by Lily Kumar | Apr 1, 2025 | Featured, Life Advice, LO Library
*I just want to preface by saying that I know there are much bigger problems in the world than the issues I’ve experienced as a college athlete and an Ivy League student. But just like with any dream, when it becomes a broken one, you mourn it – but God redeems!*
For most of my life I associated God with my dreams. He was the Creator of my dreams and the Giver of my dreams. I feel so blessed that many of my childhood dreams have “come true”. Ever since I understood what college was I wanted to be a DI athlete and an Ivy League student. And honestly, I knew Jesus but I don’t even know how often I fervently prayed for those things. However, I knew He knew my dreams — His hand was so evident throughout it all. I could write a book on the miracles and faithfulness of God just in making those two dreams come true. Not that it was all “magical” or easy, but God kicked down doors I couldn’t even nudge open myself.
However, I’ve spent the last year, and especially the last few weeks, really contemplating what it means when you have a broken dream. What does it mean when you’ve prayed for a dream for years, and in my case dreams that God did once grant, and yet those are now broken dreams? How do I understand God making a way in the wilderness to get me onto the Penn field hockey team just to have a rather horrible experience? How do I understand years of praying for a relationship and being in a relationship that has helped me through some really dark seasons, and yet God has told me to lay it down?
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
To be completely honest, recently God has felt like a dream breaker. He knows my personal desires yet He’s taken them away. My field hockey experience was not all that I thought it would be, being an Ivy League student is certainly not all it’s made up to be, being in a relationship has never fulfilled me, and the list goes on.
At first I was mad at God – how could He take so much away and still expect me to be okay? It seems mean to make a dream come true just for it to be bad or taken away.
But what this season is teaching me is God isn’t doing this because He wants to see me struggle, He actually wants the opposite. Instead, He NEEDS all of me and all of you. Being a DI athlete, an Ivy League student, and in a relationship was something I based my worth on and my identity in. It was a crutch for me to get through the tough times. If everything wasn’t working out, I subconsciously thought, at least I’ll have the title of athlete, Ivy Leaguer, being in a relationship, etc. But I’m realizing I cannot do what God has called me to do, go where God has called me to go and be who God has called me to be until I am content in Jesus alone.
Although I can’t say I’ve got this all down – because I’m even having realizations as I’m writing this – I do know that if we want to truly follow Jesus, we have to be willing to lay it all down. Lay down your current dreams, lay down your broken dreams, lay down your deepest wants and desires, and be in full surrender to the King of Heaven and Earth.
“And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” Luke 9:23-25
How can we truly follow God’s path for our lives if we have white knuckles from holding on so tightly to our personal desires?
I have deep hope and faith that there is no way God is asking me, and you, to lay this all down just to give me something worse or even equal to it. He is going to give us something so much greater than anything we could ever ask for or imagine.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,” Ephesians 3:20
I pray that if you are walking through something similar – saying bye to a dream you thought would be your life-saver – that you know Jesus truly is the only Life Saver. The Savior of the world who died the most gruesome death to not only give us life but life to the FULL.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
He has dreams planned for us that are so much greater than what we can even fathom – even if you can’t see them right now. I cannot see them right now, but I know that it is true because I’ve seen His faithfulness and He is the same yesterday, today and forever.
“For we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8
“And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.” Luke 1:45
If your dreams are broken right now, know that God will redeem them. He redeems all things and works ALL things together for the GOOD of those who love Him. He always has and He’s not going to stop now. The struggle you’re facing now does not compare to the joy set before you. Laying down your dreams, being in full obedience to Him, is growing your faith so that you can be walking in peace with God’s plans for your life.
“Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble and gathered in from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south.” Psalm 107:2-3
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Much love! – Lily
by Lily Kumar | Jul 11, 2024 | Featured, Feeling Far from God, Gossip, Sin & Temptations, Wisdom
Hey friends! My name is Lily and I am working on Team LO this summer! I go to the University of Pennsylvania, and wow, since being here in Louisiana I can see the stark difference between the North and the South. I grew up in New Jersey where it is more accepted to be an atheist than a bold Christian. It has been so refreshing to be surrounded by people who are also running after the Lord in community. That is amazing, but it does also remind me of my childhood and my experiences in high school and college: Sometimes God has us in places where it is hard to be a Christian, and you are an outcast because of it. I know that feeling all too well. Whether you’ve been there before, are walking through it now, or are going to go through it in the future, I hope you find this blog post encouraging!
