by Darcy Clark | Apr 4, 2023 | Life Advice, Testimonies
My name is Darcy Clark, I have been a part of Team LO for almost a year, I am twenty-two years old, I have moved around a couple times in different states following God’s lead and saying yes to the adventure He has me set on. Today, I want to tell you a story. It is broken, it is messy, but He has stepped in and made it beautiful. I want to tell you about a time in my life (long before I joined Team LO) where I lost control, and in exchange found Jesus.
On September 24, 2019 here are some notes I jotted down.
- Think about what I say and what I do.
- Be a sister and friend. No pressure – just love others.
- Purpose is not a position it is the posture of my heart.
- Purpose is who I am, it is something I can give the world.
- What can I give the world?
- Hebrews 10:35 says this, “Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has great reward.” – How confidently am I trusting in the Lord?
- Live original
- You can’t be confident in things that can be shaken. Be confident in the Lord.
- We look for confidence in the wrong things and that is why we fail.
- Life is inconsistent – stay grounded in faith.
- Just because things/seasons change – who I am does not have to change.
- Psalm 46
- Remain the same when the world changes.
- Authenticity is HUGE. Be vulnerable with others – if I want to make real friends, be authentic.
- Encourage friends to be their best – be a good friend to others if I want to find community.
- Don’t let fear hold you back. – Fear locks you up, we let things we go through lock us up. Vulnerability can break that.
- Be a light in the world and look beyond yourself.
- Surround yourself with persistent people and be a persistent friend in grace and love.
- You should become more joyful with who you are with, not less.
- If it is a win for the Kingdom, it is a win for me.
- Who I marry should be pursuing and running toward God with me.
- Make time for God. He is my main relationship.
These nuggets of truth, of wisdom, of advice – are from a Delta Gamma Sisterhood night on campus at Texas A&M University, Sadie, and another teammate of mine Steph, came to College Station, Texas on September 24, 2019, of my freshman year of college for a Q&A.
At this point in time, I did not know them – I was 18 and like I said a freshman in college. I had no clue what the overarching story God was beginning to write in my life. I had freshly surrendered all control of my life to God, making Jesus the Lord of my life fully and finally – following 9 years of convincing myself that I had already given God lordship over every single part of my life. But the reality was that I still had parts of my life that I was holding onto and not wanting to hand over control of.
Before I left the auditorium that night writing those notes and listening to their Q&A, in my seat I wrote this prayer: God, I am made for something more. I am praying for where I am called. I am praying for my purpose and what I can give to the world to further the Kingdom. Amen – and then funny enough in this season I had this thing where I would sign my prayers at the end because I meant business – I wanted to be a part of His story of rescue and redemption for all of humanity, I had experienced it in my own life and still to this day that is my heart.
That part of the night wrapped up around 8:30 PM, I got up from my seat with my friend and we walked outside as we were preparing to head to a Tuesday night service for a ministry called Breakaway – maybe some of you have heard of Breakaway Ministries.
Naturally as one does when walking one place to the next, I pull out my phone, refresh my notifications and begin to open a few. I open snapchat and I am pulled into this group chat with a good chunk of old high school friends and others I graduated with.
They had found my mugshot that at that point in time was 5 days old, they sent the photo in there and everyone got to have a moment to speak their mind. One of the first messages that went along with the photo was from a guy and it said: “Look who is first to fall.” Another message said: “Way to go Darcy.” And they just went on making fun, but overall tearing me down.
To preface in middle school and high school I was the girl and the friend who loved everybody, I regularly got nominated for things from homecoming court to class president, I was a dual sport athlete, I was a part of starting FCA in both my middle school and my high school, I went to church – served and spent most of my time there. I loved Jesus and had even known since seventh grade that my calling was to step into vocational girl’s ministry.
I also loved control. I loved to people please. I loved being friends with everybody so much that I would know when to act a certain way and when to not. I would pick and choose when I wanted to follow Jesus, I had convinced myself that this is what following Jesus looked like. I could have my fun and He could most definitely have my Sunday mornings. I craved a dating relationship that was “relationship goals”, so much so that I sacrificed beliefs for appearance – I mean as long as it looked like he was a good guy and at least knew of the name Jesus, I will check that box. From Sunday mornings leading worship to Saturday night abandoning all boundaries that God’s word commanded I follow. This was the double life I lived, one foot in and one foot out.
