What Sets Godly Friendships Apart

What Sets Godly Friendships Apart

by | Jul 15, 2025 | Featured, Life Advice, LO Library

This is excerpted from The Way of Wisdom Bible study by Jen Wilkin, Ruth Chou Simons, Kelly Minter, Adrienne Camp, Elizabeth Woodson, and Courtney Doctor.

One of the greatest treasures God has given us is that of friendship. We were never meant to walk through life alone. God created us to live in community. Clipping flowers from a neighbor’s yard or meeting up with a friend over coffee aren’t merely conveniences. These activities symbolize the people we have around us. They remind us we’re not alone. When life’s heavy downpours threaten to soak us to the bone, our community offers us a warm blanket and a shoulder to rest our head on. Second only to Christ, our network of people is everything.

As beautiful as relationships are, they can be challenging. This has always been the case, which is why the book of Proverbs has so much to say about how to be a good friend and neighbor. In a very real sense, our lives depend upon it.

According to Proverbs, one of the prized characteristics of a good friend and neighbor is faithfulness. Let’s dive into this theme today.

Faithfulness can also be described as loyalty or constancy. A. A. Milne, beloved author of Winnie the Pooh, describes the beauty of constancy when writing about the friendship of Piglet and Pooh.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh?” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”1

This is the gift of constancy.

Proverbs 20:6 says, “Many a person proclaims his own loyalty, but who can find a trustworthy person?”

The word the CSB translates as “loyalty” here is the Hebrew word hesed (some translations use “unfailing love”). This is the strongest word for love in the Old Testament. It conveys the idea of covenant love, often used to describe God’s constant and committed faithfulness toward Israel.2

It is a love that never lets go, always keeping its promises. In this verse, the contrast is between speech and reality.3 In other words, a lot of people will claim to have undying loyalty for another person, but the truly loyal person is the one who acts on it when the rubber meets the road.

I’ve known my two closest friends for over twenty years. Collectively, we’ve walked through the deaths of family members, the terrible suffering of parents, job changes, debilitating depression, losses in business and relationships, and complicated family situations. In some seasons it would have been easier for any one of us to run than to stay. But we have remained constant in each others’ lives because of our commitment to Christ and each other. We haven’t been perfect, but we’ve been present.

Let’s consider three Proverbs to better unpack what it means to be a faithful friend.

Proverbs 17:17: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.

Proverbs 17:17 doesn’t appear to contrast friend with brother, rather it intensifies the first statement. The friend who always loves no matter how hard things get is like the ultimate example of a brother who is made to help in the most challenging of times.

The wisdom writer could have simply said that “a friend loves” (Prov. 17:17), and we would have all gotten on board. It’s the three little words that follow—“at all times”— that change everything. Hanging in there with our loved ones through thick and thin requires patience, endurance, sacrifice, and hope. No one modeled this kind of love more than Jesus. Most importantly, loving this way is the way that Christ loves us.

Proverbs 18:24: One with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24 can be translated, “A person who has unreliable companions is about to be broken, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”4 The friend in this verse most likely refers to a wise person who belongs to the faithful community of Israel and to God Himself.5 The point is that the quality of friends is better than the quantity. It’s better to have one loyal friend than to have a host of fair weather ones, since a close friend may be more committed than even a family member. There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of friends, but it’s good to have one or two close friends who are committed to strengthening our relationship with Christ.

We strengthen our friends in Christ when we pray for them, encourage them to make decisions grounded in God’s Word, and stay consistent when times are hard. Loyalty matters. Commitment is a beautiful aspect of Christian friendship.

Proverbs 27:10: Don’t abandon your friend or your father’s friend, and don’t go to your brother’s house in your time of calamity; better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.

Proverbs 27:10 isn’t the easiest for scholars to translate, but the brother here seems to be someone who lives far away and is not easily accessible. The point is that it is not good to abandon your friends and neighbors (even family friends) in a pressing time of need by running off to a relative. “The tried and tested friend and true neighbor stick closer than a remote brother.”6 God has set us in neighborhoods, school systems, and local churches. When difficulty rolls into these communities, what is our commitment level?

Proverbs has a lot to say about the importance of having good friends and brothers (family members). Jesus expands upon this ideal in Luke 8:19-21:

Then his mother and brothers came to him, but they could not meet with him because of the crowd. He was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, wanting to see you.” But he replied to them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear and do the word of God.”

Jesus’s definition of family here should encourage us to be especially committed to our brothers and sisters in Christ. Anyone can be a fickle friend who only sticks around when it’s beneficial. But the commitment of a loyal friend runs deep. This is one of the messages of Proverbs, a message that is greatly expanded and fulfilled in the body of Christ. It is our faithfulness to one another, even when life is hard, that sets us apart from the world’s shallow and fleeting relationships, which are so easily acquired and disposed of. This steadfast faithfulness only flows from Christ Himself. Let us seek Him for it so we may share it with others.

