by Jill Dasher | Jun 29, 2021 | Life Advice, Sisterhood
“I assumed that if the surface looked good, then it must be good. But an outside-in perspective is rarely as accurate as a view from the inside-out.”
Imagine for a moment that you are sitting on the shoreline of the most magnificent beach; the sand is white and brilliant, and the waters are as clear blue as the sky. Now imagine if you never were allowed even to place your foot into the water. Imagine that all we ever could do was look upon these intriguing waters, but we never were able to know what lies beneath. What if the ocean were merely a mystery—; a vast ocean of secrecy that you were never able to discover? Everything that lies below the surface was off limits to you—; no seashells, no blow-fish, clams, starfish, or sunken ships with treasure—, none of it. You were completely cut off from the deep.
Now do me a favor, if you will, and imagine that the shoreline represents everything about you visible to the outside world, and the ocean represents the core of who you are—, the very depth of your soul. What if the only thing that ever could be known about you by yourself and others was merely the physical, the obvious, and the part of you that you make known to the world around you? Suppose the very core of who you are was kept hidden, not only from others, but also from yourself.? Why? All because you were afraid of what might happen if you really looked below the surface, afraid of what others might think of you and what you might think of yourself.
I wrote a book called SHALLOW because as sad as it is to admit I have lived the majority of my life on the surface. I’ve lived in shallow places, content to deal with only surface-level issues in my friendships, body, faith, and marriage—all of which I individually discuss throughout the book. When you spend your focus and energy polishing the surface of your life, you may find it easy to convince yourself that all is well. I assumed that if the surface looked good, then it must be good. But an outside-in perspective is rarely as accurate as a view from the inside-out. This is a view that, all too often, is left unseen because we don’t think it matters all that much.
What mattered to me were the things that could be seen, perceived, and assumed based on the shallow shoreline of my life. Perception became my reality. It was the idol that ultimately led to imprisonment of my soul. The way I perceived myself, along with my perception of how others viewed me, became my measuring stick for success: If you think I am kind, then I must be kind. If you think I am pretty, then I must be pretty. If you believe my life looks like the picture-perfect all-American family, then that is what we must be. But one of the dangers of that path rests in what happens when others don’t think those things of me: What if, through your senses, you perceive something very different about me? What if you believe me to be selfish and self-seeking? What if you think I am fake? What if you believe me to be shallow?
I gave the world complete access to define who I was. When their definition did not match up with the person I was portraying myself to be, all my efforts were thrust into changing that one thing, whatever it was at the time: “Just be more spiritual, funnier, the life of the party, meek, more stylish”—you get the idea. I believed the lie, “Be who they want you to be.”
Mark Sayers nails this idea perfectly in his book The Vertical Self:
Welcome to the twenty-first century, where we
can now purchase and change personalities
the way we can clothes, depending on mood
or circumstance. Welcome to the world in which
we are told we can be anyone we want to be,
where identity is no longer based in a sense
of self but rather in the imagery we choose at any particular moment.
My circumstance (aka, how the community around me perceived me) is what dictated the person I ascribed to be at that moment.
Does this sound familiar to anyone else? Or maybe, as you read, you are thinking, I am well aware of what this looks like because this is my life. I am tossed continuously to and fro, bending and shaping who I believe I should be based upon the opinions of others. And not only their opinions of me, but my perception of their lives from the outside looking in. Contemplate this question: What is the driving force behind the majority of your decisions? Are you shape-shifting your way through life to impress people? Do you constantly redefine yourself in an attempt to be accepted or relevant in today’s ever-changing culture?
When I so desperately sought the approval of other people, it led me to live a life of chaos. I was literally like an infant being tossed around in a violent thunderstorm—or probably more like a hurricane. This way of living sent me down a path of destruction, thrown every which way in an attempt to “arrive” at Destination: “They Love Me” and trying to “be” whatever was required at that moment to be accepted. But God is graciously and patiently beginning to teach me that you can “be” a lot of things and never “become” anyone. He is teaching me that you can “be” a friend and never taste what is meant by friendship. You can “be” loving and yet never truly experience the intimacy of love. Giving the world an à la carte version of yourself will not lead to life. Instead, it will leave you with an unquenchable thirst for more, with your head on a perpetual swivel. In other words, perception is not necessarily reality.
Leaving the shallow end is always a little uncomfortable. As our toes stretch to no longer feel the ground beneath us, we’ll have to fight the urge to turn back. If you choose to read my book, it may get tough. You will likely discover wounds buried deep within you, and maybe you’re not quite ready to expose them. If that’s true, it’s okay, because God’s timing will always prevail. He will lead you back to those challenging places when you’re ready.
