What’s That You Say?
You all have shown so much excitement over my book, “LIVE”, coming out in TWENTY ONE DAYS, that I wanted to share one of my favorite chapters from the book! This is so you don’t have to wait twenty one days for encouragement that your life is valuable, seen, and worth living. If you want my book in your hands come Feb. 25, pre-order it now!
One time when Christian and I were dating, we went out for a walk, which we love to do, but we found ourselves in an argument. I was telling him something I wished that he would have remembered to do, and his response was, “I suck.” When those words came out of his mouth, I got so upset. I had shared with him before that it really makes me sad when he speaks negative things over himself. Well, this conversation just kept going downhill and ended with me saying, “That is it. You walk that way. I’m walking this way.” As I turned to walk away, Christian said, “You said you would never walk away.” As I type this, I see how dramatic we were both being, but thinking back on this story, I cannot help but question why Christian and I both said and did things that neither of us truly meant or believed.
I remember hearing a cheer at a football game that started with a group of people yelling something for another group to act out; the other group yelled in response, “What’s that you say?” and then the first group repeated what they said and proceeded to do that action.
“What’s that you say?” is a great question. Being challenged about what we say is helpful because it makes us think about whether we are confident in the words we speak. Sometimes we say things we don’t really mean. Stopping to think about whether we would repeat them can cause us to examine what’s in our hearts and make sure our words align with it, and then make sure our words and our heart align with our actions.
So I want to ask you today, “What’s that you say?” I mean, what are you talking about—to yourself and to others? What kinds of actions are your words sparking? Are they bringing life or death? Are you even confident in what you are saying?
Now I want to offer you a visual, so to speak, of what the words of life and the words of death look like:
The words of life empower. The words of death destroy.
The words of life encourage. The words of death cause people to lose heart.
The words of life affirm. The words of death tear down.
The words of life give hope. The words of death cause despair.
The words of life are confident. The words of death are powerless.
The words of life are full of hope for the future. The words of death replay the pain of the past.
But wait. There’s more. Let’s go a little deeper. Just as a tree has roots that run deep underground, the words you speak have a root system too. You can look at a tree and see if it’s healthy or not by looking at what it produces. If it’s leafy and green and full of good fruit, you can bet it has a strong root system. If it’s dry and brown, its roots aren’t nourishing it as they should. Likewise, you can figure out what your root system is by the fruit of your lips—the words you say (Hebrews 13:15). Let’s look at some common roots of life and death.
The words of life are rooted in a place of security. The words of death are rooted in a place of jealousy.
The words of life are rooted in knowing you’re loved. The words of death come from feeling unwanted.
The words of life are rooted in feeling content. The words of death come from never being satisfied.
The words of life are rooted in being confident in who God made you to be. The words of death come from striving to do more to find your worth.
The words of life are rooted in knowing you are accepted just the way you are. The words of death come from feeling rejection.
The words of life are rooted in peace. The words of death come from fear and anxiety.
The words of life are rooted in a positive attitude. The words of death come from a negative outlook.
The words of life are rooted in caring about others. The words of death come from focusing on yourself.
It’s important to look at what your words are rooted in so you can be confident in knowing how they impact you and how they affect others.
XO,
Sadie
Excerpt from “LIVE” (Ch. What’s That You Say?). PRE-ORDER TODAY TO GRAB YOUR COPY!
Marry a Man Who Will Worship With You
We were unabashedly praising the name of Jesus together at the Passion conference, and I remember looking over at my husband of nearly 19 years; I was overwhelmed with gratitude. All I ever wanted was a man who loved the Lord with all his heart, and here we stood, tears rolling down our faces, hands raised to The King of Kings, worshipping as one. The moment was monumental for me, one that did not go unrecognized, because what I experienced in that time and space was the fruit of another moment spent in a very different place.
It was dark — a very dark place one might even call a prison. How did I get there? Would the sensation of light ever again grace the confines of my heart? I was not sure. At that moment, correction, in that season, I felt an array of emotions, none of which I was accustomed to, at least, not to the extent that they were currently plaguing my inner being. It was a drought of the soul that wrecked me to the core.