Kelly Minter is passionate about God’s Word and believes it permeates all of life. The personal healing and steadfast hope she’s found in the pages of Scripture fuel her passion to connect God’s Word to our everyday lives. When she’s not writing or teaching, you can find her tending her garden, taking a walk with friends, cooking for her nieces and nephews, riding a boat down the Amazon River, or walking through a Moldovan village with Justice & Mercy International. Kelly holds a master’s degree in Biblical and Theological Studies from Denver Seminary.

References:

1. A. A. Milne, The Complete Tales of Winnie-The- Pooh (United Kingdom: Penguin Young Readers Group, 1994), 284.

2. “Proverbs 20 (CSB),” Blue Letter Bible, accessed February 20, 2025, https://www.blueletterbible.org/ csb/pro/20/6/t_conc_648006.

3. Derek Kidner, Proverbs: An Introduction and Commentary, vol. 17, Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1964), 129.

4. Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 15–31, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2005), 87.

5. Ibid., 96-96.

6. Ibid., 379.

Esther

Esther

by | Nov 26, 2024 | Featured, Hope, LO Library, Perspective, Trust

This post is adapted from Esther: Daring Faith for Such a Time as This by Kelly Minter. Learn more about this Bible study.

The view from my back porch used to include three giant Leyland Cypresses, a towering Oak, and half a Hackberry Tree. The scenery was lush. That is, until one December evening when a hard freeze killed everything. The one pleasant surprise, however, is that I can now see a grand and gorgeously coiffed tree, one with multiple branches fanning outward in near perfect symmetry and crowned with a healthy head of thick, summer-green hair. The pre-existing foliage had obscured my view of this near perfect Maple. In this case, I hadn’t been able to see the tree for the forest.

Sometimes, the removal of certain obstacles or distractions, even healthy activities, can sharpen our perspective. Suddenly, what we couldn’t see before now towers in front of us with unmistakable clarity.

This reminds me of the book of Esther. For centuries, the book of Esther has been a favorite. It’s enthralled us with its gripping story about a vulnerable, young Jewish girl turned queen of the Persian Empire. Esther, a literal beauty queen, possessed more than physical splendor. Her rich character and unflinching resolve, traits that developed over time, are an inspiration to us all. In many respects, Esther is the heroine we hope lives inside us. Hers is the against-all-odds, rags-to-riches story we cherish. Who doesn’t want to know that our lives matter, that God has a purpose and a plan for us, even when—especially when—life doesn’t look the way we thought it would?

For the longest time, I thought the book of Esther was primarily about Esther’s heroic bravery on behalf of her people. And certainly, this is no small detail. But the book is about far more. It is ultimately a story about God and His covenant faithfulness to His people—no matter where they find themselves. This is most clearly on display during one of the book’s most pivotal moments, when Esther learns of the king’s approval of a plan to annihilate the Jews, her people (Esther 3).

In Esther 4:4-12, we learn Esther was overwrought with fear in response to the news, and I appreciate this detail because it reminds us that she is human. Even queens get scared. Back and forth, from palace to court, short messages flew between Esther and Mordecai, like modern text messages. For the first time in the story, we hear directly from Esther (v. 11). She explains that approaching the king means putting her Jewish identity on display and her very life in jeopardy.

We don’t have to make too big of a leap to see the connection to our own day. How easy it is to keep quiet about our faith in Christ among our colleagues, neighbors, and friends. And yet, will we really serve a Savior with whom we have not yet publicly identified? Will we stand up for our church community when no one knows we’re even a part of it?

Certainly, Esther’s situation was extreme. It is unlikely that any of us will be forced to put our lives on the line for an entire people group. Yet, how often do we resist speaking up for our faith for fear of our reputations? We’re afraid that if we tell our neighbors and coworkers we are followers of Jesus we will be lumped in with religious fanatics or the intellectually weak, thrown into a certain political party, or just labeled a strange ranger. The stakes are higher for some: the loss of a job or professional opportunity, maligned character, or an uncomfortable situation for one’s children. The costs are real, and more so by the day.

But sometimes it is these very risks that define the edges of our faith. When compromise is easy to come by, our faith can lose its definition. But when our work, child’s school, or social status in the neighborhood comes into direct conflict with being obedient to God’s Word, we’re suddenly forced to choose. Will we blend in or take a stand? This was the question for Esther, and it’s the question for Christ followers today.

You and I have the opportunity to talk about the hope we’ve found in Jesus! Yes, some will dismiss what we have to say, but many are longing for Jesus in their lives. Let’s not hold back. We may be afraid, but so was Esther, yet fear didn’t stop her.

