by Jessie Alexander | Apr 3, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice, Testimonies
Did you see our collaboration with 31 Bits a few months ago? Sadie had the opportunity to design two necklaces with one of our favorite ethical brands, 31 Bits. 31 Bits works with artisans in Uganda and Indonesia who make jewelry, bags, and home goods by hand. They provide artisans with dignified job opportunities, a sustainable income, and holistic care. We love this company because they truly care about where their products come from. Everything we buy can have a positive or negative impact in the world, so our purchases should reflect our values. We interviewed one of the co-founders, Jessie Alexander, to get the scoop on how they started 31 Bits and how this group of young female entrepreneurs have gotten through the challenges of starting a business.
Oh and if you want to check out Sadie’s designs at 31 Bits, head over here.
What inspired the start of 31 Bits?
We were in our junior year of college in Southern California, and my girlfriends and I were all in similar places that included procrastinating on papers so we could go to Disneyland in the evenings, waitressing and babysitting to make some extra money, and planning our next summer vacation travel. But with graduation just a year away, we knew we were supposed to be figuring out what was next. In the midst of filling out grad school applications and job hunting, our lives were interrupted.
Our friend Kallie had gone on a life-changing trip to Uganda where she spent two months getting to know a group of women in the town of Gulu. This group of women grew up during a war and had close to nothing. They were single moms with no education and no job, and the craziest part is that many of them were our age! They were making incredible jewelry out of old poster paper, and when Kallie brought a box of the jewelry back, we fell in love instantly. We sold the jewelry to friends and ran out within weeks. That’s when it hit us. These women had a skill, but needed a market. We lived in dorms and apartments filled with people who would love this stuff! Together, we could make a business. It felt like God had dropped this opportunity in our lap and saying no wasn’t an option. A few of us went back to Uganda the following summer and selected a group of six women to begin this adventure with. We sat with them daily, making beads and listening to their stories. We visited their homes and met their families. We laughed together, cried together, and learned from each other. We started selling jewelry at craft fairs and home parties and eventually started an online store and a wholesale program. We implemented a five-year holistic development program in Uganda, where artisans receive not only a sustainable monthly income, but holistic education in finances, health, business, and more.
So how did you take 31 Bits from a story to a company?
We started the company over ten years ago and, at the time, there were no other “do good” businesses that were actually creating fashionable products. We knew that to fund our programs in Uganda, we needed to create a product that would actually sell. So we began to study fashion and color trends. We wanted customers to make a purchase not just because of the story, but because they actually like the product. By day, we were finishing up our senior year of college, but at night we were studying trends and searching for events to sell at. We didn’t know what 31 Bits would turn into, but we quickly learned that God had much bigger plans then we had for ourselves.
How did your faith play into starting 31 Bits?
Early on, our team came across this verse in Ephesians and it completely changed the way we prayed about our company and thought about our future.
“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.” Ephesians 3:20-21 NKJV
We realized that when we prayed for 31 Bits and thought about our future, we were scared to ask for big things. Praying to “sell more jewelry” felt selfish and unsettling. We put God in this little box and approached Him with a timid posture. “God, please give us this opportunity, but only if you want to and have time and if it’s your will….” Sounds silly to say that out loud, but over and over again we found ourselves praying to God as if He doesn’t have enough good things to hand out to everyone. We put limits on what we thought He could do.
But in this verse in Ephesians, Paul reminds us that God can do EXCEEDINGLY, ABUNDANTLY MORE than anything we can ask or think up on our own. The reality is: WE HAVE ACCESS TO THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. He is the one who created dreaming and thinking and creating. The God who created stars, oceans, ladybugs, and photosynthesis, and a million different types of clouds and rocks and colors… How can we put Him in a box? God was reminding us He can do far more than anything we can think up on our own, so it’s about time we stop paying attention to our measly plans and look at what God is up to.
How have you seen lives change in Uganda?
Watching women grow in confidence as they use their own talents to provide for their families is incredible in itself, but one of the most amazing things about our program is that it gives people a community, many for the first time. Because of disease or effects of the war, many of the women we work with were abandoned by their families, leaving them in total poverty with no opportunity. Being part of 31 Bits gives them a place to belong. Many of the women are now neighbors, living life together on a daily basis. I remember on one of my trips to Uganda, one of our artisans, Abio Vicki, told us:“Had it not been for 31 Bits, I’m not sure if I’d be alive right now. I used to think about committing suicide because I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. Now I have a family and I belong. I’m so happy.” My jaw dropped when Vicki said this. I knew 31 Bits was having an impact, but at this moment, I was beyond humbled that God was using our little company to literally bring life to people. He created us for community and if nothing else, this group of women in Uganda now have a group of people to call family.