I loved control so much that I had made my life into this pie graph, saying okay Jesus you take this part, and I am going to get the rest. That is not how God operates, He wants you and He wants all of you. You are His child, and He has the best plans for you – but He is not going to force you into a relationship with Him.
A steady, committed, unwavering relationship where God was Lord of my life and I was not, is what I lacked. Through all the mess, the broken pieces, the hurt – He never stopped loving me, He never stopped pursuing me.
On September 19, 2019, I made Jesus the Lord of my life. Not just Lord over parts of my life. Lord over my whole life.
Now back to the part where I had mentioned the mugshot – It was a Thursday morning I woke up for class, went about my day, and as the night rolled around I was serving a student organization called Youth Impact, that was affiliated with a church in the area and we partnered with children who lived in government housing and would become family to them, building close relationships and treating them like our younger sisters and brothers, we would play games then transition into a message and breakout groups. Every single Thursday we shared the gospel with these kids. I was a group leader and all that meant was I would lead discussion, pick up kids, and was responsible for a basket filled of bibles and random toys.
When Youth Impact ended that night, I went out to eat with some of those people, put the basket of bibles in my passenger seat, and after headed by to my place to change clothes and get ready for the night.
Almost every weekend leading up to this point my life it felt like some sort of tug of war or game of hide and seek – I had just begun to make incredible Christian community, the semester had just started, they all got busy with their schedules jumping into new things and well to be honest I felt alone, friendless, and confused.
I remember being told in this same season, “college is the best time of your life”, “these are the days to get it all out of your system”, or “you are supposed to party – it is college – no one cares”. I got tired of continuing to go to church alone, I had been there almost a month nothing was clicking (more like I was not giving anything time to grow and I was expecting community to just magically happen), so I re-kindled friendships with one of my previous best friends from high school who I had just naturally fallen off with because we were living different lives, she wanted to party and live the “college experience” and meet guys, and at the start that is just not where my head was at.
She had invited me out a few times and on this final time, she invited me to one of our hometown friends’ birthdays. So, after serving youth, I got ready and met them at this house. When I got there the pregaming began, girls were changing to wear less to go out – I even changed, I drank with them because I thought that is what I was supposed to do – I did not want to be the odd one out – it seemed fun, and I loved to people please. After a while my heart sank, we were getting ready to go out to the local college bar and I didn’t want too anymore. I had this moment where I realized this is not how I want to live my life and that these were not my people.
So, I grabbed my keys and made my exit forcibly. As I was driving home, I was 1 minute from my townhome and in a double turn lane I hugged the inside and as I did, I got hit on my right. The last thing that you want to have happen, an inconvenient accident as you are so close to getting home. And to make the circumstance even worse, I am 18, brand new in a college town, a minor with alcohol in my system. Me and this guy pull of, there is little damage, and we swap insurance – the whole thing. As we are doing that a third car pulls up, a guy jumps out and lets me know that he has witnessed this all and he has called a cop to come help.
I am panicked and desperate for a way out – I know that I am in the wrong, so I called my brother (who at the time, was not following Jesus and was studying criminology at another university) and he told me to lie. Deny everything I had been doing and lie. I had no peace with that advice even though it was from a place of love and protection, I even glanced over at the basket of bibles thinking for a second – “Surely this officer will see this basket of bibles on my passenger seat and know that I am a good person and let me off easy.”
I began to pray and ask God for help, in my heart and mind begging for Him to speak to me. He did. As clear as ever and I will never forget it. He said, “I can do everything with your honesty, but I will do nothing with your dishonesty.” That is it, that was the word. So, what do I do when the officer walks up to me? I tell him everything, and I say it honestly.
Long story short, he lets the other guy go, but as for me I was not done being dealt with. He arrests me and takes me back to the station to breathalyze me and confirm that I indeed had alcohol in my system. I am convicted with a DUI and spent the night sitting in a chair in a holding center. I got to make phone calls to see if anyone could come bail me out, but like Adam and Eve – I hid from my earthly Father, I didn’t call anyone in my family. But I started to call people in town from new friends to current roommates, no one answered. After trying to make some calls, the front desk lady looked at me, whispered, “I know you are not supposed to be in here. This is not who you are, this is just something that happened,” and then she slid me a bail bondsman number to call and get me out.
That night as I sat there, I was as low as you can get. From feeling humiliated, like a failure, to just utterly defeated. I thought of the verse, “There is a way that seems right to man but ends in death.” – Proverbs 16:25
The bible doesn’t just say God’s way leads to everlasting life, and the enemy’s way leads to death – because it sounds good or make a great plot. God’s word says it because it is clear cut truth. I knew that if I continued down the path, I was on that it would legitimately perhaps lead to my death for actions that do not bear life.
