I recently had the absolute honor of speaking to the girls rushing at the University of Alabama. I considered it a great joy to be asked to do that. If you don’t know what rushing is, it is a series of social events to connect sorority groups with the freshman girls on campus who want to pledge their group. It was a little crazy to be in a room full of excited, beautiful girls whose nerves you could feel, the day before they would find out if they made it in a sorority or not.
Due to respecting the rules of recruitment, I was not allowed to speak on or mention my faith. You may be thinking… how are you going to speak to college sorority girls when you don’t even go to college and have never been in a sorority and how would you give a message where faith is not mentioned?!?! Valid. If you weren’t thinking that, trust me, it IS what I was thinking! I thought and I thought and I thought about what I could say and then, it hit me – the thing I literally talk about most and can totally relate to is…sisterhood. Isn’t that what a sorority is? Well, it turns out, not always. BUT that is what it can be at its best. Let me explain…
I decided that, since I cannot use my bible and I do not know all the right terms, I would get my definitions and lingo from none other than our, us millennials, very own, Urban Dictionary. So, I looked up the “Urban Dictionary” definition of sisterhood and there were three very nice definitions. This is what the top definition with 197 likes says–
Sisterhood: A bond between two or more girls, not always related by blood. They always tell the truth, honor each other, and love each other like sisters.
Sweet huh?
Okay, now let’s look up the definition of sorority…
Let me start by saying I took one for the team and highly suggest no one look this word up. Let’s just say it was not friendly. Out of the seven explicit definitions listed with thousands of likes, this was the top one –
Sorority: A group of girls who have come together because they look similar, and are now kind of friends.
BUT WAIT! I thought sorority was sisterhood and these could not be more different… Who’s confused? ?♀️
The draw for people to join a sorority is a desire for sisterhood, yet these definitions are so opposite. I looked at both definitions, studied them, and thought to myself, “There are some core differences here.”
Here is what you need to know… sisters and sisterhood have different definitions as well. You can have a room full of sisters and see no sisterhood – that goes for sorority girls, friends who call themselves sisters, and even real family sisters. There is one stand-out difference that I see in the definitions and that is what I want to focus on. It is this: the foundation of one is built on identity and the foundation of the other is built on image. What we all have to understand is it is our identity that makes us qualify for sisterhood, not our image. And that goes for your own physical sisters too.
One time when I was in about fifth grade, my best friend and I were playing a game that basically went something like this, we owned the castle and Bella was our servant. (I know I know… not the best big sister move.) After one of the many requests we had made of Bella, our servant, she came storming into my grandma’s bathroom (the home of our castle) with the cutest, yet sassy as can be (with kindergarten girl voice whose r’s sounded like w’s) and said, “I’m not your sewrvant.” As she stared me down, you could almost hear the old western music in the background as we both thought of what was going to be our next move. Bella famously won the battle with these words, “I AM A GIWRL AND I AM OUT OF THIS WOWRLD.” She closed the scene with a power walk.
The thing is sisters do not like to be and should not be treated by sisters for anything less than a sister. True sisterhood is not a system to tell you what you have to do – it’s a source to remind you of who you are.
Here is a pic of me and my little sister, Bella. Much like a group of sorority girls, we live in the same house. We also share the same last name. We even we look alike. We are Robertsons, born from the same parents. She is my sister. While that is what make us sisters, it is not what makes up our sisterhood. Our sisterhood comes from our genuine friendship. It comes from her love, honesty, and loyalty to me and mine to her.
This is my other sister, Rebecca. Our background is very different. It’s not the same as the one I share with Bella. We do not look alike. While some of it was, not all of our childhood was spent in the same house. We don’t live in the same house now. We don’t have the same last name. We didn’t grow up with the same set of rules. Our parents decided that Rebecca would be a part of our family. She is my sister. But, just because she is identified as my sister by my family and others, our sisterhood is made of the friendship we have built. Rebecca, Bella, and I have an amazing sisterhood that is not built on an image. It is built on the individual identity of who we all are and the friendship we have all built.
I want us to look at the differences between the words identity and image.
By definition – Identity: the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.
By definition – Image: the general impression that a person, organization, or product presents to the public.
Identity is how you were created. Image is what you have created.
Identity is who you were, are, and always will be. Image is what you want people to see.
Identity allows you to rest. Image causes you to strive.
Identity is unique to an individual. Image can be shared.
Identity is forever. Image is temporary.
There is a clear winnerin the wrestle of identity and image.
I know you hear all the time that your image will fade and maybe some of you are thinking, “Yes, in about 30 years or so,” but I am not referring to years down the road. I am thinking about tonight… when the makeup come off, there is no filter, you log off the app, and you can’t create your real life caption.