Switching gears here, how did you and the other founders stay friends in the midst of starting a company together?
We get this question a lot and believe it or not, the five of us founders are still great friends! A couple of the girls left the company for other job opportunities, but it never impacted the foundation of our friendship. Starting a business overseas together, traveling back and forth together, living together… it’s not a typical friendship! We’re more like sisters. Of course we’ve had our share of disagreements, but at the end of the day, we always look at the big picture. Here are a few of the lessons we’ve learned along the way.
- Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. Don’t be afraid to call someone out or express how you’re feeling. We’ve found that difficult conversations tend to be easier than you think they will be, and letting sour feelings fester for a long time will only make you more frustrated.
- When there is a disagreement, don’t respond out of emotion, wait and sort out your thoughts and bring it up when you can do it out of love.
- Trust each other. Maybe your co-worker or friend isn’t doing things like you would, but choose to trust that they have a reason they are doing things the way they are.
- Pray together. Prayer brings unity in vision and purpose.
- Support each other. We’re each other’s biggest cheerleaders in and out of the workplace.
- Leave work at work. We lived and worked together for years, so we had to learn that there is a time for big-decision meetings and there is a time for girl-talk and movie nights.
What is the most important life lesson you have learned from starting 31 Bits?
My dad always says “Keep the main thing, the main thing.” It sounds so cheesy, but this saying has really come to life in the last few years. Business can be tough and, trust me, we’ve had our fair share of challenges. But when I remember our mission and why we started this company in the first place, I remember God is faithful to keep his promises and I can’t let fear and frustration get in the way. People’s lives are literally changing through this company and when our focus stays on our mission, we are more prayerful, motivated, creative, and joyful.
What advice would you give other women who are trying to start something?
- Start with what you are passionate about. The idea of owning a business can seem glamorous, but don’t start a business for the sake of starting a business. You have to be excited about what you are selling. There are so many challenges that you’ll face and when you have a bad day, you have to be able to remember why you started your business in the first place!
- Make sure whatever you’re creating has purpose and fulfills an actual need in the world, both for the creator and the consumer.
- Be a learner. Be willing to refine your product, vision and strategy over and over again. If you have the attitude of a know-it-all you will never be able to grow as a business or a leader.
- Lastly (and most importantly), pray, pray, pray. Give everything to God from the big things to the small things. He is at work in your life in more ways than you realize, so commit everything to HIM.
Jessie Alexander is one of the co-founders of 31 Bits, a jewelry company using fashion to empower people to rise above poverty. They employ artisans in Uganda and Indonesia, giving them a sustainable monthly income as well as holistic education including financial, health, and business training. Jessie graduated from Vanguard University in 2009 with a degree in Cultural Anthropology and is now the company’s Brand Director. She lives in Costa Mesa, CA and plays an active role in her community, participating in local community development and homeless endeavors. She’s a big fan of coffee, traveling, paddleboarding, and costume parties.
Follow 31 Bits on Instagram @31bits
by Lindy Conant-Cofer | Apr 1, 2019 | Featured, Testimonies |
We’ve all been there: Lights, fog, epic song, and an electric moment as we all worship Jesus. I can remember so many moments I’ve had like this where it seemed so EASY to follow God as we all stood there singing our guts out! But then what? What happens when all that fades away and we are left with REAL life? What do we do when comparison is crippling us?! Or when we live in a constant state of feeling like we are not enough and have no idea how to get out of these mindsets? Or what do we do when we have anxiety but feel like we can’t run to anyone because “Christians” shouldn’t struggle with this? These are all questions I have asked myself in my journey following Jesus.
We all know Jesus is more than a church service, Bible study, or a song that gives us goosebumps. So then how do we invite Him into our everyday lives and live in the transformation that was given to us at The Cross? I want to take you through some of my journey of God revealing His love to me in a way that caused me to finally understand the JOY and WONDER of surrender!
