Adapted from Let Go of Unmet Expectations, Overcome Anxiety, and Discover Intimacy with God by Lauren and Michael McAfee

Lament. This word may be an unfamiliar concept to you, but in Scripture it shows up frequently. Old Testament scholars consider two-thirds of the book of Psalms to be psalms of lament. There is also a book of the Bible named Lamentations, which is a recorded memorial to the pain and confusion the Israelites felt following the destruction of their city and its fall to Babylon.

The point is that the Bible is no stranger to lament. Lament is the expression of grief and sorrow. Lament is the process by which a person can verbalize, express, or even moan about the pains that have brought grief into their life. Lament is a way to voice our confusion about God’s character and promises. Lament provides sacred dignity to our suffering.ii We can look to the psalmists, who spent a great deal of time reflecting on and expressing their grief, to be a model for us to remember the significance of the process of lament.

Lament exists because we live in a broken world, and processing our lament is necessary because God created us as emotional beings. We can recognize emotions as a good thing that can inform us, but emotions shouldn’t control us. Well stewarded emotions can play a helpful role in our lives, serving as a reminder of our humanity and of our capacity to love. When we see Jesus and his life on earth as both fully God yet fully man, we can observe the feelings that even Jesus felt. For example, Jesus expressed joy (Hebrews 12:2), sorrow (John 11:33–35), anger (Matthew 23:33), compassion (Matthew 9:20–22; John 8:1–11), empathy (John 4:1–11), and agony (Luke 22:42).

Jesus himself took time to express his emotional grief in the practice of lament. Days before his crucifixion, Jesus received word that his close friend Lazarus was very ill. Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha, were apparently friends who were more like family to Jesus, yet when the sisters sent word about their brother’s poor health, Jesus delayed in coming to see them. By the time he arrived, it was too late. Lazarus had died and Mary and Martha were in mourning.

Jesus, being God, already knew this. Jesus knew when he delayed coming that when he arrived, he would find Lazarus dead. Jesus knew that Martha would respond in anger and Mary in despair. Jesus taught that he was the resurrection and the life. Jesus knew that a few moments from now he would do the impossible and raise Lazarus from the dead. Yet to the surprise of those around him, Jesus responded with grief.

“Jesus wept,” John 11:35 reports. Because his friends were in pain, he cried.

The Bible shows us many examples of expressed lament as well as a Creator and heavenly Father who is willing to hear us out during our honest expressions of pain. Lament can be a prayerful proof of the relationship we have with God. Because when we turn toward God in our most painful moments, we welcome deeper intimacy with him.

One of the most comforting things for enduring seasons of grief is knowing that we are not alone. We have a Father in heaven who understands us. We have a Father who cares. Because of Christ’s life on earth, “we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Like us, God has grieved. Through his Son, Jesus, he has grieved. And because of this, we can feel more than confident in bringing our full emotional experience to him.

Consider Jesus’ life regarding how he experienced grief. Isaiah 53:3 says he was a “man of suffering, and familiar with pain.” As we saw in the account involving Lazarus, Jesus was in such a state of deep grief that he didn’t just cry, he wept.

If you’ve ever seen someone truly weep, then you know how intense it can be. Our Savior, Jesus, has been there. He understands intensity. Imagine Jesus in his full humanity, bent over, groaning with tears. And let the image compel you toward him, toward the one who truly understands.

We don’t honor God by ignoring or stuffing our emotions. As we follow Jesus’ example, we honor whom he created us to be. When we create space to express our sorrows both to God and to others in safe and loving relationships, we reflect the authenticity he possessed.

As we come to Jesus in authenticity, our level of intimacy with him is enriched. As we lay down the facade we’ve been hiding behind, we allow him to make us whole.

Adapted from Beyond Our Control: Let Go of Unmet Expectations, Overcome Anxiety, and Discover Intimacy with God Copyright © 2023 by Lauren and Michael McAfee. Published by Thomas Nelson. Coming November 7, 2023, wherever books are sold.