I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how as women we naturally crave security. It is a cry from the depths of who we are, our very nature, whether we have put words to it or not.
For you, maybe one of these lies resonates:
I’m single, a boyfriend will make me feel whole.
Well now I’m dating, but a ring on my finger would solve all the problems and erase all these ever recurring doubt. If I could JUST lose those five, ten, okay maybe 20 pounds THEN, then I would be happy. And if I just had a different job I would definitely worry much less.
And if… If I just… If I maybe… If I had… If I could FINALLY…*insert missing item* that SURELY will erase the insecurity, heal the wound, or abate the loneliness. If…what a pesky word.
Here’s a different use of if: if you only knew, the enemy is constantly, ceaselessly and continuously attempting to lure us into reaching for things that satisfy knowing all the while as soon as we have those things… ultimately true satisfaction will once again seemingly be just out of reach. Right behind the next “if”. His desire is multi-dimensional, but one dimension I’ll choose to focus on today for the sake of time, is His desire to distract us and mislead us. Everything, (underline everything) in this life is fickle. It’s fleeting. A drop in the eternal bucket, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor whipped in the wind. Yet so much of what we spend our life building, clinging to or worrying about can be gone in the blink of an eye. GONE. Just gone. Here one day and gone the very next, yet… we think attaining, one (or all) of these fickle fading temporary sources of security will somehow one day fill that void, thwart the reaching, ease the longing, soothe the aching, or cure the seeking for security. So knowing it’s all gonna leave at some point can then someone tell me how can our security come from any one thing thing or person?
THE TRUTH IS: *spoiler alert* it can’t. Whoa, I bet you didn’t see that one coming. Before I give you the other spoiler (hint: It can only come from God, big wow didn’t see that coming did you) let me explain the psychological dysfunction trap we’ve all fallen prey to. It’s the enemy’s favorite trap, or at least one of them. It’s called the principle of transference.
All our deepest needs: purpose, identity, value, destiny and wait for it…security, all must have a source. They are not self originating. If they were we would innately be in need of nothing, and if you’re anything like me, girl, we are for SURE in need. We need all 5 of those things, but we are in search of where to find them. So instead of getting them ALL from the source, our sweet King Jesus & His eternal scriptures…. we turn to men, maybe money double taps which produce little red hearts on our screen or some semblance of status on an app that didn’t even exist 10 years ago. Those just won’t do. Why? Because the weight of security or purpose is GREAT, and when we place that weight on a human being or earthly thing,
It will collapse. Don’t believe me? Try this.
Go up to your boyfriend/husband or even your friend and tell them your purpose, your security, your value, your destiny and your identity…it comes from them. WOAH. Heavy. Yeah let me know how that goes, they’ll probably start running before you get to the third item….but sweetheart, don’t we do this anyway? Sure maybe we don’t say it out loud, but when we get rejected, why does it cause us to question everything? When we fail why do we feel a little less worthwhile or beautiful? Why? I’ll tell you, even though I already gave you the spoiler alert….it’s because if we let the devil distract us, we will lose sight of the TRUE, SINGULAR, PREEMINENT AND EVERLASTING source. Yaweh.
HE and He alone, is our security. And our security comes from truly understanding the devoted love of our Creator. It depends on HIS faithfulness, not ours. The one thing that never changes is God and His love for us. It’s uncomplicated. Living loved means we have to really know who our Daddy is. Oh how He loves you sister.
Understanding God’s love for us is the answer to security and this is something we have to work at being rooted in each and every day by mediating on it constantly. There are six different tools that have helped me personally and I’m excited to share them with you!
1. Rewrite scripture over your life.
Journaling Ephesians 3:16-21 is a great place to start! Try rewriting it like this or in your own way:
Father, strengthen me with power in my inner being through Your Spirit. Dwell in my heart. I want to be rooted and firmly established in Your love. May I truly understand the depth of your love for I believe to know Your love that surpasses all understanding is the answer to being filled with Your fullness. I know that anything outside of You will always leave me empty. I know You are able to do above and beyond all that I can ask or think according to Your power at work in me, and to You be the glory forever and ever.
2. Ask Him to keep revealing His love to you.
We are surrounded by God’s love every minute of every day, don’t believe it? Breathe in. That breath you just took, that was a gift given, simply because Jesus thought the earth and his life would be sweeter with you in it. In Jeremiah 29:13, the Lord says, “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.” Simply ask Him to open the eyes of your heart to see what He wants you to see.
3. Ask Him what He loves about you.
One of my friends shared with me that she often asks the Lord to show her what He loves about her before she starts her quiet time and it inspired me to do the same! God is intimate and personal. Give Him the opportunity to show you how detailed He is.
4. Write the alphabet of who God says you are
On a piece of paper write out the letters A-Z down the side. As you spend time with the Lord start filling in the page with words that describe who God says you are. For example, beside letter B, you can write “beloved”. I do this in the back of every new journal I start and fill it in as I spend time reading the Bible and come across new words.
5. Sticky note affirmations
I am a HUGE fan of this one. You can stick them to your mirrors, the dashboard, or even the computer screen! One of my favorites is: “I am peaceful, prosperous, stable and secure, healthy and healed.”
6. Gratitude journaling
This is basically like keeping track of God’s resume! Writing down what you’re thankful for each day and then looking back at all the moments God has shown up for you is the most comforting thing you may ever experience!
If insecurity is knocking at your door today, I want you to know you are not alone. I encourage you to choose at least one of these tools to implement into your everyday life. I’m confident you will be amazed at how much more anchored, rooted and secure you’ll become day after day as you start to understand God’s devoted love for you, sister.
Tayler is a personal trainer and founder of a mentorship program that integrates faith, fitness and well-being. Her purpose is to help women become TRULY fit by helping them understand who they are, Whose they are and that radiant beauty starts from within. She recently moved to Nashville, TN where she is fully embracing new friends, coffee shops, farmer’s markets and the best views for sunrises and sunsets.
Follow Tayler on instagram @taylerjordanfit