Matthew 10:30 says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” See, I always thought following Jesus meant a list of do’s and don’ts. For so long, I had no idea that Jesus wanted to have a relationship with me that was ALIVE and ACTIVE. It wasn’t until I understood the joy of surrender that my life changed. I struggled with depression, anxiety and tons of comparison starting at 13 years old. This kept me from truly knowing who God made me to be. I had blinders on my eyes of what it could look like to be free and know Jesus. The picture I had of God was that he was sitting in heaven keeping tabs of our actions. I will never forget the day I was at a school in YWAM and everything changed in one moment. As we were worshipping I suddenly felt my heart begin to burn. I had no idea what was going on and then all of the sudden I was consumed with peace. I felt depression and anxiety leave my body and I suddenly knew deep down how loved I was. I remember thinking, “Is this really you God?! I had NO idea you were THIS good!”
From this place, I understood what Matthew 10:30 meant. When I had understanding and revelation of His love, all I wanted to do was surrender my life and let Him lead me! It was the most joyful surrender I had EVER experienced! This set the course of my whole walk with Jesus. I have been a Christian for 10 years now and trust me when I say that there will ALWAYS be bumps along the road and things to overcome! However, when you walk in the foundation of God’s love for you and fully trust Him by surrendering your own will and ways, you will find a joy that is eternal!
So where in your life do you feel stuck? Where do you feel like you go in circles? Let Jesus meet you there! He is not afraid of our weaknesses, He actually LOVES to meet us there. He is not mad at us, He is proud! His love is what changes us from the inside out. It may seem too good to be true, but this is what it’s called GOOD NEWS.
So, what are some practical steps you can take to live out whole-hearted surrender and see Jesus move through your life? First, it starts one on one, with just you and God! I call it “THE BIG THREE”— this is Worship, The Word, and Prayer. Always start with introducing these three things into your life, making it a discipline until it turns into a joyful habit, because it will! Second, find your people. We were never called to do this alone. Jesus demonstrated this when He walked on the earth closely with 12 disciples. He was not alone. They worshipped together, ate together, processed together, preached the gospel together and so much more! The key word here is TOGETHER. Third, know who God is and who He says you are! This will change everything! Do you want to see comparison end in your life? Have you ever struggled with jealousy? Identity? Know the truth, and it will SET YOU FREE. I am not saying this because it’s a Bible verse or a great line, but because I have experienced this first hand in my own life! When I forget who God is and who He says I am, I get consumed with doubt, second guessing and so much more. Knowing God is truly one of the GREATEST gifts, we were made for it! It’s why Paul says in Philippians 3:8-10, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…”.
So, to my generation and the generations rising up now, LET’S DO THIS! The earth is longing for who God REALLY is. Let’s live in whole-hearted surrender and shine with the confidence given to us through the blood of Jesus! I truly believe we are living in some of the greatest days in history! God wants to use YOU! He wants to move through YOU! When the lights are gone and the crowd fades, God still sees a generation burning with love for Jesus! This is you and me!
Lindy Conant-Cofer is a worship leader and singer/songwriter based in Southern California. She is a part of the Circuit Rider movement that was launched out of YWAM Kona. Lindy has a passion to see this generation activated in love of God. With a zeal to see the gospel go forward, she began to write songs that she felt captured this part of the Lord’s heart.
Follow Lindy on Instagram @lindy_conant
by Live Original | Mar 20, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice, Testimonies |
We at LO can’t get enough of this past week’s episode of “WHOA That’s Good” podcast with Emma Jenkins! We wanted to share the nuggets of this conversation between Sadie and Emma because it is just THAT GOOD!
As usual, Sadie starts by asking the million-dollar question: What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?
Emma’s answer, which was given to her by her mother, is straight GOLD.
She shared, “This one piece of advice was magnified in my heart. My mom told me, ‘Emma, you will never live out the incredible purpose that God has for your life if you fear people.’”
WHOA that’s good.
Proverbs 29:25 says, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare. But, if I trust in the Lord, and fear the Lord, I will remain safe and not be shaken.”
This idea of fearing the Lord and not humans, Emma described, is a truth that she has been “dancing and learning the choreography of”.
If you know Emma, you see her as such a joyful person. She let us in on a secret. She told us that often times she is hard on herself. She describes it as “three steps forward, two steps back.” And the cycle continues.
What she has learned is that the rhythm of dancing almost never looks like one foot in front of the other. It is even more beautiful.
