by Stephanie VanderMolen | Feb 27, 2020 | Life Advice |
10.08.2016: The Day I Asked for Help
I remember the weather that day, it was rainy and there was a weird haze in the air that seemed to linger long into the afternoon. I kind of liked it because it matched the state of my mood. I wasn’t feeling very sunshine and roses. I was 488 miles from home, working on an entertainment tour, and I trying to hold myself together the best I could.
That day — 10.08.2016, I found myself sitting with my two best friends on a grimy, carpeted floor in an old theater in Indianapolis, Indiana. Liz and Olivia sat next to me and for the twelve hundredth time they expressed their love and concern for me in regards to my chaotic lifestyle and excessive use of dangerous eating disorder behaviors. Time after time they, and a few other friends, had voiced their concerns to me and recommended I get more serious help than I was getting — but I declined them each time.
10.08.2016 was different though.
To be honest, I don’t know what changed that day. I guess I was exhausted from keeping up with a lifestyle built on secrets and behaviors that weren’t serving me well. Whatever it was, it was the day I finally admitted I needed help. I stopped running. I finally surrendered.
The following week, I stepped into a treatment facility and began to experience God transform my life.
It’s hard to admit we need help, isn’t it? Admitting that we need help means that we can’t do it on our own. It means that we aren’t strong enough. It means that we have surrendered to own shortcomings and have to admit that we aren’t strong enough for the task at hand.
The beauty of being a believer of Jesus is that we were never meant to be strong enough, brave enough, independent enough, or meant to fix ourselves. Being a believer of Jesus welcomes us to admit that we are not enough, but that Jesus is sufficient for us.
It’s National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDA WEEK) and this is a week where I always pause and think about my own ED journey. I look back and see the ways that God has used what was once the worst season of my life to give Him glory. I promise, if you saw the depths of my thought patterns and behaviors in that season and you could see what God has done in me, you would only point to Jesus too.
Asking for help begins first by surrendering to Jesus. It begins with a heart shift from “I can do this”, to “He can do this”. I will never regret turning towards Him, acknowledging my weakness, and allowing Him to heal me. I will never regret coming out of darkness and into the light. I will never regret walking out of isolation and into community.
Was it hard? Yes.
Was it worth it? Yes.
This week Sadie launched her new book LIVE, and one of my favorite quotes is this:
“Remember, to live is to remain alive and to reside. When we try to remain, and reside in things that fade away, we are contradicting the action of living.”
For a season of my life I resided in the wrong things. I resided in the idea that I was unlovable and that if I could just change my body, I would find true love and happiness. I had built my life on things that would never satisfy and that would fade away. I was not living the full, abundant life that God desired for me.
Perhaps these words are ringing true for the circumstances of your own life today. You don’t need me to remind you that, “The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.”
You have felt him silently devouring you on the inside from the moment you woke up this morning.
Because of my own journey with ED, I would be remiss if I didn’t take a moment to write to my sisters and friends out there who might need a little encouragement in this area — encouragement to ASK FOR HELP!
Asking for help is not admitting that we are weak — it’s acknowledging that HE is strong and that He is the only way to healing. It’s hard to ask for help, it’s hard to humble ourselves. But it was never meant to be about our strength anyway!
This is my bold and straightforward plea to you as my sisters and friends: reach out for help today if you need it! Reach out to a friend, a trusted mentor, a family member. You will not regret it. You will never regret surrendering your weakness in exchange for His strength.
Perhaps 2.27.20 is the day you surrender your life to Jesus.
Perhaps 2.27.20 is the day that you raise your hand and ask for help.
Perhaps 2.27.20 is the day you truly start to LIVE.
Friend, if you are ready to make today THE day to start your journey to finding freedom, we have a safe place for you to take that step.
Mercy Multiplied is residential counseling program helps young women ages 13-32 break free from life controlling issues and situations, including anxiety, depression, sexual abuse, eating disorders, self-harm, addictions, unplanned pregnancy, and sex trafficking. To find out more about their residency program or to speak with someone, click the link below.
Steph Vandermolen is a member of the Live Original Team. She loves watching hockey, drinking coffee on chilly days, snuggling her goldendoodle Brinkley, and knows too many random facts about Iceland.
You can follow her at @stephvandy
by Stephanie VanderMolen | Nov 19, 2019 | Life Advice, Relationships |
Belly flops.
Pie Eating Competition.
Synchronized Swimming.
