A Light In Dark Places
Hey friends! My name is Lily and I am working on Team LO this summer! I go to the University of Pennsylvania, and wow, since being here in Louisiana I can see the stark difference between the North and the South. I grew up in New Jersey where it is more accepted to be an atheist than a bold Christian. It has been so refreshing to be surrounded by people who are also running after the Lord in community. That is amazing, but it does also remind me of my childhood and my experiences in high school and college: Sometimes God has us in places where it is hard to be a Christian, and you are an outcast because of it. I know that feeling all too well. Whether you’ve been there before, are walking through it now, or are going to go through it in the future, I hope you find this blog post encouraging!
In August of 2021, before I was in college, I sat down for coffee with a mentor who had recently graduated. She told me that being a Christian in college is lonely. In that moment, that made sense – because I already knew that college culture is not aligned with following Jesus. I would actually say it is almost the opposite of Christianity as it is filled with drugs, alcohol, gossip and sexual immorality. So even though I understood it, I didn’t realize how much that comment would impact my first year and a half of college. As crazy as it sounds now, that comment – that being a Christian in college is lonely – would lead me to partly suppress my relationship with Jesus for my first year and a half at Penn.
I started my freshman year of college as a student-athlete for the fall season. So in my first few months, because of my sport, I wasn’t really exposed to the true “college culture”. But when my season ended in November, I was fully immersed in what I was sheltered from during the season.
I had grown up as a Christian in New Jersey where I felt lonely in my faith. High school was hard. Seeing things differently than other people seemed to lead to fewer and fewer friendships. Because of that, I was determined to have a different experience in college.
This desire led me to jump right into the college scene that I was surrounded by in hopes of somehow being fulfilled by it. I hoped the excitement of a night out would tame my anxiety, but I’d wake up the next day 10 times more anxious. I wanted the friendships I was building to mold me into a joyful person, but the gossip that stemmed from them left me empty. Yet I was still determined to make it work – I thought I craved the nights out that were full of excitement and potential, but how momentary those were. People were my “friends” on those nights, but were strangers to me the next day. It was all built on sand, and as soon as the wind blew I was left with practically nothing. A friendship cannot last if it is built on gossip and bitterness. As a matter of fact, nothing can last when it is built on a foundation other than Jesus.
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
Matthew 7:24-27
This whole time I had been running from the idea of being lonely in college that I was warned about. I’ve now come to realize the loneliness my mentor was referring to is a worldly definition of lonely. Oxford Languages says lonely means “sad because one has no friends or company”. And yes, that is what I was running from – I wanted friends and company. I wanted the college memories you always hear about. But worldly friends and company leads you to true loneliness – without a deep relationship with the Creator of the universe and the One who knit me together in my mother’s womb. Without a relationship with Jesus, I am truly lonely. And no, I didn’t completely abandon my faith but I did not have a great relationship with Him. It is one thing to be a believer, but it’s another to be in a deeply rooted relationship with Jesus.
Halfway through my sophomore year, I stopped trying to fit in. I no longer desired to be a part of the life that everyone else was living and that I once tried to live. I had seen and experienced the brokenness and heartache that everything brought. And yes, it was hard. By worldly standards did I feel lonely? Yes. But the fulfillment and peace within my heart proved to me that I was actually surrounded. I was surrounded by my Father. And in the end, that is all our souls are ever searching for. When we are surrounded by the God of the Universe, we aren’t searching for things to fill our void anymore because that void is gone. Jesus fulfills the eternal void in your heart with His eternal and steadfast love and presence.
And when we follow God, the worldly loneliness does not last. God knows what we need – He knows we can’t and are not meant to live a life following Him by ourselves.
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Hebrews 10:24-25
After I decided to live a life for Jesus, even where I may be one of few, I have seen a community emerge that only God can create. Whether it is through Bible studies at Penn, working at Live Original and new friends, it is all just a testament of God’s goodness.
As I am writing this, the song “So Will I (100 Billion X)” by Hillsong is playing. One of the lyrics says “You’re the One who never leaves the one behind”. That verse is such a perfect example of God in this context. My first year and a half at college, God was fervently running after me, and He still is: It didn’t end once He did get me. He then brought me back to the rest of His people. He will not leave you to be by yourself.
If you are going through anything like this, let me tell you – it will not be easy, and God never promised it would be. It wasn’t even close to easy for Jesus. But what’s harder is running after something that will never fulfill you no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you want it to.
I pray that through reading this you feel encouraged to follow the true desire of your heart! Love you all!
Keep up with Lily on Instagram @lilyakumar
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