When we put our feet firmly planted on His feet, just like a little girl dancing in the kitchen with her father, we can trust that being in Him means that we are on level ground. This is the freedom of God’s choreography.
If we lean on the inconsistencies of people, we will stumble over our feet. We were never meant to put our faith in a created thing.
In order to stand on His feet, we have to truly fear the Lord. But let’s be honest, fearing the Lord can be confusing.
Fear is something very familiar to both Sadie and Emma. During their conversation, they speak out this truth from Proverbs.
To fear the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom because you are coming to the realization of how powerful He is.
Isaiah 64:4 says that our attempt at righteousness is like filthy rags to God. Because of sin, we don’t deserve to be in His presence. But because of Jesus we can forever be with Him and always stand on His feet and dance.
Fearing the Lord is knowing that “Wow, I can sit in the presence of my heavenly Father and be in awe of ALL that He is and ALL that He says I am.”
We are not worthy of this love. Yet, He claims that we are worthy through Jesus.
WHOA that’s good.
When we fix our eyes on what He says about us, we can be freed from a life of fear. Think about what Emma’s mom said, “Emma, you will never live out the incredible purpose that God has for your life if you fear people.”
Emma and Sadie have seen this play out in social media. They have experienced the highs of praise and support and the lows of being torn apart. Social media amplifies the highs and the lows. Does that sound familiar to you?
We’ll never forget something Emma shared with us about her lowest point with social media. “I didn’t know what a meme was until I became one.” The weight of cruel words can be so heavy.
There is no denying it is not easy to face such public ridicule. However, Jesus knows a thing or two about that. In fact, He promised that following Him would not be easy and that in this life we will face trouble.
Jesus did not try to please people or make sure that everyone liked Him, as we often do. Being bold in His love means that there will be people who won’t like it, or don’t know how to receive it.
“Those who call you names, they themselves don’t know their name.”
Although the haters will seem loud, God’s voice will always be louder. When we know who we are in the Father, we can continue to dance and speak love to those who ridicule us.
Emma said with confidence: “We can continue to love them because they just don’t know how loved they are yet.”
WHOA that’s good.
There are so many voices in this life.
The world will tell us something different about ourselves every day, but the Lord speaks the SAME thing over us at all times.
In order to discern what is a not a promise of God, we need to know the promises of God. Emma is a beautiful picture of this. Scripture flows out of her not just because she memorized it, but because she lives it.
Be encouraged, friends. God wants you to know who He really is and who you are, too.
He is safe.
He is loving.
He is a great dance partner.
That’s who He is.
And He welcomes YOU.
There’s no reason to fear, simply dance on His feet.
We hope this post encouraged you as much as it did us! Comment below your thoughts and also go check out this podcast with Emma!
Emma Mae Jenkins is a speaker, youtuber, and encourager to all. Her story and struggle with bullying is powerful and packed with God’s truth. She’s currently a student at Liberty University where she is filling the campus with joy every day.
Follow Emma on Instagram @1corinthians13_love
by Jill Dasher | Mar 18, 2019 | Featured, Testimonies |
It was literally the checking off of a box on a list of accomplishments that I had deemed worthy of fulfilling in order to keep up the image I felt the need to portray.
WOW. So, you should probably read that sentence again, because, pretty sure, I could drop the mic right here and be like, JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL, because the Holy Spirit straight up read my mail as this thought crept into my mind.
Even twenty years later I can recall this particular night in an instant. Like one of those moments in time when you knew something or someone was about to change. I remember the smell of my car and tossing my homecoming crown in the back seat as if the very weight of it on my head felt overwhelming. This thought kept clamoring for my attention and I just couldn’t let myself go there. The Holy Spirit was attempting to speak truth into my heart, a truth that could have set me free, but at the young age of eighteen I was not ready to hear it. I was not ready to change my priorities and it would be nine years, one husband, and three kids later before I would let myself take a small glimpse into the idol that had held my heart captive.
THE IDOL OF MY OWN IMAGE
THE IDOL OF NEEDING TO BE THE BEST
THE IDOL OF HAVING TO BE THE ONE WHO HAD IT ALL TOGETHER
THE DEVASTATING IDOL OF PERFECTION
When perfection becomes your idol, you will then train yourself to live a life in hiding. The need to cover every flaw and mask every imperfection will become a top priority. You will get used to filtering every single image of your life. You will live in bondage to the idea that as long as you can hold it all together, you will feel worthy. Then, you will feel good enough.