The days and months after that night were difficult, I am not going to tell you it was easy. But it was an easy choice for me to finally make and say, “God I see that my way will surely lead me to death, but your way leads me to everlasting life. I want your way. I want you in the driver seat. I want you to be the Lord of my life because my way without you will lead me to death.”
My record weeks later got cleared because the officer who conducted evidence against me committed an assault and was fired from his position. My case was dropped and the time of COVID 19 aka the world’s lock down began, all I wanted was to sit in God’s word and get to know more of Him. He is love. His is the only way to everlasting life. He has the best plans in mind for you. But you have to make the choice to surrender all control and say, “Lord Jesus I want your ways because I know where mine will take me.”
I wrote a poem inspired from that season that I want to leave you with today –
come back.
I think that God lets us navigate life in sharp turns, narrow paths, curvy roads,
and gut-wrenching drives
because if He only allowed us to navigate life on one straight path,
our affection for Him may be lessened.
So, we are given a choice.
A choice to love.
A choice to choose what turn we make.
These choices are what make life a journey.
Some drives aren’t fun, some you are used to, some will take you breath away, and some will make your heart break.
I’m thankful we are not left alone to navigate our way back from the paths we take that perhaps were not the right turn.
It is through my lack of understanding in which road to take that God uses to boost my dependence on Him.
It’s not an easy journey, but I will choose this every day.
And, for the times I don’t or stray away there’s an unending grace from Jesus.
Won’t you come back?
Friend, whatever you think is counting you out is the exact thing God is pointing at and saying that is exactly what is counting you in. He loves you and is everyday inviting you into the best story we could ever get to be a part of. Do not let the enemy convince you that you are too far gone or unusable by God – that is a lie. The broken pieces of your story that are picked up and placed by together by your Heavenly Father, create a far more beautiful story than one you could ever write.
Darcy Clark is a member of Team LO! She is a Jesus follower and friend to many. She enjoys coffee sipping, exploring, and writing. She is an aspiring author, current dreamer. Darcy spent two years at Texas A&M University before stepping into girls ministry full time in multiple states and has since moved to Louisiana to be a part of Team LO.
Keep up with Darcy on Instagram @darcyclark!
by Maddie Fischer | Feb 16, 2023 | Life Advice
I recently attended a women’s retreat and we played a game called Four Corners. They asked several questions and the corners of the room represented a different answer to each question. After a question was asked, we would all walk to the corner that represented our answer to see who in the room would pick what answer (I promise there is a point to explaining this).
I will never forget the moment that God used a simple game at a retreat I wasn’t even planning on attending to reveal a life-changing truth to me. One of the questions asked was, “If you could have a super-power, what would it be?” I found myself torn between two of the four corners, flying or teleportation, and I said it out loud. The girl next to me responded, “Choose flying. If you teleport, you will miss the journey.”
As I wrestled through making my decision, her response changed the trajectory of my walk with Jesus in the best way. God used it to identify a tendency within me that was hindering me from experiencing the fullness of His perfect plan. I used to always want to take the shortcut because it was more convenient. I realized at that moment that if choosing the shortcut means missing the journey, it isn’t worth it. Even if I did ultimately end up where I was supposed to be, I would be lacking what He desired to produce within me in the process.
There are two lessons I pray you learn from this story:
The first is this – Never underestimate who and what God can use to speak to you.
Don’t try to limit a limitless God to fit within the box of your expectations. He just might use who or what you least expect to reveal Himself in an undeniable way. Spend enough time in His presence to recognize His voice even when He speaks to you in unexpected places and through unlikely circumstances or people (or games, lol). When you do recognize His voice, stop to listen and allow the truth of His word to interrupt your plans, bring correction to your way of doing things, and lead you along the path of His perfect plan. When you feel Him tugging on your heart or addressing an area of your life that needs to be adjusted, no matter where you are or what you’re doing, take note and let it move you to action.
His presence is with you wherever you go; not just in church on Sunday morning, in your weekly Bible study, or when you are doing your daily devotions. He knows what you need, He knows when you need it, and His delivery is always perfect even if it’s different than our expectation of how He would show up.
