by Jennie Allen | Jan 16, 2024 | Featured, Life Advice
Let me ask you a question: Have you ever had a disproportionate emotional response to a situation that should not have affected you in such a dramatic way?
Let me ask you one more: Have you ever stopped to think about what the reason for that response could be?
There are always things beneath the things. We are not simple creatures. Even those of us determined to live steady, unemotionally charged lives are shaped by a million small moments that stay with us. Those moments shape who we are and how we think and how we react—and, yes, how we feel—in a given moment to a given circumstance.
Among the many things I’ve been learning and want to share with you in the pages to come is that those revved-up reactions tell a story—a story about something we’ve lived. They point to a deep-seated something that has gone unaddressed in our heart.
We experience something impactful. We react to that thing by stuffing our feelings or minimizing our feelings or ignoring how we feel altogether. Then something else comes our way, something that’s not even that big of a deal, and we lose it. We unload on a loved one. We catastrophize. We ugly cry, heaving until we can barely breathe.
And then we regret what we’ve done.
Why did we freak out?
Why did we demean our spouse?
Why did we shame our kid or yell at our roommate?
Why did we make that insane assumption and blame and threaten and walk right out the door, slamming it behind us as we left?
What was that all about? What was underneath it all?
Short answer: a lot, as the science and the Bible will show us.
Somewhere along the way, maybe from things I heard at church or just from growing up, I learned I wasn’t supposed to be sad or angry or scared. I was supposed to be okay, so I needed you to be okay too. Or maybe it’s just because I hate the feeling of being out of control and I believed these feelings were too scary and sitting in the hard felt . . . too hard.
Every time I experience sadness, fear, anger—emotions I’ve been conditioned to not want to feel—my brain immediately moves to fight off the feeling like it’s a virus. My brain attacks the feeling, judges it, condemns it, and tells me why I shouldn’t feel it at all. It tells me
that it is all going to be okay. It barks out all these orders about what I need to do so that I can finally stop feeling the feeling.
Worse still, sometimes when you share with me your sadness, fear, or anger, I do the same stupid thing to you.
I’m sorry.
It’s wrong and I’m sorry. Your feelings, my feelings, are not evil things that need to be beat back.
Feelings can’t be beat back, by the way. Even if you’re the most effective stuffer ever to live, the very best at stuffing feelings way down deep, so far down you believe they can never be found, I’m here to tell you those feelings don’t go quietly. The people who know you know that they’re there. If you are honest, you know they’re there too.
That hint of rage you felt toward your dad, the fear of rejection you felt with your family, the striving that has exhausted you at school or work, the jealousy that creeps in whenever you are at that one friend’s house, the bitterness that flickers when you talk about why you don’t yet have kids, the despair you feel in your gut every time you think of the person you love buried underground— I know you think you packed all those things safely away in a box so that you won’t have to see them again.
But inevitably they pop out at unexpected times, like over a lovely dinner when your daughter is just dreaming beautiful dreams.
Whatever the triggering situation, at some point the next day or the next week or sometime even later than that, you look back on the catalyst—and on your response—thinking, Why on earth did I say (or do) that?
You wonder, How on earth did those feelings sneak up on me? You wonder why they didn’t play fair. The truth of the matter? They were playing fair.
Or playing predictably, anyway.
Because those feelings are tangled up with something very real in your past or present, something that absolutely is a big deal to you, whether or not you’re ready to admit it.
Feelings can’t be beat back.
They can’t be ignored or dismissed.
They are trying to tell us something.
To read the full chapter, click HERE 🙂
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jennie Allen is the founder and visionary of IF:Gathering as well as the New York Times bestselling author of Untangle Your Emotions, Find Your People, Get Out of Your Head, Made for This, Anything, and Nothing to Prove. A frequent speaker at national events and conferences, Jennie is a passionate leader, following God’s call on her life to catalyze a generation to live what they believe. Jennie earned a master of biblical studies from Dallas Theological Seminary. She and her husband, Zac, have four children. Excerpted from Untangle Your Emotions: Naming What You Feel and Knowing What to Do About It. Copyright © 2024 by Jennie Allen. To be published by WaterBrook, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, on February 13, 2024.
by Grace Novak | Jan 11, 2024 | Life Advice
Note from Team LO: We are SO excited to bring you this month’s post from our LO sister member, Grace Novak! If you want to be a part of this incredible community, you can join today HERE! Hope to see you there, friend!