Matching T-shirts.
These are a few of the stand out memories in my head from a summer retreat I went to in college. It was a weekend planned to celebrate life and deepen community with friends, with an abundance of confetti thrown around every corner.
Woven into the weekend were a few speakers. One of whom I really respected. He was an older man who had experienced a lot of life. I always leaned in a little harder when he spoke because he was the type of speaker that had a quiet, gentle voice but always said something incredibly profound.
As he began sharing, he explained that they chose the theme of celebration that year to remind us that sometimes in life, it might not always be easy to celebrate, but celebration is vital for the believer’s life. He shared that often there might be seasons in life where, “celebration would take discipline”.
To be honest, I remember writing that phrase down in my notebook with a question mark by it.
How hard could it be to celebrate? What do you mean, “celebration would take discipline?” Discipline is a word I associated with marathon training, military generals, or an attribute I try to possess when my teammates bring doughnuts to work. Not a word I associated with celebration.
He clearly didn’t see the pie eating competition at the retreat. It was not hard to celebrate!
Fast forward a few seasons in life, I’m sitting here at my desk preparing to stand up in wedding number three in the last five months, and something about that phrase has been ringing true. Another wedding while I am still single? Another baby shower invite in the mail when the gift of motherhood feels far away? How is it possible to show up in these moments and celebrate those we love when our own hearts feel heavy with the disappointments of life and unfulfilled longings?
Sometimes things like sadness, grief, disappointment, envy, and comparison start to cloud the ability to celebrate.
Am I alone in this? Cringe.
Paul gives us a command in Romans 12:15 to, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
This isn’t just the “thing to do to be a good friend”. It’s actually a biblical command. Rejoice with your friends who are rejoicing – even when you don’t feel like it.
I think that speaker back in college was right. Just like it takes discipline to strengthen our bodies, I believe it also takes discipline to strengthen our ability to celebrate. There may be seasons where it may not be our natural response to rejoice with those who rejoice, but we still need to flex the muscle of celebration in our life.
So how do we strengthen within us the discipline to celebrate? Here are three ways I have found that have helped me on this journey:
LOVE
Just before Paul gives us the command to rejoice with those who rejoice, he also provides us with another call to action – “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans- 12:10 Celebrating others involves first looking outside of ourselves and to the needs and situations of another. As believers, we are called to do this life together and walk alongside of each other. Therefore, we first must be devoted to each other in sincere and genuine love.
SURRENDER
Sister, it is not wrong to feel sadness in areas where your friends might be rejoicing. However, I have found that our sadness can easily morph into envy or jealously. Sometimes, I have to do a personal inventory and ask myself, am I holding these desires too closely? Do I need to surrender and trust God in this area of my life? Perhaps our inability to celebrate others in an area is because we have not yet surrendered that part of our lives fully to God.
PRAY
Finally, pray.
Pray that God would allow you to truly celebrate those around you are walking through times in their life where they need a friend to dance and cheer with them.
Pray that God would help you love those around you with sincere love.
Pray that as members of the body of Christ your eyes would be opened to the needs of others.
Pray that God would comfort you as you celebrate others.
Pray that the Holy Spirit would illuminate areas of your life that you may need to surrender to Him.
Finally, pray that the Lord would strengthen within you the disciple to celebrate!
Steph Vandermolen is a member of the Live Original Team. She loves watching hockey, drinking coffee on chilly days, and knows too many random facts about Iceland.
by Stephanie VanderMolen | Jul 12, 2019 | Life Advice, Sisterhood |
Hey Fam, Steph here from Team LO!
Thought I’d share a fun new part of the Live Original journey. This week, Team LO moved into a new office space! It’s a cozy little space, set inside a larger companies’ building. Totally perfect for us – they have great coffee, good vibes, and kind people all around us.
Here’s a behind the scenes peak from our first FaceTime meeting with Sadie while in our new place, working on a fun, special project for you all:
Anyway, Monday before heading to the office for our first “official day” in the new space, I was taking a few minutes alone to sip my coffee and pray over the week. Moved to tears, I realized just how special the day was – it was a full circle moment.
Let’s rewind! Six years ago, in the spring of 2013, I had just graduated from college and landed my first “real person” job. I was just thankful for the consistent paycheck and that I could stop eating ramen noodles on the reg. (Shout out to all the broke college kids!). It was a great first job, where I made meaningful connections, learned new skills, & made great memories.
