by Liz Marie Galvan | Aug 9, 2019 | Life Advice
“Cozy” is one of the most important words to me, both in my design life and my emotional life. I have been dubbed the queen of cozy by some really kind people on Instagram and in the blog world, so it’s a totally legit title. In all seriousness, I do pride myself on the ability to create a cozy space and show others how they can as well on my blog, LizMarieBlog.com, daily.
Cozy, to me, is hitting all five senses from the scents, food, soft throws, and relaxing tunes. During the design process, I keep all five senses in the back of my mind because seeking a feeling of being cozy in a space is not just a look. Ultimately, I am looking to have all five senses in perfect harmony–whatever that moment is for you–during the season. Cozy can be something different depending on where you live and what season of life you are in at the moment. I believe that everyone can achieve their own cozy, whether that is living with your parents, your first dorm room or apartment, to your first or final home.
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Cozy has always been a part of my life; let’s rewind back to when I was very young. I was the girl who didn’t watch cartoons, but instead was watching design shows like Trading Spaces and Christopher Lowell. The passion for design and decor was obvious to me and to others from a really young age and has stuck with me ever since. Fast forward a little to getting married at the very young age of 19 to the love of my life, who was in the Marine Corps when we got married. The day after our wedding I moved across the country to be with my new husband, away from all my family, friends, and everything that was familiar to me. Not only all of that, but shortly after we got married and moved to North Carolina, Jose started deploying and I was left in our home to fend for myself. The biggest thing I wanted was to create a safe and cozy home for myself and for my husband when he returned. Before I could even comprehend what I was doing & putting it into words, I was creating a cozy home for me to feel safe in.
Early on, like most young couples out there, funds for home décor and design were very limited. I would seek out garage sale pieces to upcycle or look for pieces of furniture to fix-up, paint, or bring a fresh new look to sell to get some extra funds for pieces that I wanted to use in our home. You can easily get a Pottery Barn looking home or space with all upcycled pieces of furniture and DIY home decor. A cozy home & space doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, because the main ingredient to a cozy home is free. Love and anything beyond that can be accomplished on a big or a small budget.
One of the many things I love about being a part of the DIY community is that fact that nearly all DIYs have free instructions and material lists. Every day, we share ideas, tutorials, and inspiration on our blog and social media that are free, as do a ton of other bloggers in the community. So, you have all the resources on how to do stuff at the tips of your fingers & you can upcycle & re-use items found at thrift shops, antique shops, & things you find in your grandma’s attic to make the perfect cozy home for you and your family.
Some of our favorite projects we have ever done were the low-budget projects we took on when we were newlyweds. I started in small spaces, like building a vanity in our bathroom and designing bedroom spaces, before taking on the bigger spaces due to the budgetary needs for each of them. Bathroom organization projects are great introduction projects for a young DIY’er. I built extra shelving, magnetic jewelry organizers, and a custom vanity to help organize my makeup, all on a tight budget. “Cozy” doesn’t always mean that Instagram ready space, it can mean small little ways to improve your space that makes you enjoy the space just a little bit more. It’s amazing what a big result a seemingly small action can have.
Over the years I have found a tremendous difference in my emotional balance and happiness from creating cozy spaces, even in a fixer-upper home (I live in a farmhouse from the 1850s). I cannot express how much happier and more enjoyable it is to have a personal haven to escape to or enjoy coming home to each day. Opening the door to your home, or sneaking away to a little corner or bedroom on a rainy day, to slow the day down and nurture your brain with a harmonized, cozy space, will hit all the senses. It can be a great space to recharge or an escape for those hard days that we all have from time to time. I hope if anything, I can convince you of the need for cozy spaces and express how much more they are than a “perfect,” magazine-ready oasis.
If you are seeking ways to make your home or space cozy, but don’t know where to start, that is great. We all start here! There are some basics of design and ways to approach your next cozy space, but a few tips I think fit all styles and all ways of life can be captured with three great starting tips.
1. Keep all your senses in the back of your mind.
You may not hit all of them in every single space, but just one or two extra senses would make your space just that much more enjoyable. Think of how you going to feel, and how are you going to use this space. If it’s a bedroom, the touch of a big comforter, soft pillow, and a cloud-like area rug, will cover the touch sense, but think about the other senses. A light flow of lavender from an oil diffuser, some sleepy sounds or a relaxing playlist, and choosing dimmable warm light bulbs to relax the eyes, when combined, will make a big impact. Take your space just a little bit further.
