by Kailee Elise | May 24, 2019 | Sisterhood, Testimonies |
Note from Team LO: We are SO excited to bring you this month’s post from our LO Fam member, Kailee! If you want to know more, check out our online community of sisters here!
Recently I’ve been in a season of waiting. This is a period of my life I wanted to breeze through, hoping it would go by as fast as possible. Or, skip it altogether. But God had different plans in mind. And now, a few months into this season, I’ve finally started to see reasons why and have learned some very valuable lessons.
So let’s start at the beginning. I graduated high school a semester early. I’ve wanted to move to Washington State for as long as I can remember. I was hoping to move out right after I graduated, but that didn’t happen. My parents wanted me to stay in Texas, where I’ve lived my whole life, until the end of the official school year, after I’d turned eighteen.
At first I was frustrated. What was I supposed to do with my time? I had graduated high school, so that part of my education was out of the way. For a while now, I’ve felt called by God to follow an entrepreneurial path for my next phase of life, but I had to wait on His timing for my specific dreams to become a reality. One of my dreams was to join a modeling agency. I tried going to open calls in Texas, which are basically meetings to find new people to join the modeling agency, but was turned down by all of the ones I talked to. I prayed for God to open the right doors to the agency I was supposed to be in and lead me to where I needed to be.
Though I was disappointed that the modeling agencies in Texas didn’t work out, I chose to trust in God’s timing. I decided that since I wasn’t accepted to any of the agencies in Texas, I wasn’t meant to be in any of them. But, I didn’t give up on this big dream. I visited Washington State over winter break and went to a few open calls in the area I planned to move to. To my joy, I was accepted by one right away and got a possibility from another. I was so ecstatic, thanking God that He finally opened some doors in an area I was to move to in six months.
But, I still lived in Texas, so I couldn’t join the agency right away. I had to wait until I moved to Washington. I flew back to Texas, disappointed that my life seemed to be on hold and I was stuck in Texas with nothing to do. I did know, though, that God places us where we are for a reason. He has us where we are for a purpose, whether to teach us or to use us to shine his light to those around us. So, I chose to do both the best I could.
I started praying for God to use me where I was to show his love to others. I also used my time to study his word more. I read the Bible, listened to all the current episodes of Sadie Robertson’s “Whoa That’s Good” podcast (which is amazing, by the way), read advice books by Christian authors, listened to sermons online, and joined a Bible Study at my church. I decided I would use this time to my full advantage to grow in my relationship with God.
Looking back at the time that’s passed in this season, the greatest lesson I feel like I’ve learned is how to be content and at peace with where I am in life. I used to constantly be anxious because I didn’t have my life completely figured out. Yes, I had a lot of dreams that I felt like God had placed on my heart, but I had no clue how they would turn out. I didn’t know when or how they would become a reality. But, in studying His word, applying it to my life, and praying for His peace, I’ve finally found His peace.
It definitely didn’t happen overnight. I’ve stressed about my future for years, really since I was thirteen years old. In the second semester of my junior year of high school. I started to constantly be anxious about what I was going to do and be. But now, in this season of waiting, I’ve found peace because I’ve finally chosen to fully have faith in God. Faith means trusting the unseen, letting God lead you even when things don’t make sense, or you don’t have all the answers. I finally realized, I don’t need to know all the answers right now. When it’s time, He’ll show me the ones I need to know and open the right doors.
My favorite verse throughout this season has been Proverbs 16:9, which says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” I love this so much because it basically says that we can dream about how we hope our future will turn out, but God’s way will come through in the end. Our dreams may not work out like we think they should or when we think they would, but they will work out exactly how God wants them to. Sometimes it’s a long process of following God’s lead, taking one step after the other. Even one season after the other. But keep in mind that sometimes the “going through process” is needed to grow us closer to God and to be fully ready for His promise.
Another lesson I’ve learned is how to find contentment and true joy in this season, and in life in general. All my life I’ve wished I was further along. When I was little, I wished I was older. When I became a teenager, I wanted to be an adult. When I graduated high school, I wanted to be moved out and pursuing my dreams career-wise.
For a while after returning to Texas after winter break, I was discontent. I remember crossing out the days on my calendar in my planner eagerly day after day. I was thankful that as each day passed, I was a day closer to moving out. But a few months passed and I continued to try to grow closer to God and live out my purpose where I was. I changed my focus from what I wanted more of to being thankful for what I already had. I looked at the advantages of staying in Texas longer, and the opportunities I have here that I wouldn’t have gotten if I moved out right away.