Here’s the problem. Many people try to base their confidence, their friendship and sisterhood, in something that is always changing. Do you know that the definition of confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something, a firm trust? So why do we try to lay down a foundation of sisterhood on something that we cannot keep up with, something we can’t rely on?
Building a foundation of sisterhood on an image is about as long-lasting and effective as the foundation in your make-up drawer. You use it and you do look great for a while. It even covers your flaws and you seem to shine with it on. But, soon it starts to break down, wear off, and ultimately it comes off completely. This type of foundation covers things, but it does not change things. It is only capable of changing the APPEARANCE of your skin; it does not change the actual color or clarity of your skin. When you take your makeup off at night, the only thing that should change is the color and clarity of your skins; it should not affect the true colors of who you are. If you only work at letting your image change your identity, ultimately your true colors will soon shine through. The image you project to others should only serve to enhance who you really are, not change it.
When I was sharing with the girls in Alabama, I took off my makeup as I was speaking. I asked them, “Does seeing me with no make-up change the way that you see me?” They all said no. Even though removing my make-up changed WHAT the girls saw, it did not change WHO they saw. I went on to tell the girls that the good news is I didn’t come for them to only see a part of me; I wanted them to really see me.
You see, if I went to speak that night with a face full of a makeup and cute clothes and I just stared at these girls without saying a word for 45 minutes they would of left thinking it was the weirdest 45 minutes. It would have been wasted time just looking at each other with no lasting impact. I did not come to give them my image. By just giving them my image I was giving them no relationship, but when I shared with them my identity, my heart, my words, that is what created a bond. Our image is not only temporary for us to see but is temporary for those who see, but a word to the heart can last forever. You want to create impact, friendship, sisterhood? Give them world more than your image.
When I give the analogy of the foundation it seems cute and relatable because us girls relate to the feeling of our foundation cracking, wearing, smudging, and coming off. The reality of life though is that those cracks, wears and smudges are not so funny; when we try to make our image our identity and we feel it start to fade, that is when the anxiety rises, the eating disorders start, the perfectionism is unattainable, the comparison is out the roof, and mental illness begins to become a phrase we are all too used to hearing because we can not sustain what we have created. The truth is I have talked to many girls, friends, sisters, and sorority girls who relate to these words and this pain and it breaks my heart.
So how do we redeem sisterhood? Not just in sororities, but all over – in friendships, schools, churches, work and families?
I was watching sisterhood of the traveling pants the other night, and leave it to that movie to bring a little hope. It is a popular movie so you might have seen it. I will share with you the opening part that jumped out at me. These four girls are all best friends, practically sisters who have formed a sisterhood. They are about to split ways after school, so during their last days together they go thrift-store shopping. One of them tries on a pair of jeans and all of the girls freak out at how awesome she looks in them and how perfectly they fit. Another one of the friends decides to try them on too, and once again, they all freak out because they look great on her too. How weird it is that both girls fit perfectly in the same pair of jeans? All four of the girls end up trying on the same pair of jeans and GUESS WHAT ??? THEY LOOK AMAZING AND FIT EACH ONE PERFECTLY?!?! MAGIC!
Ultimately, they get the jeans and decide to share them and build a sisterhood around the magic of the jeans. “Since every sisterhood has rules,” they state, they all sat in a circle and made rules. Here are some of the rules:
You must never use the word fat while wearing the pants.
You must never let a boy take off the pants.
You must not pick your nose while wearing the pants. You may, however, scratch casually at your nostril.
You must document the best things that happened while wearing these pants. On the left leg write the most exciting places you have been while wearing the pants. On the right leg, write the most important thing that happened to you while wearing the pants.
You must write your sisters no matter how much fun you’re having without them.
Love your sisters. Love yourself.
*if you do not follow these rules then they lose their magic*
I want you to see that sisterhood is meant to be like those jeans. It is not something people have to strive for or work to fit into; it is something that fits perfectly because of who they are. These girls were not in competition with each other over these jeans. They celebrated each other over the jeans because they fit everyone perfectly. We all fit sisterhood.Look back at the original definition I shared with you about sisterhood: Abond between two or more girls, not always related by blood that tell the truth, honor each other, and love each other like sisters. Individual girls choosing TRUTH – HONOR – LOVE. If you take any of this away, the power of sisterhood loses its magic.
All of us sisters who crave sisterhood and look for it in all of these places are just girls who want to be accepted, included, celebrated, loved, and just need a friend we can count on. And, we cannot forget, although we all look for this and desire this, we actually can create this! Notice the rules they made were FOR ONE ANOTHER. They were things to form bonds, build each other up, and deepen relationship. We create the sisterhood around us and bring the magic by the rules we create and follow. Let’s bring the magic of sisterhood back. We all want it – let’s create it.
