by Ashlynne Bell | Mar 29, 2018 | Life Advice |
I’ve been attempting for months now to somehow put into words what the last few years have been like—what it has felt like watching loved ones walk through valleys where the shadow of death is staring them in the face, or being thrown into treacherous waters so deep that they do not know how they’ll make it to the other side…oh, and living in desert places so dry that the heartbeat of their passion feels as though it’s on life support. I’ve sat in rooms where the sound of brokenness has felt like arrows of fire producing a battle sound unlike anything I have ever heard. I’ve listened to the cry of the wounded, and wondered where God was when the beating took place.
He is I AM.
In this season, I’ve often had questions for the God of healing when sickness and disease rushed in like a flood. I’ve stood back with my own inner struggles while carrying the fatherless through rejection and abandonment. I’ve questioned theology and misunderstood the very words of truth that were written to bring understanding and life. I’ve asked the Lord for answers and looked up, only to stare into the eyes of another breathtaking opposition.
He is I AM.
As I sit here and try to pen words on paper, that somehow reflect what this road has produced, I’m overwhelmed. There are no formulas or magic solutions to seeing your pain through to the other side…and I wish these words were coming to you from a sunny beach resort with my family members seated beside me—healed, whole and restored. I wish there was laughter and a few witty jokes behind these words, but sometimes you walk through a fire that blazes a trail within your innermost being, and until you’ve reached the other side, you press, you push and you position your whole self to know that He is the I AM who always was, who always is and who always is to come.
He is I AM.
This month, the Live Original team was asked to write on the word BELIEVE. Who is this King of Glory to me? Do I believe He is who He says He is? Can I see His face through the eye of the storm? Can I find rest beneath the scars that bore my freedom?
Do I believe HIM?
As I sat this morning asking the Lord what to say, I felt so strongly that there will be those reading this who are facing the greatest giants of their life. It might be a giant of fear, cancer, rejection, sin, unhealthy relationships, or any number of other things. I cannot give you the answer key. I cannot tell you that the roadmap to something awesome won’t take you through detours you never saw coming. You might be standing in a place of what feels like no return. You might be experiencing the strings of your heart being pulled, twisted and knotted in two…but I believe it’s those strings that will one day create a melody so delightful and beautiful, that others will come to know Him when they hear it.
You see, it’s our pain that, when surrendered, ushers forth a fragrance of worship that Heaven goes wild for. I, too, might still be standing in the center of the battlefield. I might still be watching family members fight for their lives, but one thing I know to be true—He is the I AM of my every moment, and my heart will proclaim the goodness of the Lord, regardless of what the pain might feel like. My spirit will release a roar of wonder at His Name that is above every name. His presence is unlike any other. His face outshines the brightest suns, and His eyes burn with a blazing fire for His children.
He is THE I AM.
I pray that as you read this today, you realize that you are never alone. I pray you are encouraged knowing there are others walking through fiery furnaces of trial and heartbreak. Be encouraged that there is a place like Live Original where you can come and read words from women who seek God first in all things. Most importantly, I pray you understand that the I AM of all creation loves you, is for you, and wants to be with you.
Lastly, I hope the next post I write is all rainbows and butterflies, but for today, I had no other place to take you but this place where I sit…seeking, waiting, hopefully watching for the I AM to turn the page and reveal what was always beyond the veil.
He would say to you today, “I am that I am.”
by Ashlynne Bell | Feb 9, 2018 | Testimonies |
Long ago, and not so far away, there was a young girl whose heart had begun a search for love way before its due time. Her gaze was heavy with distraction and other things that would quickly lead her into disappointment. Her balance was already unsteady from unbelief. She didn’t know how love would find her, but had willed in her heart that it would be awakened, no matter the cost.
Every night, the young girl’s mother and father would tell her of a King whose eyes were made of fire, whose heart was full of love and compassion, whose hands bore the scars that bought her freedom and whose feet carried every path she would ever cross. When the young girl would hear stories about this King, she would feel drawn, driven, and determined. Every time she heard His name, it was as if something was pulling her in…but because her mind had entangled her heart, she was unable to see clearly.
