by Meghan Ryan Asbury | Nov 12, 2024 | Featured, Jealousy & Comparison, LO Library |
Comparison loves to ruin my contentment.
For me, it usually starts when I’ve finished a peaceful time with Jesus in the morning. When I’ve not only managed to get up early to read my Bible, but I’m also feeling genuinely connected to God. His Word is alive. I literally want to sing shouts of praise. I resolve to start my day thinking, God is so good, and I’m thankful for the many blessings he has given me!
After I’ve said prayers of gratitude and found a positive outlook for the day ahead, I reach for my phone. I wonder what’s happening on social media this morning. Almost instantly, my mood changes…
I see that a group of my friends got together last night for a beautiful dinner. All smiling and laughing in beautiful dresses and making inside jokes to each other in the comments. And they didn’t invite me.
Another friend announces she and her model-looking husband and perfect matching-outfitted children are expecting yet another baby.
An influencer I follow has posted from her lavish beach vacation, sporting her perfect sculpted abs in a bikini.
Before I throw my phone across the room with envy, I see another friend got engaged. Did I mention how massive the ring is?
It takes all of three minutes for my morning of gratitude to get hijacked by jealousy. Discontentment can grow easily when we are distracted by comparison.
If we’re honest, in a social media driven world, we all struggle with comparison.
But here is something really important to acknowledge: comparison is actually a sin.
The Bible says we’re not supposed to covet our neighbor, and comparison is rooted in coveting. (See Exodus 20:17) It’s not a new problem in 2024 because we have access to see what everyone else has or is doing at the swipe of our finger; it’s something we’ve struggled with since the beginning of time.
Like any sin though, we have to cut it off at the root. We have to treat it like it’s ruining our lives, because it is!
Comparison is one of the enemy’s ploys against us as we live out who we’re called to be in Christ. If Satan can get us fixated on all the things we aren’t or things we don’t have, we will get stuck there. Instead of running after what God has called us to do, we will run after something else.
But when we quit playing the comparison game and instead consider Jesus as our prize, we win.
One of my favorite Bible verses is Philippians 3:14: “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Paul wrote these words from prison, but he was looking to the prize. To him, nothing was greater than eternity with Jesus.
Contentment and comparison cannot coexist. And if contentment is found inwardly, we cannot go looking for it externally.
It starts with choosing not to look at other people’s lives as markers of where we need to be. When we’re so busy looking at what God is doing in them, we miss what He’s doing in us. We miss what He has already done.
If you are struggling with this today, here are three invitations for you:
Spend time alone with God in His Word. Remind yourself of His love for you by reading the stories of what He has done and what He will do.
Ask the Holy Spirit to examine your heart and reveal where you’ve sought to find satisfaction in external things.
Allow God to trade your limited, earthly perspective for hope in His eternal promises.
Friend, God’s plan for your life is not meant to be compared to His plan for anyone else. Who God has called you to be is unique. How God is molding you into that person is also intentional (Psalm 139:13-14).
May we be willing to shift our gaze from what everyone around us is doing and see what God is doing in us.
Here is a prayer to get you started: God, I confess I’ve looked with envy at what You are doing in the lives of people around me. But I know all the things they have, the things I want, will never satisfy me in the ways Jesus does. Show me how to stop comparing so I can find true contentment in You alone. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Meghan Ryan Asbury is an author and speaker who is passionate about helping people find and live out their God-given callings. She’s worked in ministry both on college campuses and internationally as well as with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her first book, You Are Not Behind: Building a Life You Love Without Having Everything You Want, is now available. When she’s not surrounded by friends, you can usually find her reading a book or doing something outdoors. A Florida beach girl born and raised, she and her husband currently live in Nashville, Tennessee. You can connect with her on Instagram @meghanryanasbury and at alwaysmeghan.com.
by Meghan Ryan Asbury | Jun 4, 2024 | Forgiveness, Identity, Life Advice, LO Library, Purpose & Calling, Shame, Sin & Temptations
Not that long ago, my life looked anything but godly. I spent my college years like a walking stereotype: the semi-goody-two-shoes Christian girl who goes to college, joins a sorority, and turns into a party girl.
I have quite a few things in my past I’m not proud of. I made choices that caused me and others a lot of pain and heartbreak, and I made mistakes I sometimes wish I could undo.
You’re not reading a blog by a gal who has done it all right. In fact, you’re reading a blog by a gal whose past should disqualify her from writing about God at all.
For years after, I lived in shame.