Now, enjoy today’s post from Grace 🙂
Dear those beloved by God (every one of you!),
“WAKE-UP O sleeper! Rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you!” Ephesians 5:14.
I am taking a dual enrollment online class with Hillsdale college. I have been loving it. The only issue I have with this class is that it’s at ten AM Michigan time. In Michigan, this is great. In Arizona, this means that I have to wake up at 6 or 6:30 to get to class on time. Ultimately, I’ve grown to enjoy the peaceful morning solitude!
Last Monday, I set my alarm for 6:15 because I wanted to review class readings before the Zoom call. My alarm rang me out of a deep and pleasant slumber, and I turned the noise off. Instead of rolling out of bed and getting ready for the day, I thought, “just a few more minutes….” and drifted back off into dreamland.
Who’s been there? I fell completely back asleep. Somehow, by the grace of God I guess or maybe because my subconscious is stronger than I realized, I jolted upright in a panic at literally 6:56. Before, I always thought that I needed at least 30 minutes to get ready for the day, but on Monday I learned that I can do it in 4 minutes when pressured. Somehow, I made it to class on time, but it was WAYYYYY closer of a call than I would have liked!
Now I know this story is not a big deal on any level. So why am I telling you this? Because of how relevant it is.
We live in a culture of gray area. Truth is subjective. Gender is subjective. Sexuality is subjective. Life is subjective. Literally everything is subjective. What even is truth? Matt Walsh’s “What is a Woman?” film became super popular last year because it’s strikingly relevant. How insane is it that you even have to ask “what is a woman?” While it can sometimes seem like this era of subjectivity is true in all areas of life, let me be the first to tell you that it is NOT. Unlike our world where the gray area is becoming the popular place to be, Scripture is extraordinarily black and white. There is NO MIDDLE GROUND.
I’ve always loved reading magazines. Sometimes they come with a little test in them that is supposed to tell you about your personality or something. They’re silly and fun. Every once in a while, there will be a list of opposite things where you’re supposed to circle the one that is “more you.” For example, it’ll say “peanut butter vs. jelly” or “coffee vs. tea” or “spring vs. fall” with all these cute little illustrations. Then I’ll go through and circle “peanut butter,” “tea,” and “fall.” It’s actually pretty entertaining 🙂 This little checklist also works with the opposites that Scripture highlights. I’ll list them out. The Bible makes it clear that we can only be one of the two (NOT BOTH), so which one are we?
ARE YOU….
LIGHT or DARKNESS John 3:19-22; John 8:12
WISE or FOOLISH Ephesians 5:15-17; Proverbs 14:15-25
OF GOD or OF THE WORLD Romans 12:2; 1 John 2:15-17
RIGHTEOUS or WICKED Psalm 36:16; Psalm 37:13-22
SAVED or CONDEMNED Mark 16:16; John 3:18
AWAKE or ASLEEP Ephesians 5:14; Luke 21:36; Romans 13:11
In the Gospels, Jesus begins to call His followers. He meets people and simply says, “follow me.” Some do, and some don’t. It’s very black and white. Quite simple. Yet there are a few who echo the gray area that is so common today. In Luke 9:59-62, we see two examples.
These two men aren’t evil. They are genuinely trying to serve God. They are like so many Christians today who want to follow God, but don’t give Him their all. Occasionally Scripture is more vague and left up to our interpretation, but this is not one of those instances. Jesus is extremely clear when He tells those men that it’s all or nothing. There is no room for “partial Christianity.” Jesus makes it quite definitive; it’s all or nothing. Which will we pick?