Early one bright and beautiful morning, the young girl packed her things and embarked on a journey of awakening desire. She rode from town to town, looking and searching for the one her heart longed for. Her journey didn’t last long before meeting a gentleman who would take her into what seemed like a field of dreams. She was elated, but this game of love had only just begun. For she was young, full of fear and could only see past the swirling wind of emotions her hands had created.
Time passed and their desire for one another deepened, yet their hearts drifted farther and farther away. They knew the sound of truth because it echoed through each misstep their moral compass would make, and they knew this awakening had quickly turned into sinking sand. As more time passed, they felt the Author and the Finisher of this story would lead them both in new directions, but the young girl hesitated because she loved him. She loved the idea of what could be and had abandoned herself to what had been awakened on the inside.
Before long, the gentleman had to make a choice, and He chose to walk away. He chose to follow his heart and allow destiny to carry him to a place of peace and new beginnings. She was left broken, bruised, and bewildered. She had been found captive by emptiness and a wound that could have been kept safe had she guarded the gates of her heart.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and months into years. One day, the girl decided it was time to return home. Her life was now lived through the eyes of her past, and although the seasons had changed, her heart remained cold and confused—even in the face of knowing that she was the one who had knocked on the door of love. Broken and bitter, she sat down with her mother and father as she so often did in years past, and began pouring out all she had—in hopes to find a tapestry of treasure woven by the King she had once heard of. As every tear of shame, hurt and guilt emptied out from her weary soul, she felt an embrace from a presence long forgotten. As she sat and released this earthquake of emptiness, she heard a voice that rode in like a giant wave and washed over every part of her being. This King, Eternal and Everlasting, called her blessed, whole, and without blemish. He picked her up and carried her to a field that had been designed specifically for her before the dawn of time. It was in this place, that she would find freedom. She would find joy. She would find peace. This place would become a tapestry full of color, life, and love.
In due time, the King would bring her a man who would carry her to places she never thought possible. This man had his own story and his own journey of unwanted pain and broken belief. He, too, had been led to a field by the King of Kings. He, too, had come to a place of rest, knowing that eternity brings forth promise, and promise brings forth destiny. It was in this place of rest that the man and woman would embark on a life that you’ll never find in a fairy tale. The race set before them was never one of wide roads and easy trails. The young girl who over time became a woman, wife, and mother, would never live with regret or remorse about the path she had chosen years before. She would, however, always remember what it felt like to place passion in her own hands and awaken a love far before its time.
A few weeks ago, I was asked to write about “dating.” Personally, I feel life is better told through stories, paintings, and visuals. Through the story above, I pray you heard, saw, and experienced what Song of Songs declared when it said, “I urge you, dear daughters, do not awaken love until its time.”
Before meeting my husband, I dated around, and with each experience, my heart and emotions grew more and more weary and torn. When God sent His Son to give His life, we were not only handed a life of freedom, but were introduced to a relationship of covenant, promise, and daily communion. If you are single and searching, I urge you to seek first this promise of covenant and relationship with Jesus. Allow Him to carve out a path for your heart to abide right beside His. Memorize the sounds and the movements of His presence—it’s on that journey that He will reveal who you’re meant to be with, but most importantly, He will reveal who YOU are meant to be.
If you are currently in a relationship, I beg you to do the same, because it’s in this lifestyle of abiding that you will know whether or not the person you’re with is the right one. You will know and understand that what might seem like a good thing, might not be a God thing. He must rule and reign as the King of your heart before any other love can ever reside in its proper place. The pathway to freedom, the journey to greatness, and the race set before us will never be one of wide roads and easy trails…but when He remains the center of it all, you won’t miss a thing!
by Ashlynne Bell | Jan 17, 2018 | Life Advice |
I was seventeen years old, and I was sitting at our kitchen table after a four-hour Nutcracker ballet rehearsal. I literally threw my dance bag down after walking through the door. Sugar plum music and candy canes were waltzing in my head, along with all of the choreography I was responsible for. My brain was exhausted, my emotions were spent and my spirituality was far from where it should be.
