Friend, I’m so excited to share my message from Jennie Allen’s women’s conference, IF:Gathering 2022, with you! This message is so needed in our world today and I encourage you to watch the full version here 🙂
Jennie actually asked me to preach on a specific topic. She asked me to preach on the difference between my truth and God’s truth. That’s a big topic. And if you’re in the Millennial or Gen Z day in age, you know that’s a really big battle that we’re facing. You see everywhere, “live your truth.” Literally, Christian and I were in LA recently and there was a huge billboard that said, “We the youth, live your truth!” It’s everywhere. This message is parading saying your truth will set you free and it’s the best way to live. But friend, I’m here to tell you that is a lie.
I want to start by giving some background on what this generation is believing when it comes to “your truth.” Urban Dictionary is a database where the most liked definition of a term becomes the proposed definition. So, here’s what Urban Dictionary says “my truth” is:
“A non-negotiable personal opinion. This is a convenient phrase for avoiding arguments because people can contradict your opinion, but not your truth.”
That’s actually kind of scary because there’s a generation that can put “my truth” behind whatever they’re feeling in a moment. And as long as it’s their truth, you can’t argue it. Used to, it seemed like the truth was pretty straight forward. We almost all knew that telling someone the truth was the most loving thing you could do. Like, if someone sitting across from me at lunch has a giant spinach leaf in their teeth, the best thing you could do in that moment is to tell that person that they have spinach in their teeth. It may be awkward, but it’s loving.
But nowadays it gets really tricky because you could literally tell someone they have spinach in their teeth and they could say, “No I don’t.” And they would stand strong to that statement because it’s their truth. Circumstances like this can get you questioning what actually is true.
What’s really difficult is when nothing is true, then what is love? What is freedom? What is anything if we don’t have a foundation of truth? It seems like this is a problem that just our generation is facing, but this has been around for a very long time, even back in Jesus’ day.
In John chapter 18, Jesus is talking to Pilate because at this point in the story, the Jews were so fed up with Jesus. He was challenging everything they believed and they were ready to get rid of Him. Since they wouldn’t kill people, they thought that if they made Jesus look bad enough to the Romans, they might crucify Him. So they turn Him in and Jesus begins having this conversation with Pilate when the truth becomes super confusing. Here’s how the conversation goes:
“Am I a Jew?” Pilate replied. “Your own people and chief priests handed you over to me. What is it you have done?”
Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.”
“You are a king, then!” said Pilate. Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.”
“What is truth?” retorted Pilate.” (John 18:35-38)
You see, this question dates all the way back to when Pilate asks Jesus, “what is truth?” Pilate had to have felt like the truth was so confusing because the Jews were saying one thing about Jesus and Jesus was claiming another. After this moment, Pilate goes away and tells the Jews he finds no guilt in Jesus. He begins claiming his own truth.
“With this he went out again to the Jews gathered there and said, “I find no basis for a charge against him.But it is your custom for me to release to you one prisoner at the time of the Passover. Do you want me to release ‘the king of the Jews’?”
They shouted back, “No, not him! Give us Barabbas!” Now Barabbas had taken part in an uprising.” (John 18:38-40)
Barabbas was a robber. This sounds crazy, right? Here Jesus is, healing the sick, making the blind see, feeding the 5,000, and Pilate doesn’t personally see any Guilt in Him. And the people still chose Barabbas. That’s what happens when you don’t have a foundation of truth. Whatever the majority says is true becomes true to you. Pilate knew there was nothing wrong with Jesus. But because the crowd said, “Give us Barabbas,” the truth changed. We live in a generation that allows the majority to rule. Whatever Instagram, Tiktok, or the news says is the truth. We don’t even need to fact check it. If everyone says it’s true, then it must be true.
Proverbs 12:15 says this:
“The way of fools seems right to them,but the wise listen to advice.”
I don’t want to be a generation of fools thinking our truth is the right truth. Just like when the people wanted to release Barabbas, a criminal who was actually dangerous, it didn’t make sense. Your truth is not really concerned with what makes sense or what’s better in the long run. Your truth is always going to seek what is the most comfortable thing in the moment. And Jesus made them so uncomfortable. Your truth allows you to stay the same. THE truth requires change. It requires repentance and a heart shift toward Him.