In many places of Scripture, Jesus points out those who are “awake” and those who are “asleep.” Those who are awake are those who know the truth. Their eyes are opened and they jump out of slumber to follow Christ. Those who are asleep are those who don’t. They are stuck in dreamland, and don’t get up to follow Christ. Which one are you? Are you awake and committed to all-in Christianity or are you still asleep? I am going to go through some examples below, which one are you? Which one is your family member? Your friend? I’ll be asking myself the same things.
So many of us are drifting back to sleep. Christianity doesn’t seem pressing, so we say “just a few more minutes….” and drift back into the slumbering shadows. Maybe we were following Him, but we’ve gotten distracted by all these other things along the way.
Some of us just can’t decide what to do. We wake up a little, but then don’t get out of bed. This is something my little brother will do sometimes. My mom will wake him up, but instead of getting out of bed, he’ll just lay there for a few minutes awake, but too tired to work up the motivation to get out of bed. Have you been awakened to the truth but are hesitant to jump out of bed and dive fully into true Christianity?
Some of us are just out cold, dreaming good dreams. We have zero motivation to ever wake up because our dreamland is so nice and perfect. Who needs to get out of bed and into real Christianity when we’re enjoying sweet dreams? Who needs Christianity when our lives are “perfect” without Christ. One day though, we will be awakened and it will be a shocking dose of end times reality.
Some of us are living a nightmare right now. We cannot imagine how it could get any worse. You know how nightmares can be crazy. The plot is building and building and maybe something’s chasing you or you’re drowning or you’re falling, and then right as you’re about to get to the worst part in your nightmare, you jolt upright. You wake up in a sheer panic, heart racing. This is reality for some of us. God doesn’t create evil, but sometimes He allows us to live in these nightmares because nothing else will wake us up. He loves us too much to let us stay asleep.
Then there are those of us who do what I do with my alarm clock. We set like five staggering alarms ten minutes apart to wake up. It goes off, we wake up, then we fall back asleep until the next one and continuously repeat the cycle. How many times are we going to wake up to the truth and then later reject it and go back to the darkness. This is the “children of Israel” way of life. They followed God, and then they didn’t, and then they did again, and then they didn’t.
Maybe you’re completely up and out of bed, just trying to shake other people to wake up! You are totally committed to Christianity, and spending your life trying to get others to see the truth before it’s too late. This is so important, and can also be exhausting at times, but so so fulfilling. You’ve found that the real world can be both harder and easier in ways than dreamland, but you live with an undying hope that is unique to those who are awake.
You are not going to live this life forever. I hate to be so blunt and gloomy, but it’s true. You are either going to die or Jesus will come. When that happens, you will finally wake up for good. What will Jesus find when you meet Him? Will He find you asleep in darkness or awake in truth? I urge you to really think about this. You are either one or the other. You’re all in, or you’re all out. This is an eternity decision. There is NOTHING more important than it. NOTHING. This is THE most important decision you will ever make. So many people think that hell is a punishment and heaven is a reward. This is not true. Heaven and hell are a choice. An educated choice. Just like Jesus gave those men a choice back in Luke chapter 9, He gives you this choice today. Are you going to follow Him or turn back? Are you choosing God or the world? Are you in or out? Are you choosing heaven or hell?
With love and hope,
Grace
P.S.
Life is not all gloom and doom! Yes this is a huge decision, but it comes with good news! When you wake up, your world will change forever.
Dreaming is good, living is better!
Think about when you watch a good movie. Maybe it’s a nice romance or an inspiring true story. Either way, it speaks to a little piece of your heart. Then think about the difference you feel when you actually experience that for yourself! It’s an astronomical difference! When you get the chance to live your own romance or to be a hero in real life, it is amazing. Watching a movie can’t capture even a quarter of the real life feeling. This is what it’s like when you wake up.
When you decide to follow Jesus totally, (when you go all in) your life will get better in an incomparable way. Things will still be hard, but there is this indescribable richness and depth and hope and love and joy and peace. It’s hard to explain. How does the person who’s lived the romance or adventure explain the feeling to someone who’s only seen the movie? How do those who have woken up explain the feeling to those who are still asleep?
