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Braver Than I Once Was

Braver Than I Once Was

This morning I was pouring a tomato juice for a passenger on my flight. I was in my own little world, when I started having a little moment with myself. It’s funny, because when I first started flying as a flight attendant, I was literally petrified of tomato juice. Laugh at me all you want, but for whatever reason, I was scared and couldn’t go near it without having a little freak out moment. Probably a silly fear and a little dramatic, but it was a thing a few years ago. I couldn’t go near tomato juice. I honestly can’t tell you when that changed and when I was able to overcome my silly little fear, but I did.

I haven’t really thought about my fear since I outgrew it, but this morning I kind of just laughed at myself, and started thinking about something I heard from my Pastor recently. My pastor said that sometimes. we have to go back because we are different. We have to take the time and revisit old hurts, fears and even wounds, to speak to them from a different place. When we grow and get stronger, we get to look back and speak new words to things and move on.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19.

I’m stepping forward, growing and becoming braver. Not in who I once was, but in who I am IN Christ. I have found so much freedom in my new identity because Jesus paid it all, so I could have freedom…so I could have a new song to sing.

I’ve realized that since I’ve put work in and grown, things that once hurt and controlled me, don’t anymore. They don’t even have room. because God is launching me forward into full healthiness. Somehow satan still finds a way to weave old pains back into my world, and it has been on my heart to go back and revisit them, so I can get full closure. To speak some kind, brave words over things that once had a hold of me but no longer do. I’m realizing satan will do just about anything to keep us looking back, so we miss what’s ahead. So, I’ve been on this journey of going back because I’m different. Saying sorry, because it’s about ownership now. Saying no to old insecurities, because I am fully loved by a sweet, sweet Father. There is so much ahead.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17.

So, I’ve taken the time to go back and revisit some old wounds. Shake the dust off of my shoulders and stand a little bit taller. I’m not who I once was and I’m still on my way to becoming the woman of God that I know that I am called to be.

I’ve gotten to get bigger. My heart is expanding and I am creating room for new. I’ve grown stronger. I’ve gotten to revisit old defeats in my life and turn them into victories. That’s something really freeing. I’m braver than I once was, and this season has been so open and full of Jesus because I’m allowing room for Him to get in. I’m different. I’ve gone back because I am different. In Jesus name.

Redemption

Redemption

redemption is ours for the taking.

 

Recently, I went on a trip to Hong Kong. Traveling is such an important thing in my life. Jesus always shows up when I travel, in a way that is so tender and so beautiful. It’s an overwhelming feeling—being connected to God’s beauty through traveling. It unravels my soul in the best possible way. Every single time.

While I was there, we hiked one of the most intense hikes I’ve ever been on. It was a mountain called Lion’s Rock, and t’s about a 2 hour hike—straight uphill. I kid you not, it was straight up and mostly steps, too. I had no idea how intense it was going to be, but my team kept promising me that the view was going to be worth it. So I kept pushing. I kept climbing.

 How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the messenger bringing good news. Isaiah 52:7

While I was climbing this rock, I was having so many doubts. I was frustrated. My knees were dirty. My hands were balled up into fist, pushing through the climb. I was aching. I was pushing. I wanted to quit. But, how beautiful are the feet. It rang loud in my spirit. I was immediately drawn to redemption. It rings loud in my ears.

Redemption is a beautiful thing, because it’s ours from the beginning. It’s ours for the taking. From the minute we accept Jesus into our hearts, redemption is ours. It’s our backbone. Our climb, our fight, and our push is different because not only do we have Jesus, but we have a testimony through redemption. We get to look back at where we’ve been, and look back at the things that have held us captive, and look with eyes of healing because of being redeemed in and through Jesus.

It hasn’t always been that way, though. Redemption hasn’t always been my battle cry. I haven’t always been brave and felt free, and I sure as heck didn’t always speak up. I know pain deeply and I have carried it around for years. I still carry it, but there is grace and Love, and I’ve spent more time tapping into that.