2. Work with your budget.
We all were (or are) at a point where we needed to limit our spending on non-essentials. Tackle small projects or spaces first. Like I mentioned, we started with small areas like corners in the bathroom for added storage or a DIY makeup vanity. Then, we moved to some guest bedrooms and kept the designs simple. I made headboards out of four old windows mounted to the wall, a project that was well under one hundred dollars. Budget your designs and seek out ways to DIY. I would approach budget friendly designs with one major investment, like a big piece of furniture or other statement pieces, and DIY the rest of the design if I could. Go to garage sales or Facebook marketplace for pieces that you could give new life to for your home or to flip and sell to gain extra funds. All these approaches will help you cruise through your entire home without breaking the bank.
3. Seek out inspiration.
In my book, I go into ways to find inspiration for the next space, but one of the ways is to look to the DIY and Interior Design community. There are so many talented bloggers and vloggers out there that share the design, why they chose it, and how you can create the same cozy space with similar elements. I have my inspirational people or items I purchase that I want to base design off of, so once you figure out your look, you need that little light to get your started.
To me, cozy is more than just a pretty space. It is instrumental in my emotional balance, and I use each of my spaces to recharge or provide inspiration. I need these spaces to keep the creativity flowing or calm me down on a tough day. I am so thankful to have those spaces prepared ahead of time and hope that you find the same importance of finding your cozy.
If you’re looking for more ideas and actionable tips, I’m happy to help! I describe how to accomplish cozy in my new book, Cozy White Cottage: 100 Ways to Love the Feeling of Being Home. And, you can always follow along with me on my blog, https://www.lizmarieblog.com, and Instagram, @lizmariegalvan
by Gracie Tucker | Aug 7, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice |
Anybody out there love some watermelon, say YEAH. Haha, what a hook. But really I do, my roommates and I went through a phase where we would literally eat an entire watermelon every day. I think that qualifies as love. But the thing about watermelon is that they are only good in the summer… you can’t buy a good one out of season. Different fruits grow better at different times of the year. Nobody gets to pick the season or the fruit. I was planning to write about how God used a certain relationship to change my heart. How He worked a not good situation to bring forth a good change in me. And He did, He absolutely did! God has changed everything about who I am, and it is a story I love to tell, but it’s just not the story I want to tell today. I want to talk about the aftermath of the heart change; the unexpected fruit yielded from that specific season in my life… Praise.
I was in a season where I thought the fruit would be a new dating relationship, but the fruit was actually a new praising relationship. I know you must be wondering how a failed attempt at a dating relationship could result in praise. It’s easy to praise when it seems like you’re getting everything you want. It’s even easy to praise when you want something really bad. But to praise when you don’t understand, when your heart hurts, when you were seeking God and it still didn’t work out… that’s when it’s not so easy anymore.
For me, it went from really easy to really not, really fast. As I was praying about how I could write about a situation while still honoring the people involved in the situation, the Holy Spirit simply told me to look for Him. To see how He used it. This is what He showed me… If my praise is ever dependent on my feelings, my thoughts, or my circumstances then it’s not praise.
Praise is a response to God’s goodness.
God is wise and powerful! Praise Him forever and ever. (Daniel 2:20)
Sing to the LORD! Praise the LORD! He rescues the oppressed from the power of evil people. (Jeremiah 20:13)
Let us praise God for his glorious grace, for the free gift he gave us in his dear Son! (Ephesians 1:6)
Praise him – he is your God, and you have seen with your own eyes the great and astounding things that he has done for you. (Deuteronomy 10:21)
Praise the LORD who has given his people peace, as he promised he would. (1 Kings 8:56)
Peter said, “I don’t have a nickel to my name, but what I do have, I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!” He grabbed him by the right hand and pulled him up. In an instant his feet and ankles became firm. He jumped to his feet and walked. The man went into the Temple with them, walking back and forth, dancing and praising God. (Acts 3:6-9)
Who God is, ignites worship.
We have so much to praise God for!!
We should never stop praising God, because God never stops being good!