If you haven’t read Laney’s side of our engagement story and the start of our life together, I encourage you to. She carries herself with such wisdom and awareness, so much so that she was very close to calling out my many, small bluffs about her birth-day turned engagement-day. She reads my every word and facial expression, and understands my heart better than anyone else. Similarly to my Father, Laney knows me fully and loves me fully – something that has changed my life and brought peace to my heart.
Let me take that idea of knowing someone a step further, and bring all you Enneagram people into the mix. I’m a 3 – an Achiever: the success-driven, image conscious, never let a chink in the armor show-type. Throughout my life, my pursuit of what I believe is best has actually led to success, albeit short-sighted and often times lesser than what I know the Father delights to give me as his son. But let me get back to the topic at hand, and hopefully I can give more insight into why I had such peace about asking Laney to marry me.
I woke up on June 28th having slept a little, and planned a lot. It was 5:45 AM on Friday morning, I was in my truck on the way to work, Chris Lane’s “Big, Big Plans” playing over bluetooth with Toby Mac’s “Lose My Soul” queued for the next jam.
Yes, my taste in music is unmatched, Laney tells me that often.
Anyway, I pressed pause and a prayer full of thanksgiving and for continued peace came over the now quiet ride into downtown Nashville. I started to think back on the previous weeks of conversations with my dad, Big Daddy (aka Laney’s father Terry), best friends and a few trusted mentors. Until this morning, my mind and heart had been relatively calm and unnerved considering the typical whirlwind of emotions that comes with life-altering decisions and choices. I attribute this peace fully to Jesus’ touch on my heart.
The process of proposing was different than I imagined. Why? The main reason is that for many months I have been confident that Laney Redmon is who God has molded for me, an adopted prayer from my earthly father to his Heavenly Father that I have tried to consistently pray for years. Talk about a “peace that surpasses all understanding,” I’ve felt it continue to carry it in my spirit. So, the big build up of: “Is this the one?” definitely came, but it came many months before actually going through the formalities of asking her that four-word question. In my mind, I told her I wanted to marry her when I told her that I loved her…
We had been dating for three months, and I was making a fifty mile roundtrip to Franklin, TN every day to see this girl that was unlike any other. One afternoon we were driving through country roads outside Nashville, and I pulled over to tell her how much she meant to me. Of course that was my plan until I got really nervous, and she said “Do I need to say it first?” The first of many mind-readings that she’s so gifted at. After which I gained enough courage to say “I love you” (before she did) and many others in a desperate attempt to relay what my heart was feeling in that moment.
Back to the story, I was back in that place again, ready to relay just how committed I am to her, and how excited I am to begin our “official” life together. My timeline is not His timeline, this was an all-too-familiar and recurring realization over the past year. Marriage was not an unspoken subject for Laney and me, but each time it came into conversation, I met it head-on with a determined “No, not for years.” LOL. Do boyfriends/fiances/husbands ever get what they expect? Thankfully, I didn’t. My timeline was set for a Christmas season proposal, and I was sticking to it. Until, I got really weary of waiting, so I began praying for a moment to ask Big Daddy for his daughter’s hand in marriage.
Of course, calling him “Big Daddy” seemed a little risky in that moment, so I went for another nickname…
“TR, I have a question for you…” His reply as we sat around the breakfast table: “Really? I’m in my pajamas.” He was definitely impressed by my impeccable timing. I continued the convo with confidence. Hear me out, we were in Dallas (Lane’s hometown) for a short weekend trip, and one-on-one time with her dad was cut to a half-hour before going to church on Sunday, June 2nd. Thankfully, it was enough. And after a few (hundred) tears from me, I had what I came for – mission accomplished, Big Daddy was on board for an early August proposal. A conversation that I truly will never forget. I was humbled and honored. Later that afternoon I told Mama Redmon (aka Laney’s mother Rhonda), and she slipped me a ring that had been on her hand for years. I want to stop here and note how much I love the idea of Laney wearing a stone that has heard many wise words spoken by its owner, and been worn by an incredibly faithful woman. That in itself gave me double peace. I took it back to Nashville that next day, praying over the commitment it would represent and began taking that next step of planning to get it re-sized and re-set.
Again, back to the real story-the day of- yes, all these thoughts and more were running through my mind while driving to work. Fast forward to leaving work around 3:30 that afternoon. (trying to avoid a novel here) Laney’s parents had flown from Dallas to Nashville that afternoon, and we met downtown for coffee. I was excited, and very nervous now. We talked strategy, how to lie to Laney for a few more hours about our whereabouts and what we were doing to, how to set the scene and make it (buzz word) “cute”. Lane’s roommates, special people to say the least, were taking her to the spa for her birthday. Following that, Lane and I were going to dinner at a nice restaurant in Nashville for gifts and to celebrate the big two-five. Yes, I fell in love with an older woman. Apparently I’m an old soul. The plan was for our parents and my sister to setup Laney’s back porch with candles, lights, flowers, etc. while we went to dinner. After dinner and a few birthday gifts to distract her, we would go back to the house, I would ask her THAT question, and hope for a “yes” or “sure”. Plan in place, Mama Redmon prayed over me, totally putting my heart at peace once more, and I left the two of them to collect my thoughts and get ready for dinner.