You see, I was raised in a loving pastor’s home, and I was surrounded by a community of people who loved Jesus. I never stood back and questioned who God was to others, but lived with a raging wind of doubt over my own life. Dancing, which was intended to be Heaven reflected through my hands and feet, had become this pit of obsessive destruction. I was overtaken with an eating disorder and self-righteousness. The mirror that corrected my posture and placement, had become a death sentence of lies and false humility. What had happened to the little girl who twirled in reckless abandonment, for a God whose design was matchless? How had the peace of God and the stillness of His presence been eclipsed by shame, confusion, and chaos?
The next morning, my mom and I were sitting at the breakfast table, drinking coffee. Our conversation had not warranted a fast right turn into discovering my true feelings and inner reality, but I had to get out what was happening in me. So, I asked my heroine, who was sitting in front of me, “Mom, how is it possible to know the God of peace, yet feel no peace at all?” I watched the expression on her face as the question came out of my mouth, and quickly realized that her answer would not be one she found in a book or even heard in a message. Her response to this question of my heart would be from her own inner journey, and place of deep hunger for Jesus.
Before sharing what happens next, I want to give a disclaimer, a preface in this story that truly has shaped the very drive in me to share this with you. The next words that my sweet mother shared were ones of raw truth and real purpose. However, it would be years before my head would submit to my heart, and my chaos would be calmed by His answer. I want you to get this now. I want you to live with a passionate peace, that has the ability to drive out every bit of noise that’s contrary to the voice of God.
Her response was this:
“Ash, you cannot separate peace and the God Who provides it. They are one and the same. HOWEVER, we live in a world today where the chaos is so strong and the confusion so real, that when peace, Whose Name is JESUS, comes knocking on the doorway of our heart, we are unable to recognize it! We become so entangled, yet so reliant on the war in our soul, that we cannot hear the gentle whisper of the One Whose Name releases a peace that will always surpass our understanding and striving. You must be able to QUIET your weary heart, in order to realize that the Prince of Peace stands waiting and ready to make the most beautiful exchange.”
My mother’s words of truth were real, raw and resilient, and they pressed me into a place of trust and a reckoning over what all the enemy had intended for evil. Most of all, they pointed me to this Prince of Peace Who says in John 14:27, “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So, don’t be troubled or afraid.”
Peace is not some personality trait. It’s not “here today and gone tomorrow.” Peace is not a last-ditch effort. True peace is a person, and His Name is Jesus. That Name remains the same yesterday, today and forever! At the mention of His Name, the storm ceases. With the very breath of heaven, every lie is recalled and sent back to the place from which it came.
I entitled this writing “Peace. Be Still”, but the words actually must be flipped in order to realize what has to happen. We HAVE to bring ourselves to a place of inner stillness, in order to hear the call from the Peacemaker—whose plans are constant and whose promises are without revoke. I wish that my mother’s words had provoked a change in my life instantly, without hardship…but we all know that isn’t usually the case. I want you to understand that regardless of what surrounds you, what might entangle you, or what might be weighing you down, Peace has a Name. Stillness has a Name. Restoration has a Name. Freedom has a Name. Hope has a Name. Healing has a Name. Passion has a Name. Eternity has a Name.
That Name is Jesus, and He is the One standing outside your heart waiting to release all that you’ll ever need.
I speak peace over you today. Whatever you might be facing…He is greater! He is higher and He is stronger! I speak against the lies of the enemy and the fear of man. Be still and know that He is GOD. He is for you and not against you. He is all that He says He is and does what He says He is going to do. There is never a mountain too high, a valley too deep, or a wave too loud that He cannot move through. Now, go and be strengthened today through the peace of our Almighty God!
by Ashlynne Bell | Dec 15, 2017 | Life Advice |
Has God ever placed a dream in your heart, and then led you to a place where the detour of that dream seemed barren and unending?
Our Creator has given all of us this gift to see past where we are, dream of a better tomorrow, and be driven by a vision so much greater than anything we could ask or imagine. But living with a just a glimpse of what is to come—when its fruition seems so out of reach—can be some of the most difficult seasons that we will ever walk through. Putting one foot in front of the other, while carrying a delayed destiny, can become the fight of your life.
