God knows what’s best for me

by Georgia Brown | Nov 4, 2022 | Life Advice, Relationships

When holding onto a relationship longer than you feel Gods hand upon it, whether we realize it or not, we’re saying, “I know whats best for me”.

Sure, the signs are still there, from the more consistent arguments and the continuing of compromises, but the more you place band-aid excuses over their bad behavior—you start to believe the lies the enemy is allowing yourself to speak. We hold out from letting them go insisting…

“they will change”

“they just need a little grace and space”.

“You don’t know him like I do”

 “Well, when things are good though, they’re really good”.

And I can’t speak for you, friend, but as I’ve said these very things from my own lips, and from my experience,

I was loosing…me. For a season, I thought I had lost, ME.

Where I once was being treated like a princess held with the upmost respect, somewhere along the way I became the one to reinforce our physical boundaries. And what was once shinny, and I would dare to say—STILL IS, in his eyes became familiar. And that respect turned into complacency.

& this was the beginning of my hardened heart.

The walls began to be built as the trust, purity, and respect were slowly being torn down…in turn, tearing ME down.

For you it may have been overnight, but for most of us, I believe it’s a slow fade. Step by step. Moment by moment. Compromise by compromise. Where once good intentions were spoken, the actions lived out contradict what was said. And the very things that were said, have now been questioned, and once again, we’re back in the garden with the enemy making us doubt, “did God REALLLYYY say?” Thus birthing sin. And that sin…bringing forth DEATH.

No, not the death of lighting striking us dead on a bright summers day, but the death of our joy. Our light. Our purity in the way we see the world.

And one day, with eyes wide open, you find yourself crying out, “how did I get here?!” As you desperately try to remember the stranger starring back at you in the mirror.

I’m not upset at you, sister. I’m not in the slightest pointing a finger at you, shocked or full of judgement that wow, you’ve gone too far. Because girl. If ANYTHING, that finger should be pointed at me. Because I have gone too far.

And for YEARS. I mean Y E A R S I have kept this TRUTH to myself. Sure, my mom found out and that horrified me (to say the least). & my dad, too, was brought into the conversation by my mom, and although it felt like I could take my next breath as it was now in the light, I still felt…used. Dirty. Broken? Too Far gone?

It breaks my heart that for our sisters that do feel stuck in that relationship, or less than because of what they’ve done or what has been done to them, they feel they have to stay quiet. absolutely quiet. That no-one can find out. & more girls that we probably will ever know are silently suffering.

Like me, you may have known better…but it was head knowledge. NOT the heart knowledge, of fully understanding how overwhelmingly LOVED you ALREADY are by the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, where you don’t have to “prove” your love.

Girl—I pray you find freedom from your Father in this—

Going too far is not the unforgivable sin.

Beloved, you are NOT what you’ve done or what has happened to you.

Today, RIGHT NOW, in this very moment you can come and lay it all before His feet and cry as many tears as you have stored up in that heart of yours, telling Him you’re sorry, and you want to come home. You can be done with where you’ve been, and be fully loved and known by Him alone.

Maybe you just need someone to see you. So I say to you, sister—you’re NOT broken, too far gone, or damaged goods. And If there is any hope I can share with you, it’s that God did it for me… and He will do the same for you, too.

I was asked to continue my post, “to the girl who’s no longer with the one she thought she would marry…” but as I began to type—this is what came out of my heart.

I’ve actually not shared… anywhere…. that I’ve gone too far, physically.

But today, here with you, resting in the presence of my Father who has redeemed me, not just from somethings—but ALL things because He is not a halfway healer, it’s freeing.

So to the girl who is no longer with the guy she thought she would marry—

Take this time to heal. Allow God to show you who you are in HIM, and remember that little girl He created, and loves so much.

To the girl who is still with the guy she knows she shouldn’t marry—

In your weakness, God is your strength. Lean on Him, and lean into the nudges the Holy Spirit is showing you. You will never regret being obedient. And I will leave you with this—if he never changed, would you be fine?

& to the girl who feels unseen, unloved, and views herself as damaged goods— well, to put it plain sister… these are all lies from hell, that couldn’t be farther from the truth of the GOSPEL OF JESUS.