Allowing God into the deepest hidden parts of you does not mean that you have to let the world in as well. That part will come later. And when it happens, you’ll be astonished at the workings of the Lord because you will find yourself opening up to people about situations in your life that today, in this very moment, you could never imagine sharing with another soul.
WARNING: THIS BOOK IS RAW. It was not comfortable to write and was not easy for me to share my flaws. And trust me when I express that it doesn’t feel good to share my raw, vulnerable, jealous, vain, shallow heart. We so often correlate “easy” with “right.” In other words, if something feels good, then it must be good, and if something doesn’t feel right, then it must be bad. This is a flawed way of thinking and, quite frankly, a tactic that Satan deploys to keep us in a state of merely existing—a life that moves at a consistent pace, following the rules of society, with no challenge to the soul or desire for growth. And that, my friends, should be the thing we fear – a life lived in the shallow end. A life that simply goes through the motions because we are afraid to leave the safety of the seashore.
Do you want to keep living this way? Do you want to remain above ground, devoting all your days to merely polishing the surface of your life? Will you pause to consider the mysteries of what life could look like if you allow God into all of the invisible places?
How you perceive yourself and how others perceive you is of little importance to reality. Perception is not reality. Reality is not what you decide or feel it to be. Reality is not the life you create while running from your past, and it will never be found in a three-step formula. Reality is reality, and the only way to experience it fully is to seek refuge in the only One who can fully see us. He sees us from the inside out, from beginning to end, our yesterdays, todays, and tomorrows.
Choose to live in reality with me as I unveil patterns and fears that were displayed in my own life. Time and time again, I came broken before a Father who really knows me, and time and time again, He wholeheartedly loved me. Although this book is about my journey out of the shallow places, I would love to simultaneously be a part of God doing a work in you. Let’s grow and change together. Now, take off your floaties, get over your fear of being in a swimsuit (that is so shallow), and dive in deep.
Jill Dasher is a blogger and speaker who is passionate about sharing the message of being known through authentic community with God and each other. She resides in Asheville, NC with her husband Zach and four children. In between sunset hikes and camping weekends she works alongside her husband running a media company. Follow Jill on Instagram @jilldasher
Use code LOSISTA10 for 10% off Shallow from now until July 5th when purchasing from jilldasher.com! Shallow can also be purchased on Amazon.com.
by Andrew Heiligenthal | Jun 24, 2021 | Life Advice
I wonder sometimes if my family’s end of dinner negotiations make The Art of War seem like Goodnight Moon. There is a wide range of rituals I use to accentuate my own persuasiveness. My adversary requires every weapon in my arsenal. It’s my five-year-old daughter and she is convinced she has finished her dinner. Before fatherhood I hadn’t noticed the gestures I rely upon in such situations. The nod of my head to indicate my initial open-mindedness during the little lady’s opening arguments. My eyebrows waving up and down like rollercoaster rails in both shock and intrigue concerning what she considers her strongest points. I use a certain high pitched inflection in my voice as I point out flaws in the logic, and a shrug of the shoulders relays my hesitation with her strongly asserted conclusions. I lived ignorant of the frequency and details of these conventions for quite a long time. Those days are no more. In virtually every interaction between my daughter and I she mirrors and imitates the same sort of mannerisms and tactics directly back at me.
As it is for most other five-year-olds, imitating is my daughter’s way of life. She has a closet bursting with replica princess dresses from her grandma. If one of these floor-length ensembles is not weather appropriate she’ll sport the underpants-only look. Each one plastered with My Little Pony, Paw Patrol, Minnie Mouse, Dora or more princesses. Her favorite anything is a Frozen something. She has Elsa boots, Elsa galoshes, Elsa nail polish, Elsa pillows, Elsa blankets, Elsa nightgowns, Elsa coloring books, an Elsa purse, Elsa dolls, Elsa dresses, an Elsa toothbrush, an Elsa water bottle and a child-size Elsa make-up vanity. Admittedly, the make-up vanity is pretty cool if you’re small enough to fit on the white fluffy stool.
She imitates and copycats at a deeper level, too. She carries on conversations in vocabulary she doesn’t understand using words she has heard only once before. She protests and objects with arguments I know she’s recycling from a TV show she just watched. Her syntax and body language are an obvious mix of both her mother and I. Her existence is a combination of attributes pirated moments before her use. Her life is a strung-together assortment of things she has collected and repurposed from the lives of others.
It is fascinating to me, however, that one who costumes and copycats each moment of every day remains so completely herself. How can someone such a product of repetition remain so genuine? How can one so blatantly a copycat be so original? How does such self-authenticating wholeheartedness arise from borrowing and reformulating another’s work?
