by Kayla Nordlum | Jul 12, 2022 | Healing, Life Advice, Wisdom
Let me just start by saying, HEARTBREAK SUCKS, but unfortunately it is part of the human experience, and as awful as heartbreak is, it’s important. We need pain as an inner-warning to stay away from things that will and can continue to hurt us, so this blog isn’t about not experiencing heartbreak, but about avoiding unnecessary heartbreak.
Heartbreak is going to happen to you (super positive start I know, but keep reading) whether self-inflicted or an unexpected incident it just is, but it doesn’t have to consume your everyday life. YOU CAN get out of the cycles of constant heartbreak, and step into a full life where you learn, with Jesus, to guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).
It’s not going to be easy, but I want to help you break up with self-inflicted heartbreak.
Whether you are currently in a season of heartbreak or have recently walked through it, you know that the pain of a broken heart is almost worse than the pain of a broken arm. I believe if we polled the audience right now and asked the question, would you rather have a broken arm or a broken heart? We would get an overwhelming response of people who would take the broken arm.
Why is that?
I believe it’s because the healing process of a physical injury is more straight-forward than the healing process of an emotional one.
We want results now, and we definitely don’t want to wander into an unknown healing process with no end date. So, why does my heart break? Am I alone in my heartbreak? How do I stop breaking my own heart?
Glad you asked. Let’s dive in.
Why does my heart break?
Heartbreak was never a part of God’s original design. In Genesis 1, God created human beings in his image and then He rested and saw that it was all very good. Heartbreak is what happened in Genesis 3, when sin came in and filled the world. Now pain, heartbreak, and trouble is a part of our everyday lives, even though that was never the intent for our human experience.
Although heartbreak is not a new concept, scientists have recently discovered the connection between emotional and physical pain is greater than originally realized.
It seems silly to think that that was just now realized when the Bible has said that all along – I mean ask anyone who has been betrayed, lied to, cheated on, I’m guessing 10/10 they will tell you they felt unpleasant physical symptoms from such an awful emotional experience.
In studying about heartbreak and the connections between emotional and physical pain, I found that Dopamine and Oxytocin are the hormones released when we “feel good”, which then makes us want to repeat certain behaviors to release these hormones over and over again, this is also commonly described as the feeling of “being in love”. On the other hand, when we experience heartbreak, loss, or betrayal, another hormone is released, the stress hormone called cortisol. This is the fight or flight hormone, and too much of this hormone can cause extreme unpleasant physical symptoms such as anxiety, panic, nausea, weight gain, or weight loss.
The reason I bring all of this to your attention is that we are not helpless in stopping the cycles of heartbreak. Yes, heartbreak is inevitable, but there are ways to avoid self-inflicted heartbreak, and knowing the connection between our emotional experiences and physical symptoms are important in combating and stopping unnecessary heartbreak.
Am I alone in my heartbreak?
You are not alone. Unfortunately, every human on this planet experiences heartbreak in some way. It may not all be at the same level, but heartbreak is unavoidable for each person, but taking it further than that – I believe two of the greatest lies the enemy tells us is: you are alone in your heartbreak and no one has ever been as heartbroken as you.
I’m going to debunk both of those right now:
Lie #1, you are alone in your heartbreak.
Truth: God is near to you, he’s close to you, he’s close to the brokenhearted, the ones who are crushed by the weight of this world. You read that in Psalm 34:18,
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
In Psalm 56:8 you read another powerful truth,
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
So, the next time the enemy comes at you with “you’re alone in your heartbreak”, come back at him with God is always close to me and not only is He close, He collects my tears and records each one.
Lie #2, No one has ever been as heartbroken as you are right now.
Truth: Many people in scripture have struggled with devastating heartbreak.
In 1 Samuel 1, Hannah was grieving her heart’s unfulfilled desire to get pregnant, in 2 Samuel 11, Bathsheba had just suffered the sudden loss of her husband who was killed in battle, and many more stories of grief, loss, and heart break flood the Bible.
The enemy knows that when we realize that we aren’t alone and that other people have suffered just as bad if not worse, we then feel a relief, peace, and comfort in our heart break (Revelation 12:11):
“And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony.”
That is why sharing your story is not only important for your healing, but important for others to heal.
Stop believing the lies that you are alone or that no one has experienced pain like you, people in scripture all the way to present day are with you, fighting for you, and have experienced the same things you are currently experiencing. You are not alone.