Here’s the odd part – our new office is located in that very same building, where I worked six years ago as a bright-eyed, new employee in the working world!
Six years ago, I would drive to work, park in the same parking lot, and enter the same front doors of the building where our new office is and wonder, what God had planned for me in the future.
Can I tell you, there were days in that building where I would sit at my desk and think, has God forgotten the desires deep in my heart? I wanted to work in ministry but also had a passion for the music and entertainment industry. I couldn’t see how all of those desires were going to possibly be woven together or what the next chapter looked like.
Naomi, from the book of Ruth, was no stranger to this feeling.
She was a widow, without sons, who believed her best days were behind her. She moved from the land of Bethlehem to Moab, where she experienced unbelievable pain and heartbreak. She was so hopeless that she asked her friends to call her “Mara”, which means “bitter”- yikes!
Years later, God led her back to Bethlehem and showed up in her life in a powerful and redeeming way (check out the full story in the book of Ruth). Leaving Bethlehem, the first time, Naomi would have never imagined the journey ahead. God led her back to the same place, to remind her that He is always navigating a bigger story. One that is bigger than we can ever see or imagine for ourselves.
Our futures are always on God’s radar but often times we can never imagine what’s ahead.
How could I have ever imagined that I’d be working for Live Original in the future? Six years ago, Live Original didn’t exist on paper. It was just a dream in Sadie’s heart. Fully on God’s radar but nowhere on mine.
In the years in between, God led me on through some bizarre twists and turns. My path crossed with Live Original and it’s been a joy to be a part of this team in the last few years.
Walking into our “new” office space on Monday, opening the same door I’ve opened hundreds of times in the past, I walked in with feet that have traveled the world and since worked for 2 different companies. I’ve experienced tremendous personal growth, victories, joys, and celebrations. Since I worked in this building years ago, I’ve also experienced heartbreak, trials, and many bumps in the road. Yet, I know God has been with me through it all.
I certainly have not “arrived”. I know the next few years will bring many more unexpected twists and turns, opportunities for growth, pains, and more joys.
However, this week was a sweet reminder to me that many times, God is orchestrating a path for us that we have no ability to see, but He is so worth trusting in the process.
Maybe you are waiting for your full circle moment. You are waiting for that moment when you can look back and see that all the dots have connected and all the up’s and down’s have been “worth it”. Perhaps you just left home for the first time and you are wondering what’s ahead of you, trying to pen a thousand stories in your mind about your future.
From one sister to the next, trust that God is writing a bigger story than you could ever imagine.
Don’t resent or resist the journey. Sometimes it’s a long path before we see what God is doing or before we might get to see a “full circle” moment.
Hold on, it’s worth the wait.
Steph Vandermolen is a member of the Live Original Team. She loves watching hockey, drinking coffee on chilly days, and knows too many random facts about Iceland.
by Stephanie VanderMolen | Feb 13, 2019 | Testimonies |
“Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.”- Corrie Ten Boom
At the beginning of last year, if Marie Kondo came into my home and asked me to declutter and donate most of my belongings, I would have told you I wouldn’t have minded. I would have imagined myself cheerfully ushering her in and helping her haul away my things. I would have told you it was just “stuff”. Then, I would have followed up with a comment about how I never thought of myself as the type to struggle with holding material possessions too closely or gripping onto people and things for my security. I like to think Marie Kondo would have high- fived me and offered me an apprenticeship with her.
So, if you would have told me the greatest lesson I learned in 2018 was, “hold things loosely”, I would have been confused.
Let me take you back to the summer of 2018. I received a call that my Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and a rare form of cancer. I remember instantly saying to the Lord, “this is my Mom, you can’t take her!”. I felt entitled to have her here on earth and for her to be healthy. I could sense my grip of control and desire to fix the situation was strengthening. I could feel my hands tighten as I desperately held onto my Mom and begged God to make things right.
This was the beginning of a marathon of events over the next few months that caused me to question where my security was found and if Jesus was really “enough”. I found myself wrestling with words that I never thought I’d struggle with – “that’s mine”, “that’s unfair, and “give it back”, seemed to top my vocabulary.
In a few short months, my fists began to tighten, stronger and stronger, as I dealt with the mess of an identity theft, thieves that drained my bank account, a stolen car, an unexpected move, the loss of my dearly loved Uncle, the disbelief I felt when the inheritance he left me was stolen, and a whole list of other events, which left me wondering what was next in my life to be stolen, broken, or lost. I truly started to wonder if I was a modern-day version of Job.