But, with redemption and by walking in my God given identity, the load is lighter. It has become manageable, and a part of my story, instead of my excuse. It has been so freeing and beautiful to heal. Joy radiates from my face, and I cannot believe it. That God loves me so much that He would give me a story, and worth—and this Ziploc bag kind of grace, spilling out all over my brokenness. I can look out to my past and say, “Hey, you have no hold over me…” and I can turn the corner and see my future and say, “you look oh so good, my friend.”

“Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we’re a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.”  Ephesians 1:7-10

Through Jesus, there is freedom. An abundance of freedom. I’m saying all of this because it is possible. It is possible to turn it around. God can and WILL redeem. He’s in the business of healing. My walk is proof of it. My heart beats to that anthem. I want you to know it, too.

Missing Things

Missing Things

a travelin’ lady.

I had all these words written out about redemption to share with y’all. They were beautiful and they still matter, but I’m going to save those for another time.

I sat awake last night wrestling with this itch in my spirit, that kept reminding me that something is missing. Better yet, someone was missing. As I started to get really heavy, the wound I have spent years trying to understand and heal up started to sting again. You see, this time of year is a hard one for me. There is a constant echo and ache in my heart for the people that are supposed to be in my life who are not. The holidays are a reminder of that.

This time of year, is about family.

It’s about Jesus.

It’s about celebrating.

It’s about joy.

It’s about rest.

But what if some of the pieces are missing? What about my loved ones who don’t know Jesus? What if my family is not like everyone else’s? What if my Mother hasn’t wished me a Happy Birthday or a Merry Christmas in years? What do I do with that? How do I fill that gap? I immediately find comfort in Jesus. He has always been and will always be the gap filler in my life. So, I ask Him to show up. To bring peace to my heavy spirit. I open up my bible and turn to Psalms. I always find comfort there.

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. (Psalm 9:9)

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

There is so much comfort hidden in His words. I keep searching and reading until I feel like the wound has healed up a little bit.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13).

A God of Hope. He brings peace, He brings joy—even when it feels too far to reach. My sweet Jesus. In my brokenness and in my yearning, he still allows me to overflow. That’s the Jesus I am celebrating this season, no matter who is in or out of my life.

So, maybe this time of year is hard for you. Maybe people who are supposed to be in your world to celebrate are gone. Maybe they won’t show up. Maybe you are still struggling with grief and loss, and instead of being joyful during the holidays, you are angry. Whatever you are struggling with, please know you are not alone. I pinkie promise you. I want to say words to comfort you, but sometimes they aren’t enough. Let Jesus be the gap filler. Let Him be the one to calm the storm.

Run to Jesus. Find rest in Him. Pull your strength from God. 

Missing Things

Beauty in Growth

a travelin’ lady.

About a week ago, I clicked on my “on this day” Facebook feature. A portrait that my friend took of me had popped up on my profile, and I sat and remembered the season that I was in. The caption on the picture read “If you love deeply, you’re going to get hurt badly. But it’s still worth it.” CS Lewis said it, and I had no idea what that meant then…but I get it now. I get it.

This past year I’ve hurt. I’ve grieved. I’ve cried. I’ve yelled. I’ve gone through absolutely every human emotion possible. Lord knows. But yet, I am still seen. I am heard and I am loved anyways. It has been worth it.

Words have been spilling out of every corner of my jagged heart. My journal is covered in them, and they line the core of every poem, caption, thought and intentional conversation I have had. Through the pain, I have learned.

My eyes have been opened to a new kind of growth. The messy, ugly and painful kind of growth. I’ve come face to face with it. It’s kept me up at night. The growth I’m talking about is the growth that involves getting pulled out by the roots – having your world flipped upside down and inside out. Because sometimes, life happens. Sometimes, circumstances we don’t see coming, sneak up and change the direction in which we were headed. Sometimes, things are not okay and we decide to stop lying to ourselves, and deal with the pain that comes with facing that kind of reality. We have to swim upstream, while layers and layers of what we thought were good and right get ripped away. This kind of growth doesn’t tuck us in at night and tell us everything is going to be okay. It doesn’t lie. It is real and it is raw.

