by Live Original | Oct 18, 2017 | Life Advice |
I struggle with expectations. There. I said it.
You see, it is hard for me to admit this because I have a super laid back personality, and pride myself on not sweating the small stuff. I am low maintenance, and I HATE drama. I am all about encouragement over here, not criticism.
Anyone else? Can I hear a “What, What?!?!?” “Amen sister?!”
But, as hard as a try to push the whole “don’t have expectations” thing out of the way, it still creeps up. I am all about progress here people, not perfection!
My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We started dating when I was 15 years old, and this is an example of when the whole “expectations” thing got the best of me.
It was my 16th birthday, and Josh (my then boyfriend, now hubby) was coming along on our family beach trip. I immediately started thinking up in my head of what he would be doing to celebrate my birthday.
Here were my ideas. Please don’t laugh. Okay, well you will, but here they are anyway:
· A big gesture at a family event one night on our trip?
· A sentimental gift?
· Or maybe even one of those airplanes that fly in the sky at the beach with a big “Happy Birthday Aly- I love you!?”
Ha, yes my expectations could be extreme at times, but that is what was going on in my almost 16 year old high-expectation head of mine.
As I woke up the morning of my 16th birthday, I looked in the room Josh was sleeping in. His door was cracked, but I didn’t see him in his bed. My mind immediately started running. That could only mean one thing, right?!
I imagined him out on the beach decorating our chairs early that morning. This had to be what he was doing!
I went down stairs and noticed a walkie-talkie was gone. Yes, I did not have a cell phone, and that is how we communicated while at the beach. I figured he had taken a walkie-talkie down to the beach to be able to hear from my mom of when I was headed out there so he could get everything set up.
Everything I saw kept supporting my idea of him on the beach setting up a big 16th birthday bash.
Wow, this day was going to be so special!
So, out to the beach I walked, and as I was looking for the balloon display and 16th birthday banners, I saw nothing.
Yes, that’s right. Nothing.
I put my chair out and laid there trying to talk myself down from the disappointment.
Here’s what I was saying to myself:
“Aly how stupid of you to think he would do something for your birthday!!!”
“Don’t be mad at him. That will totally run him off.”
“Why did you get your expectations up? You are ruining your birthday!”
I laid out in my chair by myself for a few hours, and then I went back inside to now actually peek more through that cracked door that Josh was staying in – only to find him sound asleep!
I was frustrated. I was angry. And then I felt crazy and stupid for even allowing myself, yes, MYSELF to ruin my birthday morning.
I got myself together and determined to not let this ruin my day. We were at the beginning of our relationship, so I kept this little story and feelings to myself until years later.
Thankfully, I didn’t let it ruin my day, but this was the first time in my life that I had to accept and embrace that my “laid-back, no drama” self struggled with having high expectations.
From that day forward, I had to continually tell myself to lower my expectations. As I did this, I found I wasn’t nearly as upset when something didn’t go the way I had foreseen it to go. If I just kept my expectations low, I learned that I wouldn’t be setting myself up for hurt. This seemed like such a better way to live.
This is what I would tell myself:
“Don’t get your hopes up, Aly. If you don’t put yourself out there, you won’t get hurt. Stay safe. It isn’t fun to be disappointed. Just know that people are flawed, and if you keep your expectations low, how happy you’ll be when people exceed these expectations!”
What great advice!
My life quickly became better and more fulfilling when I started doing this. I truly do suggest doing this with people. People are flawed. We have to get our minds off of ourselves and what we deserve.
The only problem with this theory of thought–not getting your hopes up–is that we take this good advice when dealing with people, and we do this same thing in our relationship with God.
We CANNOT do this.
The whole “don’t get your hopes up” thing with God isn’t setting you up for prayers to be answered. It is setting you up for your prayers to be stunted.
With God, We MUST get our hopes up.
“But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.” Micah 7:7
I have a crazy, God-breathed, supernatural story all about seeing God’s miracles and faithfulness in my life. Each one of these miracles I have seen God do have started with me believing this simple phrase:
Get Your Hopes Up.