One more flashback to get the full picture of the engagement month…
Lane was able to go look at a few jewelry stores with her Mom and just happened to try on a few rings (thinking an engagement was still six months away). My man Derrick at the store hooked me up, and my father and I stopped by to pick up the center stone, now set in a gold band with eight small diamonds on either side of the stone. (This complicated scheme of getting the ring was a back-and-forth email chain with myself and Mama Redmon called “Project Platinum”, giving you all the details.) Laney doesn’t miss much, for all her joking and being silly, she’s incredibly intelligent and can always read the crowd and often times, me. In the weeks before the proposal, she knew I was hiding my phone, which is abnormal for me. She also knew I had asked for time to be alone one Sunday (so I could call her parents to get them to Nashville, once again my timeline was moving up – December, August, now June 28th), so all these things and a few others were making her question something, but I don’t think she knew what to make of it all.
I picked her up at the spa, and yes, I was playing that country tune again, talking proposal and marriage. We drove to dinner and kept the conversation about our day and the weekend ahead. For the most part, dinner was normal as well. Lane has a way of bringing joy into any scenario and situation, so much so that it makes otherwise stressful thoughts disappear. Until of course she mentions that her mom’s location is off, and precedes to ask me why. When I say “ask” I really mean interrogate, “20 Questions” style. Lane is persistent, and I normally would dive into her questions with responses. At this moment though, I tried to redirect to opening her birthday gifts instead. And for a while, she played along – probably because she loves gifts and knew she could get an answer out of me whenever she wanted. With special occasions, we often write each other letters. It has always been a great way for us to communicate. Laney Rene is a gifted writer; she can paint a picture of her heart and the heart of Jesus, and from the first time she gave me one of those well-written letters to this day, I look forward to receiving “Laney letters”. For me, it’s much easier to transcribe what I feel rather than perfectly say everything my mind is occupied with; however, this one time, to throw her off, I wrote a shorter, kind of “sweet” card. She didn’t mention it, but I’m positive she was slightly disappointed – this being her 25th birthday and all. Let’s speed up the story…
We left dinner and headed back to her house, having got the “go ahead” text from my parents that all was ready on the back porch. Before we got out of the truck at her house, I asked her to remove her shoes for one last surprise and gave her a letter to read. Like I mentioned earlier, words sometimes fail me, so to try and give Lane another look into the depth of my love for her and commitment to her, I planned to wash her feet before asking her to spend the rest of her life with me.
She probably wished I would simply wash my own…we all have our flaws.
Why wash her feet? I find Jesus’ final meal with his best friends quite revealing. From the first day with them until the last, he served. He sacrificed. And, simply put, he loved. The first two don’t happen without the foundation of the last. A friend of mine advised me to not worry so much about the details of the day or the exact time of the proposal. Though the time is important, the moment is the real treasure. After walking through that evening and the weeks prior to it, I believe and have seen that to be true. In that moment, after washing her feet, my wife-to-be began to laugh. She laughed with such freedom and with such joy. Joyful freedom is the constant state of her spirit, and she laughed through the entire conversation and question of “Will you marry me?”
Laney Redmon’s smile is real, and it flows from the heart that Jesus has made new. I mean COMPLETELY new. Mama Redmon recently reminded me that when He restores and heals, it is never incomplete or partially done. As you can imagine, the next moments are a mixture of emotions – relief, joy, thankfulness, etc. We finished the evening like so many others, with three big scoops of ice cream and around our best friends and families. The family members that weren’t able to be there, we quickly called or texted. And as we sat on the couch later that evening, I have to be honest, I fell asleep as Lane was talking about everything – best fiancé award hands down.
*A letter to the Gentlemen:
Whether you find yourself newly single, walking in relationship with someone, or having never been entitled “boyfriend”, know that the Father leads perfectly. Yes, we are called to lead, but that leading flows out of following another wholeheartedly – the perfect example of love: Jesus. Too often, the Enemy wants us to forget who truly owns our lives and holds our hearts and directs our steps. The enemy sends messages through culture that suggest the best ways to be in relationship or live independently, but those promises don’t prove true. Look no further than the promise of grace in the midst of failure, peace in the midst of pressures, and love unending. These truths, these promises I forget, too. At times, I look to earthly accomplishments or Laney or my friends to fulfill and bring joy, but these fail. They are human, not divine. Do they deliver insight and point to Jesus? Without a doubt, yes, but they must not be placed before Him.