Abandoned, alone, betrayed, outcast, fearful, distrusting, and extremely insecure. Not the insecurity that comes in waves of life like “she has better hair than me.” No, this was an insecurity of the highest order. I felt no security in the one and only person I loved my whole life. The one and only person who, despite my downfalls and shortcomings, I loved immensely, and never, not once, did I question His love for me. But today was different. The four walls of my closet were closed in around me as I sobbed, sobbed. Before that day, I am not sure I truly ever felt anguish, and there I lay in the fetal position on the floor of my closet, certain that God forgot about me and questioning if there was such a God, and if so, how can He be good?
For this post, the details are not exactly crucial as to why or how I ended up in such a place, not to mention the story is not mine alone to share, so for that reason, I will spare “the why or how.” More than likely, if you live long enough, if you let people into your life, and if you immerse yourself into the lives of others, you will experience your own “how and why.” We are imperfect people, living in an imperfect world, doing life with other imperfect people, and Satan exists to divide and destroy. Destruction is the breaking ground of his house, and many times, we take up residence on a hollow foundation without even knowing it.
Back to the closet floor.
For the first time in my life, I questioned the one who gave me life. Are you real, God, and if so, then are you really good? Talk about darkness. The door of my closet creaked open, and I remember burying my head even further into the heap of clothes that laid all around me not wanting to let anyone into the atmosphere of my pain, but there was one (well, not actually just one) who refused to grant me solitude. My husband, led by the Holy Spirit, ever so gently picked me up off the floor and held me in his arms, much like a child. He began praying over me a prayer that will forever and ever be etched into my mind.
God, I am calling on your promise; in your word, you tell us that if we will resist the devil, he will flee from us. We are calling on your promise right now in the name of Jesus, so that we may see your goodness again.
This was the moment God watered the drought of my soul with his presence, and as my dear husband prayed, the tiniest fragments of light began to come into view. Hope began to emerge because where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. I could literally feel the relaxing of every single muscle in my body. It was the beginning of a long process of healing that changed the course of my life — beginning being the operative word here. Beginning.
About midnight, Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly a strong earthquake shook the foundations of the prison. At once, all the doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.
EVERYONE’S CHAINS CAME LOOSE!
Don’t you see it? Praise is the conduit for freedom. Praise on the mountain top is an overflow from the praise extended in the valley. The praise at the dawn of day is possible because the Lord brought us through the darkest part of the night.
What God began in Zach and me all those years ago on the floor of our closet was and still is producing the fruit of praise. We can praise Him in our freedom because my husband led our family to praise him in our prison. We can unabashedly dance with college students and sing to the top of our lungs today because in the darkest moments of our lives, when I was ready to bail, the husband of my youth carried on the mantle of faith when I was much too weak. Praise God. Praise God.
So here comes the curveball; actually, it is the title of this blog, so it should not come as a surprise. There are many of you reading this who currently are in a dating relationship or praying for the Lord to send that special someone your way. For those of you who are dating, ask yourself this question: will this man worship with me when I am on the floor of my closet? Will he lead me in worship when the butterflies are gone, when the bills pile up, and when I no longer have a six-pack? Ask yourself — do it. Will he lead me in worship when my faith grows weak? Will he lead me in worship in our darkest hour?
Well? So, in the words of the punk rock band, The Clash, Should I stay, or should I go now? Do not justify, and do not overanalyze. You know the answer.
To the lady in waiting, be content to wait for a man who will worship with you on the floor of your closet.
To the married woman who is thinking it is much too late, who fears that she made the wrong decision all those years ago, and feels certain that her husband will never lead her that way: take up the mantle of Faith — you be the one. Love him in his darkest moment. Worship with him through his unbelief. 1 Peter 3:1-6 says, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your simple pursuit of the Lord, even in times of darkness, has the power to change the life of your spouse.