“So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)
When I was preparing for this message, I couldn’t remember where that passage was in scripture. So I googled, “Where is the verse when Jesus said, ‘and the truth will set you free’?” The first thing that popped up said, “Who said the truth will set you free?” And it showed a list of people who have said this great line. Along with all these names was Jesus.
As I was reading this, I realized that’s the problem. That sentence is not true for anyone to say but Jesus. And do you know why it’s true when Jesus said it? It’s because when He said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free,” He was literally talking about Himself. He knew that He holds the power beyond the grave. He knew He would resurrect from the dead to life. So, that’s actually true for Him to say.
His truth actually will set you free. Now, if I say that MY truth will set you free, it holds no power. It’s not true. Here’s a reminder that may seem obvious but I think we forget sometimes. The reason why the truth is powerful is because it’s true.
I want to mention something that Christian often says to me. He says I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. While this really is so sweet, deep down, the practical side of me thinks that that’s just not true. I know that sounds a bit silly, but I’ve seen some gorgeous women in this world. But what’s so powerful to me is when he says, “I love you.” I love this because I know it’s true. Even after all that we’ve been through together, he loves me. And the fact that that is true makes it so powerful.
We have a generation that would rather be puffed up than set free. They’d rather be told they’re the most beautiful girl in the world than “I love you.” They’d rather be told the thing that makes them feel the most god-like than be completely loved by God. But being loved by God is so much more powerful than any moment of power that you could ever feel.
I was on Instagram one day, and this whole idea of my truth vs. the truth is stuck in my head when I scroll past one of my favorite influencer’s post. I follow her simply because I like her clothes. There’s no real spiritual tie there, just to clarify. She began talking about Wonder Woman. And for those of you who don’t know, that’s my favorite movie.
So, I click to the next slide and begins talking about how thankful she is that women have a heroic figure like her to look up to because little boys have had these their whole life. Superman, Spider Man, Black Panther. Then I click to the next slide and she says, “All of this got me thinking that maybe that’s why I don’t relate to God, because He’s a man. That’s probably why it’s never worked for me. So I heard someone talking about a woman version of God and I started praying to her. It’s been so empowering for me and my daughters.”
I sat back and thought about how tricky situations like that can get. Because she had me with Wonder Woman and the idea of her being an inspiration. But it got tricky when she took it to her relationship with God. See, if I didn’t have ears to discern the truth, it would have been easy for me to look at my own self and wonder if the same concept would work for me.
Then I clicked a few slides further and someone asked where she found that concept in scripture, and she literally said, “I actually haven’t. But if you find it, let me know.” There was no fact checking that took place to support her argument. But once again, the truth is powerful because the truth is true. Prayer is powerful because there is a real God in heaven who I am praying to. And yes, I call Him my Father. But that doesn’t mean I can’t relate to Him. He’s the one who knit me together in my mother’s womb and made me in His image.
Here’s the thing. Praying for your own empowerment won’t get you anywhere. It won’t stop the war going on and it won’t heal the sick. We have to pray for the power of God.
The enemy plays a game with us every day that we all know. Two truths and a lie. We played that game last year actually. We went out in Atlanta and asked a girl these questions:
The “a” in Chick-fil-A stands for grade A meat.
Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays.
Chick-fil-A only uses born again chickens.
Y’all. She chose the first one. She legitimately chose the third one to be truth. What?! That’s hilarious now. But why did number 3 seem true? It’s because it was a lie mixed in with the truth. The enemy plays this same game with us. He says, “Oh you overslept this morning? True.” “Oh you’re not where you want to be in life? True.” “You’re worthless.” All of a sudden that lie seems true because the other two were true.
Let me tell you another thing the enemy does. He says, “Oh, you love your best friend. Your best friend’s beautiful. You’re attracted to your best friend.” And you think, “Wait a second. Is that true? Because the other two things were true, so maybe that means this its true.” When we’re not rooted in a foundation of truth, we begin to search those lies and see if they might be true so that we can be free. But we don’t stop long enough to say, “I find my true freedom in you, Jesus. You are the way, the truth, the life. I’m following You to get to everything my heart desires, which is God.” He is love, truth and power.