Psalm 37:4
Delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
This verse has taken over my mind and spirit. He laid it on my heart when I met Laney. I imperfectly pursued the Father and continue to, and he has gifted my imperfections in my walk with more goodness than I can imagine, and much more than I tell myself I deserve. He continues to give what I need, before I realize I need it, and more perfectly than I could ever strive to obtain “it.”
Our family members each received a word for this year: 2019. My spirit heard HEALING, and while I have witnessed this in many facets of life, one is ever-present. Realizing that I can’t earn anything has healed my heart. Knowing, being convinced by faith, that I can’t give anything that I haven’t first received has healed my heart. I cannot give grace if I refuse to receive it. I cannot honestly love if I don’t trust and receive that honest, unending, reckless love from Him. I cannot…He can and has for me and through me.
Hear this open, honest reflection of my own walk over the past year. I pray you receive it for yourself…
You are a Son of the King. You have a perfect Father, even and especially when your earthly one is imperfect. Lead with love in every relationship. He will take care of the rest, BUT first receive the love that He freely gives you each morning. You are forgiven for every failure. Any shame, impurity, guilt, fear, resentment is paid for and erased by Jesus, your best friend and brother. Walk confidently in the truth that death has no grip on you, you are free to walk in his provision for your life.
Thanks for taking the time to read…
In Him,
Clayton
Clayton is a follower of Jesus. A native of Nashville, Clayton will graduate from Lipscomb University in December of 2019 and begin working in January 2020. He is passionate about building relationships with young men through sports and in church communities, loves family travel of any kind, and enjoys spending time outside in the woods or on the beach. On June 28, Clayton proposed to Laney Redmon. They plan to marry in the Spring of 2020.
Ever since Clayton and I started dating, I had always imagined this moment of “sharing the story”. The story of how we met, the story of how we fell in love, and all the little healing, redeeming, freeing, eye opening, peaceful, joy-filled moments in between. There are so many things about Clayton and our relationship that I can’t wait to write about. Our relationship has become the easiest thing for me to talk about, because it is one of the greatest ways I’ve seen God’s faithfulness in my life. I’m SO excited to write about all the things in the last ten months, but today I’m going to narrow it down to the story of our engagement day!
On June 28th (my birthday) and also the day I was getting engaged, (but didn’t know it) I woke up to a house decorated with streamers, cake, my favorite coffee mug on the counter, balloons everywhere, and flowers on the back porch that Clayton had dropped off on his way to work. That morning I sat with my friends in our living room while we talked and dreamed about the future. We talked about what we thought our weddings would be like, where they would be, how many kids we hope to have one day and what it will be like to push strollers and be “mom friends” one day. As we talked and dreamed I thought that would be a good time to just go ahead and ask the question… “Will y’all be my bridesmaids??!” Without any ring on my finger and honestly no idea when that would be, I was confident and fully at peace that I had met my husband. In fact, I was positive I had met my husband about 3 weeks after Clayton and I started dating.
*God detail* On January 25, 2017, in my heart I heard God say that He was bringing me my bridesmaids. At the time, this did not makes sense. I didn’t have a boyfriend, nor anyone I could see on the horizon, but these words and His promise brought such peace. Nothing on the outside looked like I needed bridesmaids anytime soon, considering I was single as a Pringle! But God was preparing ahead of time what He had for me, just like He does for ALL of us. I had absolutely NO IDEA Clayton was going to propose on my birthday when I asked the girls to stand by me! What a sweet gift to be reminded of what He said over two years ago, before there was any evidence of the promise. God brought the best friends and bridesmaids I could have ever prayed for and I’m so thankful and honored to have them stand by me on our special day.
So, after I asked the girls to be my bridesmaids (and they said YES, praises!) I asked them if they knew when Clayton was thinking about proposing. My friend Sarah said, “well I asked him about a week ago and he said for sure by Christmas”…. All the while, they KNEW he was planning to propose that night! The rest of the day I was in a dream world and couldn’t get over the fact that he was going to propose before Christmas!!!! I couldn’t stop talking about it… I kept saying, “YALL, I can’t believe before Christmas!”
I was in shock and so excited!
That night Clayton had asked if he could take me to dinner for “my birthday”. When he picked me up he was playing the song “Big Big Plans” by Chris Lane. Right when I sat down the song said, “I’m gonna ask her to marry me”. I’m pretty sure in the span of one second I thought, “he planned it, he definitely didn’t plan it”, and I told myself not to get my hopes up that he was going to propose.
Clayton had me convinced that it was going to be awhile before he was able to do that. And although I’m excited to marry him as soon as possible, I would wait for forever if I needed to.