I’ve been praying that God would give me natural opportunities to speak about Him without forcing Him into conversations. He has been answering this prayer. Boldness for Christ doesn’t necessarily mean extremely awkward situations or risk of reputation. It may mean those things, but for most of us being a witness for Him is simply a matter of letting our true identity be known—that we love Jesus and follow Him. As we do this, our conversations (as well as the way we walk through life’s joys and trials) will naturally testify to His love, authority, and power in our lives.

Just as Esther was determined to stand up for her people, may you and I stand up for Christ and His church with love, truth, and grace.

Discover how Esther’s story inspires us to live faithfully and courageously in our own time with Esther: Daring Faith for Such a Time as This, a 7-session Bible study by Kelly Minter.

Kelly Minter is passionate about God’s Word and believes it permeates all of life. The personal healing and steadfast hope she’s found in the pages of Scripture fuel her passion to connect God’s Word to our everyday lives. When she’s not writing or teaching, you can find her tending her garden, taking a walk with friends, cooking for her nieces and nephews, riding a boat down the Amazon River, or walking through a Moldovan village with Justice & Mercy International. Kelly is also working on her M.A. in Biblical and Theological Studies at Denver Seminary. 

God’s Faithfulness in Our Disillusion

God’s Faithfulness in Our Disillusion

by | May 11, 2021 | Life Advice

God’s faithfulness isn’t based on my current set of circumstances. At least, I know this intellectually. His inherent goodness doesn’t ebb and flow along the shoreline of how well my life is going, or not. But I sure do feel better about Him when spring is in the air, my relationships are thriving, and I have reservations at Margot’s (the coziest restaurant in town). When life is sure-footed and happy, I suppose it’s easier to get behind the idea that God is good. But what about when life goes the other way and the disappointments keep crashing as surely as waves hurl themselves onto the shore? When you’ve just scraped the sand out of your bathing suit and another crest douses you from behind and down you go again? What is God like then? Is He faithful and good in all circumstances? And if so, what are we to make of that seemingly dichotomous pairing: the pain of life and the faithfulness of God? The book of Ruth may not give us a simple answer, but it offers an undeniable narrative of our Redeemer.

When I was twenty-five, I moved from my home of northern Virginia to Nashville, Tennessee. My gunmetal-gray Jeep Cherokee puffed and fumed down I-81 South, stuffed with clothes, a few small pieces from my parents’ house (where I’d been living), my guitar, and dreams hanging out of every window. I’d slid my whole life’s worth of chips into the middle of the table, except nothing about that move felt like gambling. Rather, I was going all-in on my one dream: becoming a singer-songwriter. I had big plans to be wildly successful, all for the glory of God, of course. A few years later, my business manager neatly described things when she leaned toward me over a restaurant table, folded her hands, and said, “I’ve never seen anything not work this much.” And just like that, my music career and the better part of my twenties were captured in a sentence.

She wasn’t mistaken. I felt everything go dismally wrong to the specificity of a crossed t and dotted i. It was as if God Himself was thwarting my path. From the very beginning, people who signed me to record deals lost their jobs shortly thereafter, the companies I signed with got sold or went under, merchandise was shipped to the wrong warehouse before a major tour, and nearly every sure thing turned into “Well, we’ve never had anything like this happen before.” Every break seemed to be a bad one instead of a big one. Eventually I found myself years down the road with three failed record deals, living alone, squeezed financially, and not a thing to show for my efforts—except a spectacular plaque from a short-lived number-one hit on Christian radio. I was anxious. Purpose eluded me as much as the dreams I was seeking. All the while, I wondered why God seemingly tricked me into coming to Nashville. I thought I was following Him, albeit my priorities were a tad out of whack.

While I may not have used such piercing language, I identified with the words of Ruth’s mother-in-law, Naomi: “The LORD’s hand has turned against me!”(Ruth 1:13). Without in any way setting my non tragic disappointments next to Naomi’s loss of a husband and two sons or Ruth’s loss of a husband, I identified with Naomi’s conclusions about God’s relationship to her life. I hadn’t felt God’s wind at my back for quite some time; rather, He felt more like a blustering gust into which my path always seemed to be headed. I suppose I didn’t recognize at the time that even this was a sign of His presence. During those days (and since), the book of Ruth became a well-worn park bench where I could sit beside old friends who, despite the blowing uncertainty around them, found God to be nothing less than wholly faithful. But this took time, of course, for all of us. The book of Ruth is one of the most compelling redemption stories in Scripture, and perhaps of all time—at least in my humble opinion. Like most good stories, it begins with complications and even tragedy in desperate need of restoration. Famine plagued Bethlehem, most likely due to the Israelites’ collective waywardness toward God. So an Israelite family off our—Elimelek; his wife, Naomi; and their two sons, Mahlon and Kilion—left God’s chosen town for the distant pagan land of Moab. Rather than stay and suffer for a season with the people of God, the family chose to flee the place of His presence for fuller bread baskets. The problem was that to dwell in Moab was to dwell with a people whose hearts were far from Israel’s God.