If you are awake, let’s help try to wake others up. Let’s live the Great Commission and show them what they’re missing!
If you’re still asleep, trust me, you should wake up and dive into this new life. Go all in. It’s the best thing you’ll ever do.
Find more content from Grace at travelandfaith.com 🙂
by Lauren McAfee | Jan 9, 2024 | Life Advice
Adapted from Let Go of Unmet Expectations, Overcome Anxiety, and Discover Intimacy with God by Lauren and Michael McAfee
Lament. This word may be an unfamiliar concept to you, but in Scripture it shows up frequently. Old Testament scholars consider two-thirds of the book of Psalms to be psalms of lament. There is also a book of the Bible named Lamentations, which is a recorded memorial to the pain and confusion the Israelites felt following the destruction of their city and its fall to Babylon.
The point is that the Bible is no stranger to lament. Lament is the expression of grief and sorrow. Lament is the process by which a person can verbalize, express, or even moan about the pains that have brought grief into their life. Lament is a way to voice our confusion about God’s character and promises. Lament provides sacred dignity to our suffering.ii We can look to the psalmists, who spent a great deal of time reflecting on and expressing their grief, to be a model for us to remember the significance of the process of lament.
Lament exists because we live in a broken world, and processing our lament is necessary because God created us as emotional beings. We can recognize emotions as a good thing that can inform us, but emotions shouldn’t control us. Well stewarded emotions can play a helpful role in our lives, serving as a reminder of our humanity and of our capacity to love. When we see Jesus and his life on earth as both fully God yet fully man, we can observe the feelings that even Jesus felt. For example, Jesus expressed joy (Hebrews 12:2), sorrow (John 11:33–35), anger (Matthew 23:33), compassion (Matthew 9:20–22; John 8:1–11), empathy (John 4:1–11), and agony (Luke 22:42).
Jesus himself took time to express his emotional grief in the practice of lament. Days before his crucifixion, Jesus received word that his close friend Lazarus was very ill. Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha, were apparently friends who were more like family to Jesus, yet when the sisters sent word about their brother’s poor health, Jesus delayed in coming to see them. By the time he arrived, it was too late. Lazarus had died and Mary and Martha were in mourning.
Jesus, being God, already knew this. Jesus knew when he delayed coming that when he arrived, he would find Lazarus dead. Jesus knew that Martha would respond in anger and Mary in despair. Jesus taught that he was the resurrection and the life. Jesus knew that a few moments from now he would do the impossible and raise Lazarus from the dead. Yet to the surprise of those around him, Jesus responded with grief.
“Jesus wept,” John 11:35 reports. Because his friends were in pain, he cried.
The Bible shows us many examples of expressed lament as well as a Creator and heavenly Father who is willing to hear us out during our honest expressions of pain. Lament can be a prayerful proof of the relationship we have with God. Because when we turn toward God in our most painful moments, we welcome deeper intimacy with him.
One of the most comforting things for enduring seasons of grief is knowing that we are not alone. We have a Father in heaven who understands us. We have a Father who cares. Because of Christ’s life on earth, “we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Like us, God has grieved. Through his Son, Jesus, he has grieved. And because of this, we can feel more than confident in bringing our full emotional experience to him.
Consider Jesus’ life regarding how he experienced grief. Isaiah 53:3 says he was a “man of suffering, and familiar with pain.” As we saw in the account involving Lazarus, Jesus was in such a state of deep grief that he didn’t just cry, he wept.
If you’ve ever seen someone truly weep, then you know how intense it can be. Our Savior, Jesus, has been there. He understands intensity. Imagine Jesus in his full humanity, bent over, groaning with tears. And let the image compel you toward him, toward the one who truly understands.
We don’t honor God by ignoring or stuffing our emotions. As we follow Jesus’ example, we honor whom he created us to be. When we create space to express our sorrows both to God and to others in safe and loving relationships, we reflect the authenticity he possessed.
As we come to Jesus in authenticity, our level of intimacy with him is enriched. As we lay down the facade we’ve been hiding behind, we allow him to make us whole.