I so wish the process to fulfillment became complete in the instant that I obtained my greatest desire—that moment you hold something so dear in your heart that you’ll never let it go. But that’s not usually the case! Instead, you find yourself feeling the need to remind the Lord that you didn’t ask for this ridiculous burden–the weight of the waiting. It’s in this process that you realize that the resistance and heartache you’re walking through are killing pride and producing more and more of God’s nature within you.
Everyone has a dream. You know, it’s that thing that propels you into your calling. It’s that kind of thought that reaches beyond your mind and makes its way into your heart. And every time it does pop into your mind, you become like a child again with an imagination so unstoppable you don’t care who is standing in your way.
Dreaming is crucial. If you couldn’t dream, your reality would become dim and lifeless. The ability to see beyond a current circumstance into the “what’s next” is important, but the power behind it can create the greatest storm you ever experience. The eye of the storm is when you find His stillness and rest in the midst of it all. You begin to realize more each day the clouds will continue to cast fear and doubt over your journey until you choose to seek His face. He is the wave. He is the wind. He is the One carrying it all. He will be there when the sun sets, and He will be there when it rises again. Making His Kingdom your greatest goal is difficult, but finding His presence will be the gentle whisper guiding you to His heart.
by Ashlynne Bell | Nov 13, 2017 | Testimonies |
In His Kingdom, there is no beginning or end. In the courts of Holiness, there is no pause or break in the sound waves of worship. When you’re positioned in the presence of the King, your heart will never be found missing a beat to the song that will always carry you through.
Spread out across the fingertips of mercy, lies every journey and pathway your feet will ever walk. Along the way, you will find rest beneath the scars that cried out for redemption and peace between the markings of His suffering. This process to His promises won’t be determined by a stop watch or a finish line but by “running and not growing weary,” like the brush strokes an artist’s hands continue to make. But the canvas for this journey isn’t set up so you can stop or even hesitate when you grow weary or feel broken. Your artistry is defined by your response given to the Beloved’s call, despite how rough your wilderness road might look. He finds pleasure not in your tears, but in the moments He sees you running to Him – knowing that it’s His face your heart is truly after. It’s His desire for the scars of your past to become the greatest testimony of His goodness.
History is made when the beat of His heart becomes the rhythm of your footsteps and the echo of your war cry. Revival breaks out when your desperation to make Him known matches the desperation of the King. Restoration happens when your desire to press in walks alongside the depth of your pain. Redemption doesn’t wait on perfection; redemption responds to obedience…an obedience that remains. It’s a trust that propels your heart to embark upon the journey without surrender. It’s an understanding that takes you from glory to glory. It’s a mindset that your entire being is aware of.
For if you bow out of the battle, you’ve given up hope that He is who He says He is; you’ve given up on the King who purposed you for greatness. Your hands were created for war and designed to shake nations. Your voice was purposed for truth and tuned for His glory. Your feet were made to battle and destined to run the race with victory.
The word JOURNEY is defined as “a long and often difficult process of personal change and development.” You’re most likely relating to the two words LONG and DIFFICULT. What we often forget is how our journey began. When the Word says in Psalm 139 that “before the foundations of the world He knew you, formed you, knit you together in your mother’s womb,” it is saying that the JOURNEY set before us actually began in the heart and hands of God. He is the artist, the sculptor. He is the beginning and He is the end. He is the Alpha and the Omega, and in Him there is no time clock to race against. What you and I have is an opportunity to choose what we will do with what destiny has ordained for us to do. Greatness will never be defined by money or fame, nor will our pain be induced by a God whose love is reckless and without revoke.
He never said that your feet would not wade through waters whose current is strong. He never said that your voice would not grow tired, and the whispers of men would not seem like a roaring lion. He never said that the desert seasons would be inviting, nor did He promise a wide and painless road. His ways are high like the heavens, and His thoughts are endless like the waves. He didn’t promise us comfort. He promised us HIMSELF. He is the I AM. He is the Maker of all things. He is the keeper of every heart, every tear, and every promise. He is the One Whose glory waits to be revealed to those who reach without fear. He is Who He says He is. HE IS THE JOURNEY AND THE DESTINATION. He is the road map to forever. He is the King of Kings who pours out over your broken strength so that you might stand up again and keep running after Him.