In August of 2021, before I was in college, I sat down for coffee with a mentor who had recently graduated. She told me that being a Christian in college is lonely. In that moment, that made sense – because I already knew that college culture is not aligned with following Jesus. I would actually say it is almost the opposite of Christianity as it is filled with drugs, alcohol, gossip and sexual immorality. So even though I understood it, I didn’t realize how much that comment would impact my first year and a half of college. As crazy as it sounds now, that comment – that being a Christian in college is lonely – would lead me to partly suppress my relationship with Jesus for my first year and a half at Penn.
I started my freshman year of college as a student-athlete for the fall season. So in my first few months, because of my sport, I wasn’t really exposed to the true “college culture”. But when my season ended in November, I was fully immersed in what I was sheltered from during the season.
I had grown up as a Christian in New Jersey where I felt lonely in my faith. High school was hard. Seeing things differently than other people seemed to lead to fewer and fewer friendships. Because of that, I was determined to have a different experience in college.
This desire led me to jump right into the college scene that I was surrounded by in hopes of somehow being fulfilled by it. I hoped the excitement of a night out would tame my anxiety, but I’d wake up the next day 10 times more anxious. I wanted the friendships I was building to mold me into a joyful person, but the gossip that stemmed from them left me empty. Yet I was still determined to make it work – I thought I craved the nights out that were full of excitement and potential, but how momentary those were. People were my “friends” on those nights, but were strangers to me the next day. It was all built on sand, and as soon as the wind blew I was left with practically nothing. A friendship cannot last if it is built on gossip and bitterness. As a matter of fact, nothing can last when it is built on a foundation other than Jesus.
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
Matthew 7:24-27
This whole time I had been running from the idea of being lonely in college that I was warned about. I’ve now come to realize the loneliness my mentor was referring to is a worldly definition of lonely. Oxford Languages says lonely means “sad because one has no friends or company”. And yes, that is what I was running from – I wanted friends and company. I wanted the college memories you always hear about. But worldly friends and company leads you to true loneliness – without a deep relationship with the Creator of the universe and the One who knit me together in my mother’s womb. Without a relationship with Jesus, I am truly lonely. And no, I didn’t completely abandon my faith but I did not have a great relationship with Him. It is one thing to be a believer, but it’s another to be in a deeply rooted relationship with Jesus.
Halfway through my sophomore year, I stopped trying to fit in. I no longer desired to be a part of the life that everyone else was living and that I once tried to live. I had seen and experienced the brokenness and heartache that everything brought. And yes, it was hard. By worldly standards did I feel lonely? Yes. But the fulfillment and peace within my heart proved to me that I was actually surrounded. I was surrounded by my Father. And in the end, that is all our souls are ever searching for. When we are surrounded by the God of the Universe, we aren’t searching for things to fill our void anymore because that void is gone. Jesus fulfills the eternal void in your heart with His eternal and steadfast love and presence.
And when we follow God, the worldly loneliness does not last. God knows what we need – He knows we can’t and are not meant to live a life following Him by ourselves.
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Hebrews 10:24-25
After I decided to live a life for Jesus, even where I may be one of few, I have seen a community emerge that only God can create. Whether it is through Bible studies at Penn, working at Live Original and new friends, it is all just a testament of God’s goodness.
As I am writing this, the song “So Will I (100 Billion X)” by Hillsong is playing. One of the lyrics says “You’re the One who never leaves the one behind”. That verse is such a perfect example of God in this context. My first year and a half at college, God was fervently running after me, and He still is: It didn’t end once He did get me. He then brought me back to the rest of His people. He will not leave you to be by yourself.
If you are going through anything like this, let me tell you – it will not be easy, and God never promised it would be. It wasn’t even close to easy for Jesus. But what’s harder is running after something that will never fulfill you no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you want it to.
I pray that through reading this you feel encouraged to follow the true desire of your heart! Love you all!
Keep up with Lily on Instagram @lilyakumar
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