You are seen.

You are loved.

In Him you are forgiven

And through Christ, you are REDEEMED.

It’s time to take these broken pieces from the chapters in your story you’ve tried to white out or rip out entirely, and lay them before your Father. And as He takes all things, and turns them for your good, and His glory—I dare you to be so brave to believe Him at His word and watch Him do a miracle in your story. And YOU are loved with an everlasting love.

When letting go of a relationship you no longer feel Gods hand upon, whether we realize it or not, we’re saying, “God knows whats best for me”.

Baptized on a Monday

by Anna Grace Birley | Jul 26, 2022 | Life Advice, Relationships

“Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story” Psalm 107:2 

Arrival. In my pride I walked into this new season of post-grad feeling some false sense of arrival. I have walked in faith and obedience to the Lord for the past four years. I landed a job where I can trace it to my first step of obedience the Lord called me to four years ago. I came into a new city, a new job, and a new community asking the Lord for humility and meekness. Asking the Lord for good questions to ask people, the strength to live presently, and to always have the desire to continue to learn and heed wisdom. But I felt a sense that I had ‘arrived’ or ‘mastered’ what it looked like to walk in obedience to the Lord. This kind of thinking only hindered me from growing in my walk with the Lord. We will never ‘arrive’ to some particular level of sanctification with the Lord which is honestly such a beautiful space to live in. As someone who really enjoys learning something new, I enjoy this about walking in step daily with Him. On the other hand, I am someone who puts a lot of pressure on themselves, so I can get into an unhealthy and unbiblical mindset of, “Okay let’s check this sin off the list and work on nixing the next one out of my life. & okay observing a sabbath? Got it. Walking in a humble & joyful dependence and obedience to God? I have tasted and seen it is good, so I don’t need to ‘work on that’ in this new season.”  

I arrived to Louisiana and something beautiful that Satan had turned into something to haunt me returned. Baptism and I have had a four year long journey. I was baptized when I was thirteen, fully knowing I was saved by the blood of Jesus and that I was publicly declaring this to my church congregation. But it wasn’t until I was nineteen and a freshman at Liberty University when Jesus became my Savior and the Lord of my life. I handed over control to Him. I handed over my own desires and plans. This life isn’t our own and Jesus’ ways are always higher. I learned it was obvious 1 John 5:3 was spot on: obedience isn’t burdensome. And it isn’t because my obedience ended in a positive outcome every time, but it is because God was with me the whole time and He is the promise we need. I learned where there is surrender there is the fullness of His promise of freedom and joy. 

The church I attended for four years in Virginia was very vocal about surrendering the fear of man when it came to baptism. I remember the first month being there and seeing people getting baptized & thinking to myself, “There is something different in my life about following Jesus. Maybe I should get rebaptized.” I thought about it more and concluded for myself that it wasn’t necessary. I knew what I was doing when I was thirteen; it was enough. And for four years I had the same conversation with myself which always ended in frustration. Baptism became wrapped up in shame, fear of man, and confusion.  

There were so many things that held me back from baptism. I kept ‘coming to a peace’ about not doing it when in reality, I was ashamed. I thought if I got up in front of my church after being some kind of “leader” and got baptized everyone would think I was fake and I had just accepted Jesus. Of course, this would not have been the case for them to think this. Another reason I experienced the four year wrestle was checking my motivation of getting in the water to get baptized. I didn’t want it to be out of fear. I was fearful of walking in disobedience, so if I were to get in there it would not be out of a joyful surrender but it would be, “OK let’s get this over with so that way God can use me.” But as the title of this blog spoils the story, I fully realized baptism isn’t about me. It’s not about justifying who I am to my community. It’s about publicly proclaiming the best news that has ever been told. It’s about Jesus & I had made it about me. 