So, a lot of times we run. We hide and we don’t let ourselves deal with the reality of our situations. We are told we have to have everything together, and that we have to be perfect all the time. But, I’m here to tell you that you do not. You do not have to have it together all of the time. My Pastor, Chris Carmona, is currently preaching a series titled “this revolution will be led by the broken.” I truly, whole-heartedly believe it, too.

So, I’m finally taking responsibility for my brokenness. Not just hiding behind it or blaming it on anyone else, or living in it like it’s a part of who I am. I’m finally self-aware, and Jesus has been working through the pieces – one day at a time. We are mending it all together; healing hand in hand me and Him.

I’m here to encourage you. Allow yourself room to heal. You don’t have to be afraid of the messy kind of growth. Our pain makes us beautiful. Our pain creates joy. And joy helps us grow. Whatever that looks like for me and you; we can grow.

Jesus says in Romans 5: “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

We have a hope, we have faith – and we get to access and abundance of grace through our faith. We can take GLORY in our sufferings, because our sufferings produce a strength so we can persevere, and that shapes our character and makes us who we are supposed to be. That’s my Jesus. That’s how He loves. Even when I don’t get it and it hurts and it stings, He promises to cover me with grace and love, and tells me it will all be worth it. All of it.

So today, I am choosing to be expectant through the good, the bad, the messy, the ugly, the beautiful and all the in between. No matter how scared you may be or how uncertain the next season you are stepping into may be, Jesus is real. He is GOOD and He who promised is FAITHFUL. We can walk expectantly. Expectant to flourish, expectant to grow, expectant to be healed.

Challenge yourself. Sit with Jesus and ask Him to help you identify your brokenness. Get to know Jesus and how He loves and who He is. The reality is, you can’t trust someone you barely know. So, dive into the word. Get around people who are full of faith and courage, and who can be honest with you and love you at the same time. There is so much beauty in growth.

All of this is making you more beautiful.

Pinkie promise.

Braver Than I Once Was

Seasons

Fall is my favorite season, but is it’s also the hardest on my heart. This time of year has a way of shining light onto old cobwebs and that makes my heart ache in ways I wish I could forget. Some of the hardest battles have been fought for me in the fall and winter. Seeing the leaves change reminds me of the ache I felt. Feeling the temperature drop reminds me of shouts I used to yell at Jesus when I couldn’t see my way out.

There is something about familiar sights, sounds, smells and weather that wakes up the heavy nostalgia of past hardships and seasons for me. I’ve been learning to hold it lightly. That has been my anthem the past 6 months. But how do I hold this lightly? What does God say about pain creeping back in? Who is my Jesus in all of this?

Ecclesiastes 3 has been my comfort in the wrestling.

“For everything there is a season,

a time for every action under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time of war and a time for peace.”

And then, I remember Romans 8. I feel like Romans 8 has been my life raft in the midst of the heaviest storms.

“And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (verse 28)

“What then shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will He not also, along with him, graciously give us all these things?” (verses 31-32)

“No in ALL these things we are MORE than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the Love of God that is in Jesus.” (verses 37-39)

Nothing can keep me from the love of Jesus. No reminder of past pain. No flashback of past losses. No threat from Satan. No thought of how unworthiness. God is teaching me to let go and let love in. To be loved is a freeing thing.

Sometimes, what defines us from 3 years ago doesn’t have to have a say. It doesn’t even have to have a whisper.

I think this fall is going to be different. I’m seeing wounds in my heart breathe again. I feel it. I see growth in the unexpected.

God is not just patching –  He’s healing. That’s what He does.

About Sadie & Live Original

Sadie Robertson Huff is well known for her engaging smile and energetic personality, but there is a lot more to the 25-year-old star of A&E’s Duck Dynasty and runner up on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars season 19

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Sadie Robertson Huff is well known for her engaging smile and energetic personality, but there is a lot more to the 25-year-old star of A&E’s Duck Dynasty and runner up on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars season 19

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