When I was 24 years old, I was diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of stage 3 breast cancer. We were told to lower our expectations as my healing had less than a 20% chance of happening.
I got my hopes up and was HEALED.
After adopting our first daughter, we were told the birth mother was wavering in her decision to keep the baby. Everything within me told me to protect myself, stop bonding with this baby, pick up my healed self, stop getting my hopes up, be thankful and walk away.
I got my hopes up things would change, and the birth mom audibly heard from God that we were the parents, and we had our first daughter – our miracle, Genevieve Rose.
After my breast cancer treatments, we were told my chances of becoming pregnant were impossible, as chemotherapy had damaged all of my eggs.
I got my hopes up and got PREGNANT with yet another miracle daughter, our Vera Alyce.
A month into my pregnancy, we learned that the birth mother from our first daughter was pregnant again, and she asked us to adopt this baby (another girl), Lydia Joyce, and we said YES!
Our last 2 daughters were born just 11 days apart. After experiencing our miracle baby Vera’s birth, Lydia was born and the birth mom made a decision to try and keep her.
I was completely devastated, and I remember thinking, “This could not be happening again!!!” We were crushed beyond our wildest imagination.
Why did we get our hopes up?
Why would we expose ourselves to this much hurt and pain?
How stupid were we?
This hurts so badly!!!
Here’s the thing: Did you know that God’s goodness never stops, even in the middle of pain?
His desire is not to have you experience pain to simply experience pain, but for you to experience His goodness in full, and often times that comes through pain.
After putting ourselves out there again, after getting our hopes up, again, God did the impossible yet again.
We got our hopes up YET AGAIN and our third daughter became a Taylor. The birth mother at the last minute chose for us to be the parents of our Lydia, against all odds.
God didn’t have to do it again. And if he hadn’t done it again – if it hadn’t been His will for us to have Lydia, we would still be praising Him and still getting our hopes up.
We choose to get our hopes up simply because His word says to do it, and if God’s promises are conditional (and many are), I must do my part if I want to see those promises come to pass.
Sometimes we have to get to a seemingly impossible situation to get our hopes up when it makes no sense at all. This ”foolish” faith is what makes us stand out from the world.
This is what and where God wants us.
He wants us getting our hopes up in the small moments and the big ones. You may not be facing cancer, infertility, or adoption. But God cares about every single detail of your life.
Stop putting your thoughts about humans on our SUPERNATURAL, MIRACLE working God!
If we believe God is big, and if we believe God can do the impossible, We MUST get our hopes up!
Are you:
Single and believing for a Godly spouse? Get your hopes up!
Not knowing what you want to do for your future? Get your hopes up!
Struggling with depression? Get your hopes up!
Facing an impossible illness? Get your hopes up!
Waiting on a prodigal to come home? Get your hopes up!
Feeling helpless with an addiction? Get your hopes up!
Thinking your marriage is over? Get your hopes up!
Feeling hopeless about witnessing to an unbeliever? Get your hopes up!
Let’s stop living in a safe world where we self-protect over and over and over.
If we want to see God do the supernatural, the impossible, we must started believing for it.
We MUST get our hopes up.
And God is no respecter of persons. What he has done for me, he wants to do and will do for you.
Are you in a place of pain today?
Hang on. Get your hopes up, against all odds.
It is in the crazy indescribable pain, where thereafter God offers a crazy exhilarating joy.
The joy my family and I experience today is a joy that is truly inexpressible.
Will you surrender?
Just get ready, if you do this, if you get your hopes up, yes you are opening up yourself to immense hurt, but stay focused on the end of the story.
Spolier alert: Here’s the ending: Inexpressible joy and experiencing God in a way few ever do. Your faith will be made authentic. (1 Peter 1:8)
Be brave. Be bold. Have what the world would call a “foolish faith” and sit and watch what God will do.