When He speaks and what He speaks won’t always be at the most convenient time or comfortable to hear, but it is always intentional and always for your good and for His glory. A perfect example of this is Moses and the burning bush…
“There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a blazing fire from the middle of a bush. Moses stared in amazement. Though the bush was engulfed in flames, it didn’t burn up.” (Exodus 3:2)
God will show up in the midst of your ordinary life in extraordinary ways so that it’s undeniable that it’s Him speaking. If you will listen and apply what He is speaking, you will live continually amazed by Him doing what only He can do in and through you.
He is in everything; live aware.
The second is to choose the journey of following Jesus over the convenience of taking the shortcut.
Proverbs 16:9 says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
Decide, sincerely, that you would rather take the long way with Jesus than the shortcut without Him. The truth is, the shortcut (convenience) will end up costing you in the long run. It’s dangerous to chase the fulfillment of the promise without walking through the process. The process isn’t painless; but it grows, matures, and produces steadfastness within us along the way. The process prepares you for the promise. This is the beauty in what is at times painful, and it’s absolutely necessary.
Don’t just say that His way is better, live like you believe it’s true. Let your life be a reflection of your wholehearted trust in Jesus. When you are torn between the corners of life and tempted to choose convenience over His way, always choose His way. I can assure you that no one knows what’s best for you like the One who knows you best, and living for Him is what you are made for.
Life will present you with countless choices – big, small, and everything in between. Don’t make a decision for immediate gratification like the world does, even in seemingly small, insignificant choices. Don’t be directed, distracted or swayed by the opinion and process of man. I can assure you that there were a lot more people standing in the teleportation corner than the flying corner, but I stood in the flying corner, sure and confident of the choice that I made.
When making a decision, be led by His voice and the truth of His Word. If He is directing you to take the longer way, trust that He goes before you and that His plans for you are good. Let your confidence be in His faithfulness. Set up camp in the midst of His promises for those who love Him and walk according to His Word. To live in those promises requires the continual application of the truth of His Word to our lives. It requires that we trust that all of it is true, not just some of it.
I find myself praying this prayer often lately, that I long for nothing more or less than all of what He has for me. You’ve probably heard the quote about how life is more about the journey than the destination. It’s the journey that shapes us and helps us arrive at the destination of who God has called us to be.
I don’t want to miss a thing when it comes to what God has prepared for me. I want whatever will most reveal His glory through me.
When God used a mindless game at a girl’s retreat to remind me to not miss the journey He has for me, I never would have imagined that I would be sharing it with you, but He did, and here I am.
You might not always know where you are headed, but your trust isn’t in where you are going, but the One who is leading you step by step. He sees the full picture when you feel stuck in the right now. Let the reward of following Him outweigh the temptation to settle for the shortcut.
Walk in His way, friends. The best is yet to be!
“Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left.” (Isaiah 30:20-21)
Maddie is a (new) wife, worship leader, and writer. Her passion is pointing people to Jesus, following wherever He leads, and encouraging others to do the same. A few of her favorite fun things are rainy days, road trips, coffee shops, flower trucks & gold confetti.
Keep up with Maddie on Instagram @maddiee_joy!
by Live Original | Dec 20, 2022 | Life Advice, Wisdom |
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubt, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” James 1:5-6
Have you ever read this verse and wondered why God chose wisdom as the guaranteed yes? When I read this verse, I was slightly frustrated. Why couldn’t the guaranteed yes be something more exciting than wisdom? We would prefer a promise for healing, a promise for a timely answer, or a promise for financial security—surely these things might provide more practical peace and fulfilling prayer than wisdom. Although wisdom may not sound like the ideal answer from the Lord, I think you & I have an improper view of the value of biblical wisdom. Once we search the Scriptures and understand what is promised to us by this verse, “wisdom” can become the most treasured guaranteed “yes” from our Father.
The author of the book of James put together a book that seems like a miscellaneous collection of practical Christianity, with commands to remain steadfast, be impartial, watch your tongue & be mindful of how fleeting life is. But if you read this book with the wisdom literature of the Bible in mind (Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, mainly), it’s easy to see that James is teaching his readers to live in light of the “wisdom from above” that he defines as “first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, and sincere” (James 3:17) and every “practical” point that he makes finds its roots in Old Testament wisdom principles. So, when James tells us in chapter one that this “wisdom from above” is given generously to all, what does that mean? Why can wisdom be so freely given?