Praise fixes our eyes on Him. That’s why when we praise God, strongholds break. That’s why praise really does proceed the miracle. Praise brings breakthrough because it isn’t about our need, IT’S ABOUT OUR PROVIDER!
I’m not saying don’t praise God when you need something. Of course, DO! I’m just saying don’t praise God because you need something. Praise Him because He is still good while you’re waiting.
Because He is good when it comes to pass. And because He is good even if it never does.
Praise God when you get the job, praise God when you don’t.
Praise God in the dream home, praise God in the one-room apartment.
Praise God when you find your husband, praise God when you’re heartbroken.
Praise God when your mom beats cancer. Praise God when your parents die.
Praise God when it’s easy, and praise God when it’s not.
Praise God in every season.
I was listening to a Bill Johnson sermon and his words got me. He explained how there is no pain in heaven, so this side of forever is our only opportunity to get to praise God when it hurts! What an honor!
God is so into the details of our lives. He knows what we need, and He knows what we want. He always loves to hear from us. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. He is a good Dad, who wants to bless his kids beyond measure. So whether you’re in a season that feels so clear or you honestly don’t know how you’re going to ever be okay again, know that God is working it for good. When you don’t understand, when it doesn’t look like you wanted it to, and when it really really hurts, rest in the fact that God is good, and God is God. Praise Him.
He is producing good fruit in this season.
The fruit I thought I wanted was a relationship, but the fruit God knew I needed was praise.
I am so thankful God doesn’t give me everything I ask for because sometimes what I ask for is wrong for me. I sit on the other side of a not so easy season with the fruit of praise in my life. I didn’t pick my season, I didn’t pick my fruit… God did. He knows what I need more than I do.
I’m so thankful for that season, and I’m thankful I get to tell y’all about it… because we all know the best thing about fruit is that you get to share it.
by Meagan Harkins | Aug 5, 2019 | College, Testimonies |
You are loved. If I want you to take anything away from the words on this page it is that you are loved, you are seen, and you are cared for. Jesus loves you to the point of agony on the cross. But I don’t just want you to know that- I want you to live that. Live as if you are loved beyond measure.
I spent this summer serving at Camp Ch-Yo-Ca in Louisiana. Let me tell y’all: the Lord really is able to do more than we can ask for or imagine! Whether through the testimonies created, relationships built, growth of camp itself, or simply within my own heart He exceeded any and every expectation. It was more trying than I anticipated. Some days I felt spiritually, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Yet the Lord held me and rejoiced over me, becoming the strength to every weakness I identified. Other days- and there were lots of them- overflowed with His goodness and abundance, providing mere glimpses to the glory of His Kingdom.
Middle school week intimidated me more than anything but of course the Lord had something bigger for me than I knew, and I’m still unpacking it all. The Holy Spirit was so evident within the friendships the girls in my cabin developed and in the ways they opened up to us counselors. Girls that I viewed as beautiful, chosen, and set-apart world changers shared with us the many lies that they believed about themselves. God penetrated my heart that week and broke it for what broke His.
My co-counselor, Ally, and I made anklets for each of our campers that say the word “loved.” We told them that from camp on, the only identity they were allowed to walk in is loved. If they only began to fathom how wide and long, how high and deep the Lord’s love is for them, their whole selves would transform. They would no longer live from any fear or anxiety. Growing in a relationship with Christ, the outpouring of His love into their souls would leave nothing but an overflow of that same rich love to share with others.
A few years ago I heard that the majority of our problems come from not knowing how loved we are. I saw this manifested in the lives of those around me and found such an urgency in proclaiming this identity over as many as I could reach. Who He is changes things. I was so excited about that that I read and prayed not to fill myself, but with the intent to share. The overflow is good but I had the wrong approach. I didn’t allow the Truth to penetrate deep within my own soul first.
I’m an enneagram type six (if you don’t know anything about the enneagram, like me a few months ago, work at a summer camp and you will soon enough). Type sixes are known for being loyal and hard-working, actively championing those around them. News to me, however, is that we also “test the attitudes of others towards (us)” in order to “fight against anxiety and insecurity.”
Prior to this summer I would have never considered myself a particularly insecure person. Sure, I regularly identified others as prettier or funnier than me, but I didn’t recognize that as holding me back, confident enough in who the Lord made me to be as soon as I felt invited. Arriving to camp, however, I became overly aware of how self-conscious I was being. There were many delayed friendships because I assumed individuals wouldn’t want to be friends with me or wouldn’t want me to infiltrate their group. Through this I saw ties to my experience at college and how I assume others view me.