How To Stop Breaking Your Own Heart.
We all know we can’t fully control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it.
But what if I told you, you had more control of the pain you feel than you think.
Hear this. We are not responsible for the pain, trauma, and heart ache that happens to us, but we are responsible for feeling it, processing it, healing from it, and overcoming our hurts, habits, and hang-ups that lead us back in the arms of the very heart break we hate to experience.
This is in our control.
In the physical sense, if you get in a car accident because you are speeding, the chances of getting in another car accident from speeding go way down, why? Because you felt the pain of the accident, healed, learned and stopped the cycle.
In the emotional sense, it’s different, and you see this a lot: say you get in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, they never open up, you feel alone, isolated, and worthless, you end the relationship, feel the pain of heartbreak, then without even another thought and because society tells you, you get right back out there, and what do you know… you meet someone else emotionally unavailable.
But why? Didn’t you just go through that? Yes, but you stopped at step one, the heartbreak.
You didn’t feel it, process it, heal from it and stop, you just covered it up and got right back out there, you wouldn’t do this with a broken arm now would you? You wouldn’t break your arm and go to work the next day like it didn’t happen, so why do we do this with emotional wounds? How can we stop breaking our own hearts?
#1 Feel. After you experience heart break, feel it. Cry it out. Give yourself an allotted amount of time to just really mourn the loss, betrayal, breakup, etc. Don’t rush the feeling, embrace the pain, and allow the pain to lead you into processing it.
#2 Process. Find the root. Why did that hurt you like it did? Is there something from your childhood that triggers you? Are there insecurities that have creeped back up because of this heart break? Also, it’s hard to process alone. Talk about your heartbreak with trusted others and allow the process to lead you into healing.
#3 Heal. Once you have felt the hurt, processed the hurt, now it’s time to heal from the hurt. Talk to a therapist, find good community, serve at your local church, get into your word, listen to worship music, let God heal you from the areas you now know you need healing. Start with prayer and believe in faith that God can heal the very parts of you that are broken because He can, and after healing, allow that to redirect you to stop the cycle.
#4. Stop. You now have felt what you needed to feel, processed, healed and now it’s time to stop the madness – to stop the cycle. You are healed so walk in your healing. Walk in the faith that God is a God of redirection and new purpose. There is life after heart break and not just a life where you survive, but one where you thrive.
I hope this encourages you to pursue healing and stop the very cycles in your life that are causing you to break your own heart. Heartbreak doesn’t have the final say. Our God does.
Hello sister and friend! I’m Kayla Nordlum! I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon and recently moved to Phoenix, Arizona, where the sun really never stops shining!
My story might be similar to yours, for years life felt empty, confusing and disappointing. Unmet expectations left me stuck and hopeless. I struggled to trust that God had good plans for my future because I constantly replayed the mess I made of my past. BUT GOD.
Through a personal relationship with Jesus I realized it was never about what I did or what I would do, but everything to do with what He could do through me. I decided to fully surrender to the Lord in May of 2020. Through my act of obedience, I watched toxic relationship cycles end and negative mindsets slowly transform. God finally had my FULL heart and life was now EXCITING. I had vision, passion and purpose that I could not come up with on my own.
In August of 2020, I started a business called Worthy Women Co. (@worthywomenco). A space to remind women to never settle in life, love, or faith + it’s been so amazing to see what God has done and what he is doing with this sweet little community, PLUS I create fun merch, and who doesn’t love that?!
Writing has always been healing for me, I have journaled almost daily since I was young, but I never felt qualified to write for others (doesn’t God always use those people?) In January of 2021, I got serious about writing my first book (“The One That God Away”) and it’s almost ready to be released! God is so faithful and kind, He really has the best redemptive stories!
Now more than ever I know that with God THERE IS MORE + I’m super passionate about helping women find the MORE in their stories too.
XO
Kayla
(@kaylanordlum)
by Ally Golden | Jul 7, 2022 | Life Advice, Wisdom
It was the year after I graduated college, and I found myself sitting in my apartment staring at my Bible. I knew that I should probably read it more often than I did, but honestly, it intimidated me. I never knew where to start, I felt like I was supposed to “get” something out of it for myself when I read it and was disappointed when I didn’t, and sometimes it honestly felt like another thing to check off my to-do list. Have you ever felt this way too about reading God’s word?