As James did, let’s look back at Old Testament wisdom in the book of Proverbs. Proverbs is a book of practical wisdom that is meant to teach readers how to “fear God, and turn away from evil” (Proverbs 3:7) and most of the chapters deal with day-to-day issues. However, just because the author of Proverbs is teaching us how to be wise doesn’t mean he isn’t teaching us about Jesus. In chapter 8, wisdom takes the stage and defines itself:
“The Lord possessed me at the beginning of His work, the first of His acts of old. Ages ago I was set up, at the first, before the beginning of the earth…when He established the heavens, I was there; when He drew a circle on the face of the deep, when He made firm the skies above…when He marked out the foundations of the earth, I was beside Him, like a master workman, and I was daily His delight, rejoicing before him always, rejoicing in his inhabited world, and delighting in the children of man” (Proverbs 8:22-31).
Who does that sound like to you? Who was, according to John 1, “in the beginning with God” who “all things were made through”? Who delights in the works of the Father, rejoicing in the world and the people He created? Jesus does. He holds all things together, He is before all things, and He is the fullness of God sent down to us.
Paul sees this in Scripture and includes it in his letter to the Corinthians. 1 Corinthians chapter 2 says this: “But we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.” Wisdom describes Himself in Proverbs chapter 8 as standing next to the Father in creation. John tells us that Jesus was in the beginning with God, by whom He made all things (John 1). 1 Corinthians tells us that Christ is the power and wisdom of God. So, what is Biblical wisdom? The person of Jesus Christ! How AWESOME is the Bible? Jesus was the One who was with God in creation, He is the power of God, and He is God who put on flesh and dwelt among us. To know Jesus, then, is to know wisdom—He is wisdom itself!
James says that God gives wisdom generously to all without reproach. Why does God promise to give us wisdom when we ask? Because He gives His Son freely to all who ask! Because “all who call on the name of the Lord will be saved” (Romans 10:13). The Father has not withheld Jesus from us, and Christ is the “wisdom and power of God”, so if Christ is not withheld from us, then the wisdom found in Him isn’t either. When we accept the gift of salvation in Christ, the forgiveness, kindness, love, and grace of God are freely given to us. The Holy Spirit becomes a guide and a friend, as we walk through life seeking to know and honor Him. And, as we look to God for wisdom on how to live a life that brings glory to Him, He is always giving us more wisdom because He freely gives us Jesus.
When we ask God for more wisdom, He bursts at the seams to say yes because we are asking for more of Jesus—and that is a prayer He bled and died and rose again to say “yes” to. There is nothing in this world that can restrain His love toward His children. Let us seek wisdom with all of our heart, and rejoice in finding it at every turn as our Good Father answers “yes” to our every need for Him.
My name is Sam Arp and I am a college student in Charleston studying writing! I just really love studying and teaching the Bible & seeing people come to know Jesus for who He really is. 🙂
by Blake Guichet | Oct 4, 2022 | Life Advice
In my early years I kind of despised the Proverbs 31 woman, whom I pictured sitting at home knitting and serving her husband’s every wish and whim. I wanted nothing to do with that or the image of the docile Christian woman as portrayed by the churches I grew up in.
I absolutely did want to be of noble character, and when I finally decided to settle down, heck yeah, I wanted my husband to consider me worth more than gemstones. But in the meantime, I didn’t have time to select wool and flax and make linen garments (see verse 13). I just couldn’t believe God created women to shuffle around doing their husband’s bidding, never speaking up, never having a thought or pastime of their own.
I was taught that the Proverbs 31 woman was the poster child, the perfect example of biblical servitude and submission. The thing is, there’s some truth there. Yes, women are definitely called to be service-hearted and submissive, but too many teachers who emphasize these characteristics water the Proverbs 31 woman down until she is nothing more than an errand runner, a housekeeper, and a seamstress. But she is so much more. Not only that, but the apostle Paul actually calls men to an even higher level of service and submission in Ephesians 5:25-26.
In my opinion I was the furthest thing from the Proverbs 31 woman—or at least the version I was introduced to at church. As a result I spent years praying God would change me. I felt God’s will would be to make me quieter and meeker, to make my words land more gently, and to soften the pitch of my voice so it didn’t always rise above everyone else’s. This was the version of a godly woman I heard about. So much of my life was spent questioning how God created me rather than walking in it. I’m not quiet or docile, and I ask lots of questions, especially of those in authority. I’m a natural leader, go-getter, and boat rocker.