Midnight is one of the darkest hours of the night but is also the BEGINNING of a new day. Praise Him in the darkness, so you can dance at the break of dawn.
Jill Dasher is a blogger and speaker who is passionate about sharing the message of being known through authentic community with God and each other. She resides in Asheville, NC with her husband Zach and four children. In between sunset hikes and camping weekends she works alongside her husband running a media company.
Follow Jill on Instagram @jilldasher
A Father’s Love
Note from Team LO: We are SO excited to bring you this month’s post from our LO Fam member, Alena Blaszczak! If you want to be a part of this incredible community, sign up to be notified once the doors open back up!
As a little girl, my father would take me on walks throughout our farm. We have over 100 acres of land, so quite a bit of exploring happened during our time together. One of my favorite memories as a little girl was when he took me on a “detour” to get up the hill to the other side of the farm. There’s a nice, easy path to get to the top–no ragged weeds or oddly shaped trees to get in our way. Our pathway was already carved out of us, but one day he took me on this detour. The “detour” way required me to sweat. I got scratched by thorns, scared by snakes. I used muscles I haven’t used in a while. I asked my dad when we were about half-way up “Why did you take me this way? Why couldn’t we take our normal route? This is hard!”
He encouraged me to keep going and would explain to me why we went this way when we got up the hill. My father had never steered me wrong, so I trusted him through this process. We finally reached the top. There we saw a breath-taking, beautiful view. The different, vibrant colors of the leaves were falling off the trees with ease. There seemed to be an endless row of corn fields and we felt the chill-breeze of fall air. Squirrels were running up and down trees and birds soared effortless through the air. The most beautiful view of all was the extravagantly painted sky, given to us by our heavenly Father. A spectacular mixture of red, yellow, orange and pink, all combined together for this beautiful masterpiece.
After taking all this in, my dad was smiling bigger than I’ve ever seen him smile before. I think he even chuckled a little bit at the look on my face when we reached the top. I was a little agitated at this point because I felt like I just gone through a jungle. I asked him again, “Why would you take me this way? There was nothing wrong with our regular path.”
He answered, “Sometimes life isn’t always going to be easy. Sometimes you’re going to have to take the harder path in order to get to where you need to go. It won’t be easy. There will be obstacles in your way, but you CAN get to the top and achieve all your dreams.”
1 Peter 5:10 (ESV) says “And After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”
The Bible tells us that we will go through trials and tribulations (James 1:2-8), that we will go through difficult times. But we need to take heart and know that Jesus has already gone through these difficult times. He has already won these battles. We are given hope through Jesus that even though there will be days of suffering during our lives, the God of all grace, who knows us by name, will restore us. He will heal us. He will comfort us and give us peace through everything.
Sisters, how many times do we want to take the “easy path” to get our answers? How many times have we asked God, “Just please take this person away?” “Take me out of this situation!” “Bless me with the job I deserve!” “Please decide which career path I should take.”
In our generation, many of us are dealing with depression and anxiety. We are dealing with generational issues, past hurts, and fear. We don’t want to take that hard path because we’ve already dealt with enough pain, confusion and heartache. We don’t want to be hurt again. We are afraid to take that chance on doing something that “might” cause us pain. Trust me. I’ve been there! However, even Jesus’ path wasn’t easy! He made hard decisions, He experienced pain. He even asked His Father “Why?” (Matthew 26:39). Take heart friends, and trust in our loving God that He will guide you through any hardship and He WILL bring you to the top.
Romans 8:18 says “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
I want to encourage you today, even if your earthly Father wasn’t the greatest example, you can do everything you’ve ever dreamed of doing because you have a heavenly Father who LOVES you more than you could ever imagine. He BELIEVES in you, He CARES for you, and He knows your potential. He has given you amazing gifts that will touch so many lives. So don’t be afraid to take that hard path to the top. God will reward you in so many ways. He sees your hard work, He sees what you’re going through and He knows how hard that is. Your actions don’t go unnoticed (Hebrews 6:10).