To be honest with you, I found myself seeking words of encouragement and motivation from people instead of going to God’s word first. The enemy would slip into my mind and lie to me saying, “man’s approval will fill you more than God’s approval”. I ended up in a place that was isolating and lonely. I was seeking affirmation from the words of man, rather than going to The source that would be able to satisfy every longing I had.
In psalm 19:9-10 it says, “the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold.” A lot of times in the Bible when it says “rules” it means God’s word and His teachings. So this verse here says, His word, is to be desired more than gold. But, think about the context of this. The value of gold when the Bible was written was THE most valuable possession.
God’s word is to be more desired than anything that exists on this Earth! Our Bibles are our most valuable possession. Friend, I was not treating it that way. I wanted worldly approval. His word didn’t have the utmost authority in my life. As we hide our valuable possessions, His word was not hidden deep within my heart.
I remember I had a moment with the Lord where I sat at his feet with all that I was feeling. I felt empty, I felt lonely, I was struggling with comparison, and I just wanted to feel loved. I had come to the end of my rope and was desperate for the Lord. I felt Him speak to me, “Allyson, seek my face and I will seek you.” I didn’t know where to start or how to, so I just prayed and asked the Lord, “Jesus, help me to have a deeper desire to know you and to be hungry for your word.”
And because the Lord is so good, and keeps His promises, ever since then, I have had a hunger for the Lord like never before. I think a lot of times the enemy makes us think that reading the bible and getting to know Jesus is complicated (of course, because He doesn’t want us to read God’s word!). When in reality, it is simple. When we seek Him, when we make that 0.1% of effort, God sees it. He is constantly pursuing your heart. He is constantly chasing after you, wanting you to experience His love for you.
His word is life-changing. His word is alive and active. His word is what we can use to combat the lies of the enemy. I still have my moments of struggle. Do I read my bible every single day at 6 am with coffee in hand and in an Instagram-worthy spot? No. Reading God’s word isn’t supposed to be something we do to say we did or to check off of a to-do list. Reading God’s word is something we do because we want to seek all of who He is.
God’s word is golden, and your words can be golden too! His word gives us a deeper understanding for how we are to live our lives and speak life over others. Having His word written on our hearts allows us to believe His truth for ourselves. He then gives us strength to be filled with His word and go out and speak it over others! When rooted in the Word of God that holds the ultimate power, your words have the power to change the world!
Here are some steps to help you dive into God’s golden word today:
- Pray and ask the Lord to instill within you a hunger for His word.
- Start small, read one verse per day, then increase to one chapter per day.
- If you don’t know where to start, start with the book of Matthew
- Order my journal Words Are Golden to help you dive deeper into the meanings of words in the bible, how to live them out, and how to speak them over yourself and others!
Wanting a tool to help you dive deeper into God’s word? Allyson’s new journal Words Are Golden and Inspirational Journal is the perfect place to start! Inside the journal you will find 47 different words along with their meanings, a short devotional, questions, a creative activity, and a challenge to do! This journal will give you the space to reflect on specific words and explore ways to believe them for yourself and go speak them over others. When rooted in the word of God that holds the ultimate power, your words can change the world!
Head on over to LO sister for a chance to win a copy of Ally’s new journal!
Allyson Golden is the author and creator of Words Are Golden an Inspirational and creative journal that is newly released! She runs the Instagram page @wordsaregolden where she encourages women to be rooted in God’s truth. Allyson is a pediatric nurse and lives in San Diego, CA with her husband Michael where they are involved on staff at the church they helped plant 3+ years ago. Allyson loves to write, encourage, and spend time with her community hosting people in her home. Say hi to her over on Instagram and order her new journal Words Are Golden today!
by Freddie Amos | Jul 6, 2022 | Life Advice, Wisdom
The last words I heard from my grandpa were to take care of myself. I think about this often not only because I loved my grandpa dearly but because I knew God had a purpose in these words. I was in a rough place, and I needed to take care of myself, but I didn’t know how. How do I care for myself, for my soul? I believe God is a God of details so for these to be the last words I’d hear my grandpa say meant something I just didn’t know what. It took years of growth, pain, and writing this blog to see God’s hand in it all.