Adapted from Beyond Our Control: Let Go of Unmet Expectations, Overcome Anxiety, and Discover Intimacy with God Copyright © 2023 by Lauren and Michael McAfee. Published by Thomas Nelson. Coming November 7, 2023, wherever books are sold.
by Jessica Roberts | Jan 2, 2024 | College, Life Advice
Every turn of the new year can bring thoughts of the future. 2024 is going to be a year of so much change in my life, and I’m sure in many of your lives as well. I am a senior in college, graduating in May, and diving into the real world shortly after. I am reflecting on the past, looking to the future, and trying to stay motivated in the present. Wherever you are in your high school or college journey, at some point you’re going to face it: Senioritis.
Senioritis: “a supposed affliction of students in their final year of high school or college, categorized by a decline in motivation or performance”
As a senior in high school you might just be ready to go! Ready to go to college or ready to start working, ready to move, ready to start your new chapter of life, and feeling like senior year is going by way too slow! But cherish this time of your life. Cherish the season of growth you are in! Senior year might be the last time you get to live in the same city as your childhood friends, and it might be the last time that you get to live with your parents. Although everyone’s story is different, we can agree that finding motivation can be hard at times.
Finding motivation to keep giving 100%, when you know the next chapter of change is right around the corner, can be difficult, but we can find it in God!
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
We can find motivation to keep going because we know that this path we are on is for God’s glory, and he has placed us here in this moment for his good. Prayer is extremely powerful. Pray that God will give you the motivation that you need and that he will use you where you are.
As a senior in college, I find myself daydreaming about what my future holds. What will my job be? Where will I live? What kind of home will I live in? Will I have roommates? Will I still have friends if I move away? Who will I end up marrying? When will I get married? Will I have enough money to survive? All these things will end up CONSUMING me if I allow them to! God does not want us to live with this worry and anxiety.
Here are a few scriptures about worry and anxiety that I like to look back on when I am feeling overwhelmed about the future.
“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:31-34 (NIV)
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 (NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 (NIV)
When I get overwhelmed about the future, I also love this reminder about our emotions.
Anxiety, fear, worry, and stress: all things that DO NOT come from God
Peace, hope, joy, and goodness: all things that DO come from God
When we are fearful, we are relying on our own abilities instead of relying on God for EVERY aspect of our lives. God has never failed us. But if we rely solely on ourselves, we are guaranteed to fail! Life doesn’t always end up exactly how WE planned it to be, and that is why we trust in HIM! The beauty of the gospel is that we will never be enough on our own, and that is why we need a perfect savior, why we need Jesus.
This year I want to focus on the good that God has for me in the present! It’s very easy to get off track, always thinking about the future and what I can’t wait for. For instance, I can’t wait to graduate, I can’t wait to get my own house, I can’t wait to get married. Instead, I want to enjoy the present moment in which God has placed me. Whether you are in a not-so-perfect job, annoyed with your roommates, in a state of singleness, struggling with tragedy or anything else that seems to be not going the way you thought it would, know that all things really do work together for His good. We can choose joy in every moment. Just like Paul says, “Rejoice in the Lord always”, and “In every circumstance give thanks”. Your present moments are preparing you for the future God has in store. The moments you can’t wait to get to will come in time, so enjoy all the wonderful blessings that are taking place right now.
Jessica is a member of Team LO and a senior at LA Tech majoring in Graphic Design. She enjoys spending quality time with her friends and family and loves to use her creative side!
Keep up with Jess on Instagram @jessicaroserob
by Ally Golden | Dec 21, 2023 | Life Advice
When you think about Christmas, what are some of the things you think of first?
I am taking a guess here, but odds are you think about Jesus, possibly family, possibly yummy food, and lights.
Have you ever paid attention to how many lights are lit up around Christmas time? There are lights on houses, lights on trees, and lights even on cars! December 1st hits and lights begin to shine everywhere. We plan outings with friends and family just to go and see the lights, whether that be in a neighborhood, at a park, or in a parade.