In fact, my youth leaders and camp counselors lost me at the very start: “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10, NKJV). All through adolescence and high school, I was completely and unequivocally uninterested in being someone’s wife. In fact, my adversity to marriage was so well known that my younger sister bet my father that I wouldn’t get married until I was thirty. After all, my sister knew I had dreams and aspirations: I was going to law school and would become the greatest female criminal prosecutor the world had ever seen.
And then two months before my twenty-third birthday, my sister had to hand over fifty dollars to my dad when I married the love of my whole life. Obviously, something had changed, and as dreamy and wonderful as my husband was (and is), it was more than just meeting him that changed the trajectory of my life. I had figured out that the way Christian womanhood is sometimes unpacked from pulpits is crap.
When I took the time to study Proverbs 31 for myself, I realized that her account has often been twisted and watered down by Christian leaders, so far from the woman of action and leadership she actually was. Likewise, I stopped feeling like a rebel for being the woman of Christ I was and finally recognized that it was not only okay to be a strong woman who loved Jesus, I honored Him when I walked in my strengths and the way He made me. I shifted from hating the Proverbs 31 woman because I knew I could never be her (nor did I want to) to realizing that she was the original wild woman—someone I could aspire to follow.
I know I am not the only woman who has felt trapped because she was taught a caricature of the Proverbs 31 woman. As a result, we get the idea that we somehow manage to not be enough but also be too much at the same time. We are never able to keep up with the ever-growing list of demands of what we should do and who we should be, while simultaneously feeling judged for being too loud, too opinionated, too emotional.
Personally, I like to think that the Proverbs 31 woman lived with the same tension but was never ruled by it. I think she was fully aware of what needed to be done and what was required of her, but she never let her to-do list dictate her worth. I believe she was loud and opinionated and sometimes emotional, but instead of letting that make her feel like too much, she recognized that these traits were what made her human.
In short, I’ve come to love rather than loathe the Proverbs 31 woman. I no longer see her as coming from a mold I never wanted to fit but as a guide I’m honored to follow. And I never want to see her weaponized against women to further the not-enough-but-too-much narrative. After carefully studying this passage, I’m taking back the Proverbs 31 woman so I see her in the way the Father intended her to be seen—as a strong leader who knew exactly who she was and whose she was.
When I began digging, I was fascinated to read verse 1 and discover that the words of Proverbs 31:10-31 were attributed to a woman who was advising her son, King Lemuel, about the kind of wife he should look for. For so long we’ve been taught that these verses were written from a man’s perspective to tell women what they should be, but in fact it is primarily a list of what men should look for in the women they will marry. Today we also look at it as a punch list for us girls, but that was not how it was originally read. Doesn’t knowing the passage was intended for a man change our entire perspective?
Interestingly, do you know what the Hebrew translation for “a virtuous wife” (verse 10, NKJV) in those first few words of this section is? Eshet khayil. Eshet can be translated as “woman” or “wife,” but Scripture also applies the term khayil to men. For instance, that word shows up in the term “mighty men of valor” found in 2 Kings 24:14. Interestingly, Ruth, the Moabite widow, was also called khayil by the Israelites and by Boaz, her eventual husband, because of the courage and loyalty she showed when she followed her mother-in-law back to Bethlehem. (The complete story is told in the book of Ruth.)
So in Proverbs 31, Lemuel’s mom tells him to search out a woman who is a champion. A woman of hard-won victory and reward. A woman of strength. This makes me simultaneously scrunch my eyes in frustration and puff my chest in pride. Can you imagine if the people who taught us about Proverbs 31 had told us she was actually a tenacious and spirited woman? One who wouldn’t take no for an answer? A woman of valor, not timidity. Mighty not feeble. It would have changed the game.
And that’s what we learn from just the first three words. What about her relationship with her husband? Yep, that’s solid too. So solid he completely trusts her. He is so confident in her abilities and trustworthiness that he knows his deepest, darkest secrets are safe with her. She makes his life so much better in every way that she is considered a gain, not a burden. Even before I knew I wanted to be a wife, I knew this was the kind of partner I wanted to be—able to stand on my own two feet, confident and secure in who God made me so I wouldn’t constantly lean on my boo to tell me who I am. But so often Christianity redefines those traits as being “too much.”
Knowing who you are in Christ is not prideful. Walking in the gifts He’s given you is not arrogance. And man have we gotten this all upside down and twisted. We’ve been taught so much about humility we have no idea what godly confidence looks like. That’s not to say there wasn’t and still isn’t so much room for growth, sanctification, and sanding off the rough edges. I always want to look, sound, and live more like Jesus.