Things and people in my life started to feel like sand, sifting through my fingers. Gripping them tight, feverishly trying to hold onto it all. As much as I wanted to escape the injustice and grief that surrounded me, I was not immune to it and I could not control the outcome. No matter how hard I clenched my fists and held on for dear life, I couldn’t make the things I’d lost reappear.
Fast-forward to the Fall of 2018, I was sitting on the long plane ride home from my Uncle’s funeral. I was emotionally spent from everything the last few days, weeks, and months had brought. I flipped open my bible and read the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:19. I have read this
verse more times than I could count, but this time I sensed the Holy Spirit speaking directly to my situation. It was as if Jesus was sitting across from me, looking me in the eyes, saying:
“Don’t keep hoarding for yourselves earthly treasures that can be stolen by thieves. Material wealth eventually rusts, decays, and loses its value. Instead, stockpile heavenly treasures for yourselves that cannot be stolen and will never rust, decay, or lose their value. For your heart will always pursue what you value as your treasure.” – Matthew 6:19-21 (TPT)
Jesus, thousands of years ago, speaking to the crowd at the Sermon on the Mount, was already reminding us to be aware that things (a car, cash, an inheritance, clothes, our earthly bodies…fill in the blank) are not meant to provide us lasting value. In this passage, Jesus speaks directly to the posture of our hearts and calls us to find freedom from the anxiety of holding tightly to the things of this world.
Can I be honest? Reading this passage was a deep exhale for my soul. I didn’t realize how exhausted I had become from trying to reclaim and chase after the things of this world. I had been so overcome by the amount of things that were being taken from me, that the reminder of the eternal security found in things outside of this earth, was like soothing balm to my anxious heart.
Hear me out, people should be held accountable for their actions; stealing is wrong, and God delights in justice. Having possessions is not a sin. The problem we face is when these things begin to take the highest priority in our heart, when our hope becomes built on them, and when we look to them for lasting security. Jesus teaches us that there is a better way, a freer way to live our lives. He invites us into the security and peace that comes with finding our greatest treasure in eternal things, which will never be stolen or destroyed.
I became so desperate during this season for the truth in Matthew 6 to sink into my heart. I changed the wallpaper on my phone to a screenshot of this passage, I read it multiple times a day, sometimes twenty or thirty times a day. I began asking God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to help me loosen the tense grip I had on these earthly things that I felt entitled to. I asked Him to help me shift my gaze from the things of this earth and to lock eyes with Him. I asked Him to forgive me for putting so much stock in these things and I asked him to help me forgive those who had wronged me along the way.
There have even been moments recently where I have had to physically look down at my hands, wiggle my fingers, and then slowly open and close my hands. I have had to pause in certain moments and use this as a physical representation as a reminder of the spiritual posture I am learning to carry. Open hands, holding things loosely. Letting go of the grip of fleeting earthly things, and grabbing ahold of lasting eternal treasures.
I encourage you today to read the words in Matthew 6: 19-21. Take a few minutes and ask the Holy Spirit to enlighten some areas of your heart where you might need to loosen your grip on earthly things.
Ask yourself:
Am I finding security in the amount of money in my bank account?
Am I finding a false sense of confidence in a relationship, job, or position?
Have I put too much trust in the things of this world to provide me stability and security?
Are there things in my life that, if they disappeared tomorrow, so too would my hope?
Maybe you need to physically open and close your hands today and ask the Lord to help you loosen your grip on the things of the world and take hold of the lasting, eternal treasures found in Christ.
You are not alone in this journey! I pray you and I would continue to find the overflowing peace that comes from resting in the eternal hope we have in Christ.
Steph Vandermolen is a member of the Live Original Team. She loves watching hockey, drinking coffee on chilly days, and knows too many random facts about Iceland.