Why is it that the entire world is drawn to lights at Christmas?
When you are looking at them, they leave you feeling this sense of awe that is hard to describe. You become filled with hope, and they bring immense joy. What once was dark, is now light, and not only that, everything around it is affected by it because what wasn’t visible, now is.
As a pediatric nurse, I work in a very dark place. Hospitals aren’t necessarily “happy” or “light-giving” places. Day in and day out, as nurses we see things that are very hard to see. We are there for families in their most vulnerable state and darkest times.
A few years ago when I was working the night shift, it was a cold December night, and I was taking care of a patient who had been through something so heartbreaking that their body became impaired in more ways than one. I had taken care of them often, but on this specific night, they called me into their room because they were feeling anxious. So many thoughts and feelings were flooding their mind and they were having trouble falling asleep.
I asked them if there was anything specific I could do to help them feel a little bit better. They asked me, “Would you massage my head?”
I said, “Sure!”
I began to massage their head and in my mind was praying for their anxious thoughts to cease.
As I stopped praying and I looked up, I saw that there was a small Christmas tree that they had plugged in the corner of the room. It brought me joy as I was staring at it, and I began to notice how this small little tree brought so much light to the dark room. Not only that, but it made the things around it visible. I felt the Lord whisper to me at that moment, “The closer you are to Me, the brighter I shine through you.”
The Lord was showing me that just like this Christmas tree lights up the things around it, the closer we are to Him, the brighter we shine for Him. His light is always within us, but when we draw near to Him, His light becomes more visible to others. As I was drawing near to the Lord in that moment which was really hard, He showed me that His light was shining through to this patient who needed His light desperately.
While the lights at Christmas are so amazing, and what they make us feel is very special, what this world needs more right now than the hope we feel looking at Christmas lights, is the true hope that is in the Light of the world.
And I want to let you in on a truth that the enemy makes us most often forget: The Light of the world lives in YOU.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16 NIV
The Lord wants to use you to shine His light into this dark world that so desperately needs it. And it’s not that you do any shining of your own, in fact, it’s quite the opposite! It’s letting the light of Christ shine through you in all that you do. And in order for that to happen, we must let the Holy Spirit transform us into His likeness like we are promised He will do.
“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV
When we draw near to the Lord, He promises to draw near to us. He is always near to us, it’s our choice to also draw near or to keep a distance. The closer we draw to The Light of the world, the more visible His light becomes to those around us as we begin to look more and more like Him.
“Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.” James 4:8 ESV
Drawing near to Jesus can look like: Reading the Bible, sitting in God’s presence, spending time in prayer, plugging into a Christ-centered community, sitting in wonder of creation, and spending time in worship.
Incorporating those things in the list above in my own life has brought me to encounter the Holy Spirit in such beautiful ways. I have confidence that if you begin to do one or a few daily, weekly, or even monthly, you will also begin to be transformed by the Holy Spirit.
When we look at the story of when Moses went up to Mount Sinai the second time to re-make the Ten Commandments, it says:
“When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the covenant law in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord. When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him.” Exodus 34-29-30 NIV
Moses’s face was radiant from simply speaking to the Lord.
My friend, whenever you do anything with the Lord, you become radiant.
As we finish out this year and the Christmas season, would we be like Moses after he spoke with the Lord on Mount Sinai–beaming with light so bright because we simply have spent time with Jesus.
Allyson Golden is the creator of the online ministry Words Are Golden, where she champions women in their faith. A pediatric nurse, Allyson also runs an online community for women called She Who Speaks Light and is the author of the inspirational journal Words Are Golden. Her new book Arise and Shine, which this blog post was inspired from, releases on February 20th, 2024. She is currently enrolled in seminary to obtain her master of biblical and theological studies degree. Allyson and her husband, Michael, partner in ministry at their local church in San Diego.
by Meghan Ryan | Dec 19, 2023 | Life Advice
The idea of contentment gets thrown around a lot in Christian circles. If I’m honest, sometimes I get squirmy with the word contentment. Maybe it’s because when I was single, well-meaning people liked to tell me, “You’ll meet someone once you’re truly content.” Or maybe it’s because, single or not, this contentment thing has always felt like an impossible game to win.