We look at the story of Jesus and Barabbas and wonder why they picked Barabbas. Well my question is, why do we choose Barabbas? Barabbas was known for three things. He was a murdered, a robber, and a rebel. These sound a lot like steal, kill, and destroy. The same characteristics of the father of lies.
You see, in life there will be a daily choice to hear the voice of truth or the lies of the enemy. Because the truth is we have a Savior and an enemy. Don’t choose Barabbas just because it’s more comfortable in a moment. Choose Jesus, because although it requires change from the inside out, it is purifying you in such a way that you can stand before a holy God blameless and truly feel the power of what freedom really is.
How many decisions would you guess you make in a typical day? A dozen? One hundred? Does one thousand sound a little closer? Get this. Each of us makes about thirty-five thousand decisions every day. More if you spend an hour in a candy store. Some decisions are mundane, and some are major. We decide where we will live, if we will marry and who we will marry, the job we will accept and the one we will quit. The car we will buy or the bus we will take. The cake or veggies we will eat. (Go with the cake for the win.) Who we will believe and who we won’t, where we will go and how long we will stay, the faith we will embrace or ignore, and countless other decisions.
Here’s a surprising thing though: Most of us never decide to be happy. I bet most of us think “happy” is a result of other choices, but that’s not all of it. Sure, circumstances can be truly awful, but feeling happy is a choice just like any other. It’s not that we don’t want to be happy; we just get distracted by so many unhappy things that we never get back around to happiness. Perhaps we think we need an invitation or permission to be happy. And what if we want happy feelings to transition into a deep and abiding joy with a longer shelf life?
Consider this. In stark contrast to our complicated decision tree, a child makes less than 10 percent of the decisions adults make each day. Maybe one of the benefits of the childlike faith Jesus said we need is that there are fewer decisions to make, and hence, fewer distractions to manage. Have you seen a kid with a pile of Legos? It’s like the rest of the world doesn’t even exist. They are lost in the beautiful singularity of creative joy and purpose they find in their play. They don’t care if they are early or late for the next thing. They are fully present and completely undistracted. All the while, heaven dances and celebrates the simple beauty of a child at play and invites us to do the same. Perhaps we should take a lesson or two from the children around us: get fully engrossed in something lasting we care about, eliminate some of the decisions we make, and find our joy again.
Most people hope they’ll find happiness at home, but the hard truth is, they aren’t around long enough to experience what’s already waiting for them there. Simple and complicated distractions take us away from the people we love. When this occurs, the result is both subtle and toxic. We start to settle for proximity rather than presence with each other. Know what I mean? You will know this is happening to you if you only listen for the highlights in our loved one’s conversations without taking note of the emotions and body language that are also present in the room. These distractions are masked in familiar disguises like career, appointments, and promotions. They invade our homes and come dressed as extracurricular activities, sports, and electronic screens. They look like business calls and video games and Zoom conferences and television shows and committees and meetings and sometimes even churches. If we want to live more undistracted lives, we need to get real and admit that busyness is actually hijacking our joy. Here’s the good news: We can fix all this just as easily as we messed it up. Get a couple of baseball gloves and talk to your loved ones about your day as you throw the ball around. If you answer your cell phone while playing catch, you’ll lose teeth. This is what it looks like to really get some skin in the game. Get some wood and light a fire. Find some chairs and fill them with people you haven’t connected with in a while, then watch the flames dance. Go ahead and get some smoke on you, and the next day your clothes will smell like a dozen great conversations.
Do this with some urgency too. You don’t have as much time as you think you have. Take it from a guy who’s been around for a while. There’s a saying that I have found to be generally true: The days are long, but the years are short. If you fill your days with trivial stuff, you will look up one day and a year or a decade or a half-century will have passed. Don’t wait until you are old to ask yourself: What have I done with all that time? Why not ask yourself right now? What am I going to do with all the time ahead of me? What do you want your answer to be? Once you decide what you want the future to look like, make a couple of moves like your life is actually yours to live—because it is. Quit the job, call the friend, make the apology, launch the dream, take the shot . . . Heaven is just hoping we will.