One late night in the kitchen a few counselors had congregated to sneak some leftovers from Sadie’s birthday. Talking with one of my newer friends I said something subconsciously searching for reassurance of our friendship. He called out my stronghold right then and it has led to every single realization that creates this post.
Camp Ch-Yo-Ca is an incredibly special place filled with beaming, brilliant souls. After opening myself up to friendship with this family, never in my life have I felt so loved. Never in my life have I felt so seen or encouraged or inspired to be who He made me to be. They love deep and vibrantly, causing the sunlight to reach the deepest parts of your heart.
I spent the first few weeks shrinking back in timidity and insecurity, absent-mindely obeying the fear of rejection. I kept waiting for people to invite me in, as if they were examining me for their groups. What I forgot is that I already had the part! Jesus wanted me to show up already being the light He created me to be, rather than waiting for the permission and affirmation of others.
I listened to a podcast the other day that said Christianity, at its core, is so simple, only asking the question, “Will you allow yourself to be loved by God?”
Seeing how I had been so hesitant to allow fellow counselors to love me, I came to the tough realization that I had never allowed the truth of the Lord’s love to manifest within me.
For whatever reason, I always kept Jesus at an elbow’s distance. I saw Him beside me, knew a lot about Him, listened to Him on the Mount, and proclaimed His miracles and words to others. Yet, there was a personal way He wanted to enter my heart that I had not actively allowed.
His love is big. Right now, though, He is showing me its ability to be small and condense, not abstract and greater than my ability to receive, but personal and intimate, flowing through every crack of my broken heart (if you’ve never heard ‘Pieces’ by Bethel, now would be the time to listen).
I’m not a super emotional person so I’m still working through how to actively receive this love each morning. That’s something super cool about His love though – it’s not a feeling, it’s an absolute Truth.
“Then the mother of Zebedee’s sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him. ‘What is it you want?’ he asked. She said, ‘Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.’” -Matthew 20:20-21
I originally read that as a bold request, irritated by how upfront she is in asking for what she wants. But I wondered why my heart froze, becoming shy and timid before asking Him to do the same for me. That questioned scared my heart because after working up the courage to ask Him, knowing His answer is ‘yes,’ I realized that I wouldn’t allow myself to sit there. I wouldn’t accept His love and take the seat. I would proudly stand up and shy away at His graciousness, saying someone else could take it, as if they were in more need of sitting right next to the Father of all generations at His great banquet than I was.
So now I wake up each morning and humble myself enough to take a seat at His table.
Still stumbling to accept His love and let Him in the walls that I don’t know exist, I know to slow down in my relationship with Him. Just to sit at His feet and let Him pour into me- not for the reason of me being able to do something with it but simply because that is what Jesus came on this earth to be able to do, to love me.
Fear doesn’t stand a chance when we stand in His perfect love. Our anxieties and insecurities have no place swimming in His love. Living into the identity He has for us creates a lightness. It takes away the burden and takes away striving. It invites us to discover who we are.
So not just you but finally including myself as well, together with all God’s holy people- we are loved.
Meagan Harkins is from Oviedo, FL and currently studies Journalism at Ole Miss, with hopes to document stories about what Christ is doing in the hearts of others. She loves Christmas trees, road trips with her family, and the color green.
by Judah Smith | Aug 2, 2019 | Life Advice |
Have you ever heard the term “adulting?” I’ll admit that when I first heard the word I was like, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? If we’re not adulting are we “child-ing?” Are we “teenage- ing”? Are we just adding “ing” to the end of words because it sounds funny…ing? Also, when did adult become a verb? Yes, I know what a verb is; don’t be so shocked. Now, what I am about to tell you is not a joke. I started to get so overwhelmed thinking about “adulting” because it reminded me of when they added letters to math.
a2 + b2 = c2
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? A + B = C? No! It equals the word ab.
I’m not sure I’m even adulting this very moment. I lived with my mom until I was married and moved out days before I got married! If that is not enough proof, this was my initial view on marriage: I’ll play golf in the hot afternoon sun, come home to a hot meal prepared by my hot wife, and then we would have, you guessed it… hot sex at least five times.