I felt like if anyone knew my mistakes, they would write me off. When I compared my past to others’, I felt like mine was so much worse. And when I slipped back into old habits, I beat myself up for days.
If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. In all the hiding, and sometimes self-hatred, it’s easy to start believing that God couldn’t redeem any of it. Then it becomes even easier to believe that where you are right now is a direct result of what you’ve done.
But while shame threatens to steal your past, it does not get the final say in your story.
Romans 8:1 reminds us what is true: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
In Christ, you are free from having to hide in shame.
In Christ, you are also free from God’s judgment.
He took on our sins—past, present, and future—so we can have a relationship with God that never ends (Romans 5). We don’t have to be afraid of God; we get to be close to him.
While we can know in our heads that this is what the Bible says, it feels more challenging to believe in our hearts that it’s true. So if we find ourselves stuck in shame or believing we have to earn the blessings we long for, where do we go from here?
We turn to what’s true. We open our Bibles and find out what God says about the lies we believe. I’ve found three simple steps to do this:
1. Acknowledge what is a lie. If it contradicts God’s Word, it’s not true. Sometimes we need a friend to remind us of this, so send the text or make the phone call, and ask someone you trust if you’re believing a lie.
2. Replace the lie with what the Bible says is true. (And there’s no shame in Googling to find a verse if you don’t know where to start looking.)
3. Repeat the truth until it feels real. Which sometimes feels crazy, but eventually it sticks. And then the next time the lie creeps back in, the truth more quickly comes to mind.
If you start there, I think you’ll find when the enemy whispers in your ear that this is all your fault or you’ve missed it or it’s too late, you can tell him and yourself the truth:
God’s goodness does not change based on your decisions.
He is sovereign (Proverbs 16:9; Colossians 1:17).
He loves to redeem His people’s pasts and mistakes (Ephesians 1:7-9).
It’s the crazy, doesn’t make sense, upside-down grace of an empty grave that turns the most broken things into beautiful ones. I’m in awe that the most messed-up parts of our stories can actually be used to give God even an ounce of glory.
No matter how bad, shocking, or gross your past or current sin seems, God loves you too much to leave you feeling shame. When you surrender your life to Jesus, there is no more room for shame (Romans 8:28). It does not belong, and you can live free.
He provides a way out for every mistake and every intentional wrong if we confess and repent of our sin (1 John 1:8-9).
When we run to Jesus and put our faith in him, he provides a place for us. A place where we are no longer the guilty ones but the righteous ones because of his righteousness. A place where we are safe from the consequences of sin and death.
Friend, this is the best news. Regardless of your past mistakes, Jesus offers a refuge. He has prepared a place (John 14:1-3). There is no wrong you have done that cannot be forgiven. He is safe. All you have to do is run to him. He is closer than you think.
If we were sitting across the table from each other at a coffee shop, I’d tell you all about my college years: all the things I thought I’d never be able to say out loud, much less say without feeling ashamed. I’d recall how many times I thought I had messed up too much for God to love me.
Then I’d tell you about the small ways Jesus pursued my heart until he eventually got louder than I could ignore. I’d pull out my first journal with the pink flowers on it, the one that is tearstained and well-worn. I’d show you how he radically changed my life between my junior and senior years of college.
I might get a little teary as I reflect on all he has done to rescue me from myself, and how he continues to rescue me now, even years later. And then I’d look you in the eye and say, “He can do the same for you.”
God takes messed up people and accomplishes his purposes through them anyway.
So here is my challenge as we end this: Say the thing you are afraid to say out loud. To God, to a friend, or to a counselor. Say it aloud because that’s not who you are anymore.
When you live like you’ve been redeemed, living in the light and inviting others to do the same gets a whole lot easier. The enemy knows you’re dangerous to him if you’re no longer in the dark. And you, my friend, were made to bring light.
Meghan Ryan Asbury is an author and speaker who is passionate about helping people find and live out their God-given callings. She’s worked in ministry both on college campuses and internationally as well as with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her first book, You Are Not Behind: Building a Life You Love Without Having Everything You Want, releases in September 2024. When she’s not surrounded by friends, you can usually find her reading a book or doing something outdoors. A Florida beach girl born and raised, she and her husband currently live in Nashville, Tennessee. You can connect with her on Instagram @meghanryanasbury and at alwaysmeghan.com.
by Meghan Ryan Asbury | Dec 19, 2023 | Joy, Life Advice, LO Library, Purpose & Calling, Waiting
The idea of contentment gets thrown around a lot in Christian circles. If I’m honest, sometimes I get squirmy with the word contentment. Maybe it’s because when I was single, well-meaning people liked to tell me, “You’ll meet someone once you’re truly content.” Or maybe it’s because, single or not, this contentment thing has always felt like an impossible game to win.