The Lord used this phrase in every season of my life to teach me how to care for myself. For 7 years I’ve been learning to lean into caring for myself while running from the lie that caring for myself is self-centered, prideful, and sinful. The Lord planted a seed in me that day to prioritize myself, not with a self-centered mindset but with a mindset to glorify God. I am responsible to care for His creation, and I must take care of it with love and respect. Now it is my life’s mission as a counselor to help people take care of their mental, emotional, physical, and most importantly spiritual health.
My journey has looked like a lot of valleys and a lot of mountain tops, but one constant has been God. Reading back through my old journals I see the common thread, God protected me and gave me all I needed to face each day. I wholeheartedly believe God wants to take care of me, and He wants me to take care of myself. Caring for myself doesn’t look like the world’s standards of self-care. The world will tell us to binge on Netflix, spoil yourself with retail therapy, or treat yourself to anything things you desire. The definition of self-care is taking action to improve your health. Shopping and Netflix aren’t bad, but they don’t improve our health.
As a counselor, I see the benefit of self-care and I do things regularly to care for myself. What is dangerous is using self-care as a cover up to indulge in the desires of our flesh. Getting quality sleep, eating nutritious foods, and working out improves our physical health. Reading the bible, meditating on scripture, and praying improve our spiritual health. Spiritual health is maintaining the vertical relationship you have with God. When I am spiritually healthy it improves my mental, emotional, and physical health.
I believe this is what the Lord was slowly teaching me all these years; taking care of myself means taking care of my spiritual health and from there all other areas of my life will be healthy. I have found the best way to care for myself is to cover myself in the armor of God.
“Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit which is the word of God, praying at all times in the spirit, with all prayer and supplication.” Ephesians 6:13-18 (ESV)
Intentionally putting on the armor of God prepares us for life and whatever battles may come, by protecting our spiritual health. We must practice using and putting on the armor of God for it to be effective. If we are not educated in the ways to use the tools God has given us to withstand enemy attacks, we will fall. To understand the significance of each piece, we must know what they protect.
Wearing the belt of truth helps us identify what is a lie and what is truth. Without putting on “the belt of truth” we welcome confusion to our lives from the words we hear. We need to be able to identify truth in our life because words bear the power of life and death. In order to put on “the belt of truth” we need to know God’s Word, which is truth.
“The breastplate of righteousness” protects our hearts. Scripture tells us everything flows from our hearts. That means our attitude, emotions, behaviors, and thoughts. In my own life I have seen that intentionally guarding my heart has been the most important piece because when it is not guarded, I allow anything in.
When we filter our lives through the gospel, we find peace because Jesus is author of it. “The shield of faith” protects us from what the enemy throws at us intending to destroy us. Our faith is an active part of the armor. When we strengthen our faith, it weakens doubt. Using our faith as a shield looks like believing in God’s word, even when His words don’t feel true, because feelings don’t make good gods.
“The helmet of salvation” protects our minds. Taking every thought captive is up to us, God has created us with the ability to control and rid any thoughts that do not need to take root.
Reminding ourselves of God’s truth is one way we can condition our thoughts to be set on Him, because our mind informs our heart and from our heart all things flow.
“The sword of the Spirit” in those verses is referenced as the Word of God. God’s Word is alive and active today. Similarly, to how a sword must be picked up in battle to be used, we need to continually spend time with God in His word, and invite God into every part of our lives, including the battles we face.
Don’t wait for the battle to come, be prepared for the battle by putting on every piece of armor daily. We can’t pick one piece of armor for the battle; we need all of it to stand firm. Care for yourself in the ways God has called you to, not by following what the current of culture lures you to. I have found that self-care is more than just taking care of my emotional, mental, and physical health. It begins with being spiritually healthy because knowing the Creator helps me understand myself, His creation.
Freddie is a recent grad from Auburn University with her masters in clinical mental health counseling and is on staff with LO as a counselor. She loves long walks, spending time with friends and family, and helping people find their confidence in who God made them to be!
Follow Freddie on Instagram: @yourfriend_Freddie
by Darcy Clark | Jul 5, 2022 | Life Advice, Wisdom
Jesus has set us free, to stay free. We have full access available to us to soar on eagles’ wings and live a truly free life, but grace welcomes us back every single time when our race is hindered.
“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 (NLT)
God lets us navigate life in sharp turns, narrow paths, curvy roads, and gut-wrenching drives because if He only allowed us to navigate life on one straight path, our affection for Him may be lessened.
