I’ve been doing my best to walk closely with the Lord for about ten years now. After identifying as a Christian for most of my life and being a “good kid” I found myself in a broken season my freshman year of college. I felt lost, in over my head, and like I didn’t belong. In that season, Jesus was my life preserver. I had a moment with him that ultimately led to my surrender, in fact the words I said were, “I’ve tried everything and none of it has worked. Take over my life. It’s yours.” And shockingly it was the first time I felt like I could take a deep breath all year. Like there had been a weight on my chest that I hadn’t realized was there until it was gone. When I look back on that season the word that comes to mind is FREEDOM.

I spent the rest of my college years knowing that I had an encounter, something that marked my life, something that made Jesus real to me for the first time. I spent those years learning what that freedom meant for my life. But it wasn’t until my senior year of college that I actually got serious about knowing Jesus. I wanted to know his character and I wanted to know the Bible better.

While on my journey to get to know Jesus better over the last decade, God has been so kind. There have been good friends that spurred me on and helped me fight the good fight. There have been opportunities to share the gospel and serve in ministry. He has illuminated the Bible countless times and led me to depths I didn’t know I had. Jesus has proven to be worth it all time and time and again.

So tell me why at a conference earlier this year, did I realize that I’m not actually as free as I thought I was all these years?

You see, a pastor had gotten up on stage at a youth pastors’ conference and shared a story about these men who had been trapped in a mine for 70 days. I’ll butcher the story if I go too detailed so here are the cliffnotes. These men were ultimately rescued, which is obviously amazing. Then Time Magazine went back and checked on them about a year later. What they found were men who had been physically rescued but many of whom were not living free. Some were abusing substances, some sleeping on the floor when there was a perfectly good bed next to them, some living with crippling anxiety. These men had obviously experienced something extremely traumatic. But often times we think the work is done once someone is saved, the truth is the work is usually just beginning. There is almost a need for second rescue. This pastor shared this story and then asked the question, “How many of us need a second saving?”

And it struck me. My surrender moment as a freshman was that life preserver, pull you from the depths kind of saving that set me free to know and love Jesus. But there is another freedom that had been just out of my reach and not because it wasn’t available to me. I was sucked into this thought that salvation and surrender, while a HUGE step, was all I could receive. But Jesus was calling me deeper than my initial experience of freedom. Isn’t that so kind of Him?

I felt like the max level for my freedom was awareness of my issues, pain points, or “baggage”. I thought that as long as I’m aware of these things that cause behaviors or responses I could identify it and put it neatly in its category. For me, that looks like being aware of my tendency to ride the highs of praise and affirmation a little too high, while even the most kind and constructive criticism can make me overthink every small detail. It looks like seeking validation from my husband or doing good things in order to look “good”. I believe self-awareness is important and I’m a generally positive person, so I thought I had it down!

My inner dialogue was typically something like: I’m growing, I’m aware, I’m not just doing things with no idea why I do them. I could recognize a behavior and put it in it’s little box and feel good about it because as a “glass half full” kind of girl, I felt like awareness was good enough.

As I listened to that pastor ask that question, it struck me that good enough is not actually what Jesus died for. Glass half full freedom wasn’t what He wanted for me. He wanted me to experience freedom as fully as He can give. He wants me to have joy, He wants me to be secure in who He created and called me to be that I don’t need to live and die on the words of others (good or bad). He wants me to validated by His love alone and He wants me to be motivated solely by a pure heart seeking to serve Him. Jesus wants my glass to be full, overflowing even, because that means that I am living in all the truths and promises that He died for me to receive along with the free gift of salvation.

That day my eyes were opened to this next level of freedom. The old me would have felt shame. I would have thought things like “I can’t believe I’ve been preaching freedom in Christ when I haven’t even been free.” I would have felt like a fraud. But this is how I know this revelation was from God—all I felt was His love and kindness. As I cried at this conference it felt like God was telling with a smile, “Aubree, I just want to take you a little deeper. You’re ready. I have more for you.”

The whole thing reminded me of John 10:10:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (NIV)

I’m not saying the enemy was keeping my glass half full, but I do think that if he can’t keep my glass empty, he’ll take half full and a good enough attitude.

We’ve been called to a life of abundance, that doesn’t necessarily mean wealth and good things all the time, but it sure does mean an abundance of Christ’s love and grace and that should impact every area of our lives.

My question for you is are you living in half glass freedom? Or are you pursuing full glass freedom? What have you accepted as “good enough” in your life? And my challenge to that thought would be to ask yourself if Jesus died on the cross for you to have anything that is just “good enough” or do you believe the words of John 10:10 that he came so that you and I could have life and have it to the full?

Awareness is so important, I just think awareness should ultimately lead us to more freedom. Jesus is there to walk you through it just as He is walking me towards my full glass of freedom.

Aubree Munro Watson is a former professional softball player and Olympic silver medalist. Jesus became real to her during her freshman year at the University of Florida and she hasn’t looked back. She competed all over the country and the world with Team USA for six years and retired in 2022 after reaching her biggest dream of playing in the Olympics. Since retiring, Aubree has gone into full time youth ministry at her local church. She lives in Florida with her husband it 4 years and their black lab Ripp.