But the truth is you just feel exhausted and lonely.
Exhausted because there is always something on your body or in your life that begins to sag. There is always someone else’s life displayed through square images on a screen that represents more perfectly the perfection you long for. In a rush to maintain, you will spend hours nipping, tucking, smoothing, and purchasing your way to satisfaction, except it never quite seems to satisfy.
Lonely because you have no one in your life that knows you. No one who knows your fears or understands your struggles. Lonely because letting someone in would mean to admit that you are messed up and that scares you to death!
This was me. The me that lived to please others, to please myself, and to maintain an image that somewhere along the way I had come to believe was actually real. But, in reality, it was the greatest lie of all. Like Eve, I was hiding behind fig leaves and had become numb to how truly uncomfortable they were.
What changed?
Pain Invited versus Pain Avoided
The pain I once avoided, I was now inviting in.
Pain that is avoided has the power to paralyze. It has the power to hold you captive to a life that is authorized and controlled by Satan himself.
But, oh, my goodness, pain that is invited in is so different.
Pain that is invited in has the power to produce something in you that will reflect something out of you that you never knew was there.
Pain invited in has the power to free you.
What does that look like?
Ironically, for me, pain invited started with a diagnosis of an immune disorder called vitiligo. For a girl who was obsessed with her image, this was devastating news. Vitiligo would alter the image I so desperately sought to protect.
As everything that I had held dear began to transform beyond my control, Satan wreaked havoc in my mind.
You’re ugly…
Your husband is not going to be attracted to you…
You have nothing left to offer…
I began to pray like crazy. How shallow, right? Shallow because my prayer was to take away a physical flaw. Shallow that a flaw in my “image” would bring me to my knees like never before. I prayed over and over that the Lord would take it away. The more I prayed the more God revealed to me that I was more in love with my image than I was in love with Him. I was more in love with the idea of what I wanted my life to look like than I was in living a life that reflected Him.
As the Lord began to show me the depths of my shallowness, for the first time I did not hide my face. I invited in the pain of having to see things about myself that I felt were disgusting. But, friends, there is no sweeter voice to unveil the darkness of your heart than that of the Holy Spirit. The most amazing thing about a revelation from your Father is that He always has much more to give you than you realize you need. As He began to reveal the shallowness of my heart, He also began to expose other idols that I had placed before Him. He showed me that for far too long I had placed the entire burden of my happiness on the shoulders of my husband–that my level of fulfillment was based solely on the ability of my husband to be exactly who I wanted him to be.
Sadly, I had placed my husband in a role that he was never made to fill. I have now come to know that misplaced roles will only lead to resentment. Placing any human being as the sole provider of your fulfillment will always be disastrous. Whether it’s a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or friend, people do not possess the power to keep you happy. It is an impossible task.
Satan matched the sins of my husband and me perfectly to assure that we both remained in hiding. The grip on my life was the need to look perfect and the grip on my husband’s was to be the perfect husband. The end result was two people who were living a life that was simply performance based.
You see, when perfection becomes your idol, two things happen: You remain a stranger to everyone around you and they are not given permission to be who they really are. While clinging to my idol, I was holding my husband, Zach, back from being real too.
Confession and vulnerability are thrown out the window. Everyone is playing a role to keep the image up. The end result is a miserable life. Miserable, because everyone craves something that is real.
We crave a love that extends beyond the boundary of our own abilities. We crave a love that has seen us at our very worst and doesn’t turn its face in disgust. We desire a love that embraces and covers the most shameful places of our souls.
That love can only be found within our Creator. I had always viewed God’s love as transactional. He loved me when I was good and hated me when I was bad. During the years when I struggled through the idol of perfection I believed I had to hide it from God in order for Him to love me.
I took this same mentality into my marriage. I felt like I had to hide things from Zach that might cause him to not like me. But as I began to remove my fig leaves and allow the Lord to speak into all the wounds of a life lived in hiding, something began to change in me. God began to change me. I know there will always be the temptation to hide, but I had tasted, for the first time, how good it felt to be truly known by my Father.