So, we are given a choice. A choice to love. A choice to choose what turn we make. These choices are what make life a journey. Some drives aren’t fun, some you are used to, some will take your breath away, and some will make your heart break.
I am thankful we are not left alone to navigate our way back from the paths we take that perhaps were not the right turn. It is through our lack of understanding in which road to take that God uses to boost our dependence on Him. Navigating life with God in the driver seat is a life maximized and joy and freedom.
This is the freedom we have access to live in. It is not an easy journey, but may we choose this every day. And, for the times that we don’t, or the times that we stray away, there’s an unending grace from Jesus. Won’t you come back?
Despite there not being an exacting guide on what decisions to make at the proper time, we have Jesus as our guiding light if we invite Him in. He is our shepherd guiding us along the pastures and rolling hills of life, not for the sake of experiencing less freedom, but experiencing more freedom. Freedom from hurt, heartache, and despair. Freedom from worldly things that will leave us broken. Freedom from the fear of missing out because the reality is that with God, we will never miss out on what our Creator has for us. With God, the Author and Omega, we will never miss out on His perfect plan.
Our abundance of choices is a measure of God’s love for us along the venture between earth and Heaven. He loves us so much, that He has freely given us the ability to make decisions. So, make a decision and put Him first in the process. He places people in our lives to help guide us. He places opportunities in front of us, but He doesn’t limit us to a list of multiple choices. Suppose we were on earth with an exacting itinerary. That wouldn’t be freedom, would it? Better yet, God has given us free will. The free will to choose, so yes, we have some lofty seeming decisions here on earth. Let’s not mistake this freedom as frightening, but a grand measure of the greatest love story we will ever know. There is no greater love than this.
“At last we have freedom, for Christ has set us free! We must always cherish this truth and firmly refuse to go back into the bondage of our past.” Galatians 5:1 (TPT)
This is the freedom we have been invited into, living life inside of God’s divine design.
Darcy Clark is a member of Team LO! She is a Jesus follower and friend to many. She enjoys coffee sipping, exploring, and writing. She is an aspiring author, current dreamer. Darcy attended Texas A&M University and has since moved to Louisiana to be a part of Team LO.
by Tori Masters | Jun 28, 2022 | Life Advice, Wisdom
To the girl still waiting…
First and foremost, You are not alone. The reality is, we have all found ourselves in seasons of “waiting”.
Whether you’re the college girl waiting on your dream job while everyone else is getting hired, the single girl celebrating all of your friends getting engaged, or the married girl who is desperately waiting for a baby while everyone else is getting pregnant. I want you to know that every tear you’ve cried has been seen by God and every prayer you’ve prayed has been heard.
I have walked through each of these seasons personally, and the most recent was the journey of trying to conceive. Something I realized is that in these seasons of waiting it is easy to fall victim to the lies of the enemy, who seeks to steal our hope for the future as well as our joy in the now. That is why I want to encourage you with 5 powerful truths that really helped me.
1. We don’t serve a God who makes mistakes.
During our season of trying to conceive, month after month, negative test after negative test, I remember hitting the one year mark and looking at my husband completely devastated… But then he responded with complete confidence, “God is not making a mistake.” It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. It grounded me and reminded me of the God that I serve.
I often find myself trying to author my own story & forget that The Lord is a much better writer than I am! At that moment I knew I needed to surrender & hand him back the pen.
2. Don’t lose hope.
“How long Lord”, “I thought by now” … the questions we all start asking when our own timelines don’t align with God’s. I remember specifically getting to a point where I felt like I no longer knew how to pray. In moments of deep pain, I didn’t know if I was supposed to pray for a miracle or patience in the waiting. The Holy Spirit brought me to the verse in Romans 8:26-27 that says,
“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.”
When I read that verse, I was brought to tears. I had a vision of the throne room. God the Father, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus were having a conversation on my behalf. I knew they had me and I was able to rest knowing that. It then became less about me getting what I wanted and more about aligning my heart with Gods.
What He has said, WILL come to pass. In HIS perfect timing.
I want to remind you that even though you might not understand now that is fully okay. You are allowed to sit in that. You are allowed to grieve. Just don’t stay in that place too long or you will lose vision for all the things He is doing in your NOW.
3. Don’t forget all the answered prayers you are currently walking in.
Don’t let the lack of the thing you are waiting for stop you from enjoying the gifts you currently have.