Sometime after the family’s relocation to Moab, Elimelek died. In an ultimate blow to Naomi’s heart and future well-being, both her sons died as well, sometime after marrying Ruth and Orpah. In Israelite society, a woman’s significance and sustenance were wrapped up in the life of her husband, who provided, and her sons, who carried on the family name and legacy. So here our drama begins with Naomi, a childless widow with two foreign daughters-in-law (Ruth and Orpah), who are now also widowed. Three grieving women take center stage, one with rich Israelite heritage, and two with Moabite blood running through their veins. Despite Moab being a land at odds with Israel and Naomi having fled Bethlehem, neither was beyond God’s hesed. But we’ll get to that word in a moment.

It’s funny the things we can still hear from and about God when we’re in far-off places. I wouldn’t have expected Naomi to be able to hear anything about Israel’s God since she and her husband made their beds far away in the land of false gods. I would have assumed God’s grace and provision were only for the people who stayed in Bethlehem and endured the famine. In other words, the people who “earned” it. Additionally, when we stray from the sheep pen, how far can the Shepherd’s voice be expected to travel? Well, apparently it can reach all the way to a place like Moab:

When Naomi heard in Moab that the LORD had come to the aid of his people by providing food for them, she and her daughters-in-law prepared to return home from there. (Ruth 1:6)

When the peals of God’s grace rang out in Moab, the echoes of invitation extended all the way to Naomi and her Moabitess daughters-in-law. Naomi prayed that Yahweh, the God of Israel, would show faithful love or “kindness” to Ruth and Orpah as He had shown it to her (see v. 8). The Hebrew word for this selfless and unconditional love is hesed, and it’s based on covenant—not on one’s ability to earn it. Scholar Daniel I. Block speaks of it this way: “Israel associated it with Yahweh’s covenant relationship with her; that is, despite her waywardness, Yahweh always stood steadfastly by Israel in ‘covenant loyalty’.”¹

We may be tempted to think that such an Old Testament term is meant for Old Testament times. But in fact, the hesed of God culminates in the person of Jesus. His unconditional love rings out today—all the way to the furthest reaches of our sin and wandering. And when such an invitation reaches our hearts, we should do as Naomi and her daughters-in-law did: start the journey home.

Somewhere along that formidable trek, Orpah decided to turn back, but Ruth clung to Naomi. Right before their parting, the narrator describes the three of them weeping together loudly (v. 14). While we all weep in this life, the direction in which we weep makes all the difference. Orpah wept backward to the familiar, her pagan gods, and away from the one true God of Israel. But Ruth and Naomi wept forward. This scene particularly moves me as a reminder to keep my feet pointed toward the Lord even when what He’s asking of me brings immeasurable tears. My obedience to Him as a single woman, as a disciple, has often been costly. When I reflect on Jesus’ commands in Scripture—the high call of loving others, forgiving, letting go of bitterness, putting on compassion, kindness, humility, and dying to my selfish desires and ambitions…well, it’s a radical way of life. At the same time, it’s borne fruit I never would have tasted had I clung to what I thought I needed for life and happiness over what He revealed I needed from His Word.

My own path has been far from linear, but I’ve discovered that a nonlinear path often results in linear sanctification. In other words, when I can’t make sense of what God is doing and I’m zigzagging in directions I don’t fully understand, my path to Christ becomes surprisingly straight. Anything I’ve suffered in my life has drawn me closer to Him if I’ve allowed it to. And I’ve discovered that being transformed into the image of Christ is infinitely more valuable than the personal achievements I accomplish along the way (2 Cor. 3:18).

Dearest Jesus, my Kinsman-Redeemer, thank You that I can take refuge under Your wings. I am here not because of my heritage, status, or righteousness but because Your sacrifice and love have made a place for me. Though I am grieving loss, or disappointed that my life hasn’t turned out like I thought it would, or disillusioned by Your hand seeming as though it is against me—I choose to trust You. I confess that You are good, faithful, and true in every conceivable way. I surrender all I hold dear to Your keeping. Though I may weep, I will weep forward by Your side. For You are my Redeemer, the one who restores and who works all things out for the good of those who love You. Hide me under the safety and shelter of Your wings, for in You I take refuge. Amen.

This excerpt featured is from her chapter in the Faithful book. Christian artist, author, and speaker. Books: ​The Fitting Room, No Other Gods, A Place at the Table, Wherever the River Runs​ and many more that include numerous popular Bible studies. She wrote the chapter on Ruth in the Faithful book, available now. She is also a songwriter/guest on the Faithful: Go And Speak album out now.