Is adulting age-related? If that’s the case then I’m definitely adulting because I turned 40 last year. I’ve been alive for four decades, and that idea made me think about my twenty-year-old self. What would I say to him? What advice would I share with 1999 Judah that could assist in his adulting journey? Immediately I would tell him don’t frost the tips of your hair blonde. Remember, frosting the tips? I don’t know how that became a trend, but I fell for it.
There are three things I would tell frosted tips Judah. The first is, be careful what you pray for… you might get it. I know it sounds strange because why would anyone be upset about getting what they pray for? Isn’t that point?
I believe in praying about everything. I pray for parking spots at the mall. I pray the Seattle Seahawks will win every game. Why do I do that? God wants a relationship with us. He wants us to talk to him, and he wants us to ask him about everything. The idea though, that all will be perfect in our lives when he answers our prayers, isn’t true.
I’m a preacher, so I’ll pick on my kind. We pastors are notorious for praying big magnanimous prayers. “God, bring your children in by thousands! We are prepared for the throngs of people. With these thousands, we will go into all nations and find more thousands!”
This is not a bad prayer. I’ve prayed similar prayers, but on the other side of it often comes more than we anticipated. What really comes with thousands of people? More staff, more buildings, and more responsibility. A responsibility to care and tend to the souls of more people including, your families and your own. What about parking for thousands? Parking is huge!
What are you saying, Judah? Don’t pray for more people to hear the story of Jesus? No, what I’m saying is, you might get what you prayed for. An answered prayer isn’t the end-all answer. Life can become harder. You might find yourself frustrated, tired, or unsure. Suddenly, without even noticing, the very thing you asked for has become a source of anxiety and self-doubt. But here’s the encouragement:
When God does answer your prayer, he won’t leave you. How reassuring is that? God has already prepared a way for you to handle whatever comes after. He will walk with you through every step of your answered prayer.
The second thing I would tell my younger self is, be content with where you are because you are only wherever you are. Young Judah’s response would be much like mine from earlier, “WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?” It means to enjoy the moment.
I’m definitely that guy at the party who tells the people talking about work the next day to “Live in the moment.” Why talk about work tomorrow when we could be laughing and dancing right now? I always want the moment I’m living in to be the very best moment. I don’t want to get caught up in last week’s moment or next month’s moment. I want to fully be where I am—present and engaging all my senses
The word content means to be in a state of peaceful happiness or a state of satisfaction. My pastor, Brian Houston, likes to say, “Life is long and life is short.” Life is too short to be wondering about where you want to be or could be and miss out on a good conversation over gluten-free food with friends. Enjoy life where you are.
As a matter of fact, living in the moment can take off the pressure of pleasing everybody. Many of us deal with being people pleasers—young Judah sure did. Today, I can still fall into that lifestyle. I want to be with my wife and three children 24/7 and make sure they are happy and well. I also want to be with my friends playing golf where I win but they win too. I also want to be with our Churchome family every second of every day. I want everyone to be HAPPY! Do I have an issue? That’s not the point! When you live in the moment, you become content with where you are. You stop worrying about other moments you might be missing out on. You forget about what someone, somewhere, may be thinking about you. Where you are is a good place. Where you are is where God has you right now.
The final thing I would tell twenty-something Judah is, be careful how you use your words. Words are so powerful. There could never be too much emphasis on the words that leave our lips. What we say to people and to ourselves is significant. Dare I say, life-altering.
Chelsea and I have a rule in our marriage, we never use the “D” word. Divorce. Why do we have that rule? Words have power! I don’t want to imagine the pain I would cause my wife by inserting that word into an argument just because I was hot and bothered. The phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” could not be further from the truth. It should be “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can kill my soul.”
In the same way, words can make all the difference in someone’s life. A few encouraging, kind words can change a person’s entire day. I say, “love” a lot. I tell my wife and kids I love them every chance I get because I LOVE THEM and I want them to hear it! I also love my family, friends, golf, eggs, clothes, bright colors, and the uber driver from earlier today. I don’t love cats. I can tell you that much. I use the word love so much friends have started to call me out on it.
“Judah, do you know you say the word love a lot?”
“I know man. I do love you though. Also, I really love that linen shirt you’re wearing.” “Thanks, but you realize you just told the barista you love them.”