For one, I have so much more time with my family that I won’t see as often once I move across the country. I’m currently able to see my parents and siblings every single day. I’ve also been given more time with my extended family that live in Texas, including my cousins. We’ve been able to hang out and have a few sleepovers, which will happen more this summer before I head off. Even though this season has seemed slow at times, I’ve been able to make countless memories that I’ll remember forever. So really focusing on the blessings that God has given me right now has led me to being content and joyful during this time.
Overall, I’ve learned so much throughout this season. God has used this time to grow me in places that I needed it. I’ve learned to find true joy and peace with where I am, even when I’m not as far along as I’d like to be some day, or when I don’t know all, or even any, of the answers. I’ve also learned to trust in God’s timing.
If you’re in a season of waiting, I hope this encourages you. I want you to know that God has you in the place you’re in right now for a reason. There are people He needs you to shine His light into their lives. There are lessons He needs you to learn. Just remember that He loves you, hears every single one of your prayers, and is constantly working in your life through every season, whether fast, slow, hard, or amazing.
Kailee Elise is a YouTuber that makes lifestyle and vlog-type videos. She is passionate about shining her light for Jesus. She also loves dance, coffee, fitness, and fashion.
by Laney Rene | May 17, 2019 | Life Advice, Sisterhood |
The last couple of weeks I’ve slowly been reading through the Gospel of Mark. I love to read my Bible, but if I’m totally honest I can easily get stuck on one verse or passage for several weeks. I love pondering the meaning behind a verse and trying to fully understand the context of it. Something I try to challenge myself in while reading is to not just open my Bible to “know more” but to “know Him more”. For me, this means reading slowly and intentionally looking for God’s heart in everything I read. I remember hearing someone say once, “Be careful not to miss Jesus when reading your Bible”. I remember thinking at first that was a strange thing to say, but the older I get the more I’m realizing how often we miss His heart.
This week I’ve been caught on a particular passage in Mark 2 where Jesus heals a paralyzed man.
There’s so many things about this story that caught my attention, and that I had never payed much attention to before.
Mark tells us a true story of a man who was paralyzed, completely unable to carry himself, he’s carried by four men to Jesus.
At this point, Jesus wasn’t easy to reach. Jesus was in a home where people had gathered to hear Him speak and there were so many people in and around the house that they HAD to find another way in. Seeing that there was no way in the door, the four men carried the man on his bed, to the roof, where they broke through and lowered him down to the healer.
When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven”. (Mark 2:5)
This is the perfect example of something I had to read a few times to understand what just happened.
It says when Jesus saw “their faith” He told the man that his sins were forgiven.
Not when Jesus saw the MAN’S faith, but when He saw the faith of the four men who carried him there.
This is amazing to me. I can recall stories of Jesus saying, “YOUR faith has made you well, go and sin no more”, but I had never noticed until now a time when Jesus said that because of someone else’s faith, someone else was forgiven.
As I thought about this more and as I “looked for Jesus” and His heart in this story, (although I know physically He was in the house) I saw Jesus in those four men. And as I saw Jesus in those four men, I saw myself in the paralytic.
I saw Jesus carrying me as I cannot carry myself. Helpless, in need of a healer, and paralyzed on my own.
Jesus came to me, picked me up, and carried me to my healing and my redemption. I see the beauty of His grace and the truth that it has never been about me sinks in a little deeper. Jesus carried me. Jesus forgave me. Jesus healed me. Maybe it wasn’t “my faith” that carried me this far, but maybe it’s always just been His faithfulness. Maybe even my ability to believe is from Him and HIS faith is what has made me well.
Maybe my salvation was not me going after a savior, but Him coming after me, carrying me, believing for me, and saving me.
Notice that nothing could stop those four men from doing what they set out to do. Their faith was stronger than any wall they had to go through or height they had to climb. Turning away didn’t seem to be an option. When there was “no way” they made a way. This is the heart of our savior!
He doesn’t quit. He doesn’t stop. He never gives up.
Another thing I noticed and had to ask myself after reading this story is this:
Am I this kind of friend?
Notice we don’t see Jesus asking how the four men got to Him, but we simply see Him speak straight to their faith. He must’ve not been concerned about the process of how they got there or anything from the paralytics past. Jesus just saw faith and declared the man forgiven.
