There I was, sitting in the middle of my one bedroom apartment completely overwhelmed. My heart was racing, the tears were flowing and I had never been in this place before. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. I was 22 years old, living in a new city, starting dental hygiene school and about 4 hours away from my husband. On top of that, my grades were tumbling and things in my family were going abrupt. To say the least, my world felt like it was crashing all around me.

If you would have asked me back then if I was a Christian, I would have said yes. Yet, my life didn’t reflect it too much. I was full of fear and anxiety. My mind was clouded by the chaos around me. I was looking to the world to fill me up. I was lonely, confused and felt hopeless for the future. My life and actions didn’t reflect the love or joy we have access to through Christ in any way.

A little back story, I was not raised in church. In fact, I didn’t own a bible of my own until college. So in the midst of my lowest season, I didn’t have a strong foundation to stand on. I didn’t know where to look for peace and comfort. The only way I knew how to handle hard things was in my own strength. I found myself so weighed down that I felt stuck, isolated and alone. Have you been there?

My hurt led to resentment which led to bitterness.

My confusion led to doubt which led to unbelief.

My loneliness led to isolation which led to crippling anxiety.

As I was sitting there on the floor, I was trying to figure out how to carry the weight of all that was being thrown my way. Wondering how what was supposed to be a season filled with joy was one of great trial. I was in what “looked” like a great season but I was riddled by fear, doubt and anxiety on the inside. No matter how hard I tried to figure it out and find a solution to these things on my own, I couldn’t. I felt like a ton of bricks were laying on top of me with no one to help pull me out from underneath the rubble.

I can vividly remember the enemy whispering lies like: No one likes you. You are worthless. You have no value for the world. You’re a failure. The one that seemed to hurt the most was..” Who you are and what you have will never be good enough.” I believed this one the most. I believed I would never be good enough for God. I believed I had to clean myself up before coming to Him.

Although the lies were loud, Jesus pursued me in my messiest season. I remember sitting in my living room that night having these thoughts flood my mind through the despair: “Have you talked to God about it?” “Have you given Jesus a chance?” Somehow in that moment I mustered up enough strength and courage to ask, “Jesus, are you there?” I laugh when I reflect on this because I remember saying, “Hi, my name is Katie.” As if He didn’t already know. But the truth is, all I knew of Him was what I had heard through other people. I had heard He was like a friend and counsellor. Yet, I didn’t have a relationship with Him. I didn’t know Him as my Lord and Savior. I didn’t know that through Him I had access to the Holy Spirit. Who is the giver of joy, peace & comfort. I didn’t know through Jesus I would be reconciled back to God, our Father! I had no idea that the simple decision to say “Yes” to Jesus would grant me eternal life beyond this one. I had no idea that everything I ever needed and desired could be found through a relationship with Jesus.

As I look back, perhaps the greatest question I ever asked was, “Jesus, are you there?” When we ask God to reveal Himself to us, He will. He wants to show us the power of His presence in our life. He wants to meet us in our weakness to show Himself strong. He wants us to hand over the little we have to give and allow Him to multiply it.

Whatever you’re seeking in this world, you’re going to find it. But just like I was, you might be searching for all the right things in all the wrong places. Where are you searching for your answers? Where are you seeking joy & peace? Where are you trying to find your sense of purpose?

Jesus is the answer to all those things. He is enough. What you have to give Him is enough. But are you willing to wave your white flag and give Him your full surrender? Are you willing to say, “God not my will but yours be done.” Are you willing to be shaped and molded into who He’s called you to be? Are you willing to believe the little you have can actually be used by God in a big way?

One of my favorite stories in the bible is when God uses the 5 loaves and 2 fish to feed 5,000 men. Matthew 14: 13-21 says,

“Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sickness. Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, ‘This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.’ But Jesus said, ‘They need not go away; you give them something to eat.’ They said to him, ‘We have only five loaves here and two fish.’ And he said, ‘Bring them here to me.’ Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over. And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.”

The disciples looked at what they needed and thought what they had to give wasn’t enough. The truth is, in their hands it wasn’t enough. But Jesus replied to them and said, “Bring them here to me.” He asked them to hand over what they had to him. He was asking them to surrender and believe that a miracle could be done through this exchange.

It’s in the simple exchange of handing over the little we have to Jesus where we will see God’s mighty hand in our lives.

When I was in one of my lowest seasons, all I had to give Him was a simple, ”yes.” Through that simple response, He changed me. He redeemed me and revealed himself to me in a way I never thought possible.

Friend, I don’t know what you’re walking through today. Are you in a season of feeling as though who you are and what you have isn’t enough? Have you been striving to figure out the solution on you’re own? Are you doubting His presence in your life?

Perhaps He’s saying to you.. My child, pick up every piece of doubt, fear, confusion and little you have to give & “Bring them here to me.”

When we are desperate to see God move in our lives, it is often in the process of releasing our grip and handing it back over where we will experience breakthrough.

Sometimes all it takes is humbling ourselves, surrendering our control and choosing to invite Him into our situation by handing over all we have and taking a deep breath of courage. Then asking, “Jesus are you there?”

Love,

Katie Dietz

Jesus lover, Wife & Writer

Katie Dietz is a wife & writer on a mission to drawing women closer to heart of Jesus! She loves sunny days & being outside any chance she gets. She has a passion for sharing God’s truth through speaking and writing. Rather, it’s over long conversations in a coffee shop or encouraging posts on Instagram. Katie desires nothing more than for others to know they are loved and created for a purpose. She hopes through the words she writes & words she speaks, you are challenged and inspired to step into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Jesus! You can find her on Instagram @katie.dietz