During the four year wrestle I opened up fully to three different people, trusted people. All three pointed me to Him as I trusted they would and I kept ‘coming to a peace’ to not go through with it. But every time I thought I had put it to bed it would come back. Something beautiful the Lord intended for us, the enemy turned into a haunting of some sort. I know that sounds weird, but that’s how it felt. When it would return it would turn my cherished and protected time with Him in the mornings distant and bitter. It would make me sad, discouraged, and question over and over if I knew the Lord’s voice. One of the friends I turned to about all this said that I did know His voice. She said it was our inheritance that as a believer we get to hear His voice as we pray with authority given by Him. When you surrender and let go of the things in life you love more than Him or you think about more than Him [that’s an idol, friend] you are able to experience the fullness of the promise of Who God is. His abundance, His goodness, His faithfulness, His daily bread. Baptism had turned into an idol, and it wasn’t good. 

A couple weeks before I moved to LA I was on my way to style a friend of mine and her husband’s closets. The idea of baptism came back in a rush, and I became discouraged. The Holy Spirit prompted me to stop talking to my God about my problems and start talking to my enemy about my God. I prayed with authority that in Jesus’ name Satan no longer had a hold on something so beautiful and sacred. I immediately felt better, texted my community, & I knew if it came back, which I doubted it would, I knew what to do. I went to church the next morning and held it loosely before the Lord telling Him I would do it if He wanted me to, and I didn’t feel a prompting to get baptized. I moved to LA and the third day I’m there it hits me like a ton of bricks and now I’m angry. My whole life was new and different. The only thing that didn’t change was my God and now? My parents were gone, the people I had done life with were gone, I wasn’t fully seen or known by anyone in the state, and the baptism issue was back? It was tough because I knew if He asked me to do it I would be mad at myself for not obeying four years ago, so my people could be there for such a joyous occasion. But God covers all our bases y’all. I’ll get there. 

I called a friend I had kept the whole, detailed story from on purpose because I knew what her answer would be: get up and get baptized – shoutout to her! I told her the entire story and she met me with such clarity, edification, and truth all wrapped up in one reply: “I am not the voice of the Lord, but I know for a fact that the enemy would never ever prompt you to get baptized. Baptism is the obedient step and I think the Lord is calling you to it, and Anna Grace it is such a joyous thing. Getting in the pool to get baptized to fight for your intimacy with the Lord is not a shameful or sinful thing. That’s an incredible reason to get in that pool and declare before a brand-new set of believers in your life that this is where you stand and this is Who you are committed to. I wish I could be there. I wish your people could be there who have walked with you for the past four years in your obedience to the Lord.” I broke down weeping and replied, “This has been so hard. It didn’t need to be this hard. I need to stop looking back on the past four years and punching myself in the face for not being obedient. It’s keeping me from obedience. I need to do this ASAP & I don’t care what people think anymore.”  

I knelt before my Father the next morning and was filled with a feeling that when, not if, I went through with the baptism, would it nix the past four years that I knew I had walked with the Lord in. I knew I had devoted my life to Him. Would all of that go out the window? Literally a question that went through my head was, “Have I been living a lie because I haven’t been baptized since Jesus became the Lord of my life?” I heard Him so clearly say in my room, “This is you simply taking an obedient step with me today. This is you simply taking one step closer to your relationship with me today.” Why would I say no to that? I also know this was the Lord because for the past season He has taught me so much of what it looks like to daily trust in Him [Galatians 5:16]. He has taught me that He is a daily God, holding my hand as I walk step by step with His Word as a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. This sounded like my God.  

It was my first Monday on the job, my fourth day of my literal first full time job, and as we met for our weekly meeting I shared with my team for accountability and celebration purposes that I needed to get rebaptized. The joy that came over the team was unmatched. They asked if I wanted to wait to do it at the church or do it sooner, and I said I wanted to do it ASAP. So the plan was made that after work we would drive to a swimming pool and do it there. On a Monday. With a team of women I had met less than a week ago who were way more than willing to cheer me on. I called my parents and grandmother at lunch prefacing my story with, “I hope you meet this with grace.” I had let them into my story before I moved to LA, and I felt ashamed that I was finally going through with it without them there. They were thrilled and asked for a video. 