I don’t know if these men were lifelong friends, or if they just met on the street on the way into the city, but I can’t help but notice the power that these four men had in this one man’s life. If they wouldn’t have carried him to Jesus, how would he have gotten there? Would the man have remained paralyzed for the rest of His life or would he have ever come face to face with Jesus to receive forgiveness and new life?
Although physically we can’t carry someone to Jesus, prayer is just as powerful. When you pray, you are carrying people to the healer.
No situation is too hard.
Maybe you will carry someone to their healing and redemption.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Then I asked myself this:
How far would I go and how many walls would I take out to carry someone to the one that I know not only can heal them, but set them free and satisfy their every need?
The faith of those four men not only carried the man to the healer, but it took out any wall that was in the way of getting him there.
Nothing was too hard or too far… these four men were absolutely convinced and nothing could stop them from carrying the paralytic to Jesus.
Ever since I was little, I’ve always been drawn to people with a need for healing. If I knew someone was sick, I immediately wanted to pray for them.
My mom would even call me “Nurse Laney” when I was young because I loved taking care of people when they were sick or in pain.
This desire to see people healed and whole is still very strong in my heart. I hate to see people hurt.
But although this desire is still very strong, I have to be honest and say that many times I’ve been easily discouraged by the difficulty of getting people to the healer. I see the need for healing and new life through Jesus everyday, but how often does the difficulty, weight, and effort that goes into the situation keep me from finding a way into the house like these four men did.
Reading this story obviously has made me ask myself many questions… But one question I’ve found more important than all the others is this…
“Where is my faith?”
Is it in my ability to pray for a person or is it fully in Jesus’s love and desire to heal His children and make them whole?
If I’m honest, sometimes I get so discouraged by a person’s situation and the weight of it feels so impossible that I don’t even know what to pray.
Maybe you’ve been dealing with a similar situation with a friend or family member… Maybe you’ve been praying for their salvation or for their healing for so long that you just want to give up.
I want to encourage you… DONT give up.
Just like these men did, carry them to the healer.
Climb the heights, break through the walls and believe.
Your faith could be the arms and legs that carry the one you love to their healing.
Let your faith in Jesus be what carries you to the miracle.
If you feel tired and worn out, remember who your God is.
For He is Elohim – Our God.
He is Yahweh – The I AM.
He is Abba – Our Loving Papa
He is Jehovah Rapha – Our Healer.
He is El Elyon – The Most High Above All
He is El Roi – The God Who Sees
He is El Shaddai – The God Almighty
He is Jehovah Jireh – Our provider
He is Jehovah Nissi – Our Banner (protection, leadership, and deliverance)
And He is Jehovah Shalom – God our peace
It’s so easy to look at someone’s life and situation and measure our ability to help by our own ability.
But we were not made to be the healer… We’re meant to carry people to Him.
Let me encourage you to let God be God.
Let the healer be the healer.
Let the past be the past.
Let His love be your guide.
And let His word be your truth.
“Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.” – James 5:14-15
Laney Redmon is a lover of Jesus who loves sharing about what He has done in her life. Whether it’s through writing blogs, music, or designing clothes, Laney’s prayer is that it would always remind people of how loved they are by HIM.
Check out Laney’s brand new song, Speak Your Name, available now!
Follow Laney on Instagram @LaneyRedmon
by Sadie Robertson Huff | May 1, 2019 | Featured, Sisterhood
The other day I was sitting with a new friend who is about to move to the Nashville area. She was excited, nervous, and hopeful all at the same time. When God calls us to something new, we can have all the peace in the world, but we still question how the little details that have to happen will fall into place.
Questions run through our minds. What will this new season look like? How will this season be different than what I’ve known in the past? What is God up to? I sat there with her and reminded her that she is stepping into an environment where she will be met with a group of girls who are for her, who seek to know her on a deeper level, and who will champion the things God is calling her to. I reminded her that her victories will be our victories, her sorrows will be our sorrows, and at the end of the day, we will lift her up knowing that there’s enough room in the Kingdom of God for us to all live out our purpose. That’s what true community and sisterhood is all about, right?
