The idea of contentment gets thrown around a lot in Christian circles. If I’m honest, sometimes I get squirmy with the word contentment. Maybe it’s because when I was single, well-meaning people liked to tell me, “You’ll meet someone once you’re truly content.” Or maybe it’s because, single or not, this contentment thing has always felt like an impossible game to win.

At times I’ve assumed, If I want something, I won’t get it. But if I don’t want something, then I will get it. I feel like I have to try to manipulate my contentment. If I don’t want it or if I’m truly content, maybe then God will give it to me.

Whether I’m longing for a new season, an exciting change, or something deeper, I try to make myself not want it because I’ve come to believe that’s what contentment is all about.

Maybe you’ve been in a similar situation. You’ve tried to make yourself not want something you deeply desire because you think not wanting it will lead to contentment with what you currently have. But I think we’ve missed something important: Desire and contentment are not mutually exclusive.

Longing for something doesn’t mean never finding rest for your soul.

If I were to define contentment, I’d say: Contentment is an inward trust that God is both good and in control of my life, even when I wish my outward circumstances were different.

In Philippians 4, Paul tells us he learned the secret of contentment, and it’s a little unexpected: “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-13).

Desire and contentment are not mutually exclusive.

But how we act on our desires is important. Here are a few questions to ask yourself today to see if you are letting your desires dictate your contentment:

Are you letting your desires lead you to sin? (James 1:4)

Are you letting your desires hinder your relationships? (Colossians 3:5)

Are you letting your desires move you closer to God or further away from Him? (Galatians 5:16)

What’s the secret then? To deny our needs and wants? No, Paul didn’t fake his contentment. Nor did he find it because his circumstances were perfect. The contentment he found only came from Christ, not his own strength.

Even this sounds a little elusive. How do we find contentment in Christ?

I don’t know about you, but I love to think I can do things in my own strength. But I’m not as strong as I think I am. Try as I might, I can’t muster up my own contentment.

Contentment means living in God’s fullness, which means contentment is possible because it’s independent of our circumstances.

If you’re like me and wrestle with this, the Bible offers us practical ways to be content in our wanting. We can:

Fix our thoughts on godly things. (Philippians 4:8)

Remember what God has already done. (Psalm 103:1)

Talk to God; ask for what we want and seek His will in prayer. (Matthew 7:7-12)

Contentment means living in God’s fullness, which means contentment is possible because it’s independent of our circumstances.

We love verses like Ephesians 3:20: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”

Immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine? Sign me up! I’d be super content with that. But the “immeasurably more” isn’t found in my life looking the way I want it to.

God’s fullness looks like verses 14-19:

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

God cares more about our internal being than our external circumstances. Note what Paul calls the fullness of God: strength in your inner being, Christ dwelling in you, rooted and established in love, to grasp the love of Christ, to know his love.

God’s fullness does not change. He is “the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

But this doesn’t mean we won’t still have desires. You can be content in Christ and still want something to be different.

Even when we finally get that one big thing we desired for so long, it won’t be long before we want something else.

In fact, I don’t know if we can truly be without desire and totally content this side of heaven. As long as we are alive, we are waiting for Jesus to come make all things new. Our longing for something more isn’t going to go away. But we can trust the Holy Spirit to help us experience contentment, regardless of our circumstances.

You can be content being single and still desire to be married.

You can be content in your job and still desire another one.

You can be content with a newborn and still desire to sleep more.

You can be content in whatever season you are in and still desire for something to be different.

Your longing for more is a good, eternal desire. Those desires move us to lean on the strength that comes from Christ. Who gives us everything we need to live fully right in the middle of our wanting today.

Meghan Ryan is an author and hype girl for people getting out of their comfort zones so they don’t miss the best part of life. A Florida beach girl born and raised, she currently lives in Nashville, TN and works as the Promotional Copy Writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her passion is for helping people find and live out their God-given callings. She’s worked in ministry on college campuses and internationally. When she’s not surrounded by friends, you can usually find her reading a book, doing something outdoors or teaching a Pure Barre class. Her first book releases in 2024 and you can connect with her on Instagram @meghanmryan and at alwaysmeghan.com.