I was beginning to see that this is the type of love that my marriage was supposed to reflect. A true two becoming one, not merely in flesh, but in soul. I wanted Zach to know me, not the “me” I thought I was supposed to be, but the “me” that I was.
Zach sat on the couch with a look of fear because in years past these conversations had almost always been about what he was doing wrong. Yet what proceeded from my mouth could have only been from God. It was an unveiling of my soul; a confession of where I had placed my worth.
The idols of My Image, My Body, MY Marriage. I expressed the desire to no longer run from my insecurities and to develop a heart that loves Zach through his.
Zach you no longer have to carry the weight of my happiness.
Success is not the measure of your worthiness.
Your fears and struggles are welcome.
You’re safe to be imperfect with me.
Can we just learn to live as two messed up people who are loved by a Gracious God?
Tears began to pour from his eyes and an evening of confession unfolded between the two of us that we had never encountered before. Joy was found in the midst of our brokenness, because we were being set free from the darkness of hiding. Hiding, the true killer of joy, has no place in God’s kingdom.
To know and be known, even in the shallowest of places, was better than any high I might have experienced pretending. Even now when my hand is attempted to reach for the fig leaf, I hear God whispering, you’re safe to be imperfect with me.
Jill Dasher is a blogger and speaker who is passionate about sharing the message of being known through authentic community with God and each other. She resides in Asheville, NC with her husband Zach and four children. In between sunset hikes and camping weekends she works alongside her husband running a media company.
Follow Jill on Instagram @jilldasher
by Chrys Howard | Mar 13, 2019 | Featured, Testimonies |
When my kids were young, I spent hours at the sewing machine. I loved taking a piece of fabric and some ribbon and lace and creating something unique and special. When Sadie and the other granddaughters came along, more dresses were made. But, before I could blink, all my little’s outgrew the smocked creations and they were carefully stored away. I now have some new nieces and it thrills me to wash and starch and iron and get them ready for more Sunday morning to-go-church-wearing.
I seriously love these dresses. I know everything about them. Which ones were harder to make. Which one of them doesn’t look very nice on the inside. Which one of them was supposed to have pink ribbon, but I ran out and put white. There are well over a hundred of them—hanging neatly in a closet and I know details about every one of them. I guess I love them because I made them. They bring me joy. I have pride in my work on them. I picked out the fabric, thoughtfully chose the ribbon, decided on the perfect lace and then shaped the dress together. I look at them and think, “I made that!”
Oh, how God must love us. We are His creation. Just as I did at the fabric store–picking and choosing–God personally and carefully chose every detail as he created YOU. The bible says it this way, “For we are His workmanship.” That means He worked to put you together. Can you even wrap your head around that thought? Think about something you have created. It might not be a dress, but perhaps a painting or a flower arrangement or a scrapbook. Making something—anything– is a very personal adventure. It requires attention to detail and personal choice and careful planning and patience waiting for the outcome and then, satisfaction at the end result. That is what God did for you! He personally attended to every detail—the size of your feet, the color of your eyes, whether your hair curls or is straight as a board, your ability to sing or not sing or play the piano or not play—everything about you was put before God’s eyes and then He said, “I want this for her!”
While I hate to admit it, I have looked at others and wished for the things God picked out for them. Yes, I’ve done it. I’ve thought to myself, God, if only you had given me that talent, I could have done great things. I just know if God would have gifted me with an amazing voice I would have used it to glorify Him, but He didn’t. Then, I’ve thought about what it would feel like if I presented a new mom with one of my handmade baby dresses and her response would have been, “I wish this dress was blue instead of white. And I would have liked it better if you didn’t put a collar on it.” I would have been heartbroken. Crushed. Devastated. After all my hard work, the recipient of my creation was disappointed.
God must feel the same when we don’t praise Him for how He made us. When we look in the mirror and shake our heads instead of saying, “Yes, God, I am fearfully and wonderfully made!” You see, that’s something else the bible says– we are fearfully and wonderfully made. What does that mean? That means we can do things other creations can’t do. Did you know humans are the only creation who can understand and participate in creating things? The gift of creation is given to everyone. We are told we are made in His image and God is a creator. While our creative gifts manifest themselves a little differently than God’s (we don’t call mountains into being) still we are capable of creating, putting things together, building and fashioning as no other creation can do . Also, we’re the only ones in creation who can form opinions and make judgment calls or discern between right and wrong. We’re the only ones who understand time—present and past and eternity. Beyond those cool things, our bodies are magnificent works of art. Our heart, brain, kidneys, lungs, blood system—all work together every day to keep us walking and talking. It’s a miracle that only a loving and brilliant God could create and sustain.