“OH!! I DID? That’s embarrassing, huh? Well, the thing is, I do.”
I recognize that I tend to be dramatic, but I love the word love. Speaking kind words to others will never go out of style. I love (see what I did there) Proverbs 18:21 (MSG). “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” Wait a second, did he really say it is our choice? Words can kill or they give life, and it’s our choice? Yeah, a choice we have to make a thousand times a day! I read once that for every negative word used, it will take five positive words to counteract the power of the negative.
Can you imagine if the entire world for one minute only spoke life-giving words? I think the results would be amazing. Jesus was always intentional with his words. He spoke love, life, and truth and never once used them to kill. That sounds pretty adulting to me.
Judah Smith is the Lead Pastor of Churchome, formerly The City Church, with locations in Seattle, Washington and Los Angeles, California. Churchome is a thriving multi-site church noted for its cultural relevance, commitment to biblical integrity and faith, and love for Jesus.
Judah is known around the United States and the world for his preaching ministry. His fresh, anointed, humorous messages demystify the Bible and make Jesus real. Judah is also the author of New York Times best-selling book, Jesus Is ____. Judah and his wife Chelsea have three children, Zion, Eliott, and Grace.
Follow Judah on Instagram @judahsmith
by Morgan Krueger | Jul 31, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice |
I lived in hiding for many years. In college, I became so hidden from others that I couldn’t even find myself. Does that make sense? So, like others have done, I went looking for myself. And I’m sure you’re reading this and think that my searching would lead to me finding me. But one detail that I should mention is that I looked in all the wrong places.
I looked in the wrong people’s beds, in the acceptance of my friends who weren’t going to point me to truth, and to endless scrolling on social media. I was hopelessly trying to convince myself that the key to finding myself would dwell there. But it didn’t. I was still in hiding from those around me and to myself.
And here’s the problem- if you stay hidden, you can’t experience the true beauty of living in awesome, real, and life changing community. Community always comes at cost.
It wasn’t until I went on a summer mission trip my junior year in college that I got to experience what it means to live in a true community.
In a land far, far away where they eat hot noodles for breakfast and babies wear split pants (I would say google it, but it’s too risky), I embarked on a seven-week mission trip with twenty of my closest strangers to China. I didn’t know a soul and they definitely didn’t know me (After all, if they really knew me, would they realize that I didn’t even belong on this mission trip? Would they actually realize that I was more of a mission field than the Chinese students we were there to share Jesus with?). For better or worse, we dedicated those weeks to spending every moment together.
I wasn’t too worried. After all, I was a skilled imposter and knew how to put up invisible walls that would keep people from really knowing me. They knew my name was Morgan, that I loved Jimmy Kimmel (way more of a Fallon fan now), and that I had an interest in knowing Jesus.
And if I’m being honest, I preferred not being known. It’s easier, way more comfortable, and it’s the only form of community I had ever known.
Then something happened, or should I say, someone happened.
Rachel, a girl on my trip, was funny, confident, and bold in her faith. She didn’t take herself too seriously, but girlfriend knew what she liked and how she liked it. She also knew she loved Jesus and wasn’t afraid to live like it.
There was a moment on that trip that forever changed my perception of what it meant to know someone and be known.
One afternoon, Rachel and I were drinking our zhen zhu nai cha (bubble milk tea) and walking to hangout with some new Chinese friends. She shifted the conversation to ask how the first week was going and how could she pray for me.
It sounds elementary, but the way she approached me and the genuineness I heard in her voice was something new to me. Having grown up in the church, I briefly remembered it from my childhood, but hadn’t experienced it my adult life. (If you want to call twenty an adult. Hey, it was the oldest I had ever been.)
It just so happened I was having a hard time with being in a foreign country, all the while trying to maintain a persona that wasn’t me out of fear of being known. So, in that moment I made a choice to open up. I shared with her that she could pray for my anxious heart and my faith to believe that God could use me to bring others to him.
With an attentive ear, she listened, seemed to really care, and opened up about what she was going through as well. Ending with a bond over our love of chocolate, we arrived at our destination with a new found friendship.
I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Something that seemed so small on the outside was a big deal to me. She made me feel loved and known.
That night, we all arrived back at our dorms and I was exhausted, to say the least. It was a hot summer and we were constantly translating the bible into what seemed like an impossible language. My brain was as exhausted as much as my body was!