Taken from Confessions of a Crappy Christian. Copyright © 2022 by Blake Guichet. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, IL Illinois. Used by Permission.
Blake Guichet is a writer and founder of the Crappy Christian Co., which aims to teach women how to use their God-given gifts for the Kingdom. She is the host of the popular podcast Confessions of a Crappy Christian—a weekly show that specializes in conversations with guests about their passions, struggles, and all the things they aren’t sure they can talk about. Blake is a proud Enneagram 8, American history buff, and playlist enthusiast, and her primary goal in all aspects of her ministry is to tell the truth while always pointing people to Jesus.
by Kayla Nordlum | Jul 12, 2022 | Healing, Life Advice, Wisdom
Let me just start by saying, HEARTBREAK SUCKS, but unfortunately it is part of the human experience, and as awful as heartbreak is, it’s important. We need pain as an inner-warning to stay away from things that will and can continue to hurt us, so this blog isn’t about not experiencing heartbreak, but about avoiding unnecessary heartbreak.
Heartbreak is going to happen to you (super positive start I know, but keep reading) whether self-inflicted or an unexpected incident it just is, but it doesn’t have to consume your everyday life. YOU CAN get out of the cycles of constant heartbreak, and step into a full life where you learn, with Jesus, to guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).
It’s not going to be easy, but I want to help you break up with self-inflicted heartbreak.
Whether you are currently in a season of heartbreak or have recently walked through it, you know that the pain of a broken heart is almost worse than the pain of a broken arm. I believe if we polled the audience right now and asked the question, would you rather have a broken arm or a broken heart? We would get an overwhelming response of people who would take the broken arm.
Why is that?
I believe it’s because the healing process of a physical injury is more straight-forward than the healing process of an emotional one.
We want results now, and we definitely don’t want to wander into an unknown healing process with no end date. So, why does my heart break? Am I alone in my heartbreak? How do I stop breaking my own heart?
Glad you asked. Let’s dive in.
Why does my heart break?
Heartbreak was never a part of God’s original design. In Genesis 1, God created human beings in his image and then He rested and saw that it was all very good. Heartbreak is what happened in Genesis 3, when sin came in and filled the world. Now pain, heartbreak, and trouble is a part of our everyday lives, even though that was never the intent for our human experience.
Although heartbreak is not a new concept, scientists have recently discovered the connection between emotional and physical pain is greater than originally realized.
It seems silly to think that that was just now realized when the Bible has said that all along – I mean ask anyone who has been betrayed, lied to, cheated on, I’m guessing 10/10 they will tell you they felt unpleasant physical symptoms from such an awful emotional experience.
In studying about heartbreak and the connections between emotional and physical pain, I found that Dopamine and Oxytocin are the hormones released when we “feel good”, which then makes us want to repeat certain behaviors to release these hormones over and over again, this is also commonly described as the feeling of “being in love”. On the other hand, when we experience heartbreak, loss, or betrayal, another hormone is released, the stress hormone called cortisol. This is the fight or flight hormone, and too much of this hormone can cause extreme unpleasant physical symptoms such as anxiety, panic, nausea, weight gain, or weight loss.
The reason I bring all of this to your attention is that we are not helpless in stopping the cycles of heartbreak. Yes, heartbreak is inevitable, but there are ways to avoid self-inflicted heartbreak, and knowing the connection between our emotional experiences and physical symptoms are important in combating and stopping unnecessary heartbreak.
Am I alone in my heartbreak?
You are not alone. Unfortunately, every human on this planet experiences heartbreak in some way. It may not all be at the same level, but heartbreak is unavoidable for each person, but taking it further than that – I believe two of the greatest lies the enemy tells us is: you are alone in your heartbreak and no one has ever been as heartbroken as you.
I’m going to debunk both of those right now:
Lie #1, you are alone in your heartbreak.
Truth: God is near to you, he’s close to you, he’s close to the brokenhearted, the ones who are crushed by the weight of this world. You read that in Psalm 34:18,
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
In Psalm 56:8 you read another powerful truth,
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
So, the next time the enemy comes at you with “you’re alone in your heartbreak”, come back at him with God is always close to me and not only is He close, He collects my tears and records each one.
Lie #2, No one has ever been as heartbroken as you are right now.
Truth: Many people in scripture have struggled with devastating heartbreak.