GET YOUR HOPES UP.
Mark 9:23 “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
Always hopeful,
Xo,
Aly
by Live Original | Sep 28, 2017 | Life Advice, Testimonies |
happy today, happy tomorrow.
There’s a connection between the way you think and the way you are. Not only that, there’s also a direct link between the way you think today and the person you will become tomorrow. Your thoughts, words, and actions will determine your life more than anything else—more than where you go to college, more than what you major in, and more than the first job you get.
Years ago, someone came up with a great quotation that makes this point really well. I say “years ago” because a version of this saying goes back at least to 1910, and I say “someone” because it has been credited to all kinds of people, from Mahatma Gandhi to Margaret Thatcher’s father to the founder of a supermarket chain in Texas.1 I’m not sure anyone knows who should really get the credit for it, but I like the words, and I know they are true:
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
The short “Sadie version” of this quotation is: your thoughts determine your destiny. If you want to get a glimpse of where you are headed in the future, start by looking at what you’re thinking about today. I want to encourage you to make up your mind to be happy, because your mind is where happiness begins. Thinking happy will not mess up your schedule, and it will not cost any money, but it will be the best investment you can make. It won’t even make you tired; in fact, it will probably give you more energy than ever, because happiness just has that effect on people. If you are down or discouraged, decide today to shake that off and become a happier person by thinking happier thoughts. You can make your life and your future better just by thinking happier thoughts.
But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful. —Psalm 68:3
by Live Original | Sep 19, 2017 | Life Advice |
your best you.
It’s one thing to tell ourselves, “I can only fix myself.” It’s another thing to know how to do that. I have a few suggestions. Don’t be obsessed with yourself; take responsibility for yourself. I’m kind of shocked sometimes when I see how obsessed people can be with themselves. Lots of people think about themselves more than they think about others. Some are so focused on how great they are or are so worried about what others are thinking of them that they forget other people are great too, and they forget to put others first.
Being obsessed with ourselves is not the same as taking responsibility for ourselves. When we decide to take responsibility for ourselves, we can definitely acknowledge our good points, but we also have to look at areas where we need to grow and improve. Then we have to do something about those things. For example, do you have trouble being on time? That’s really disrespectful toward others, so maybe you can work on not being late anymore. Or do you sometimes tell little lies in order to keep from getting in trouble? That’s compromising your integrity, so you could decide today that you are going to tell the truth, even if you have to go through some consequences. The whole idea of personal responsibility is not always popular, but as I said earlier, it’s one of the best ways we can grow and become mature.
Think of it like a workout for what’s inside of you. Taking responsibility may feel heavy or hard—like lifting weights sometimes does—but it makes the muscles of who you are and makes your character strong. Get great friends. If you are anything like I am, your friends are really important to you. I have a great group of close friends. Some of them are in my grade at school, others are a year or two older. So obviously, what makes us friends is not that we are the same age, but that we share the same values. All of us love God, and we want to live our lives the way He teaches us in His Word.
No one can choose their family, but all of us can choose our friends. Whether you have a great family or a family you think is not so great, you can still choose awesome friends. They may not be the most popular group, but if they are people who love God, live by His Word, and have strong character, you can’t go wrong. You become like the people you hang around. One of the facts of life is that the people we are around have a major influence on us. So, spend your time with great friends, and they will help you become great too. Find someone older and wiser to talk to. I hope you have older, wiser people you can trust in your life, but I realize that not everyone does. I do have great parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, but sometimes I meet people or get messages from people who say they cannot count on the adults in their family to help them grow up strong and godly. My best advice is to find a teacher, a coach, a neighbor, or even a friend’s family member who will help you learn to take responsibility for yourself and to make good choices.
DON’T FORGET You can’t change anyone else. You can only fix you!