So many times we look at our outward appearance and are disappointed with how God finished up His magnificent project. Often we compare our talents to other’s talents and feel like God cheated us in some way. Let’s all stop looking for a prettier face or more musical talent or a better swan dive or a higher ACT score. Instead, let’s focus on how God made you and me–in His image and uniquely different from anyone else so He could carry out the plan He has for our life and no one else’s. Let’s marvel that this body we have can run and play and dance and sing and think and understand and listen and speak and blink and snap and on and on and on….because our good, good Father created us.
You are perfect in every way. Don’t ever think otherwise.
Hugs, Chrys (2-mama)
Chrys Howard is an editor and writer, serves as president of the board of a Christian camp in Louisiana, and hosts a weekly radio show. She is also the proud grandma of fourteen, including Sadie.
Her more recent book is Rockstar Grandparent. Stay connected with Chrys on Instagram: @chryshoward, website: chryshoward.com, facebook: Chrys Shackelford Howard
by Korie Robertson | Mar 11, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice, Testimonies |
“I love your family but just once I wish you would post something negative so I know you’re not a robot generated happy machine.”
This comment on one of my recent Instagram posts caught my eye. While I usually try to just scroll right past the negative comments, something about this one got me thinking. I started to hit reply then decided this might be worth a long post, and now you’re reading a blog about it. Apparently it struck a nerve, ha!
Before I get on with the thoughts that bring us here, I want to point out how the few negative comments in the line up of mostly positivity somehow always stick out. It’s like they have a highlighter around them. Have you noticed this in your own life? Did you know there have been actual scientific studies that show it takes 5.6 positive comments to counteract 1 negative one? That’s crazy how sticky those negative things we read, or hear, or how about the negative things we say to ourselves, can be. Please think about this in the way you speak to others and also importantly, to yourself.
Okay, now to address the actual comment, since this person put this out there, it caught my attention, and I actually really don’t believe she is a “hater,” and by that I mean I don’t think this is coming from a place of hate. I think this is a legitimate struggle; that feeling that the lives we see online are somehow more perfect then the ones we are living. Perhaps this is a struggle we are all dealing with in some way or another with the presence of social media in our lives on a constant and daily basis.
Sooo, here are a few thoughts on social media as a whole and how not to find yourself writing this comment on someone’s post. Here we go:
1. Social media is simply a highlight reel. You’ve probably heard this before, but I think it’s worth the reminder. People post the moments they want to remember for themselves and/or those they want others to see. I think of social media to some extent like our old photo albums. Depending on your age, you might not have actually ever seen one of those, but back when we used to actually print pictures, we filled our albums with all the good things: vacations, sporting events, birthday parties, the day at the park, that time our child got an award. What we didn’t put in the album was a picture of us yelling at our child who dropped his ice cream in the car on the way home from that day at the park, or the mountain of laundry in our living room that stayed there for a month, and there certainly weren’t any pictures of our husband sleeping on the couch that night after our big fight.
My point is this: if we can all remember that this is only a highlight reel, perhaps we can realize that social media isn’t the whole story, and even more importantly, that it isn’t meant to be the whole story. The whole story is what we get in real life relationships, not with people that we follow or that follow us on the Internet.
2. Everything is edited. I love social media, but we have to use it with our eyes wide open. We don’t need to believe the “I woke up like that” lie that we are being sold. Pretty much everything you see is edited, and if it isn’t edited, then I can guarantee, I walked around until I found the perfect lighting before I snapped that pic. I may have snapped 3 or 4 or maybe even 11 before getting one I liked. Please tell me you do this too!
It’s the same with television. Even the most “real” reality show is carefully edited to show you exactly what the producers want you to see. It’s a week or more of filming boiled down to 23 min. Magazine photographers take hundreds of pictures to get the one the want and then graphic designers edit it till it looks “perfect.”