Disneyland office resident. Recovering Lawyer. New York Times-bestselling author. Nonprofit founder. Mr. Chief Balloon Inflator. Motivational speaker. These are all titles that can describe Bob Goff, who’s also known for printing his real cell phone number in his first published book turned NYT bestseller, LOVE DOES which sold over two million copies. And, he gave all the money away. A recognized lawyer for over 25 years, he left it behind to become the Hon. Consul to Uganda and founded Love Does in 2001, an international nonprofit that pursues justice for children in high-conflict areas such as Uganda, Somalia, Afghanistan, Nepal, and India. More on thathere.
As we are going into this new year, I felt unity was placed on my heart. I was having a good conversation with one of my friends that attended Passion Conference and he asked me, “what do you think helped increase your faith since freshman year of college?” That question got me thinking because I’m not the best at self-reflecting, and that is a question that definitely requires some self-reflection. So, as I was thinking about it, I realized it had a lot more to do with my heart than me “being a Christian.” What I mean by this is not that I immediately decided to act like a better Christian just because I was a “Christian now.”
Rich Wilkerson said it best, “it’s about heart transformationnotbehavior modification.” I am currently reading a book about unity that talks about how the church and Christians need to come back together as one, just how God intended it to be. Yet, as I was reading the scriptures Francis Chan placed in the book, I got a revelation – to have unity with each other, we must first have unity within ourselves.
How can we begin to even fathom becoming a unified front as Christians if so many of us are not unified in ourselves? If we are claiming that Jesus is at the center of our lives, that he is the most important thing, yet we don’t act like it and have no good works to show for it, then is He really at the center of your life? Or are you lying to yourself? How can we be a unified person if I say, ‘Yes Jesus I give you my life!’ and act as though we do not know Him?
“If we say we have fellowship with Him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth” -1 John 1:6
Another word for fellowship is togetherness. So, if we are together with Him – who is Light, then we cannot also be in darkness.
For “God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all” – 1 John 1:5
Therefore, we ourselves cannot be of both light and dark because there is disunity between our spirit and our actions. This is the problem in our culture today; we think that it is possible for us to live in sin and still be walking as Children of Light. This is not to say that we will never slip up, or that if we do slip up then we are no longer in Jesus. That is what the Enemy wants you to think. The Bible straight up tells us:
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” -Romans 3:23
But there is a difference between slipping up and living in or practicing a lifestyle of sin. We know that we are going to sin, we were born sinners. There has never been anybody that has lived a perfect and blameless life besides Jesus. Because of this, He was able to be the perfect and pure sacrifice we all needed. And as a result, His perfection is the reason we don’t have to place the expectation of perfection on ourselves.
But yet, too many of us are in this comfortable Christian lifestyle – where we are living in darkness while saying we worship a God of light. Too many of us just think that believing is enough, yet we are called to have a faith consisting of zeal; great energy or enthusiasm.
Darkness cannot flow from a heart governed by the Spirit of God, similar to how fresh water and salt water cannot flow from the same stream. Do not be double minded, for this will lead to distress, anxiety, and disorder in your heart and in your life. Instead, be united with the mind of Christ, as a bride is united to her bridegroom. We are His bride and He is our bridegroom, and we are one with Him. You will be truly united within when your heart, mind and soul is attached to its true vine. Your body may be on earth, but your heart is led by the thoughts of heaven. You will find not only unity, but wellness in your soul when you stay attached to your life source, asking Him for less of yourself and more of Him. It is so much better this way.
I encourage you to start tending to the soil of your heart, because what you tend to is what you will grow. What weeds need to be pulled? What needs to be watered, or maybe exposed to the sunlight? The most productive thing you can ever do is to let your soul be nourished by the One who created you. When you do this, He will lavish His love on you and unite Himself close to you, guiding your steps. Don’t take part in lukewarm Christianity; you will miss so much of what God has in store for you. Become unified with the one who created you, not the world that is molding you.
“The one who says he remains in Him should walk just as He walked” -1 John 2:6
Walk in unity with Jesus and see how beautiful life truly is.
Chance Huff, a Niceville, Florida native, is a Senior at Georgia Tech University where he plays baseball. A huge fan of The Office and all things food, you can find him enjoying time with friends, family (including fiancee Maia, brother Christian and sister-in-law, Sadie), and encouraging people toward Jesus.