Excerpted from Live Original by Sadie Robertson, copyright Sadie Robertson.
by Live Original | Sep 11, 2017 | Life Advice |
Ever feel discouraged? I sure do. When life knocks the wind out of me, I have found no better remedy than to fill myself up with words that are God breathed. This doesn’t necessarily change my circumstances, but it always changes my attitude, renews my strength, and gives me the courage to continue chasing hard after Jesus – even when life gets hard and doesn’t make sense. Here are ten verses that bring peace to my heart in the midst of trials.
· “Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
· “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
· “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
· “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
· When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2
· “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
· “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
· “So, do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
· “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
· “I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 16:8
Lord, thank-you for always being by my side. When my strength falls short, you are my strong tower. When my faith is shaken, you are my firm foundation. I know I can trust You. I know Your plans for me are good. Help me to keep my eyes on you – even when the struggles of life blur my vision. Amen.
by Live Original | Aug 23, 2017 | Hope, Life Advice, LO Library, Motherhood, Parenting |
It is kind of funny to think about, but have you noticed how some of the people who inspire us the most are the ones that did what they were told they could not do? Here’s an example, “No way, you can’t land on the moon. That is impossible”, but they did, and we are still talking about it today. I am a strong-willed person, so when someone tells me I can’t do something, it fuels me to go after that very thing. I love a good challenge, but what happens when God throws a BIG curve ball in YOUR life plan, and you are instantly faced with all the potential I cant’s?
When God chose me to have the first set of all girl quintuplets in America, I was instantly scared and shaken. I was faced with an intense feeling that told me I can’t do this. I had to learn to accept the truth that I was right – this is NOT something I can do. I must depend on God’s strength in me to carry out this plan. I have to strive to be righteous, which comes down to having faith in Jesus. Paul explains this in Romans. Once we acknowledge we can’t do this thing alone, we can do anything because HE is our strength!
Righteousness depends not on what we can do, but on what God has already done.
“For we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7
“So that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.” 2 Corinthians 2:5
Over the last few years of my life, I have heard these phrases specifically directed at me:
- “Danielle, your body cannot handle the stress of a high-risk quintuplet pregnancy.”
- “Danielle, you cannot deliver five healthy babies.”
- “Danielle, you cannot breast feed/pump for five babies.”
- “Danielle, you cannot survive on one income.”
And the one that is thrown out daily is this, “Danielle, your marriage can not and will not survive”.
What do you do with comments like this? Especially the ones that are thrown directly at you?
You must remember who you are, and whose you are. God chose me, in spite of me! Despite my failures, sins and flaws. It’s so humbling to know He saw me fit to become the Mother to these sweet girls. I was faced with a difficulty, scary, and unknown life change, and I’ll tell you, my doubts were strong. Faith transforms the heart, and it will give you the ability to prosper when you are faced with all of life’s cants.
To all the “Danielle you cant’s” I shared above, I have to say…everyone was right. I couldn’t, but I had faith that God would give my body the ability to have a healthy high-risk pregnancy. He enabled me to nourish all five girls. I had faith that God would protect these babies in my womb until we reached the Doctor’s delivery goal, and He did. I had faith that God would allow my body to produce enough breast milk for my five NICU babies, even when I was not able to produce any milk with my first child, and He did. I had faith that God would provide for us when we went from a family of three to eight overnight. I was faced with the decision to stop working, which inevitably meant raising our family on one income, and He provided. I had faith that God would protect my marriage, even with all these new challenges, and He has. I know I can’t do this new life of mine well on my own, but by trusting in God and relying on His strength, I can do this new crazy, wild, hard, stressful life well because He gives me the ability to do it.
God is faithful, and we can hold tightly to his hand knowing He is stronger than we are. He will lead you in the right direction. He will give you the strength needed to walk the path He leads you down. Have Confidence in a faithful God.
Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen.
Father, it can be so hard for us as humans to acknowledge and admit the things we can’t do. I pray you will begin a fresh work among us, to show us that even when our strength is gone and we feel like we can’t more forward, you always can. I pray we will strive to know you more, to ask the hard questions and to dig into your word for the answers.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what’s to come.