I remember the morning the Lord convicted me of this. I had just started my period the night before so I knew my joy was at stake that day. I sat up in my bed and all I could hear was Psalm 118: 24, “ This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” I looked around and started counting my blessings. I thanked him for my sweet husband that I had prayed over for years, the home we were currently building together, & for the work we get to do each day. It was amazing how quickly my perspective started to shift when I turned my focus to God’s faithfulness in my life.
So I encourage you today to write down all the answered prayers you are currently walking in. Not only will it increase your faith but it will bring you contentment and joy for your here and now.
4. How you wait matters, so don’t waste it.
I am sure you have heard this before but if God answered all your prayers tomorrow, would you even be ready? I grew up a competitive dancer & I cannot even tell you how many hours were spent in practice before we hit that competition stage. We need to look at our season of waiting as the preparation zone. What can we be doing now that will best prepare us for the season to come. If you are waiting for your person to come along, how can you be preparing your heart to be a wife? If it is for your dream job, how can you be preparing to be the best employee? If it is for your baby to come, how can you be preparing for motherhood? We need to be active inside our waiting, knowing full well God is preparing us for what He has prepared for us. Let’s live in a way that is fully convinced that the Lord will fulfill his promises to us, and just like Abraham, we will bring glory to God before the promise even arrives.
“Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises.”
Romans 4:20-21
5. You are not alone.
Sometimes when we start to lose hope, we need people who can be our hope carriers. Those friends who lift us up when we are down and remind us of His truth. I am not sure how I would have walked through my season of waiting without my prayer warriors beside me. There were so many days I had to text my girls and ask them to lift me up in prayer because I was starting to spiral. Minutes later I would receive a voice memo or a song that felt like it was sent straight from heaven to encourage my soul. That is the power of Christian community. When our faith starts to get weak, we can rely on the faith of others to pull us through. And because we have experienced this kind of comfort, we will then know how to extend it to others as well.
If you are reading this and saying to yourself, dang I really wish I had people like that in my life, I encourage you to start praying for it. Get involved in your local church, join the LO sister community, or find an organization whose cause is dear to your heart & start volunteering! Community is out there, but we can’t expect it to come to our house and greet us while we Netflix and chill.
So as you process these times of waiting, don’t waste them. Don’t let the enemy make you feel less than. Write these truths on your heart and resist the temptation to compare yourself to others. Fight the urge to steal God’s pen, and don’t lose hope! Wait eagerly & expectantly for Him to show himself faithful. Come on, go ahead and praise Him for what you cannot yet see!
Blessings,
Tori Masters
a girl who understands the wait
by Allie Marie Smith | Jun 23, 2022 | Life Advice, Wisdom
She’s trading a distracted life for her actual life.
Halfway on the drive to one of our favorite surfing beaches our phones lose connection. Before we drop service, my fingers are often glued to my phone as I find various ways to keep my mind and thumb occupied. But as we reach the entrance to the windy coastal canyon framed with golden hills and expansive oak trees, I surrender my device and begin to soak in the wonder right in front of me. Gidget, who still manages to sit on my lap, sticks her head out our van’s window, her pink tongue dangling in the wind. As we round that final bend, the deep blue ocean makes its appearance and I feel instantly refreshed. For a day it’s just us, the salty air, and the beauty of the sea. In a noisy and distracting world, God politely whispers, inviting us to live fully present and engaged with the life He has given us before it passes us by. It’s a much-awaited invitation our souls crave to accept. The question is, will we get quiet enough to hear it? Will we show up for our life? Busyness, constant pings, and phone addiction make us strangers to our own lives. All the noise prevents us from hearing God’s whisper inviting us to a better life.
Living distracted and detached from our actual life takes a toll on our happiness and mental health. I’m sure it’s not news to you that much research overwhelmingly links social media use to heightened levels of anxiety and depression. Skyrocketing rates of suicide among teen girls are correlated with the onset of smartphones and social media Even with this knowledge, we keep returning to the time-sucking digital places that make us anxious and sad. I don’t know a single girl or woman who has an emotionally healthy relationship with social media. I’m no exception.
As we constantly refresh our screens seeking new “likes” to things we have posted, and as we watch the filtered high- light reels of friends, celebrities, and strangers unfold before us, we experience envy and comparison and it steals our joy. Meanwhile, our own life goes neglected. These thieves rob us of contentment: “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones” (Proverbs 14:30). Living immersed in the online lives of others is making us sick while keeping us from the true connection we crave.
