by Live Original | Aug 21, 2017 | Breakups, Dating, Hope, Life Advice, LO Library, Marriage, Testimonies, Testimonies |
Have you ever been in a position where your life is going great and then all the sudden it turns upside down, unexpectedly, without warning, and you find yourself asking the question, “How did this even happen?” “Why is this happening to me?”
You always hear those stories of bad things happening to other people, but NEVER EVER think it will happen to you. I get it. That was me a few months ago.
I had just gotten married to the love of my life, David Hodges, and moved to Birmingham Alabama. I had never moved before, like ever. I lived in the same house my whole life. So, it was already an adjustment and very hard for me to move away from my family because my family is everything to me. We are all truly best friends. Only 4 short months into marriage, I found out my dad was having an affair.
“WHAT?!…” I could have sworn I was dreaming. “There’s no way this is true.” “No, like you don’t understand… I know that’s not true… my dad would NEVER do that.”
My family was always that welcoming home to all our friends. When my friends had difficult home lives or their parents were going through a divorce, or something bad was going on, my parents were always the ones taking them in, praying for them, and helping them. No matter how hard life got, my family and my parents were the one thing that never wavered. They were my safe place.
I was equally close to both my parents, but in different ways. My mom is my biggest encourager and best friend. My dad and I also had a special bond. We are like twins. Everyone always told me I was the girl vision of my dad. Not only did we look alike but our personalities are VERY similar as well. We had common interests and always bonded over athletics. I was my daddy’s girl. He calls me “Smash,” a nickname he gave me when I was a little girl. My dad was my hero, my spiritual leader (for 20 years until I got married), my best friend, my coach, my boss (I worked for him at his Chick-fil-A growing up), and the only man in my life that NEVER broke my trust growing up.
As you can imagine, I was completely heart broken. But it also brought a lot of problems in my marriage. Imagine this – the father you trusted your life with for 20 years breaks your trust in the worst way possible. How the heck was I supposed to now trust David? A man I’ve only known for a little over a year.
Thankfully, David and I got great counseling, and I learned that he is not my dad and that David has never given me a reason not to trust him. But here’s the thing, my Dad’s choices didn’t just bring consequences into his life…. he brought very hard realities into all of our lives.
I will say this – my mom, my siblings and I are praying for a miraculous intervention from the Lord. And my dad really seems to be pursuing Jesus and His healing now, which I am thankful for… but it will be a long road with no guarantees.
I know that there are some of you reading my story who have gone through or are currently going through life-shattering pain. My heart breaks for you. I know what you’re facing every day. Some days, you feel like you’re going to die because the weight of the pain feels unbearable. That’s why I’m writing this post. I want to share how I am dealing with and surviving the pain in hopes that it helps you too.
I know your heart is so heavy, and it’s a constant fight just to keep it together, but I PROMISE you’re going to be okay. You’re so much stronger than you think you are. How am I so certain? Because if you weren’t going to be okay God would never allow you to go through this without His help.
When I am in such a low place that taking just one more step is impossible, all I can do is sit in silence. Sit in silence trusting and remembering that the same God that moves mountains and speaks stars into existence, is the same God that calls me his beloved daughter. He’s putting breath in my lungs and holding my hand every step of the way. I say these words in my head over and over again, “My God has never forgotten about me nor forsaken me, and I know he’s not going to start now.” “My God is so big, so strong and so mighty. There’s NOTHING my god cannot do for you.”
When we have no more strength, we must rely on God and His strength to handle it on our behalf – and he delights in this. Now, I don’t believe God brings pain and chaos in our world, but I do think He allows it for multiple reasons.
One of the reasons being to bring him glory and shame Satan back to Hell where he belongs.
In the book of Job from the Bible, it talks about how Satan was roaming the earth, looking for someone He could test to see if they would turn from God if bad things happened (Job 1-2). God asked Satan if He had considered (testing) Job. But wait, why would God suggest that Satan test Job – one of his faithful servants? Is it because God was mad at Job or wanted him to hurt? No, absolutely not.