And guess what? I’m saying all of these things to YOU too, my friends. I have been privileged enough to meet so many of you who are leading in your communities, walking boldly in your faith, and growing closer to God. Whenever I meet new friends, I realize how much we all have in common. Many of our desires, goals and dreams are the same, even though our path to them might look different. We all want and need a place to be strengthened as a community of women seeking one body, one spirit, and with one song we can all sing.
So I am beyond excited and thankful to share with you what has been in the works for months now. We have been preparing a place for sisterhood for you and it is FINALLY HERE!
TODAY, Live Original has launched our brand new community: LO Fam!
Here is what LO Fam is all about: sharing our hearts, lifting each other up in prayer, and being the Body of Christ that provides you with the fuel to live out your calling wherever you are.
LO Fam is here to champion YOU.
This online community is a place for us to deeply connect with each other. I look forward to sharing more of my heart through videos, voice memos, mini blogs, and live chats (trust me, this is the stuff you won’t see on Instagram). And through our monthly discussion board and prayer wall, I will be able to hear your heart too!
You see, if I just follow the vision and hopes that God has given me, we’re selling ourselves short. I believe that heaven comes down when we link arms, stand side by side, all facing out into our corner of this world knowing that with God and the support of each other, we can make a difference. Are you with me? Do you believe that, too?
Just as I welcomed my new friend to town, I want to invite YOU to this special group of sisters inside of LO Fam. We’re so excited for you to be a part of our family.
Join now and get a week free on me 🙂
For more information check out our page here!
We love you and can’t wait to link arms.
XO.
Your friend and sister,
Sadie Robertson
Follow me on Instagram@legitsadierob to see all the different adventures I’m on!
by Sadie Robertson Huff | Apr 8, 2019 | Featured, Sisterhood, Testimonies |
We’ve had the most incredible responses from last week’s episode of the “WHOA That’s Good” podcast with Elisabeth Hasselbeck! The wisdom shared in this conversation is one that deserves pen to paper!
We are bringing ALL the gold for you on the blog today.
For those of you who don’t know Elisabeth, she is a former cohost on The View, a contestant on the TV show Survivor, and author of her brand, new book, Point of View.
Sadie referred to her as “Tinkerbell in human form.” She simply carries so much joy.
Elisabeth is asked the question Sadie asks all of her guests, “What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?”
Elisabeth shared about the relationship she had with her dad. At a young age, she was self-diagnosed with FOLPD, aka “Fear of Letting People Down.” Her father knew this about Elisabeth and often encouraged her with this truth: “I see you. I know you. Go show them.”
This gave her a baseline understanding of how God saw her. It also served as a reminder that she is to show God’s love reflecting off of her.
God tells us, “I see you. I know you. Go show them.”
WHOA That’s Good!
Another strong woman, Maria Goff, was mentioned in the episode. One of Elisabeth’s favorite pieces of advice came from her: “Sometimes when you’re looking for an answer to a prayer you’ve prayed, God sends a friend.”
There’s a beautiful connection.
Elisabeth looked back and saw God’s provision and protection over her through the people He has sent into her life. What a sweet picture of God’s love through community!
Elisabeth encouraged Sadie to be a mentor in her own life. She profoundly said, “Don’t always look up. You can look over and to the generations around you.”
WHOA That’s Good!
In her new book, Point of View, Elisabeth shares about her experience on the TV show, Survivor.
Elisabeth described it as being life changing, but goes on to say it was heart changing as well.
She knew she needed the word of God in her life, but something surprising on the TV show let her know how much she needed it. Roger Bingham, one of her fellow Survivor players, ended up being a good friend who taught Elisabeth how to fish and build a fire. But, the most important thing he taught her was it would be her faith that would see her though the tough days of Survivor.
While Elisabeth brought a headdress as her survival item, Roger brought his bible. She says, “His survival item, in a time where we had no shelter, gave him a shelter.”
In her book, Elisabeth says, “Our alliance with one another was built on our alliance on God.” Elisabeth knows God sent Rodger to show her the importance of getting into God’s word and using it to shelter her and protect her.
WHOA That’s Good!
The show was one of the first times that Elisabeth really depended on the words of God to get her through the day. This began a hunger for the Word in a new way.
This continued to carry her through her seasons on The View. It was a completely different scenario, but the survival guide was the same.
The Word is the best kind of survival guide. It always delivers the best point of view. Reading God’s word in the morning is a crucial survival step.
“Read the good news before the hard news,” said Elisabeth.