After work we gathered and a teammate brought me a change of clothes. They all asked me to share my testimony. It was the most messy, under prepared, unplanned “speech” I had ever given. I was a Communication major so this was tough to swallow, but it was another moment to exercise the muscle of selflessness. God is in every single detail haha! Baptism wasn’t about me. It was about my God. To share your entire story with a team of godly women you look up to but had just met was scary. But it wasn’t scary because the really big part of my story was that it wasn’t my story. It was His. Baptism is all about Him. And what He did for me. What did He do? He took on all my sin so I could live life in a broken world free and live eternally with Him in heaven. He also gave me the strength to kick Satan in the face. I was over the shame, I was over the fear of man, and I didn’t care what these women thought about my delayed obedience or about the legitimacy of my walk with my God because I knew that obedience isn’t burdensome. I knew that I was so over being bogged down by this one thing.  

One of the women there after I had shared my story told me that she knows a lot of people that think that if they are baptized then everything in the past that had to do with them and Jesus was for nothing, but she ensured me that this was me taking one step closer today with the Lord. I was floored as I shared with the group that’s exactly what God had told me that morning. It was such a full circle moment for me because that was one of the biggest things that scared me about going through with this. 

I genuinely thought that God had saturated my whole entire life – that he had every single key to my heart. But he didn’t. I held tightly onto the key for baptism’s door. And so with faith I handed him the key and I was baptized in front of my team. The men and women that had grown me up in my faith the past four years were not there. But I knew this was exactly what God wanted me to do.  

After I was baptized I went home and I made dinner. I texted my grandparents, my parents, and my girls the video and I went to bed. I do feel a peace today that that was the obedient step. I feel relieved actually. I write this without shaming myself: but if Jesus did this himself, “Jesus replied, ‘Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.’ Then John consented. As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased’” (New International Version, Matthew 3:15-17). So why did I delay?  

I wanted to give you a lot of this detail because the enemy is super personal. But Jesus holds the authority and Jesus holds the truth and Jesus holds the victory. I know in my spirit that somebody needed to hear my story because it is really specific, but I don’t think it’s rare. Like I mentioned before my church in Virginia talked nonstop about the fear of man as it pertains to baptism. But I still refused to let God into that. In that refusal I wrestled with confusion, shame, and fear of man. But I thought that it was OK. I write this today for the purposes of kicking Satan in the face, because he does not have a hold on my relationship with my God. He does not have a hold on my image. He does not have a hold on my reputation. This life is but a mist [James 4:14]. Who am I to think that I need to preserve some type of image to my community? The only true thing that I must preserve is the gospel of Jesus Christ because that is the sustenance. That is the good stuff. That is what is truly healing and truly meaningful.  

Remember when I mentioned God covered all my bases? I have shared my story with only a few people so far but every time I share it, the joy of the Lord is my strength. & my people are not disappointed in my delay, but they are thrilled with my day by day seeking His face. Also every time I write ‘came to a peace’ I write it in quotes because today I do not understand what that peace was. It was clear I was supposed to be baptized but it was a wrestle. I still am choosing to share that detail with y’all because I don’t believe we deserve privy to each and every detail in how God works. I may never know what the ‘peace’ was to not go through with baptism but the point is that I have chosen to not sit and dwell on it. To punch myself in the face for it. To be angry with God about it. I am not looking backward. To quote one of my favorite songs right now, “I’m not who I was. I’m who you’re making me” (Grace by Mosaic MSC). Every day I want Him to make me look more like Him. Who I was when I was fully surrendered to Jesus three months ago, three years ago, or three days ago is not who I am today. I am who He is making me to be daily. 

Arrival. It’s a myth; a tactic from the enemy to blindside you. Abiding. That’s the truth. That’s the good stuff.

AG is a member of Team LO and a recent grad of Liberty University. She is a massive Atlanta Braves fan [her hometown ayo!], never says no to an estate sale, & loves to style her friends outfits from their own closets. 

#couplegoals?

by Sarah Bross | Jul 21, 2022 | Life Advice, Relationships

Dear single girl,

Let’s talk about #couplegoals. This idea of the cutest love stories. The love of your life and you finally meet him and he’s everything – you get along, you make each other laugh, you have the same favorite restaurant and the same favorite hobbies and he likes dogs just as much as you do! You can’t wait for a lifetime of ice cream dates and movie nights and exploring new places and starting a family and serving God with the man of your dreams.