At a young age, my father taught me a valuable lesson that would forever hold a special place in my heart. We have hard decisions to make about our careers, our relationships and much more. But with God’s help and guidance, we are able to achieve anything we put our heart and soul into! We are able to complete the race because OUR God is powerful and strong. He WILL guide us out of temptation, struggles, addiction, and lead us into freedom!
2 Corinthians 3:17
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
I’m not sure my dad realized it back then, but he was demonstrating to me how my heavenly Father is towards me. My father guided me through the woods safe, unharmed and protected. He knew the way to go and lead me to the top with ease and I trusted him wholeheartedly! Our God is just that: safe, protective, loving, kind, thoughtful and intentional! Put your trust in Jesus today, give Him your life and let go! He loves you always and will never lead you astray!
“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
Out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
And steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
A hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what He has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.”
Psalms 40:1-3 (NLT)
Alena Blaszczak is a Physical Therapist Assistant who recently graduated from California University of Pennsylvania. Alena is from a small town outside of Pittsburgh, PA. Some activities she enjoys doing include playing sports, exercising, hiking, traveling and baking! Alena believes helping people in anyway she can is the greatest way she can represent Jesus. Her family, friends and boyfriend mean the world to her!
How I Prepared for My Wedding Day
Preparation= showing up.
Do you know how long weddings have been around? The first record of a wedding was roughly 4,350 years ago in Mesopotamia. That’s a long time! Having just come off my own wedding season, I think to myself, “How did they do it without The Knot?” Truth is, weddings require a lot of preparation that happen long before the special day.
Thousands of years after that first ceremony, Jesus sat with his 12 best friends on the Mount of Olives telling his own version of wedding day preparation in Matthew 25:1-13:
“Then the Kingdom of Heaven will be like ten bridesmaids who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. The five who were foolish didn’t take enough olive oil for their lamps, but the other five were wise enough to take along extra oil. When the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep.’
At midnight they were roused by the shout, ‘Look, the bridegroom is coming! Come out and meet him!’
All the bridesmaids got up and prepared their lamps. Then the five foolish ones asked the others, ‘Please give us some of your oil because our lamps are going out.’
But the others replied, ‘We don’t have enough for all of us. Go to a shop and buy some for yourselves.’
But while they were gone to buy oil, the bridegroom came. Then those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was locked. Later, when the other five bridesmaids returned, they stood outside, calling, ‘Lord! Lord! Open the door for us!’
But he called back, ‘Believe me, I don’t know you!’
So you, too, must keep watch! For you do not know the day or hour of my return.”
During our engagement season, I was so interested in the ancient Jewish marriage customs. And just like any story, I wanted to know the context behind this parable.
And all I can say is….wow. Their preparation was insane! Jesus was not exaggerating in this parable (when does he ever?!)
EVERYDAY the bridesmaids had to fill up their oil for their lamp for whenever the bridegroom would return.
EVERYDAY the bride had to get ready as if it was her wedding day. She had to bathe, she had to smell good, she had to look her best JUST IN CASE the bridegroom would show up… making that day their wedding day. She even had to wear her veil everyday as a representation of her waiting.
AND EVERYDAY the bridegroom was off, preparing the home for them to live in. He worked hard before his marriage to prepare the space that they would call home and start their life together.
And when the bridegroom finally returned, it was sooo exciting because of all the months of preparation. When he showed up, there was no doubt that everyone was prepared and ready, including the bridegroom himself.
I love this story because I was surrounded by a similar heart of preparation during my engagement to Christian.
Just like the parable, my bridesmaids prepared for the wedding. They threw Christian and I such a special shower. They showed up for my bachelorette party in New York. They prepared speeches as our rehearsal dinner, and they even prepared letters to me to send us into marriage. They showed up for me by their preparation.