During another season on Fox and Friends, Elisabeth would wake up at 2:30 in the morning so she could read her bible before her day would begin. She knew she needed to be grounded in God’s truth before the news of the day flooded her mind.
In a world that is flooding us with really tough news, we need to be grounded in what God says about us and what He says about this world. Elisabeth did an amazing job pointing us to this truth.
WHOA That’s Good!
Sadie and Elisabeth talked about a “joyful busy” and how to keep an attitude of optimism in the Lord’s work knowing that His promises are true.
Isaiah 40:31 says, “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Paul also says in Galatians 6:9, “Don’t grow weary in doing good.”
We can keep a joyfully busy spirit when we understand that “obedience sometimes looks like waiting.” God can always see what we cannot see and what we think is “waiting,” God is calling character building. When we trust that God follows through, we can persevere in the waiting.
Elisabeth went on to talk about relationships. She explained what it looked like to love her co-host, Whoopie Goldberg, while hosting The View. Elisabeth explains that, “We don’t think the same, but we love the same.”
What a challenging thought.
“How did you live that out and look past the differences?” Sadie asked.
Elisabeth said the answer is “looking at others through the lens of love.” When it comes to relationships, she says it this way in her book, “…we decided that being right with each other would require being a little more wrong. Wrong enough to give someone the right of way.”
God delights in the way we love, not in the way we are right. Trying to always be right is exhausting and never a good way to develop meaningful relationships.
We don’t want to be so “right” in our relationships, that we are “wrong” (in our behavior) with the people we love.
WHOA, That’s Good!
What we stand for as believers is important, but not more important than the God we stand under together. This is God’s “ask” of us. This is what we’re fighting for. To simply surrender to God’s will.
Truth is, we are never going to always get this right. Elisabeth relates surrender and forgiveness in this process of love in relationships.
For a long time, “Forgiveness math” for Elisabeth looked like this:
Forgiveness from me= you saying you’re sorry.
The problem with the “equation” is that this is a long way from the example we have in God. God did not, does not, wait for us to say “I’m sorry” before he forgave/forgives our sins. Instead, He poured/pours out grace on us while we were still in our sin.
He forgave first.
He loved first.
Therefore, to live like Christ, our forgiveness cannot wait on an apology. We have to offer forgiveness immediately and leave the rest up to Him.
God delights in unity, and His math is SO much better.
WHOA That’s Good!
One more thought from Elisabeth or you today: “Paint the Pineapple.”
Elisabeth tells the story of painting a pineapple. One day she was in her garage with her children when she challenged herself to do something she hadn’t done in a long time and that was painting and her subject would be a pineapple. Eight hours later, a very large pink pineapple was done. It served to remind her to not get stuck in one version of herself. There was more to her and for her to do.
We so often deny the version of ourselves that we were created to be. You might be confused about who you are, wondering which version of you is really you. Be like Elisabeth and challenge yourself. Branch out and try something new. Or perhaps go back and do something you did years ago, but you haven’t done it in a while.
Start again. Walk back in to who God made you to be. What is your pineapple moment?
And don’t worry if no one loves your pineapple. Do it for you! If it’s you doing what you love to do, God will delight in that.
God always delights in YOU.
I hope you hear that today, friends.
We have been so blessed by this podcast, and we hope you are too!
If you want to listen to Sadie and Elisabeth’s conversation from the podcast, click here to listen!
by JL Gerhardt | Mar 26, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice, Sisterhood |
I was 21 on the morning my grandfather called to tell me my brother had died in a car accident, my brother Bobby who was 20 and almost my twin, my best friend, the best man in my wedding, the one I skipped school with to drive to the beach on perfect eighty degree days, windows down, radio up, Slurpees in our hands.
Papa had called earlier to say Bobby hadn’t made it home from college yet, that he’d driven all night, checked in every few hours, but now he wasn’t answering calls. This time Papa said, “Jennifer, Bobby’s dead,” and I dropped the phone, crumpling into my white bed sheets.
I’d fly to Florida that day in a thunderstorm, lightning illuminating a sea of dark grey clouds. I’d stand with my parents beside a closed casket, hugging five hundred crying friends, family members, and total strangers. I’d stand beside my brother’s name on marble as bagpipes played Amazing Grace, and his friends pushed his coffin-ed body into a mausoleum wall. I’d fly back home and sleep until noon and eat whole bags of Reese’s cups, avoiding people and productivity, feeling scared and abandoned and lost.