As I walked in my room, I noticed something on my bed. It was a letter from Rachel written on a card clearly bought at a Chinese convenient store. I opened it and there was a prayer she had written over what I had shared with her earlier. At the end of the letter was more encouragement and a P.S. that said, “Check under your pillow”. Under my pillow was my favorite kind of chocolate. I just sobbed. I mean, RACH! What a saint.
Not only did we share our love of Chinese food and chocolate, we shared our hearts that day. Rachel let me know that she had really listened to me and cared about me.
Why do I tell you all this? Because the way we love people and the willingness in our hearts to invest in others will take us farther than we ever thought possible. It will allow us to ride the wave of first time acquaintances into an authentic relationship. Friends, I don’t have to know you to know you long for this. I know this because this is God’s plan for you:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
Since that trip, Rachel has been one of many that God has placed in my life to love me, challenge me, and just plain bless me with their presence. Lord willing, I have been that person for people along the way, too. You see, Rachel didn’t just teach me about friendship, she showed me that God always sees me and loves me (as I am), and that walking in a close relationship with him brings light to darkness, which ALWAYS brings freedom. Relationships on earth reflect the Father’s heart.
Based on all the lessons I’ve learned and missteps I’ve taken, here is, in my opinion, the truest form of how to walk in genuine, true, life-giving community.
1. Be vulnerable:
This is maybe the costliest part of living in true friendship. In Genesis 3, we learn from Adam and Eve that hiding is a direct result of sin. The bible tells us that sin separates us from God. Although we have different wardrobes today, some of us put on metaphorical garments of leaves in an effort to hide and stay unknown daily. But that isn’t the way it is supposed to be. God loves you too much to let you stay in a hiding place. When we open up and share our lives with others, we are reminded that we’re never too far away from God’s true plan for our lives. When Rachel asked how I was doing, I had a choice. I could take the easy route and tell her that “I’m actually doing really well!” or I could, with tears in my eyes, let her in. It was just one moment, but I hope you can see how important it was. By doing that she brought Jesus to me. When I couldn’t bring myself before Him, she could and did. Is there something you need to open up about today? Take that step of vulnerability, He will use it mighty ways.
2. Embrace conflict:
As it turns out, Rachel and I continued to be good friends. After college, we went on to live together in China for an entire year. She continued to be the biggest blessing to me! We learned a lesson of embracing conflict along the way too. Being a nine on the enneagram, my biggest need in life is peace, specifically, with those around me. There were moments when Rachel and I were not living in peace, mainly because of my pride. I wanted to be important and valuable to the team and, because of that need, I felt threatened by Rachel’s natural leadership ability. Unfortunately, this brought out some of my insecurities and there was a season where we felt distant from each other. Rachel came to me one day and (in vulnerability) let me know that she felt like she had struggled with some pride in our relationship. Seriously? Me too! Both of us had soft hearts toward each other, but we struggled with communicating it. Once it was out in the open, we could deal with it. The trials of conflict, if handled in love, will always strengthen a relationship. Don’t shy away from them, friends. But, be wise and gentle in your speech as you address the problems.
3. Don’t make it about you:
If vulnerability is the costliest part of community, not making it about you might be hardest to implement. I don’t know about you, but I can be so selfish. Even when I do something good that I know God has called me to do or say, I have this little voice in the back of my mind saying, “That made you look really good, keep it up.” The imposter is at it again, just in a different form. Striving and self-centeredness belong nowhere near authentic living. Helen Keller says, “There is joy in self-forgetfulness. So, I try to make the light in others’ eyes my sun, the music in others’ ears my symphony, the smile on others’ lips my happiness.”
I’d like to pray this over you: “God, thank you for authentic community. Thank you that it is your good design, however costly in the moment it may seem. I pray for my friends out there that may have lived in hiding for years. I pray against the imposter in their hearts whispering, ‘If they only knew….’ God, would you break chains and produce more relationships that lead in vulnerability, healthy conflict, and self-forgetfulness? Thank you that you are for us always being known in community. We love you. Amen”
I want you to know Rachel and I are still close to this day. She stood by me in my wedding, and although we live far apart now, she still sends me letters reminding me that I am loved.
I pray you find your Rachel, and through those around you, see your Jesus.
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