I also prepared myself. I took my personal fitness seriously and got a trainer and took care of my skin (something I didn’t do for years!). I wanted to feel healthy and confident knowing that marriage was coming. My motivation wasn’t so much just looking good (even though ladies, it is OKAY to want to look good for your man), more than that, I wanted to feel good, full of energy, ready for my groom and for the adventure of marriage.
I also prepared with my time. During engagement, I would work in advance to get things taken care of so that when Christian was in town to see me, I didn’t have to work as much. I wanted to be able to give him and our future marriage the time and attention it deserved. This gave us time for things like pre-marital counseling, fun dates, long talks, and being present during our engagement season to prepare for the wedding!
I prepared in these ways so that when the day came (like I knew it would), I would be the best version of myself.
Christian was also preparing. He was diligent with his schoolwork, he was planning his (our) future, he was making calls to mentors further ahead of him seeking out advice and wisdom that he has now brought into our marriage. He wanted his heart to also be ready.
It was so beautiful seeing the ways he prepared for his bride and I prepared for my bridegroom.
Another example is the preparation by Louie and Shelley! The amount of time, effort, prayer, and intentionality that went into preparing us for our wedding was such a sign of love and support. We had so many conversations with them as mentors during our engagement. We all wanted to make sure that our ceremony details were what we wanted it to be. Full of the Holy Spirit and clear of our covenant to one another. They wanted to show up, I mean really show up (fully present), on our wedding day ready, along with Christian, our wedding party, our family and everyone in attendance!
So many times in life we want to “wing it” with events we KNOW are coming. It’s easy to think that we can coast into an important moment in life, but the truth is there is something so beautiful about preparing for how you’re going to show up. Especially when it’s for someone you love.
When you love somebody, you want to give them your best.
When you love somebody, your heart longs to give away your time, your energy, and your intentionality, not just receive the best from others.
Needless to say, our engagement season taught me SO much about preparing for Jesus.
When Jesus comes back, the parable says that the bridemaids weren’t ready, even though they knew that the groom would inevitably return. Because of this, they weren’t able to enter into the moment of his return.
This story constantly pointed me back to this idea: “Knowing that Jesus will inevitably return, how can I prepare to love Jesus for when He comes”?
Just like everyone prepared for the wedding day, we also all must prepare for the coming of our Bridegroom.
I don’t know about you, but I want to show up when Jesus comes. And showing up is so much better when you’re prepared.
In the parable, the reality is that yes, it is a lot of about preparation, but that’s not the end goal. The end message is all about preparing well so that we can celebrate.
Celebration can only happen if you’re ready to step into it.
I can promise you that if we, our family, wedding party, officiant, and wedding planner, hadn’t put in the months and months of preparation, the celebration wouldn’t have been even close to what it was on November 25th.
And let me tell you friends, our wedding was the best celebration I’ve ever experienced in my life.
But I know, and I hope you know too, that even our best earthy celebration (even though it had heaven all over it), isn’t even going to be able to touch the celebration that will happen when Jesus comes back to claim His bride. And friend, you are the bride.
So let me ask you, as the bride of Christ, does your preparation now reflect your readiness to celebration when the times comes?
XO,
Sadie
A Weight You Can’t Bare
You were created with a physiological need for love. Not just the shallow love that society has tricked us into believing is love, but the real, deep, sincere thing. You actually function on a lower level when you lack it, or at least perceive that you do.
I am a girl who loves learning about who God is through science and thinks that the brain is one of the coolest things that God’s made; so let me take you down a sciency route for just a second. (don’t tune out, I promise it’ll be super cool)
When you experience love, three hormones are released to some extent:
Dopamine is released and gives us a sense of excitement, pleasure and euphoria. However, it can also lead to a sort of addiction. It’s what’s released when taking certain drugs that keeps you coming back.
Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. It gives you a sense of affection and also leads you to be attached to someone; it makes you feel that you aren’t alone. It’s also what’s released when a mother is breastfeeding that begins that sweet and special bond between mother and child.