We live in a culture where it seems everyone is producing their own filtered reality show on their phones, competing for attention. FOMO or “fear of missing out” on what other people are doing is real and it’s what keeps us coming back for what’s making us sick. We’re afraid to miss out on other people’s lives, but are we afraid of missing out on our own life? I believe the more we know about the daily ins and outs of other peoples’ lives, the more asleep we are to our own lives. We are called to live spiritually awake: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead” (Ephesians 5:14).
How do we find the path back to peace in a loud world that never slows down? How do we find a sense of value in a world where the noisiest girls online get all the attention? It’s in the stillness, in the calming of our minds, that we find respite. As we shut out the distractions, we wake up to the life in front of us. As the Dutch professor and theologian Henri Nouwen said, “God is always where we are. Not in the past (with its disappointments) nor in the future (with its worries) but in the present where love can touch us.”
While God can use significant events to get our attention, He doesn’t shout or fight to make Himself heard amidst the unnecessary chatter of our lives. God is always speaking, and it’s only when we’re present that we can hear Him. He is that still, small voice kindly beckoning us to be quiet in His presence so we can be filled with peace and joy.
Living in the moment means living without escaping into the past, avoiding the distractions of the present and not fearing the future. It means we are then awake to the gifts right in front of us. As my dear friend Kate Merrick says in her book Here, Now, “We are meant to breathe in today, and only today.”
You are made to live wide-awake to the story God is writing in your life. The psalmist writes, “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (Psalm 16:11). Ultimately, living in the present is an ongoing journey of abiding in God through His Spirit, moment by moment, breath by breath. To be present is to be fully engaged in the ordinary, mundane, difficult, and beautiful moments of your life.
Presence is a spiritual discipline. Living present means leaning in and investing in your dreams and desires. Presence is also sitting with uncomfortable feelings. It forces us to hear the lies we’ve been believing and search for the truth. It’s immersing yourself in both the good and hard parts of the season you are in. It’s giving the people you are with your full attention because you see their worth. It’s setting boundaries with technology and even deleting those addictive apps for a while or forever. It can look like being mysterious online so you can be spiritually alive and live awake offline. It’s unplugging and getting outside in creation. It’s savoring a day of rest each week. It’s quieting all the noise so your thoughts can wander uninterrupted. It’s learning to gain strength from the practice of solitude. The path to peace is paved with presence. Presence births contentment and contentment cultivates joy. You were made for both.
While our infatuation with the lives of others might keep us from living rooted in the present, we are also sometimes consumed by the past or preoccupied with the future. Understandably, unhealed hurt, trauma, abuse, and loss can make us live in the past. On the other hand, we can spend our moments in anxiety, afraid of the future. We can also fall into the trap of thinking that our lives will finally begin at some future moment. When’s the last time you thought, Once I lose that weight, I’ll be happy, or Once I meet that guy, I’ll be happy, or Once I fill-in-the- blank, I’ll be happy? We can find ourselves ruminating on the past, anxious about what’s ahead, or imagining a happier future while the present is passing us by.
Gidget is my daily teacher in the art of presence with many lessons to share. She does not multitask, dwell on the past, or worry about tomorrow. When she eats, she does so with focus and gusto. When it’s time for a good scratch, she lies on her back, kicks her four paws to the sky, and wiggles hysterically. And when it’s time to play, she gets the “zoomies,” running circles in our backyard with a smile on her face.
God is inviting you to breathe in life one day at a time. He is hoping you will wake up to the life He’s given you before it passes you by. He promises to be your provider, giving you everything you need for each moment. God will safekeep you or “hem [you] in behind and before” (Psalm 139:5), enveloping you with love and protection. He will heal your past hurts and fight your battles. You are invited to be transformed by His Spirit moment by moment as you live present and wide awake to the story He is writing for you right here, right now.
Adapted from Wonderfully Made: Discover the Identity, Love, and Worth You Were Created For: by Allie Marie Smith (©2021). Published by Moody Publishers. Used by permission.
Allie Marie Smith is the Founder and Director of Wonderfully Made®, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping young women know their God-given value. She is an award-winning author, speaker, podcast host, and certified life coach. She lives in North Santa Barbara County where she loves surfing and adventuring up and down the California coast with her husband, Paul, and Golden Retriever Gidget.
Connect with Allie at @alliemariesmith.