So, we go to dinner, and he honestly seemed perfectly normal… until I asked him why my mom stopped sharing her location with me!
He immediately tried to get me to open gifts and then again in a matter of one second I thought… “What if she’s here because he’s going to propose… Yeah right, he doesn’t have the money for that right now, remember?… Laney, it’s going to be a while… chill.”
After dinner we got in the car and he asked if he could give me one more gift.
Then I remembered what request I had made months ago when I knew Clayton was the person I wanted to spend my life with. *God detail*
I asked God for my birthday to have Clayton propose. This may sound funny, but there was nothing I wanted more, and I knew there was no one else who could make that happen.
My heart started to race a bit with excitement, but I tried to calm it down again with a big “don’t even let yourself go there Laney”…
We got back to the house and before I got out of the car, Clayton asked me to take my shoes off. When he said that, I immediately remembered what God had spoken to me June 4, 2018… “Take your shoes off and feel the new ground. You have no shoes to fill.”
1 John 4:18 says, “Perfect love casts out fear.”
From the first day that I met Clayton, he has loved me with a love that has taken away all my fear. He has made me feel safe and completely secure. Daily he has reminded me of who I am, and never made me feel like I need to be anything that I am not.
I used to think that the love I felt from God would be a different love than what I could receive from another person, but Clayton has shown me that God IS love and there is no love outside of Him.
*God detail* A couple of weeks before I met Clayton, I was driving down the road and I remember saying to God that I basically didn’t feel like we had room in our relationship for anyone else. I was so thankful and so content with where I was at in life. I had found such peace and joy in my relationship with Jesus. As I was driving, I remember hearing God so sweetly say that I didn’t need to worry about being divided, because the love that my husband would love me with one day, would be the SAME love that He loved me with.
This is why I believe I had SO much peace with Clayton. The love that I receive from Clayton every day, is the same love that I have known from the time I was a little girl. Love is love through and through, never changing, always the same. Love is consistent with Who love has always been. This is why Clayton has always felt like home. I have never felt divided, but just LOVED even more.
Ok, so once we got out of the car, I noticed the whole back porch was lit up with beautiful lights… flowers… LOTS of flowers… and a pitcher of water. Clayton asked me to sit down, and then he handed me a letter.
By this point you’d really think I would’ve gotten the hint that he was about to pop that little question, but the only thing that was popping in my mind was the “possibility” of that. I honestly was telling myself, “what a sweet birthday gift this is for him to wash my feet”.
*God detail* I had actually forgotten this detail. Then a couple of friends reminded me that I had said I wanted my guy to wash my feet whenever he proposed… not even knowing who it would be at the time.
As Clayton began to wash my feet, I began to read the letter that he had written. The letter started with how excited and anxious he had been for that night. Then I read, “I hope as you sit here, this washing of your feet represents accurately, the stance and position I try to take in our life together.” I think this is where I looked up, and for the first time began to really notice how many flowers there were! Although Clayton hasn’t stopped spoiling me from the beginning, I did have the thought, “Clayton wouldn’t buy this many flowers and do all of this twice… I actually think he’s about to propose!” As I continued reading, he continued to wash my feet. Oddly enough, when most people would probably cry, this realization of what was (possibly) about to happen made me laugh!!! And I’m not talking about a little giggle…. I BURST into laughter!!! I felt like joy was bubbling from the very bottom of my stomach. The realization of a dream fulfilled and lifelong prayer was becoming something tangible and I couldn’t contain what I was feeling.
He then handed me another letter that read, “Lane, the ways of Jesus are not always the first instincts of my mind. My thought was to commit to a field of work, not a person… And He brought me to you. He carried me in all my flaws and failures. Even this is a clearer picture of His love… on September 10, 2018 I met my wife.”
And this my friends is where I got the big C-L-U-E. *Clayton, on my back porch, with the engagement ring* (okay if you’ve never played the game “clue” you might not get that).
But short and simple, I finally realized and let myself think that he was about to propose.
When I looked up from reading the second letter, Clayton got on one knee and said those 4 little words “Will you marry me?” To which I of course said a big absolute “YES!”… as I continued to laugh!
Like I think most young girls or women do, I had dreamed of this day all my life… who it would be, when it would be, and how it would be.
To be honest, I even imagined it being a little scary! But from one girl to another, or maybe one girl to another boy, let me tell you… this day was MORE and better than I could have ever dreamed or imagined and the furthest thing from scary. Saying “yes” to Clayton was one of the easiest decisions I had ever made, because I was confident I had let go of control of my life 3 years ago and fully put my trust in what Jesus has for me.