This would be one of the hardest things I’d ever have to bear.
It was weird to be 21 and grieving a loss like this, a big loss, a too-early loss, a loss like an amputation. It felt weird, of course, to be without someone I’d assumed I’d always have, to be living life in the color-sucking shade of sadness and anger and exhaustion, but it also was, statistically speaking, weird. I was the only one of my friends to have experienced loss like this. They looked at me like I was sick and contagious or like I was fragile, like they might accidently break me. I wondered if they were right. I thought maybe they were.
I was wrong.
It’s been sixteen years since that early morning phone call, and in those sixteen years I’ve learned a few things about grief, one of the most important being this: Grief is not weakness.
Take a stroll through scripture and you’ll find all kinds of wise, strong people grieving, people who loved God, even people who believed in the coming resurrection. Luke writes in the book of Acts about the death of Stephen, a martyr for the cause of Christ: “Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him.” Did they not know Stephen was with God? They definitely did. And still.
It’s not just godly people mourning either; Jesus Himself famously mourns at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. Sometimes I imagine church folk watching Jesus cry and wonder what they’d say. They’d certainly put an arm around his shoulder or pat his hand. Maybe they’d say something like, “Now Jesus, you know Lazarus is in a better place” or “Jesus, sometimes we can’t understand it, but God has a plan.” Or my personal favorite: “Hun, God just needed another angel.”
Watching Jesus grieve reminds me that knowing God’s plan or having hope in Heaven doesn’t undo the need to grieve. You can believe all the right things and still weep at a friend’s grave.
In Romans, the apostle Paul encourages the Roman Christians to “mourn with those who mourn.” He can say that, command it even, because grief isn’t a problem to be fixed or a disease to be healed. It’s holy work accomplishing something in us and in the people who partner with us to carry it.
It’s important for the grieving to know that grief can be healthy. But it’s also important for the people around the grieving to know it too. Grievers need people brave enough to step into their pain, to experience it with them, and to encourage them to persevere.
According to God, the right response to grief is partnership.
How do we partner in grief? So glad you asked. Here are six practical ways to “mourn with those who mourn”:
1. Show up.
What grieving people appreciate, more than just about anything else, is the gift of presence. You don’t have to say something super wise. Just be there. Be there at the house to put the casseroles in the fridge and screen telephone calls. Be there at the visitation with a bottle of water. Be there at the funeral; sign the book. Be there a week after the funeral to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. Be there in the parking lot to walk into the church building with them for the first time post-loss. Be there. Be there. Be there.
When my brother died, I’d been out of college for six months and hadn’t seen my college best friend in about that long. The day he died she called to tell me she was coming, flying from Tennessee to Florida. I don’t actually remember anything she said during the three or four days she stayed with me in my parents’ house. But I do remember that she drove with me to the visitation, that she sat in a corner of the room where I could see her, that she smiled kindly every time I looked her way, and that she offered me water. I’ll never forget how it felt to know she was there and to know she was there for me.
2. Don’t try to fix it.
Like we saw earlier, Paul tells us to mourn with those who mourn, NOT to cheer up those who mourn. Mourning with those who mourn means embracing their sadness or anger, not running from it or trying to make it go away. Your grieving friend is not your project. You don’t need to make her happy or get her out of the house or convince her to exercise, not for a while anyway. Your job at first is just to be sad alongside her. Cry together. Listen while she lists the things she’ll miss about the person who’s died. Play some sad music. Eat cake.
The best gift I received early in my grief was a DVD box set of the last two seasons of the TV show Gilmore Girls. My husband (we married when I was 19), watched every episode on the couch beside me while I cried.
3. Be helpful.
Grieving people have to do all the things regular people do. They have to cook meals and clean their houses and figure out what to do about that test in their sociology class. They also have to do other things like pick out coffins and plan the funeral and try not to cry all day. If you really want to help a person who’s grieving, lighten their load. Pick their kids up and take them to school in the morning. Make food and put it in their freezer. Buy them a handful of pizza gift cards. Shop for things like paper plates and plastic utensils and toilet paper–stuff they’ll need but won’t remember to shop for.
My brother died in December and when I flew to Florida I suspected I wouldn’t be back home before Christmas. My friend Ron asked if he could take care of mailing our Christmas presents to Florida. I never would have thought of it. But because of Ron we had presents to open on Christmas morning, and that small joy made the pain a little easier to bear.