It’s rare that someone will take the initiative in friendship, so quit waiting for that to happen. Everybody is busy, and few people are prioritizing deep connection. In other words, plan to go first.
Connection takes stepping out and being intentional again and again. If you’re thinking, I’ve done that for so long, and nobody is reciprocating, let me gently encourage you to be sad for exactly one minute and then to get over it and own that role. You will never have friends unless you are willing to consistently initiate. Be the one who reaches out. Initiate and initiate again. You can’t expect to have friends unless you get good at this. Even though it’s frustrating. Even though it’s awkward.
We see enough of Jesus’s life in the Gospels to know that He was an incredible initiator. He noticed people. He stopped for a conversation. He even invited Himself over to Zacchaeus’s house for dinner.
I have been blessed to be able to do some work in Israel, and the thing that surprised me most is the tight radius within which most of Jesus’s ministry took place. Israel is a small country, roughly the size of New Jersey. Only five miles separate Bethlehem from Jerusalem. Communities were located intentionally so that people could return easily to the temple. We could sit on a boat in the Sea of Galilee and see the various places where Jesus spent most of His life. Most of the disciples lived just a few miles from each other, and most of their travels were day trips on foot.
Jesus lived small and simply, doing life with those immediately around him, but those few people’s lives would affect the whole world. He prioritized proximity, His family, intimate meals, and fireside chats. That wasn’t revolutionary in biblical times. It’s just how people lived.
And it mattered. People in small towns, living life together, was essential to the way the Church would grow and spread. The entire Church was birthed from a few uneducated fishermen and their friends, and it reached to the ends of the earth. And yes, someone had to take the gospel to the world. Paul and the apostles would travel and spread the good news, but all along the way, they settled into community contexts, staying with families, being invested in and supported by local churches.
Community should, in its truest form, reflect aspects of who God is and how He loves. Which brings me to a question: Who has God put in your life—here and now and right under your nose—that you haven’t really connected with yet?
The enemy wants to shut you down, make you afraid to initiate, cause you to not prioritize the people right in front of you. He wants us to live surrounded by people but never deeply connected to them, so we don’t change, we don’t grow, we don’t even fully live—and we mostly end up stuck in self-pity about how we don’t have any friends when dozens of people in front of us certainly would welcome someone reaching out to them at the very least.
In case you need help seeing the people in your life from this perspective, the following list will get you started. Granted, it isn’t exhaustive. But hopefully it will put words to what you need in the little team you are gathering around you—and help you notice the people who may already be filling key roles. These individuals may be of varying ages and cross your path in various ways, but the point is to look for people with certain qualities to play different roles in your life, not just seek out two to three people who are exactly like you and expect them to meet all your relational needs.
A village of people meeting different needs and loving you in different ways provides a fuller, richer way to live. And these people probably exist somewhere around you already, maybe family members or neighbors or people at your church or your work? You just have to spot what gifts they bring to your life and also own the role you play for others. What do you bring to your friendships?
Here are a few types of people to look for in your life.
THE SAGE
This is the friend who listens, prays, and advises. They love for you to bring them a problem. They carry godly wisdom earned through study and/or life experience. They are safe and trust- worthy. The apostle Paul was a sage friend to Timothy.
THE ENCOURAGER
This is the cheerleader, the friend who believes in you. They see the good in you and call it out. It is easy for them to speak hope when you are discouraged. They see the best in life and people. This person oozes belief and support.
THE FOXHOLE FRIEND
This is just a good companion. This friend gets their hands dirty with you. If you have an idea, they are all in! They will fight for you and fight beside you. I have a friend, Jenn Jett Barrett, who calls herself a dream defender and has helped along almost every dream I have ever built. Your foxhole friend may not use words to express what you mean to her, but she’ll be right beside you and share in whatever trouble you get into.
THE CHALLENGER
This is the friend who isn’t afraid to tell you the truth. They won’t let you settle, and they will kick you in the booty if you get off track. They might not be your easiest friend, and you might have to work through conflict here and there, but they make you better every time.
THE FUN ONE
This is the friend that brings the party. They might not have a two-hour debate with you about a theological issue, but they will make sure you laugh often. They are spontaneous and pull people together and say something inappropriate that interrupts whatever bad mood you find yourself stuck in.
