of our lives.
Embrace the challenging season. Nothing is wasted.
Tanner Hobbs is a 26- year old wife, daughter, sister and healthy coach. As the owner of Chasing Freedom, LLC, she works to lead women to experience a level of health that only Jesus can provide. She teaches how to establish simple steps to overcome obstacles and live in the freedom that was so freely given (Galatians 5:1). Catch her daily snippets of inspiration over on her IG stories and posts, @trainertanner.