4. Pray.
Grief can complicate prayer. People who are grieving still love God, but we might not like Him for a little while. Or maybe we don’t totally trust Him.
Because someone grieving can’t always bring themselves to pray, friends need you to pray on their behalf. Pray for comfort and peace. Pray for joy. Pray for eyes to see God even in the dark.
My friend Allie said to me once, “In the times when I’m weak and can’t get to God’s throne myself, it’s a great gift to be carried there by my friends.”
5. Give grace.
Grieving people are assaulted by emotions and moods. They’ll be short with you. They’ll ignore your texts. They’ll accuse you of not caring about them. They’ll be a downer at dinner. They’ll let you down. And, in all of it, they desperately need grace. They need room to mess up without worrying about falling behind or falling out of favor. They need you to keep texting them, to keep inviting them to dinner, to keep being kind. And they’d be incredibly grateful if you’d just go ahead and forget about that rant they went on last night after Bible study.
6. Be alive.
After my brother died it seemed like everyone around me started whispering. I’d hear laughter in a room only to hear it fade when I walked in. People tiptoed around me, afraid of jostling me, afraid to be too loud or too happy or too excited. In that tiptoeing they unintentionally avoided all the best parts of life. Just when I most needed a good laugh, everyone seemed determined to protect me from one.
Yes, we should mourn with those who mourn, but mourning doesn’t preclude joy and passion and purpose. Don’t feel like you always need to be a muted version of yourself when you’re with a grieving friend. Tell funny stories. Be excited about good news. Talk about your new big project. Invite your friend to go shopping for a new pair of boots. Plan a trip. Praise God freely and with joy. Be fully alive.
Just because your friend is experiencing darkness doesn’t mean you need to dial back your light. In fact, it’s the light in you they most need.
I had friends who didn’t know how to handle my grief. But I also had friends who knew exactly what to do, friends who committed to carrying my load, partnering in grief, and mourning with me. Friends who were certain grief could be holy, holier endured together.
My prayer for you is that God would bring you partners in grief and that God would make you partners in grief, and that in that partnership you’d be shaped, blessed, and loved.
JL Gerhardt is an author and storytelling minister living just outside Austin, TX. Her books include Swallowed Up: A Story About How My Brother Died. And I Didn’t. and Think Good: How To Get Rid of Anxiety, Guilt, Despair, and the Like to Finally Find Peace of Mind.
Visit JL’s website at godscout.com and follow her on Instagram @jlgerhardt_godscout
by Nancy Alcorn | Mar 1, 2019 | Featured, Sisterhood, Testimonies
The first person I ever knew who had an eating disorder was me.
It was back when I was a teenager, and I spent five years stumbling in the dark in the worst bondage I’ve ever experienced my entire life. Back then, no one talked about eating disorders. It wasn’t on anyone’s radar, so I was left to believe that I was the only one struggling with whatever this was. I made it my highest priority to hide this thing from everyone who knew me. There was so much shame, control, and fear attached to the struggle.
I had done everything that I knew to do, short of telling anyone about it. One New Year’s Eve, my friends asked me to go out with them to a Christian concert and ring in the New Year, but I made the decision to stay home by myself that night. I told God that I refused to go into the new year with this issue. I got down on my knees and cried out to Him in desperation, “I hate this! I need You to set me free from whatever this is!! I can’t live in this prison anymore!! I CAN’T HELP MYSELF. I need You to help me! I give my whole life to You, and I choose to surrender control.”
That night God met me where I was, and that moment was the beginning of the end of five years of bondage. Since that time, I’ve been able to share with thousands of young women, not only my own testimony, but to affirm them for having the courage to reach out for help, to see them completely set free.
Today, eating disorders are devastating millions of lives across the world. There are many who are wanting a way out. Since 1983, I have watched countless young women come into the doors of Mercy Multiplied who have sought prior treatment without successful long-term results, yet they have graduated from the Mercy program completely transformed. Whether you are struggling with an eating disorder yourself, or you have a friend who is struggling, please believe me when I say there is hope and freedom available through Jesus Christ!
Most eating disorders stem from deep emotional, psychological, and spiritual roots. When we have external issues we’re struggling with, like an eating disorder, we often think those issues are the problem. The truth is that those issues are just an outward expression of a much deeper problem. The unhealthy “roots” in our lives are the source of the behaviors that we want to see change.