THE PLANNER
This is the organized and thoughtful friend who makes sure you get together and makes sure the bill gets split up correctly during girls’ night out. She starts the meal train email and remembers your birthday.
I’m certainly not suggesting that you rush out and start interviewing acquaintances to play these specific roles. What I’m saying is that within your sphere of influence someone is likely already playing one or more of these roles, even if you haven’t yet thought of them as a friend. No one can be your everything, but everyone has something to say, something to teach you, and something to bring to your life.
Jennie Allen’s new book, “Find Your People”, will be our next selection for book club in the LO Sister app! Be sure to grab your copy here and join LO sis today to be a part 🙂 Can’t wait to see you there, friend!
Have you ever had such bad anxiety or depression that you wondered if you could keep going? Have you ever experienced the humiliation of people you care about seeing you at your lowest point? Have you ever felt like you would do anything in the world to change how you are or the way you feel? Have you ever wanted to just disappear or felt like the people you care about would be better without you?
If you or someone you care about has ever felt anything likethis, you are the reason I am writing this book. That’s where I was. This book is about my journey from that place to where I am today.
I’m not writing from a place of perfection. I’m not writing to you from an ivory tower, saying I am completely 100 percent free from all anxiety and worry. And I’m certainly not writing to tell you I know the simple fix, the key to unlocking complete peace and joy with a few simple steps. In fact, I would question anyone who promises you that. We are all broken people, living in a bro ken world, and we won’t experience absolute perfection until we get to heaven.
I still experience anxiety and depression. I still battle. I’m still on a journey, and some days are better than others. But I can promise you this: I may not be where I want to be, but I am certainly not where I used to be.
I am writing to you today as someone who is healthier, stronger, and better than I was that day on the side of the road. I may know the depths of despair, but I also know the joy of true transformation. I have experienced the miraculous power of God working in my life in ways that I can’t even comprehend. Today, I am experiencing peace, joy, confidence, and freedom at levels I thought were impossible for me. And I believe the same is possible for you right now.
I want you to know, right up top, that I believe you can experi ence freedom from anxiety and depression. You may have given up hope, but I believe you or your loved one can find levels of peace, joy, confidence, and freedom that will blow you away. Anxiety and depression can take us to a place of absolute hopelessness, convincing us this will never end, never get better, and no one will ever understand. They try to convince us that this is our newreality and we just have to learn to deal with it. But I’m here to tell you that is a lie. You are not stuck like this. Trust me, this is not how your story ends!
Ephesians 3:20 tells us that God “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” We have a God who does things that we never even thought possible. I am believing Ephesians 3:20 for you and your loved ones as you read this book.
In fact, if I could be so bold, I would like to challenge you to begin expecting God to show up for you in this way. Expect that God actually meant it when he said he was ready to do things in your life that you never dreamed possible. God wants to bring healing and restoration to your body, mind, and soul today.
The truth is, anxiety and depression are going to attack, but we can attack back! In this book, I’m going to talk to you about everything I’ve learned in my own battle with anxiety, depression, hopelessness, and even suicidal thoughts. If that sounds exhausting, remember the solution is not to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and force your way through this with your own strength. According to Ephesians 3:20, it is his power at work within us. If you (or a loved one) are at the end of your rope today, take heart; this book is about learning to let the God of the uni verse do the heavy lifting as he transforms your life.
Through this journey, God has done things that I could never do in my own strength. I am beginning to experience a level of freedom I never thought possible, and I’m telling you, this freedom is available to you as well. I want to show you what I’ve learned about standing firm and allowing the power of Christ to work in and through you. God created you to live free, and he is ready to heal you in ways you never thought possible.
Shawn Johnson serves as lead pastor of Red Rocks Church in Denver, Colorado, a community he and a small group of people started in 2005 that has grown to include six different campuses. Red Rocks Church has been listed on both Outreach Magazine’s Fastest Growing Churches list and Largest Churches list many times, most recently listed as the 14th largest church in America. Shawn has spoken at a variety of conferences, events, ministries, and other churches, including Leadership Network, Right Now Media, Experience Conference, C3 Conference, and many others. Shawn and his wife, Jill, have three active sons, Ethan, Austin, and Ashton, so when they’re not at church, they’re usually watching or playing sports.