I could have never imagined a man as amazing as Clayton or the peace that far surpassed my understanding when I said “yes”. I’ve never been more at peace and excited for the future in my entire life. Although there are still many things that are unknown of the future, my soul is at rest in the arms of my savior. I’ve put my life fully in His hands and He continues to blow me away.
There was a time when this story seemed too good to be true. I wanted to believe that THIS was what God had for me, but nothing in my life looked like this was possible. My heart had been broken, and I couldn’t even recognize who I was anymore. BUT God. But, His goodness. But, His faithfulness. It is beyond what you can imagine and it’s often beyond what you pray.
Ephesians 3:20 (tpt) says, “Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energizes you.”
Friend, let me tell you and please believe me… God knows what you want and what you need better than you do. He has your very very best in mind. His heart is ALWAYS for you.
Trust Him. Let go… and trust Him.
He is faithful to bring your heart’s desire in His perfect timing. You will not be disappointed.
Your friend, and sis,
Laney
Ps: Clayton is sharing His heart and His side of the story on the blog on Monday and I promise you, YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS IT! Xoxo
Laney Redmon is a lover of Jesus who loves sharing about what He has done in her life. Whether it’s through writing blogs, music, or designing clothes, Laney’s prayer is that it would always remind people of how loved they are by HIM.
Check out Laney’s brand new song, Speak Your Name, available now!
A few weeks ago, our pastor said, “we all receive God’s grace, but receiving His FAVOR is dependent on our obedience.”
Dang. If that feels like a bit of a gut-punch to you, it did to me too. Not necessarily because I’m actively disobeying God, but because true obedience means complete surrender to whatever He calls you to do…and if you think about the kind of things God has historically called people to do, that’s kind of scary.
Take Noah for example… my usual takeaways from this Bible story are the obvious: the unfathomable size of the ark, the fact that Noah corralled and onboarded a pair of every species of animal on earth, God’s intense act of wiping out the world with a flood and starting over again. But I read it again recently and a new thought occurred to me: What did Noah’s friends think when they saw him building that boat? What were the people in his community saying about him? I think we have this conception that “back then” was so different from today when in reality, it wasn’t. People were judgmental back then. People gossiped back then. And dedicating YEARS of your life to build a ginormous boat that God told you will save the human race seemed just as crazy back then as it would today! But Noah obeyed God anyways, and God showed Him great favor.
I also see this truth woven throughout my own story. Since I was in the 4thgrade, I’ve watched as my parents have actively obeyed God’s radical (and sometimes seemingly crazy) callings on their lives. And as a result of their obedience, not much about my life has looked “normal.”
I associate 4thgrade as a turning point because it’s the year that my mom literally heard God say that He had a child for them, and they said yes to pursue our first domestic adoption. That same year, we also took our first mission trip to Guatemala.
To give you a little background— we live in Williamson County, where the racial demographic is 85% white, the median household income is over $100K, and the average family size is 3.
Guatemala was my first exposure to really any level of poverty, and when my parents added Joshua, an African American baby boy (who, at the time, were the last children to be adopted in the US), to our family of 6…well, you can imagine that we didn’t exactly blend in. And that didn’t change with time…our family continued to grow and our life looked increasingly different from those around us as we domestically adopted my brother Caleb in 2007. Around the same time, my dad joined the Board of Directors for a non-profit in Uganda and in 2009 (for my 7thgrade spring break), we boarded a plane to Africa for the first time.
Prior to the trip, my mom said we were “done having/adopting kids.” She had co-founded an organization called 147 Million Orphans that raised money for other non-profits, helped adoptive families fundraise, and completed projects for various organizations in Uganda, Haiti and Honduras. At that point, 147 allowed her to continue to serve without bringing in any more kids of her own, but she always said that HYPOTHETICALLY, if they ever adopted again, she “would want to adopt a little girl, name her JosieLove, and put her hair in pom-poms.” Well, wouldn’t you know that we visited a children’s home on that trip, and there sat little Josephine – the only child with a full head of hair (if that’s not God’s sense of humor, I don’t know what is). She sat alone, isolated from all the other children. Her eyes barely opened and at 3 years old, she weighed 12 pounds. Despite her physical conditions, God gave this 7thgrader’s heart a very clear peace that she BELONGED in our family. So, as any determined, slightly stubborn middle schooler would do, I came home and changed all of our computer backgrounds to photos of sweet Josephine and asked my parents every morning before school if they had prayed about her joining our family. In His perfect timing, God gave them the same peace and 8 months later, they traveled to Uganda to bring her home.
I could write a whole post solely about the whirlwind of events that followed, but the plans quickly got flipped upside down when my parents took Josie in for a routine medical exam and she tested positive for tuberculosis, malaria and HIV. When the orphanage directors found out about the diagnosis, they assured my mom and dad that they would get them a “perfectly healthy child” and they could leave Josephine behind. My parents have vivid memories of my response to the news as I asked them, “if she was perfect, would you take her?”