God suggested Job because He trusted Job. He trusted Job to stay strong through whatever trial Satan might throw his way, knowing Job would never blame God or give up on Him. God gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors. In a way, it’s an honor to be trusted with pain because it says a lot about what God sees in you and what He wants to bring out of you. I have to remind myself that suffering is not an obstacle to be used by God, it’s an opportunity to be used by God like never before.
Where there is impossible pain, God always offers incredible power.
Where there is impossible pain, God always offers incredible power. But we must stay close to Him and trust Him. I’ve always heard about the super natural strength God gives people, but I have never experienced it like I am now. Maybe it’s because I never got to a point in my life where the pain was too much. Too much to handle on my own, so I just handled it on my own rather than tapping into the incredible strength God had for me.
I get it now. I now know how powerful this kind of “God strength” is. It’s in me and working through me. And it’s a gift I would not trade.
So, am I okay? No, not really. But I will be! I have a God who has given me so much supernatural strength and peace, it would blow your mind. No, I don’t like this storm that I am navigating and no, I don’t like what has happened to my siblings, my mom and I. But I know Jesus is with us and that brings me so much peace.
I know we are not alone and God is in control. This helps take the burden off trying to figure out how fix this on my own. Instead of trying to figure it all out, I am committed to fixing my eyes on the One who cares and loves me unconditionally.
“So, we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things, we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever,” 2 Corinthians 4:18.
Here are the three things I must do every day to fix my eyes on the Lord:
1. Get in His word.
God will speak to us so tenderly, powerfully and perfectly through His written word. I especially love the book of Psalms in this season.
2. Worship often.
Turn on your favorite praise music (really loud) and get lost in praising God for who He is and who you are because of Him. I am determined to walk through this trial with praises, mixed with my tears, so that others can experience Jesus through me. My tears will turn into a victory for the cause of Christ.
(Here is a link to the playlist my sister, Hope Houser, made for us to listen to in this season.)
3. Look beyond.
Look beyond your pain, current circumstances and what you’re feeling right now. Find comfort in God’s truths, knowing that He uses all things for good – that there’s a purpose for your pain. In adversity, you have the opportunity to shine Christ’s light brighter and louder than ever before. The darker it gets, the brighter His light shines. The more impossible it gets, the more it becomes evident that the only answer is Jesus.
If you are going through a hard time, this is my prayer for you: I pray God gives you grace to suffer well. I pray He surrounds you with a community of love and support. I pray he gives you strength to do more than “just make it” through this season, but to shine so bright through it. I pray God increases your influence like never before. I pray that He daily gives you the faith to not stare at what’s in front of you, but to see what God sees. His view goes beyond the temporary. His view is eternal.
“I’ll be with you. I won’t give up on you; I won’t leave you. Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul…Then you’ll get where you’re going; then you’ll succeed. Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” Joshua 1:5-9
God loves you and so do I.
Ashley Hodges
by Live Original | Aug 16, 2017 | College, Disabilities, Grief, Hope, Joy, Life Advice, LO Library, Testimonies |
April 21, 2008 should have been my last day on this Earth…but obviously, I’m still here! Nearly 10 years after everything changed for me, I’m still finding my way in a life that looks nothing like I thought it would. But one thing I know for sure, God didn’t make a mistake with me, and He hasn’t made a mistake with your life either!
When I was 26, out of the blue, without a sign or symptom, I suffered a massive brain stem stroke while my six-month-old baby, James, slept in the other room. My husband of 3 years, Jay, just happened to come home between his final law school classes and saved my life.
The prognosis was so grim it was unlikely I would even make it through the night. After 16 hours of micro-brain surgery, I miraculously survived, but parts of my brain had been removed, and no one knew what would be next for me: Would I ever wake up? Would I be paralyzed? Would I die?
I did eventually wake up after 40 days on life support in ICU, but I woke up to a body that didn’t work, hooked up to a dozen machines, and I was no longer the woman or wife or mom I had been before. That was when the real work began. I would spend nearly two years in hospitals and rehabs before I would get to go back home.