I remember the first time I heard a girl confess she struggled with it. I was in college and had just joined a campus ministry. The girls on my team were gathering to share testimonies, our stories of life change (John 4:7-25, 39).
And one of the girls? Incredibly courageous.
I remember tears welling up in her eyes as she told us she was introduced to porn when she was super young – maybe 12? I can’t remember. But that unfortunate introduction led to years of captivity—she had been enslaved to porn and masturbation.
“I always thought it was a guy sin—that something must be wrong with me,” she told the group. But one day she sat in a circle much like ours, and heard another girl share her testimony. For the first time in her life, she realized she wasn’t alone (1 Corinthians 10:13).
My new friend’s courage led to a really sweet night for our group. One that I’m personally glad I remembered years later. We heard story after story of God’s faithfulness to bring the dead to life. His faithfulness to restore the broken, and heal the wounded, abused, the hurting, and the hopeless. Because that’s what he does! Everyday. At all times. It doesn’t matter what the sin is. God delights to meet us in our brokenness. We don’t have to clean ourselves up to come Him. But with sins like hers—we don’t always believe this to be true.
A lot of times, for us? Sexual sin is scary.
But if your scary sin is secret sin, you’re probably a slave to it.
Maybe you’ve tried to stop.
“This’ll be the last time.” But it wasn’t. You’re tired.
Or maybe you’re confused.
If you’re like I was, maybe you’ve never heard girls talk about porn. I thought my new friend was brave, but I also thought, “that’ll never be me.” (So, if you’re reading this, and you don’t know what I’m talking about when I use those words—PLEASE, ask a trusted church leader or your parents. And if you’re anything like me, and curiosity is killing you, I want you to go read Proverbs 14:12 and Proverbs 4:14-15. And then call a trusted leader in your life and tell them you’re curious. Ask for help.)
Maybe you’re offended.
Sometimes blogs or articles like this can feel like somebody’s pointing their finger at you. While Paul does point out we can become slaves to sin, he also reminds us every day is a choice. You’re not too far gone, and I know the struggle is real; but remember you have a choice. Paul says, “Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God which leads to righteous living” (Romans 6:16 NLT).
Or maybe you don’t think it’s a sin.
“The Bible just says don’t have premarital sex. I’m not doing that, so I‘m good, right? Besides, it’s not like I’m addicted to porn.” Or, “I don’t know if I’d even call this porn really—it’s not that bad …” Ever thought like that? I’ve been there. But you know what God’s word says? Sexual immorality (that’s all impurity or inappropriate sexual longing) must not even be named among believers. Why? Because it isn’t healthy or right for God’s people to be entertained by sin—and in this case, porn and masturbation are acts that cause us to be entertained by sex outside of marriage (Ephesians 5:3).
Lastly, maybe you’re afraid. Or ashamed?
Maybe you think this will be the sin you take to the grave, or the sin that goes away when you get married. But what if you didn’t have to be afraid or ashamed? What if you could talk about it? … And what if it doesn’t go away when you get married?
As your big sis, I’m here to tell you that there’s bad news and there’s good news.
The Bad News: Sin Always Leads to Death
Some of us know this far too well. What started off as curiosity and a lot of Gossip Girl or Nicholas Sparks turned into a full-blown addiction – maybe it’s porn and masturbation? Or maybe for you, it’s vaping? Either way, you know what it’s like for one moment of curiosity or excitement to trap you in a downward spiral.
Not sure if you’re trapped? Ask yourself these questions:
How many times have you said, “This will be the last time?”
Do you count the days between “times?”
Justifying it with, “well it’s only once a month…or once a week?”
Ever want or feel like you need “just a little bit more?”
If you answered yes to any of those questions, you’re probably living in the bad news: Sin leads to death.
Anytime you feel an urge to sin—that is to think, say, or do anything that doesn’t honor God, you’re being tempted. “And remember, when you are being tempted, don’t say, ‘God is tempting me.’ God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else.Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death” (James 1:13-15). James is literally saying that just as a baby is conceived, born, and grows up, so too does our sin.
It’s really helpful to think about James’ point: Sin that grows up guides you into the ground. It leads to death.
