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I used to get frustrated because I couldn’t see God like other people did or as they seemed to. I didn’t understand how God could be so evident in some people‘s lives and so absent in my own. I would pray and pray for God to show up and it seemed I had nothing. Wind would move a tree branch after a prayer and I’d think “is that God?”, “what does that mean?”. You can laugh, I am too, but I know we’ve all thought it one time or another. I was so desperate to hear and see God more but I didn’t know what I was looking for or even what God “moving” really meant.

During this time I would pray this prayer of asking Him to show up in my life and then my focus would drift to just about everywhere. If I’m being honest, I wanted to see God, know God, watch Him move, and move with Him. But I wanted to try out what I desired, what was popular, and what everyone else said was fun. I wanted God’s provision, peace, and joy- only I wanted to get them my way.

I was praying once a day or once a week to see God and know Him more. But my sights weren’t really focused on Him. I was half focused on living life with God and half focused on living a life that I deemed desirable. And wow. What a frustrating and draining place to be.

I halfway wanted God. And if I’m being honest with you I believe halfway wanting God is where a lot of us are right now. It was a place I stayed for so long. I also believe it’s one of the most dangerous places to be. It’s exactly where the enemy wants us. He knows if we are halfway wanting Him – which is basically just distracted- He can keep us from fully and freely walking with God.

Afterall, how can we walk fully if we are halfway focused on where we are walking or who we are walking with? If we are halfway focused, the enemy can keep us from thinking God is moving in our lives because we aren’t focused enough to see it. Or we do see Him moving but are too distracted to acknowledge it or let it bring us closer to him. 

In other words, our focus determines what we see.

Have you ever wanted something? Like really wanted something? Since I was little I’ve always wanted a Jeep. Not the most spiritually significant desire I know. Bare with me. I’ve always loved Jeeps. When God started my business and I decided to tag along, I knew I would need a bigger car to lug huge boxes of merchandise and orders to and from. My time had finally come to buy my Jeep. While I was looking for the right one to buy, something funny happened: every car on the road became a Jeep. Not literally, but it really did seem like that. I saw Jeeps everywhere. I’d count 23 on a 5 minute drive.

What was going on? Why was almost every car on the road all of the sudden a jeep? Who was pranking me? After this going on for weeks, I realized something. The Jeeps had always been there. It was my focus that changed. 

I was so focused on the jeeps because that’s what I really wanted. They weren’t all the sudden appearing, I was just finally noticing them. 

This realization led to a big shift in my faith. I found that the same was true in my Faith as my jeep phenomenon. God had always been there. He was there every second of my 5 minute drives, my once a day/week prayers, in all the times I chose what I thought I desired. He was all around me moving, but I wasn’t focused enough to see Him.

You see, the more we focus on something the more you’ll see it. The clearer it will be. No really, it’s science. The more a biologist focuses her microscope, the clearer the object she’s looking at will be.

The difference between her choosing to focus the microscope or not? If she wants to. The difference between you choosing to focus on God or not? If you want to.

The ability to see/hear/know God is dependent on your want to focus on Him or not.

When I started seeing all the jeeps it was because I really wanted one. It was the top desire of my heart. Shallow, I know. But I realized that if I really wanted to see God I needed to do the same with Him. He needed to be the top desire of my heart. The thing that my heart desired most.

I needed to remove all the other desires distracting me. Ones like what was popular, what everyone else said was fun and would fulfill me, and most importantly me thinking I knew best for myself.

After living a life wanting and focused on God for a little bit now, I’ve got something beautiful to tell you. God actually had my heart’s desires in mind. He actually delights in showing me them and somehow He knows them better than I ever do myself. He’s not going to just start appearing, He’s ready to show you that He’s already been moving. Do you want to see?

Hi! I’m MM! I like to make, write, and say things that make remind  people of how loved they are. Xx

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Maia Billman

Author Maia Billman

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