Serotonin is the big one. This guy is who gives you a sense of well-being and happiness. He is the guy that people who have anxiety disorders, one of those people being me, are lacking in. He kicks in when you are stressed and calms you down. He also is a big part in enhancing your memory. He’s why most people can remember 90% of the details of their first kiss.
This is how we were made. God made these little hormones and told them to go around our brain when we perceive love and help us understand how deep and full it is. However, when we don’t feel love these hormones aren’t released. We have a hard time being excited and can feel the void of not having that kind of bond with anyone. It makes you feel sad and lonely. Lastly, without love, we have a hard time finding a sense of well-being. It makes it nearly impossible for us to sit back and believe that everything will be okay.
In other words, a lack of love can lead to a lack of life. You need it in order to live life fully.
On some level, each one of us has known that from the second that we formed a coherent thought. We’ve sought after it as though life depended on it, and little did we know that it did.
This concept is fairly new to me, at least consciously. For my entire life, I have chased after things in order to grasp some sort of love. I’ve chased after school, hoping that when I achieved something people would be proud of me and maybe love me a little more. I’ve chased after friends, desperately pouring myself into them in a desperate attempt to be loved back, to be shown that I have value. Lastly, on this far from comprehensive list, I have chased after boys, oof am I right? I’ve longed for a boy’s attention and cried when they didn’t give it back to me. When I did catch their attention, I got addicted to the moments of love that were shown only to find myself disappointed and heartbroken. All because I was searching for someone, anyone to love me.
So here’s the thing, all of those sources of love are like natural resources; they’ll keep us going for a little while, but they’ll eventually run out. Do you really want to fill your loneliness, find your joy and put the weight of your well-being on something that can’t really sustain it? Think about it, when you look for love in a person you are looking for them to fill this hole in your heart while they are also trying to fill that same hole in their own heart. I don’t know about yall, but I don’t want anyone to put that kind of weight on me and I don’t want to put that weight on anyone else. You are setting them up to fail and yourself up to be let down.
This isn’t exclusive to other people either; you are a person too and you can’t sustain yourself or others either. When you put on the weight to love yourself enough, to accomplish enough or to just do it all by yourself, you are setting yourself up to fail.
You are only human, and that is okay. In fact, it’s more than okay because God made you human on purpose.
Job 8: 14-15 says, “What they trust in is fragile; what they rely on is a spider’s web. They lean on the web, but it gives way; they cling to it, but it does not hold.” This is what Job says is the destiny of those who forget about God. When we forget about love Himself and look for love everywhere else, we lean on a spider’s web. We put our weight on something fragile and surprise, it collapses under that weight.
He made us like this. He created us with that big ole love hole in our hearts that is far too deep for anything on this Earth to fill and far too wide for us to function well while it’s empty.
He created that hole so that He could fill it. He made it to show us that He is the only one that can fill it, the only one who can fully satisfy us, and the only one that can make us whole.
When we look to God to lean on and make us whole, He shows us that He is far sturdier than a spider’s web. He will restore us to our prosperous state (vs 6) and will yet fill our mouth’s with laughter and our lips with shouts of joy (vs 21). (Does that not sound like our hormone friends?;) He will show you the love that is the only one in the universe that can satisfy and sustain you.
Here’s the best part: you’ve had that love all along, you’ve just been looking in the wrong places.
So refocus your eyes and pour your heart out to the one who knew that you needed love and wanted to give it to you so badly that He died so that you could have it. So that you wouldn’t be alone and so that you could find joy throughout this life. So that you could not only live, but have life and life to the full.
Fill that physiological need for love with love Himself, and your cup will overflow with true love that will bring your relationships and life out of a state of survival and into a season of living.
Lauren Owen in a first year pharmacy school student at Harding University! She “lives” in Searcy, AR but home is West Monroe, LA where she grew up in the same bible classes, youth group and going to the same summer camp as Sadie! Some fun facts about Lauren are that she is an enneagram 1, loves to hike and travel, and is obsessed with anything involving the sky (it’s where God shows her how big He is 🙂