Our roots draw their power from the different things we’ve walked through in our lives that have affected us. And it’s not until we expose and deal with those roots – things like rejection, fear, and shame, that we will experience true and lasting freedom. Whatever the root of an eating disorder may be, the solution is more than to simply eat balanced meals and keep the food down. Trust me, I tried that.
One very common root of eating disorders is the desperate need to feel in control. Something may have happened – such as trauma or sexual abuse – that made you feel out of control. An eating disorder can make you feel that you are in control, but just the opposite is true. You are actually giving control of your life to something else. The Bible says that we are slaves to whatever controls us. The way to walk in freedom is to choose, like I did all those years ago, to surrender control of your life to God instead of trying to control your life yourself. After all, Jesus came to heal broken lives and set captives free!
Whether someone is dealing with anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating, freedom is available! I have seen hundreds of young women over the years who have spent thousands and thousands of dollars entering treatment programs only to leave the same or even worse. Totally reminds me of the woman in the Bible who had a flow of blood for 12 years (Mark 5:25-26). It says she went to many doctors and spent all she had but instead of getting better she only got worse.
Such was the case with a 20-year-old girl named Kristin who walked through the door of one of our Mercy homes in 2003. Turns out her parents were wealthy, and they had spent massive amounts of money on the best eating disorder treatment programs in America. The doctors finally sat her parents down to say they had done all they could do, and that Kristin would always have the eating disorder, that she would probably always be in and out of hospitals and never be able to live a normal life. The doctors said Kristin had destroyed her body to the point that she would never be able to have children.
As often is the case, a young woman who had previously graduated from Mercy and was healed and restored from an eating disorder suggested they contact us for help. Completely out of any other options, Kristin applied to Mercy as a last-ditch attempt to get the help she so desperately longed for.
She entered the program in 2003 and was with us approximately six months. During this time, Mercy provided a safe place for Kristin to open up about traumatic things that had happened to her in her childhood. Our counselors at Mercy also helped Kristin see that the labels that had been spoken over her life and the things that the doctors told her about never being able to live a normal life were just not true.
Through our wonderful staff and counselors, Kristin was able to understand that it was possible for us to help her get to the root issues of why she had an eating disorder in the first place and through that process she could be healed and restored. Kristin began to renew her mind to God’s Word which caused her to see herself the way God sees her.
We shared with Kristin what God says in Deuteronomy 30:19, that He actually gives us a ability to choose between life and death, blessing and cursing. Through that Scripture, Kristin realized that she had the power to choose life. She also realized that she was empowered to replace lies with truth and to identify with being a child of God rather than a damaged young girl with a severe eating disorder. That is when everything changed.
The day she graduated from Mercy, her parents and family came to celebrate and what a wonderful day it was!!!
After Kristin’s graduation from Mercy, she returned to Texas to live with her family and immediately became involved with a local church. It was there that she met a young man named Ryan. She called to ask that I pray for her because she thought that he might be “the one.”
It was about a year later that Ryan and Kristin got married. It quickly became evident that God, not only set Kristin free from the eating disorder, but He also healed her physical body. Fast forward to the year 2019. Ryan and Kristin are very happily married and have given birth to nine beautiful children. This might be a good time to think back on all the things the eating disorder “experts” told her about her future that proved not to be the truth.
Telling this story is one of the best ways I know to explain to you the difference between treatment and transformation. Kristin was transformed and healed and restored in every way – spirit, soul, and body. She and Ryan are amazing parents. I love to stalk them on Instagram so that I can see all of their beautiful children and get a glimpse into their daily life. We remain in touch and both Ryan and Kristin and Kristin’s parents are supporters of Mercy to this day.
Kristin represents hundreds and hundreds of young women who have moved from the bondage of an eating disorder into a place of total healing and freedom. If you are struggling with an eating disorder or know someone who may need help, please visit www.MercyMultiplied.com for additional resources.
Nancy Alcorn is the Founder & President of Mercy Multiplied, a Christian non-profit that equips all people to live free and stay in Jesus Christ through its free-of-charge residential program for young women ages 13-32 and its Outreach services.
Her new book, Treatment or Transformation: 13 Real Stories Why You Can’t Argue With A Changed Life tells 13 powerful stories where God intervened and radically transformed lives and is available at MercyMultiplied.com.
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