In 1 Samuel 1, Hannah was grieving her heart’s unfulfilled desire to get pregnant, in 2 Samuel 11, Bathsheba had just suffered the sudden loss of her husband who was killed in battle, and many more stories of grief, loss, and heart break flood the Bible.
The enemy knows that when we realize that we aren’t alone and that other people have suffered just as bad if not worse, we then feel a relief, peace, and comfort in our heart break (Revelation 12:11):
“And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony.”
That is why sharing your story is not only important for your healing, but important for others to heal.
Stop believing the lies that you are alone or that no one has experienced pain like you, people in scripture all the way to present day are with you, fighting for you, and have experienced the same things you are currently experiencing. You are not alone.
How To Stop Breaking Your Own Heart.
We all know we can’t fully control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it.
But what if I told you, you had more control of the pain you feel than you think.
Hear this. We are not responsible for the pain, trauma, and heart ache that happens to us, but we are responsible for feeling it, processing it, healing from it, and overcoming our hurts, habits, and hang-ups that lead us back in the arms of the very heart break we hate to experience.
This is in our control.
In the physical sense, if you get in a car accident because you are speeding, the chances of getting in another car accident from speeding go way down, why? Because you felt the pain of the accident, healed, learned and stopped the cycle.
In the emotional sense, it’s different, and you see this a lot: say you get in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, they never open up, you feel alone, isolated, and worthless, you end the relationship, feel the pain of heartbreak, then without even another thought and because society tells you, you get right back out there, and what do you know… you meet someone else emotionally unavailable.
But why? Didn’t you just go through that? Yes, but you stopped at step one, the heartbreak.
You didn’t feel it, process it, heal from it and stop, you just covered it up and got right back out there, you wouldn’t do this with a broken arm now would you? You wouldn’t break your arm and go to work the next day like it didn’t happen, so why do we do this with emotional wounds? How can we stop breaking our own hearts?
#1 Feel. After you experience heart break, feel it. Cry it out. Give yourself an allotted amount of time to just really mourn the loss, betrayal, breakup, etc. Don’t rush the feeling, embrace the pain, and allow the pain to lead you into processing it.
#2 Process. Find the root. Why did that hurt you like it did? Is there something from your childhood that triggers you? Are there insecurities that have creeped back up because of this heart break? Also, it’s hard to process alone. Talk about your heartbreak with trusted others and allow the process to lead you into healing.
#3 Heal. Once you have felt the hurt, processed the hurt, now it’s time to heal from the hurt. Talk to a therapist, find good community, serve at your local church, get into your word, listen to worship music, let God heal you from the areas you now know you need healing. Start with prayer and believe in faith that God can heal the very parts of you that are broken because He can, and after healing, allow that to redirect you to stop the cycle.
#4. Stop. You now have felt what you needed to feel, processed, healed and now it’s time to stop the madness – to stop the cycle. You are healed so walk in your healing. Walk in the faith that God is a God of redirection and new purpose. There is life after heart break and not just a life where you survive, but one where you thrive.
I hope this encourages you to pursue healing and stop the very cycles in your life that are causing you to break your own heart. Heartbreak doesn’t have the final say. Our God does.
Hello sister and friend! I’m Kayla Nordlum! I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon and recently moved to Phoenix, Arizona, where the sun really never stops shining!
My story might be similar to yours, for years life felt empty, confusing and disappointing. Unmet expectations left me stuck and hopeless. I struggled to trust that God had good plans for my future because I constantly replayed the mess I made of my past. BUT GOD.
Through a personal relationship with Jesus I realized it was never about what I did or what I would do, but everything to do with what He could do through me. I decided to fully surrender to the Lord in May of 2020. Through my act of obedience, I watched toxic relationship cycles end and negative mindsets slowly transform. God finally had my FULL heart and life was now EXCITING. I had vision, passion and purpose that I could not come up with on my own.
In August of 2020, I started a business called Worthy Women Co. (@worthywomenco). A space to remind women to never settle in life, love, or faith + it’s been so amazing to see what God has done and what he is doing with this sweet little community, PLUS I create fun merch, and who doesn’t love that?!
Writing has always been healing for me, I have journaled almost daily since I was young, but I never felt qualified to write for others (doesn’t God always use those people?) In January of 2021, I got serious about writing my first book (“The One That God Away”) and it’s almost ready to be released! God is so faithful and kind, He really has the best redemptive stories!
Now more than ever I know that with God THERE IS MORE + I’m super passionate about helping women find the MORE in their stories too.
XO
Kayla
(@kaylanordlum)