In today’s world, with all of this in our face daily, I believe we can enjoy social media and entertainment, and use it well. But, let’s not be naive to the carefully chosen and edited “reality” that it is, so that we start comparing ourselves to an ideal that is not actually attainable. That leads me to comparison…
3. Comparison is always a losing game. It’s so slippery. As soon as we get there, the ideal moves. We reach our “perfect” weight, someone is skinnier, has a smaller waist, or better thigh gap. We reach a level of success with that number in our bank account that we always thought “if I could get there I would have it made” and inflation happens. We go blonde—someone just goes brown and everyone is saying how cute it looks.
It’s a big world out there. There will always be someone smarter, prettier, cooler, more athletic, whatever…than you. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but for real! That’s a fact that we all need to face and once we face it, we need to break free from the hold it has over us.
To “win” at the comparison game you have to bring others down, and that never actually works out in the long run, because it’s not how God created us. He created us to act in unity, to encourage one another not to tear each other down. He created each one of us as an original. You can’t compare originals; that totally defeats the very core of what it means to be an original.
Comparison creates anxiety, brings up all of our fears, opens the door for envy, and if we allow it, it will cause us to believe the lie that we are less than. God created each one of us uniquely and without comparison. There is no one like you therefore there is no room to compare.
4. “Real life” is both the good and the bad. Although this commenter didn’t even ask for “real life” she just went straight and said can you post something “negative” which is probably more honest as I think this is usually what people mean when they say they want to see “real life.” The truth is, in this last month, our oldest daughter who is breastfeeding her new baby got mastitis in her left breast, had 102 fever and her husband had to be out of town for work for three days so I spent the night with her and helped take care of our new grandbaby. Two of our kids were sick with a sinus infection and a one had a stomach bug. Our daughter had a wreck and son had a flat tire. We had a leak in the house that made our wood floors in two rooms buckle so when you walk on them you feel like you are in a fun house. I went to a physical therapist because of back pain that wakes me up every time I try to roll over and also got a mammogram (all clear, whew). Oh yeah, also, in John Luke and Mary Kate’s new house the septic wasn’t installed and poop came up in their bathtub!
Some of these things I posted about, some I didn’t. Maybe I should post those things more because yes, those things are real, but here’s the thing, things break, people get sick, accidents happens, we deal with it and move on. That’s real life, and nobody is immune to that stuff!
But “real life” is ALSO all the good stuff. In real life, our new grand baby smiled for the first time and our hearts melted! Willie cooked a delicious meal and our family and Rebecca’s mom from Taiwan came over. In real life we just had our first crawfish of the year and they were delicious (crawfish season is a serious thing here in Louisiana). In real life, I worked out one day out of five and felt pretty good about myself on that day. All of those things are “real life” too! Real life is full of the good and the hard, the beautiful and the messy. If I’m going to err on one side, I’m going to err on the side of noticing, talking about, remembering the good in my “real life” not all of the bad.
5. Last, but not least, be picky about who you allow to speak into your life. It’s okay to be open and vulnerable about some of the hard things we are going through on our social media platforms, but don’t make the mistake of substituting that for real relationships. The people who you can sit down with face to face–those who have been with you in the good and the bad, have laughed and cried with you–are the ones who really know you and the only ones who can really speak truth into your life. Don’t listen to just anybody. It’s in the real life relationships that real vulnerability and openness needs to happen. If you don’t have real people in your life you can trust with the hard things, work to find those people. You will not find it simply scrolling the Internet. Yes, you may find some encouragement, some good advice, some bible study tips or fun fashion advice, but it is no substitute for face-to-face relationships. Find a church or a bible study or invite someone to coffee or give that friend you haven’t talked to in a while a call. You may feel like you know the people you follow on social media and those that follow you, but when the tough times come, we need a real, literal shoulder to cry on, not a comment from someone we have never actually met. Be that friend to someone and find those friends who will do that for you.
I’d love to hear your thoughts surrounding all of this as we are all wading in the same water of social media and doing the best we can with the changing tide. I hope you know that our lives are not perfect, but because of Christ we do live lives full of joy even in the hardship. We are all human and our lives are filled with good times and bad. Just like yours. I pray that you have people in your corner who are there for you in your real life ups and downs and you are there for other people as well. This is what real life really looks like.
Korie Robertson is a New York Times bestselling author and speaker who is passionate about motherhood. Korie (K-Swaggy) is a mom to Sadie — and five other amazing kids. In her free time, you’ll find her playing tennis, drinking coffee and spending time with her kids and new grandson, Zane.
Follow Korie on Instagram @bosshogswife