At times I’ve assumed, If I want something, I won’t get it. But if I don’t want something, then I will get it. I feel like I have to try to manipulate my contentment. If I don’t want it or if I’m truly content, maybe then God will give it to me.
Whether I’m longing for a new season, an exciting change, or something deeper, I try to make myself not want it because I’ve come to believe that’s what contentment is all about.
Maybe you’ve been in a similar situation. You’ve tried to make yourself not want something you deeply desire because you think not wanting it will lead to contentment with what you currently have. But I think we’ve missed something important: Desire and contentment are not mutually exclusive.
Longing for something doesn’t mean never finding rest for your soul.
If I were to define contentment, I’d say: Contentment is an inward trust that God is both good and in control of my life, even when I wish my outward circumstances were different.
In Philippians 4, Paul tells us he learned the secret of contentment, and it’s a little unexpected: “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-13).
Desire and contentment are not mutually exclusive.
But how we act on our desires is important. Here are a few questions to ask yourself today to see if you are letting your desires dictate your contentment:
Are you letting your desires lead you to sin? (James 1:4)
Are you letting your desires hinder your relationships? (Colossians 3:5)
Are you letting your desires move you closer to God or further away from Him? (Galatians 5:16)
What’s the secret then? To deny our needs and wants? No, Paul didn’t fake his contentment. Nor did he find it because his circumstances were perfect. The contentment he found only came from Christ, not his own strength.
Even this sounds a little elusive. How do we find contentment in Christ?
I don’t know about you, but I love to think I can do things in my own strength. But I’m not as strong as I think I am. Try as I might, I can’t muster up my own contentment.
Contentment means living in God’s fullness, which means contentment is possible because it’s independent of our circumstances.
If you’re like me and wrestle with this, the Bible offers us practical ways to be content in our wanting. We can:
Fix our thoughts on godly things. (Philippians 4:8)
Remember what God has already done. (Psalm 103:1)
Talk to God; ask for what we want and seek His will in prayer. (Matthew 7:7-12)
Contentment means living in God’s fullness, which means contentment is possible because it’s independent of our circumstances.
We love verses like Ephesians 3:20: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”
Immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine? Sign me up! I’d be super content with that. But the “immeasurably more” isn’t found in my life looking the way I want it to.
God’s fullness looks like verses 14-19:
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
God cares more about our internal being than our external circumstances. Note what Paul calls the fullness of God: strength in your inner being, Christ dwelling in you, rooted and established in love, to grasp the love of Christ, to know his love.
God’s fullness does not change. He is “the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).
But this doesn’t mean we won’t still have desires. You can be content in Christ and still want something to be different.
Even when we finally get that one big thing we desired for so long, it won’t be long before we want something else.
In fact, I don’t know if we can truly be without desire and totally content this side of heaven. As long as we are alive, we are waiting for Jesus to come make all things new. Our longing for something more isn’t going to go away. But we can trust the Holy Spirit to help us experience contentment, regardless of our circumstances.
You can be content being single and still desire to be married.
You can be content in your job and still desire another one.
You can be content with a newborn and still desire to sleep more.
You can be content in whatever season you are in and still desire for something to be different.
Your longing for more is a good, eternal desire. Those desires move us to lean on the strength that comes from Christ. Who gives us everything we need to live fully right in the middle of our wanting today.
Meghan Ryan is an author and hype girl for people getting out of their comfort zones so they don’t miss the best part of life. A Florida beach girl born and raised, she currently lives in Nashville, TN and works as the Promotional Copy Writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her passion is for helping people find and live out their God-given callings. She’s worked in ministry on college campuses and internationally. When she’s not surrounded by friends, you can usually find her reading a book, doing something outdoors or teaching a Pure Barre class. Her first book releases in 2024 and you can connect with her on Instagram @meghanmryan and at alwaysmeghan.com.
by Meghan Ryan Asbury | Jun 6, 2023 | Career & Future, Identity, LO Library
If You Feel Behind, Read This…
It was a typical Tuesday-night get-together with three of my closest friends. Every week, we meet to we catch up on our weeks and sometimes vent about work. Sometimes there’s a lot to share. Other times we talk about a passage of Scripture or a book we are reading together. It’s one of my favorite times of the week. However, a lot had changed in the last few weeks since we had to the chance to all be together. One friend had a baby, and another got married; the third friend was sharing about an exciting new job opportunity.