Follow Steph on Instagram @iceland.obsessed
by Stephanie VanderMolen | Feb 12, 2018 | Relationships, Testimonies |
I don’t know when it all started, I guess I had never been fully confident in who I was as a person. While no one ever spoke these words to me, I always felt like “the fat, nice girl” growing up. I constantly struggled with wishing my body looked like the girls around me. Looking in the mirror was increasingly difficult for me through the years. If I could count the amount of times I cringed at my own reflection, we’d be tallying up the marks for days. I hid behind a mask and painted a picture to others that all was well. I did great in school, had an amazing group of friends, was a leader in my high school and college ministries, finished college and got a great job – but inside, I was rapidly decaying from self-hate and shame. Little by little I partnered with the lies of the enemy, that I was unlovable and disgusting. After all, I was in my mid-20’s and had never had a serious relationship or significant interest from any male. I convinced myself that I was broken and something was wrong with me. I couldn’t fix that a man did not want me, but I could fix my body. In an attempt to cope with my inner turmoil, I began to wrestle with Bulimia behind the scenes for years. I decided that as long as I was the only one who knew, it wouldn’t be a problem. I could keep it under control and it would help me obtain the perfect body, and the acceptance I deeply craved from myself and others.
Fast forward, I was 28 and the deep rooted, self-hate that I had entertained all my life had finally produced a full-blown eating disorder. I was no longer in control of my “little habit”. I had grown miserable in my shame, developed medical issues because of my eating disorder and became unable to do my job. It was as if my life had dwindled down to nothing and I was living in a deep fog. I finally decided to open up to a trusted group of friends about where I was really at. Through much prayer, tough love, tears, failed attempts to “get over it”, and finally, an ultimatum from my friends—I admitted that my life had become unmanageable and that I needed help. I put my job on the back burner and entered treatment (one of the best decisions I have ever made, by the way!) My turning point came about half way through the process.
I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was sitting in treatment, surrounded by some of the bravest women I have ever met. The room was cold and I had been annoyed and short with everyone that particular day. For the past week, I had been unraveling the deep root of my eating disorder, self- hate. During a group session, a staff member asked me, “Stephanie, what does your eating disorder convince you it can provide?” Deep breath. “Love”, I replied. “Is it working?” “No.” Cue all the tears. The shattering reality that my eating disorder wasn’t providing the love and acceptance I so desired finally hit me. I felt betrayed and undone. It hadn’t fixed me, it had destroyed me. I believed the lie that if I were just prettier, thinner, didn’t have that weird birthmark my lip, could be funnier, or have the perfect body, I would finally become worthy of the love of a man, get married, have the perfect life and my fairy tale ending would happen. This was not the case. At what point would my body FINALLY become perfect enough or worthy of love? It was a never-ending cycle. I was looking to myself to fix myself, but came up short in my own attempts every single time.
The journey of self-love and acceptance does not start by being able to look in the mirror and say a nice thing about yourself and believe you are pretty, although, I hope you can do that too! It starts with shifting your eyes off yourself and onto to the greatness of who God is, and what He thinks of you. He knew the deepest, darkest, and most shameful moments of my journey and loved me still. He chose me (Eph. 1:4), called me Daughter (2 Cor. 6:18), has given me all the rights of royalty (1 Peter 2:9), loves me with a lasting, unmoving, unshakeable love (Romans 8:39). I was chasing down love, but I was ALREADY fully loved by the God the Universe. More than just looking in the mirror and believing I am beautiful (which I can do now), I can now look in the mirror and see myself as a daughter who is more loved and accepted by God, than by anyone or anything else. A daughter who is safe and held in the secure arms of the Father. A daughter who used to walk in the path of shame, but now walks on the highway of freedom. A daughter who was created perfectly by the most creative Creator. I see my blue eyes, and thank God that He created me, and has far more in store for me than I could ever imagine.
My journey is certainly not perfect. I have to take one day at a time and ask God to help me. I still have days where I find myself wrestling to believe the truth about who God says I am. However, I now have tools to help me fight these battles. I still check in with my nutritionist, counselor, trusted friends, and others in recovery for support and encouragement. I have learned how to recognize the darkness when it starts to creep in, and fight the enemy’s tactics against me. Each day, with God’s help, I am choosing to walk in the light as I shift my eyes onto the greatness of who our God is.
I was chasing the acceptance of a man, but could not see that Jesus had already accepted me (Eph. 1:3-6) I wanted to feel loved, but was blinded from seeing that I was ALREADY fully loved by God (Eph. 3:19) I spoke words of destruction over my life, but could not hear the songs of victory the Father was singing over me. (Zeph. 3:17) I wanted to feel worthy, but could not see that He had already made me worthy (2 Thes. 1:11-12) I wanted a perfect body, but could not see that Jesus’ perfect body on the cross gave me all I could ever need (2 Cor. 5:12) I wanted to find love, but I did not find it with my head over a toilet. I found it when I looked to Him.