People often ask if I ever had a moment of true despair after my stroke. I think the answer is Yes AND No. If I truly despaired, I don’t think I’d be here today, but I did come dangerously close about 6 months after I had survived.
It was a few days before Thanksgiving. I was still very, very bad off recovering in a brain rehab surrounded by death and tragedy and a growing awareness of the horror of my new normal. I had taken my ninth swallowing test which I felt so sure I would pass as a gift from God entering the holiday season–turkey legs, here I come! But I failed it again and was slapped with the bigger reality that I could not eat, could not walk, could barely talk, could hardly hold up my own head, let alone play with, engage or take care of my one-year old child. If I was gone, the burden of caring for me and the sadness that came with it would be lifted off the people I loved most in the world. Jay could re-marry an able-bodied woman, and James could have a “normal” mommy. Clearly God had made a mistake by letting me live.
Just as these thoughts began to wash over me, flooding into the deepest places of my broken heart, they were overwhelmed by—I was overwhelmed by—one of the most unusual and life-changing experiences. Though it wasn’t an audible voice from God, it was an awakening of scripture, a vibrant reminder of all the truest things about me and about God, things I had known my whole life but that came to my mind in the moment I needed them most with more clarity and purpose than ever before.
I recounted this “epiphany of hope” in my book, HOPE HEALS. I believe these words were for me in that moment, but they are for you too…
‘Katherine [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE!] you are not a mistake. I DON’T MAKE MISTAKES. I know better than you know. I’m God, and you’re not. Remember that you were fearfully and wonderfully made in your mother’s womb, and that is when the AVM formed in your brain.
There is purpose in all of this. Just wait. You’ll see. There is no replacing you! Jay could never, ever marry a woman as amazing as you. James could never have a mommy like you. Think about what this will mean for his life. Mommy’s stroke will always be a part of his story. That is a gift to him. It will inform his life. Let him consider it pure joy as he grows. All of this will teach him in ways beyond anything you could say or do.
Trust Me. I am working out EVERYTHING for your good. Don’t doubt this truth just because you are in darkness now. What’s true in the light is true in the dark.
I know you can’t fight this. That doesn’t matter. All you have to do is be still and let Me fight for you. I will complete the good work I began when I gave you new life. I will carry it on to completion. Believe that. My nature is to redeem and restore and strengthen. This terrible season will come to an end. You will suffer for a little while, and then I will carry you out of this.
You will see My goodness in the land of the living. Lean into this hope. Let it teach you how special you are. Most people will never go through this kind of hell on earth. I have chosen you. Live a life worthy of this special calling you have received.’“ (pg. 164, HOPE HEALS by Katherine and Jay Wolf)
*reprinted with permission from Zondervan Publishing House and Katherine & Jay Wolf, copyright 2016
For more information on “Hope Heals”, go to www.hopehealsbook.com.
by Live Original | Aug 3, 2017 | Being Planted, Joy, LO Library, Testimonies |
gratitude is specific, not generic.
Have you ever wanted to tell someone how much they mean to you, but you didn’t know what to say? Maybe it is a friend, parent, teacher or boss… whoever it may be, it often seems like it is never the right time to say what’s on your heart. My husband’s grandfather was famous in our family for his wisdom filled one liners. One statement in particular I will never forget is this: “The things you appreciate tend to get better, the things you depreciate tend to get worse.”
That line has always stuck with me! Unless I appreciate and recognize the good around me, I might completely miss when things get better. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “Give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (ESV) Learning to express gratitude is God’s will for our lives. Being ungrateful can lead to heartbreak, dissatisfaction and cold relationships. Who wants that? Not me. Gratitude on the other hand sustains friendships, secures marriages, and opens your heart to a road of purpose that only grateful eyes see. What do we find on the grateful road? You’ll never know unless you get the guts to start recognizing the beauty in others around you. But I’ll give you a little preview if it could mean you possibly decide to choose gratitude.