This is my story, with my husband, Zack. I met the guy who just made me SO happy, who I felt like I could be fully myself around, who I have so much fun with. We met in high school, we take cute-sy  photos and put them on instagram, and sometimes people comment #couplegoals.

You’ll find that person someday, too. But in the meantime, let’s break down #couplegoals. I always laugh when I see someone comment something like this on one of our photos. One time one of our photos even got used in a viral #couplegoals tiktok. But here’s the facts: we are not perfect, at all.

Recently I received a message from a college girl asking for advice in relationships, saying she looks up to Zack and I’s relationship and wants what we have, but has trouble trusting the timing of when she will find that person and was just feeling a little lost.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Zack and I have a great marriage now, but it wasn’t always this easy. We grew up together. Like, since we were 16. That leaves a lot of room for growing and maturing and making mistakes and hurting each other along the way. Maybe people see us now and think “goals” but here’s the reality: every relationship on this side of heaven has flaws, pain, and messiness. We need Jesus in our lives, his grace, his forgiveness to be a model for us as we pursue great relationships on earth.

10 years with Zack has taught me this: Your relationship with your spouse/BF can never replace your relationship with God. Why? Because God loves you perfectly, and no matter how hard your spouse might try, they can’t.

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. He loves you with a perfect, reckless love that we as followers of Christ are called to emulate (“we also ought to love one another”) but we aren’t God, we aren’t perfect. We mess up.

It’s been the times that I put Zack in the number 1 position in my life that things have been off. Every time he did something that hurt my feelings the pain was deeper, every disagreement felt worse. Too much of my need for perfect love and acceptance was falling on an imperfect person. Friend, it isn’t good for you, and it’s unfair to put that pressure on someone else as well.

At one point, about 7 years in, I had to face my biggest fear: which was losing Zack. We hit a really rough patch in our relationship. There were lots of tears and lots of nights where I felt so alone, rejected, confused and heartbroken. I thought this was the man of my dreams. I thought he was who God had for me. We were best friends but now everything seemed to be falling apart. I had given 7 years of my life to this man and I wanted desperately with everything in me to be his wife one day, but the path he was on and our future was looking increasingly bleak.

This went on for a few months, and it was one of the most emotionally crushing few months I’ve ever experienced. I clung to God and prayed. I asked for him please please please to let me and Zack work things out. I asked him to bring Zack back to him. Nothing seemed to work. Was God ignoring my prayers? I thought he wanted me to be with Zack, but now he seemed so silent.

Here’s where the breakthrough came: A few months in, I surrendered. I said to God, “Lord I want this. Near as much as I want to breathe I want to be with Zack. But, God you are more important to me that he is. You love me more perfectly. My life is yours. If Zack isn’t who you have for me, I will walk away right now. I pray you give me the bravery to do so. I surrender this desire to you. I am done trying, I am just going to listen to you. Whatever you tell me to do, I will do it. I trust you to bring me into the life you have for me.”

Sometimes I think God wants to give us what we want, but he knows that first we need a lesson in who is our #1 and who is our #2.

God is your #1 and your spouse is your #2. When I surrendered this desire to God, I finally could live my day to day in freedom. I felt a peace wash over me because I didn’t have to strive and try to get what I wanted through my own power. I had a peace knowing that God was directing my steps, and as long as I followed him, I would be ok.

After I surrendered, Zack and I’s relationship started improving. The life he was leading started to change. He grew just as much as I did in this season, but in other ways. This season of hardship was preparing him to be a husband as much as it was preparing me to be a wife. I HAD to learn that lesson. God knew I couldn’t enter into marriage looking at Zack as my #1. It wasn’t fair to him to expect him to love me perfectly. Only God can do that.

In a season of singleness you might feel the same kind of desperation. The “why, God, why?!” the “all my friends are finding boyfriends, what is wrong with me?!” Friend, nothing is wrong with you! But what if God is trying to save you from the heartache that I experienced that comes with putting your boyfriend in the number one spot in your life. What if God is waiting for you to surrender that desire to him and let him be your number one. So that way he knows you’re ready.