Despite the fears of the unknown, they knew that she was supposed to be a Mayernick so they fought for her and watched as God showed up with undeniable favor, opening door after door for her to come home. Her progress once she arrived was truly remarkable. To say she’s a walking miracle would be an understatement – she blossomed into the most joyful, radiant kid you’ll ever encounter. Not to mention that her HIV is undetectable!
So if you haven’t kept up with the math, JosieLove’s arrival put us at 7 kids. And if you’re thinking “wow, that’s a lot of people under one roof,” the story isn’t finished!
For the next 7 years, our family continued to work with 147 Million Orphans. We built houses in Honduras, a clinic in Haiti, and consistently served alongside our friends with ministries in Uganda. This season of serving brought us the final piece to complete our family puzzle when we met (my now sister) Tuta on a trip to Honduras! She was aging out of her orphanage and it really was an instantaneous, God-ordained heart connection. After supporting her from afar for a couple of years, we were able to get her a US student visa in 2015 and she’s been a part of our family ever since.
Fast forward to 2017, and my mom felt God leading her to really focus on the need in Uganda and dig our roots there. We saw first-hand how the love of a family & quality medical care saved Josie’s life and enabled her to grow and flourish, and the crazy thing is – there are thousands of kids just like her! So, in 2017, we changed our name from 147 Million Orphans to Love One International (named after Josie LOVE) and started a rehabilitation center for children in Uganda.
Now, God isn’t gonna ask you to build a giant ship to save mankind, and He may not tell you to adopt 4 kids and start a rehabilitation center for kids in Africa, but obedience is just as important in the small decisions as it is in the big ones…like saying yes when the Holy Spirit prompts you to give $5 to the man on the side of the road, loving that person that’s difficult to love, or intentionally praying for the people in your life.
Obedience is staying true to the person God calls us to be in the day-to-day so that our hearts are postured to receive and say YES to the big, unknown, intimidating things He calls us to.
One of the best pieces of advice my mom has ever given me is that God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. He will give you the support system, the tools, and the strength. All you have to do is say YES to that initial prompting, then watch as He shows up, opens doors and fills your life with abundance and favor. Take it one day at a time, trust that His plans are better than yours, and just keep saying yes.
Grace Hackett is a born-and-raised Nashvillian. She works full-time for her family’s nonprofit, Love One International, and is passionate about advocating for those without a voice. She’s happiest when she’s with her husband, family and friends, and her favorite foods are sushi and ice cream.
A few months ago, our team visited with college girls (just like YOU) across different campuses. We talked. We cried. We dreamed. We laughed. We prayed. And you know what we discovered? Almost every girl is looking for sisterhood, real friendship, and most of all, confidence and freedom to just be themselves.
So, we set out to create a study (we promise this won’t feel like homework!) to help you discover how to find true friendships, live well, and grow in your faith during college. Whether you’re a senior or about to step foot on campus for the first time, this was a project that we had you in mind while creating.
With our launch of the study, TODAY, we want to hit you with a few highlights from our **free** workbook (can I get an amen?) so that you can start preparing NOW for this Fall.
Before we dive into sisterhood, friendship and college campus living, we are going to pause and check in with our own hearts and our own minds.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.“Romans 12:2.
We believe that our minds can be renewed to look at life a little differently. This 8-part workbook offers you conversations, encouragement, and truth to help you step into your true purpose on your college campus. Are you ready? Let’s dive in together!
How awesome was that? Friend, that is only part ONE of this incredible, practical, and perspective-shifting workbook that is yours for free!
Click here to download this whole study now! We pray this workbook will equip you to have confidence in college this year, not because of what you are, but Whose you are.
We have merged the LO Shop and the Words by Sadie Shop to make a better shopping experience for you all. If you have any questions with your orders or shipping info, please visit the Contact page. Hope you enjoy!
Sadie Robertson Huff is well known for her engaging smile and energetic personality, but there is a lot more to the 25-year-old star of A&E’s Duck Dynasty and runner up on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars season 19
We’re all about championing women to live out their purpose. Inside our app you’ll find prayer, workshops, book clubs and community. Join today for FREE!
Sisters and friends from all over the world share their stories, advice, and encouramgent on our blog. Topics feature college advice, sisterhood, sadie’s messages and more.
Here is a pic of me and my little sister, Bella. Much like a group of sorority girls, we live in the same house. We also share the same last name. We even we look alike. We are Robertsons, born from the same parents. She is my sister. While that is what make us sisters, it is not what makes up our sisterhood. Our sisterhood comes from our genuine friendship. It comes from her love, honesty, and loyalty to me and mine to her.