1 Thessalonians 5:18: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
On the grateful road, we FIND OUR SOURCE. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and last year I was home in Louisiana with my family for the entire turkey filled weekend. As we sat around the table eating dinner with the family, I asked my little 4-year-old niece what she was thankful for this Thanksgiving. Her quick and confident response was “myself.” I started to laugh and then explained the question again. She put on her best stubborn face and responded again, just a little slower this time – “MYSELF.” That is a hilarious statement from a 4-year-old, but as adults we make a dangerous assumption when we believe we are self-made. You are not self-made. You are not you own source. There was a teacher, a mom, a friend, and there has ALWAYS been a God who has been watching, guiding and providing for you. So, if we were to have a coffee break today together and I asked you who your source is, would you know? Source of what? Strength, direction, wisdom, provision… your daily source for your daily needs. And have you shown them gratitude? You see, gratitude is specific, not generic. It’s not just “I’m blessed..” WHO are you blessed by? Not just “I’m grateful” Grateful for what? Not just “This is a good day..” Who made it a good day and why? The ungrateful sit around examining what they don’t have, while the grateful recognize what they have been given and who gave it.
“When you choose to be grateful, you find your voice because only YOU can express gratitude for what others have done for you.”
Once you find your source, it’s time to put gratitude into action! On the grateful road, we FIND OUR VOICE. I grew up in a family that had traditions… some were kinda crazy. Like every Easter my mom would make a fake knock sound at the door and there would be bunnies sitting outside on our porch… yes, real, live, hopping, bunnies. Other traditions were expected. Like Friday night football and cheering for all my brothers as they took their turn out on the gridiron. But there was one tradition that stayed with me far after I moved out of the house at 17 years old. My parents call it the “honor circle”. Any time there was a birthday, graduation or special occasion, we would take time before the end of the night to go around the table, one by one, and honor whoever we were celebrating. Everyone was expected to verbalize their gratitude and there were no exceptions to escape this moment. My parents forced us to get over any awkward feelings, embarrassment or self-centered silliness, and gave us the space to express encouragement to those we loved the most. They truly helped us find our voice!
When you choose to be grateful, you find your voice because only YOU can express gratitude for what others have done for you. Its empowering to be able to explain how someone has impacted your life. It doesn’t have to be weird, dramatic or long. Gratitude simply needs to be authentic. Every day we have the opportunity to find our voice and use it to build the relationships in our lives. And as you find your voice, you find your place. On the grateful road we FIND OUR PLACE.
I grew up in a family of 6 kids. My older sister and I could not have been more different as children, and the differences only grew as we entered our teen years. We were civil, but I would not say we were close. She left for college and law school, then I left for college and somewhere along the way, we started to chat on the phone. I started to call for advice and she would call to see how I was doing. We became grateful for one another. Before I knew it, we were talking every morning, and that has been the case for the last 10 years. She is one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me. We were not close living under the same roof, but now, we’ve never been closer – even though we are separated by thousands of miles. Relationships are not built on titles, they are built on intimacy. Intimacy depends on the heart, not on physical miles.
Gratitude expressed consistently creates intimacy. Our gratitude brings us close to God. He responds to our worship and thankfulness. Our gratitude towards our family and friends changes the atmosphere and makes a house a home. Our gratitude for our leaders and those we lead creates trust and genuine relationships. We find our place when we become grateful! You belong close to God, close to your family and those you love. Its solidifies and sustains relationships. Ungrateful thoughts, remarks and actions create distance. Gratitude captures the heart of heaven! Salvation secures our eternity but daily gratitude towards God brings us close to him in genuine relationship.
If you are ready to start on the grateful road, here is my challenge to you:
1. Make your gratitude specific. Make it a habit to thank God for the little and the big things in your life as you go through your day. Watch as you begin to feel closer to Him and aware of His presence.
2. Look someone in the eyes and verbalize that you are grateful for them. Make it a goal to express gratitude to someone each day. Watch as the atmosphere changes and your relationships gain more intimacy.