Surrender is hard. But God loves you perfectly. He knows your desire for a spouse. He sees that. If you’re in a season of waiting, you have to know that his goodness is all over that. He knows that He needs to be your number 1 first before you meet that person for that relationship to be as good and sweet as possible.

So, single girls, the best thing you can do right now is seek your 1. Pursue God. Spend time in the word, try to grasp and wrap your mind around his perfect love (Ephesians 3:18). Pray for your future spouse. How sweet is it to think you are storing up prayers for them to benefit from in the future. This is the best way to love them before you know them. When God’s timing is right, you will meet them. And when you do, you will be right where you need to be with God to avoid the heartache that comes with placing them in the number 1 spot in your life.

You will be in the perfect place to seek your 1 with your 2. And that is #couplegoals.

Sarah Bross is a fashion + faith blogger from St. Louis, Missouri currently living in Long Island, New York with her husband, Zack. She loves seeking out the joyful parts of life, making things fun, watching sunsets, going on ice cream dates and finding adventure – even at Target. Say hi on instagram @sarahkbross

How to Survive Christmas as a Single Girl

by Lisa Anderson | Dec 14, 2021 | Life Advice, Relationships | 7 comments

I’m single. Never married. As such, I’m a self-proclaimed expert at being a single woman — though no one’s ever given me any awards for this.

Christmas is around the corner, and as any of us singleness ninjas will tell you, knowing how to navigate the Christmas season as a single is a must. By “Christmas season,” I really mean Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day — because if you’re single, these three holidays combined are a trifecta of potential holiday horribleness.

Admittedly, there’s a bit to overcome. Every store shelf, selfie, and social media post seems to not-so-subtly say: Lisa, Christmas is for happy couples and families in matching pajamas — not for you. You don’t have a husband. You don’t have kids. You don’t have anyone to match PJs with. Um, you don’t even have cute Christmas PJs. But it doesn’t matter because you’ll just sit at home alone, eating takeout and watching Hallmark’s Countdown to Christmas. So don’t bother.

OK, a simple ad or Insta post can’t say all that, but sometimes it sure feels like it.

It’s easy for a single girl to feel left behind at Christmas. Mass marketing aside, it hurts to be reminded that I don’t have a plus-one for holiday parties. No one’s buying me a ring or planning a killer marriage proposal on a snowy hillside. I’m no one’s gift-buying priority; in fact, I’m no one’s priority at all. And when Christmas is over, I’ll be staring down a new year with just as few relationship prospects as the one before.

If you’re feeling everything I’m saying, hang on. Because here’s the truth: Christmas doesn’t define you. Your social calendar doesn’t define you. Your relationship status doesn’t define you. God defines you.

That’s a whole other post. But in the meantime, with a little preparation, prayer, and perspective, you can ditch the pity party and tub of peppermint stick ice cream (well, maybe keep the ice cream) and rock the holidays like the confident, carefree girl God made you to be. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Chart your game plan. Christmas is easier to handle when you tell it who’s boss. Don’t let it hit you like the flu; instead, decide now what you want your holiday to look like. Will you visit family? Host others in your home? Are you going to attend that work party, small group party, neighborhood open house?

Take out a calendar and map out the next few weeks. Don’t overcommit and run yourself ragged, but don’t shrink back, either. Decide who and what is important to you, and let the rest go. Balance fun stuff with restful stuff, party plans with times for renewal and reflection. If it’s critical that you’re not alone on Christmas, make sure you aren’t. Even if you can’t get to family this year, find a friend and share the day together. Make new memories. Maybe even be a friend to someone who needs one. I’m looking forward to spending time with my 96-year-old neighbor who is grieving the recent loss of her only brother. He was her hero, and she especially needs a friend right now.

Prepare your conversation comebacks. You know it’s gonna happen. You’re at the office party and your irritating coworker asks in front of everyone: “Hey, where’s your date?” Or you’re with extended family, your cousin is showing off her new engagement ring, and your in-everyone’s-business aunt looks at you and pipes in with: “Aww, when will it be your turn?” Awkward questions are inevitable, but awkward responses aren’t. Be ready. Your strategy can be to use humor, change the subject, address the question head-on, walk away, or a combination of the above. Once, when asked why I didn’t have a boyfriend, I quipped: “Oh, I do, I just haven’t met him yet.” Another time, a married friend asked, “How’s your love life?” I felt like responding with, “Not great. How’s yours?” (Don’t worry; I didn’t.)