But we have to be careful, because this can get really confusing really quickly. If you’re a believer in Christ, your eternity is secure not because of your performance; rather, your eternity is secure if you have faith in the life, death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus (Romans 10:9-10; Ephesians 2:8-9). James is not saying if you keep sinning you will go to hell. That’s not his point. He’s saying if you keep sinning, your life is not going to head in the direction you want it to go.
If you’re a believer in Christ, James is pointing out that if you continue in sin your life will decay and decay and decay. Instead of experiencing the abundant and full life Jesus intends for his kids, you’ll experience the opposite: a life that declines (Proverbs 10:27, 11:19; John 10:10).
For me it looked like this: I was never exposed to porn. But I had a relationship with a guy in high school that wasn’t great. When I got to college, and started to hear girls talk, I got curious—was I missing out on something great? At first, I just wanted to know about it, “this will never be my problem,” I thought, “so there’s no harm in learning about it.” Then, one thing led to another, and years later I found myself struggling with masturbation and lustful thoughts—and no one knew.
I had no community.
I was lonely.
I was the church girl. “I’m not supposed to struggle with this,” I thought, ashamed and embarrassed.
I was afraid of what other people might think.
But I needed help. And that’s where the good news comes into play.
The Good News: Your Sin Doesn’t Have to be Your Story.
For me, I realized I wasn’t living authentically and needed to get to a place where I was surrounded by believers who regularly confessed their sin and helped hold each other accountable to flee temptation. Later in chapter 5, James goes on to say, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” To my surprise, when I got around a group of girls, who loved Jesus and wanted to help each other look more like Him, I was met with grace and compassion.
They reminded me that there’s no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). They cheered for me—and celebrated my confession. They didn’t celebrate my sin; rather, it was my courage to share that they celebrated. They reminded me of what was true: “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly” (Proverbs 26:11). They didn’t want me to be like the dog (a gross illustration, I know), so they celebrated my courage and helped me think through ways to combat the temptation.
Matthew 5:30 says, “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” Now again, this could be confusing—If you have placed your faith in Jesus, your eternity is secure (1 John 5:11-13, John 5:24). In this verse, Jesus is speaking in hyperbole (extreme exaggeration to communicate a point.) I mean, if Jesus really wanted us to apply this verse literally, the human race would be incredibly crippled (and everyone would be left handed)!
Jesus is saying we should be willing to take extreme measures to run from sin—missing out on something is better than letting our sin lead us to devastation and destruction.
Missing out is a wonderful thing if it means we’re fighting sin. For you, that might mean deleting Instagram or TikTok, maybe you install CovenantEyes on your computer or sleep with your bedroom door open (1 Corinthians 10:13). It might be a sacrifice, but it’ll be worth it.
Jesus doesn’t expect perfection, because we can’t be perfect. Paul understood this reality (Romans 7:21-25). But at the same time, grace doesn’t give us a free pass to sin (Romans 6:1-3).
So, when we mess up, we run to the light. We confess and pray for one another that we might be healed, we remove from our lives whatever might be contributing to the temptation, and we remind ourselves of truth. We remember that God’s mercies are new every morning and his promises have no end (Lamentations 3:22-23). There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). God loves you. So much so that he sent his son to die on the cross for us, taking the punishment we deserve for sin. But the story didn’t stop there, because he rose from the grave, and by believing in him, we can find new life in him (Romans 10:9-10). He’s the ones who transforms us— on our own strength, we’re powerless. But thanks be to God, He gives us the victory through Christ Jesus our Lord (1 Corinthians 15:57). I hope and pray you’ll find the victory and freedom I did.
Love you guys.
-Em
Emma is on staff at Watermark Community Church in Dallas, Texas and is leading a ministry called Join The Journey—a daily Bible reading plan aimed at helping all believers regularly get into God’s Word and understand what they’re reading through resources like journals, podcasts and more! Emma graduated from Texas A&M with her undergraduate degree in English and continued her education, studying the Bible, through the Watermark Institute. In her free time, Emma, passionate about her generation knowing the story of scripture and how to study it, creates equipping resources for her peers. You can find out more by visiting understandingmybible.com or by visiting her Instagram, @_emmadotter_
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