At times I’ve assumed, If I want something, I won’t get it. But if I don’t want something, then I will get it. I feel like I have to try to manipulate my contentment. If I don’t want it or if I’m truly content, maybe then God will give it to me.
Whether I’m longing for a new season, an exciting change, or something deeper, I try to make myself not want it because I’ve come to believe that’s what contentment is all about.
Maybe you’ve been in a similar situation. You’ve tried to make yourself not want something you deeply desire because you think not wanting it will lead to contentment with what you currently have. But I think we’ve missed something important: Desire and contentment are not mutually exclusive.
Longing for something doesn’t mean never finding rest for your soul.
If I were to define contentment, I’d say: Contentment is an inward trust that God is both good and in control of my life, even when I wish my outward circumstances were different.
In Philippians 4, Paul tells us he learned the secret of contentment, and it’s a little unexpected: “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-13).
Desire and contentment are not mutually exclusive.
But how we act on our desires is important. Here are a few questions to ask yourself today to see if you are letting your desires dictate your contentment:
Are you letting your desires lead you to sin? (James 1:4)
Are you letting your desires hinder your relationships? (Colossians 3:5)
Are you letting your desires move you closer to God or further away from Him? (Galatians 5:16)
What’s the secret then? To deny our needs and wants? No, Paul didn’t fake his contentment. Nor did he find it because his circumstances were perfect. The contentment he found only came from Christ, not his own strength.
Even this sounds a little elusive. How do we find contentment in Christ?
I don’t know about you, but I love to think I can do things in my own strength. But I’m not as strong as I think I am. Try as I might, I can’t muster up my own contentment.
Contentment means living in God’s fullness, which means contentment is possible because it’s independent of our circumstances.
If you’re like me and wrestle with this, the Bible offers us practical ways to be content in our wanting. We can:
Fix our thoughts on godly things. (Philippians 4:8)
Remember what God has already done. (Psalm 103:1)
Talk to God; ask for what we want and seek His will in prayer. (Matthew 7:7-12)
Contentment means living in God’s fullness, which means contentment is possible because it’s independent of our circumstances.
We love verses like Ephesians 3:20: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”
Immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine? Sign me up! I’d be super content with that. But the “immeasurably more” isn’t found in my life looking the way I want it to.
God’s fullness looks like verses 14-19:
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
God cares more about our internal being than our external circumstances. Note what Paul calls the fullness of God: strength in your inner being, Christ dwelling in you, rooted and established in love, to grasp the love of Christ, to know his love.
God’s fullness does not change. He is “the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).
But this doesn’t mean we won’t still have desires. You can be content in Christ and still want something to be different.
Even when we finally get that one big thing we desired for so long, it won’t be long before we want something else.
In fact, I don’t know if we can truly be without desire and totally content this side of heaven. As long as we are alive, we are waiting for Jesus to come make all things new. Our longing for something more isn’t going to go away. But we can trust the Holy Spirit to help us experience contentment, regardless of our circumstances.
You can be content being single and still desire to be married.
You can be content in your job and still desire another one.
You can be content with a newborn and still desire to sleep more.
You can be content in whatever season you are in and still desire for something to be different.
Your longing for more is a good, eternal desire. Those desires move us to lean on the strength that comes from Christ. Who gives us everything we need to live fully right in the middle of our wanting today.
Meghan Ryan is an author and hype girl for people getting out of their comfort zones so they don’t miss the best part of life. A Florida beach girl born and raised, she currently lives in Nashville, TN and works as the Promotional Copy Writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her passion is for helping people find and live out their God-given callings. She’s worked in ministry on college campuses and internationally. When she’s not surrounded by friends, you can usually find her reading a book, doing something outdoors or teaching a Pure Barre class. Her first book releases in 2024 and you can connect with her on Instagram @meghanmryan and at alwaysmeghan.com.