Realize that some people are just awkward, clueless, or self-absorbed. Most mean well. Smile and move on. Change the subject. Get another cup of eggnog. You’ll be OK. If a question-asker genuinely cares about you and your future, ask them to pray for you. Prayer is something we all, married or single, need in any season. Give as much or as little detail as you feel comfortable sharing and thank them for their kindness.

Put your singleness in perspective. I’m not sure when we started believing that singleness is a second-class status. It’s not — at least if Jesus and Paul (two world-class single dudes) had anything to say about it. Being single is hard, but so is being married. When you get married, you’ll trade some hard things for some new hard things. You’ll also trade great things for new great things.

Why are you single? Is it because you have a horrible personality? Give off a desperate vibe? Own 12 cats? Are in a 500-mile radius of only three single men? Maybe. But it could also be because God has decided it’s just not your time. He may be saving you from something terrible and saving you for something amazing. He’s not limited in his resources. He’s not withholding a husband from you in order to give one to someone else. When God wants you married, he’ll get you married. In the meantime, lean into him, love and serve others, and be willing to grow. Admit your desire to be married. Be open to dates with quality guys, even the ones that aren’t your “type.” And if you still can’t seem to get out of the comparison trap, get off social media for the holidays (hey, there’s a gift you can give yourself).

Plan something fun in the new year. A great way to get through a hard season is to have something to look forward to. What’s something you can put on that list? In January, a friend and I are going on a cruise. We’ve had it planned for six months. It’s our way to ditch winter and say, “Hello, 2022! What do you have for us?” You don’t have to plan something big. Do a weekend getaway or even a day-long personal retreat. Put dinner with a friend on the calendar. Book a mani-pedi. Host a game night with your favorite people. Anticipation is sometimes even better than the event itself. Let yourself look ahead at good things to come.

Celebrate Jesus. It’s his birthday, after all. Why are we making it about us? We’ve hijacked it for our own selfish purposes — and doing that always leaves us disappointed. The cool thing is, even though everything in creation is about God and his glory, God still gives us a gift in the midst of it all. He gives us the exact thing we need to save us from our sin and even our very selves — God gives us his Son. Jesus’ death on the cross plus his perfect record in life is a two-part gift that sets us right with God, gives us eternal life with him, and secures us a place in his forever family. God really is the best gift-giver.

I’m not going to give you some lame kind of “Jesus is your boyfriend” pseudo-encouragement. No diamond rings from Jesus this year. No snowball fights followed by hot chocolate. But you’d better believe Jesus wants to spend time with you. You too, married ladies. Because even if your husband is the bees’ knees, he can’t fix your heart. He can’t fill the empty places. He can’t redeem your past. He can’t take away your fears. For that, you need Jesus. Our universal need of a Savior levels the playing field, married or single. Start with the book of John and remind yourself who Jesus is. (Add Luke 2 if you need to keep it really Christmas-y.) Then read Romans 1-8 for a practical picture of what Jesus accomplished on your behalf and who you are now as a result. It’s big stuff. Take your time. You may cry. Finish with singing my favorite Christmas carol: “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing!” If you sing all three verses, it’s a tidy but glorious telling of the gospel. I’ll leave you with verse three:

Hail! the heav’n born Prince of Peace!

Hail! the Son of Righteousness!

Light and life to all he brings,

Risen with healing in his wings

Mild he lays his glory by,

Born that man no more may die:

Born to raise the sons of earth,

Born to give them second birth.

Hark! the herald angels sing,

“Glory to the newborn King!”

Merry Christmas, everyone. But a special shout to the single girls.

Lisa Anderson is the director of young adults at Focus on the Family where she manages Boundless and hosts “The Boundless Show,” a popular weekly podcast and radio show. She’s the author of The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage With Purpose.