While I held my friend’s baby, in a beautiful new home she owned, and listened to all the news I was genuinely so thrilled to hear, I felt myself start to panic.
I had nothing new to share.
Not one thing. Nothing noteworthy happened in the weeks since we had all seen each other. I didn’t even have the prospect of a husband, baby or promotion coming. All I could think about was the milestone 30th birthday that was fast approaching and how we were all going to start a new decade of our lives in very. different. places.
The lie looped on repeat in my head: I’m behind.
It was paralyzing because I couldn’t fix it. It was just my reality. We were physically sitting in the same room, but I couldn’t feel any further away from them than I did in that moment. More than feeling behind; I worried I was going to get left behind.
From that moment on, I’d never “catch up” to where they were. And that made me feel both sad, and scared. Sad, because they all were living things I desperately wanted and was unsure if I would ever get. Scared, because if they kept moving forward, would they leave me behind?
Do you ever feel like I do, like everyone is moving on without you? Like everyone is graduating to a new phase of life, and you’re stuck where you are? Whether it’s watching another friend get married or have a baby, or finding out someone you know is buying a home, it’s easy to look around and wonder: Did I miss something?
In those moments, I often question myself. Was I not in the right city or at the right job? Did I miss what God was calling me to do? Why does it seem like things are happening for everyone else but me?
What do we do with those questions? We spend so much time looking at what everyone else has or is doing.
And I’m afraid we are missing out on the best parts of life because we are stuck wishing for someone else’s.
But what if there’s a better way to live? A way to stop feeling behind and like we are striving to catch up?
What if we learned to love the places we live without wishing for something bigger, better or that we were somewhere else?
What if we embraced the things we are good at, do for work and for fun instead of looking at what everyone online is doing?
What if we built real, authentic community with the people in front of us instead of feeling left out?
What if we found confidence in the race God marked for us instead of trying to chase another one?
It’s possible. More than that, I think it’s urgent. Because the enemy would love nothing more than to slow you down, sideline you or make you want to quit. But you have a part to play in building the kingdom of God, and it’s really hard to do that if you’re distracted by feeling behind.
Psalm 27:13 tells us where we can place our confidence when we feel behind: “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”
When I reflect on this verse, I know those questions I ask myself aren’t true. I can see glimpses of the goodness of God right now. I can see some of the ways He has been working out the details of my life along the way. And when I pause to reflect on this, I remember life is not about getting to the next destination or graduating to another life phase; it’s about being faithful with what’s in front of you and around you right now. (Hebrews 11:13)
If you’re feeling “behind” today, here are four ways I’ve found encouragement to combat those lies:
- Pray with honesty. We can still be honest about what we long for even when we learn to enjoy what we have now. Prayer has the power to change things, so don’t stop asking and believing for God to move. (1 Peter 5:7)
- Put down social media. When we stop looking at what everyone else has or what they are doing, we are better able to love the life that’s right in front of us. (James 3:16)
- Practice gratitude. Slowing down long enough to appreciate the gifts God has already given makes us feel less like we are missing out on something. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
- Change your perspective. There are things in my life today that I used to pray for, and that perspective changes how I live. There are also things in my life that other people are praying for. (Hebrews 12:2)
These things won’t help you get ahead or crack the code to getting what you want, but they can help you learn to love the life God has placed you in.
There are still many days when I’m frustrated by things that haven’t changed in my life. But when we look back and see evidence of God’s faithfulness then, we can have confidence He is still being faithful now.
The next time you experience the fear of being behind, remember: You are not behind.
God is writing a story that is unique to YOU. It may not be the story you want, and it may not be in the timing you want, but He is not leaving you behind. Over and over, the Bible shows us He has not forgotten us. Like Romans 8:28 says, whatever He is working out behind the scenes is for your good and His glory.
We can surrender our plans and put our trust in His capable hands. He is not going to leave us where we are, but rather, take us to where He wants us to be.
Meghan Ryan is an author and hype girl for people getting out of their comfort zones so they don’t miss the best part of life. A Florida beach girl born and raised, she currently lives in Charlotte, NC and works as the Promotional Copy Writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her passion is for helping people find and live out their God-given callings. She’s worked in ministry on college campuses and internationally. When she’s not surrounded by friends, you can usually find her reading a book, doing something outdoors or teaching a Pure Barre class. Her first book releases in 2024 and you can connect with her on Instagram @meghanmryan and at alwaysmeghan.com.