It’s as if somehow since my own five-year-old days, I forgot something she knows intuitively. Of course when it’s my child being a copycat the unintentional impersonations are cute and completely endearing. But if I become aware of my own mimicry of another, I instinctively assess myself to be redundant and encroaching. A voice inside suggests adults best leave childish imitating ways behind. If what I share is to be truly me, the thinking insists, it ought not be something that is either in whole or in part an imitation or repeat. I strive to seize my unique and individual contribution in life and work and family. Originality eludes me like a light switch in a dark room. I’m fumbling around with my hands groping the empty air. Asking for a hint or light from someone else seems to be a violation. Imitating as my daughter can’t be a valid route for me.
It reminds me of the varsity football coach at my high school. Mostly because he happened to be my tenth grade history teacher. Also because he was a Medieval art connoisseur. We inspected hundreds of European masterpieces through the little panels of his carousel slide projector. I often wondered why so many great painters spent so much time generating their own version of a few well known and often painted and repainted compositions. Example after example of Adam and Eve in the garden or the virgin Mary with child. Raphael, as one notable example, allegedly painted over sixteen versions of the Holy Mother during only a four year period.
These master painters often rearranged and remixed. They recycled stories, symbols, colors, shapes, sizes and textures time and time again. Many followed the path of a mimic just like my princess-tote-totting daughter. While the obvious copycatting takes place on the outside, the authentic, ingenious and imaginative goings-on all occur invisibly. It’s mind and capacities and thoughts and emotions. A will and desire and mission and intentions. Each one firing off and working collaboratively constructing something sui generis amidst all this copying. This is the real location of what’s hers and what’s one of a kind. It’s something beyond just a body or a brain, beyond mere psychology or chemistry. It’s where she alone can create and cultivate and play. Where she hopes and dreams and loves each in her own way. It’s in the paradox of imitating that she not only finds and recognizes the gift inside her life, but begins to share the unique fingerprint with incredible originality.
What if the same is true of you and me? We too each exist and create in this same unseen place after all. Congratulations, we’re sitting here being crazy recreating, copycat selves every second of every moment. I just did it. You just did it. We just did it again. We can’t not do it. Imitation is more than just flattery. We love and therefore create in the way of the ones we hold so dear. We are by definition and design imitators. Originality is not an on/off switch like I might have imagined and I wouldn’t find it left up to my own devices even if it was. It’s more like a prism reflecting and refracting pure light into a whole range of color passing through. It’s something suspended in and surrounded by the brightest blazing sun that already fills one’s field of view.
That little girly bean is prone to mimicry, but it’s endearing and not uncreative. While most everything she wears, buys, draws and acts out is a representation of some other pre-existing character, persona or kind it is prolific and not forgery. It is beautiful, not redundant. She copies in a way that genuinely generates and coordinates those unseen attributes. When my daughter copies, she is doing more than simply trying on a dress or putting on a new turn of phrase. She sees in another what she is given to love. She is searching and hunting and cultivating—and ultimately reconstructing—in and through her being. She is finding out and then setting forth a loved and treasured thing.
My daughter grabs hold of what she loves through all this imitation. She tries it all on through me and her mother. She does the same through Elsa and Anna and through Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Through hundreds of crayon drawings, myriad books and countless pairs of princess high heels. This is actually all she really ever does. The same is true of me: I’ll never outgrow being a child imitating a father or mother. It is by imitating that I too find and share the love that has been put inside me. Perhaps to live and do and be brave is to embrace the way of my dad-t-shirt-tied-in-a-knot loving daughter. Perhaps what’s true for my child is true well beyond our childhood years.
Andrew Heiligenthal is writer, teacher and life coach living in Northern California. He is a certified life coach and has a Masters from A. W. Tozer Theological Seminary in Redding, CA. He is passionate about the way powerful ideas shape and transform people and the world at large. He is a husband, stay-at-home dad, goldendoodle pet-parent and holds a deep nostalgia for late 90’s alternative rock music. You can connect with Andrew on Instagram at @apheiligenthal and stay updated on writing and life coaching developments online here.
by Ally Golden | Jun 22, 2021 | Featured, Life Advice, Sisterhood
Throughout high school and into my college years I felt unsatisfied in my friendships. I would look at those around me and think to myself, “If only I had close friendships like them, then I would feel so loved.” Social media wasn’t very helpful at the time either. I didn’t have healthy boundaries with it and it made me feel so isolated. I was constantly comparing myself and the friendships I had to others. My mind would become overwhelmed with questions and doubts about my friendships.
The enemy loved to whisper little lies in my head like, “They like her more than you” “You weren’t invited because they don’t like you” “You just aren’t a good friend.” And the list goes on…
Why was I feeling so alone when I had good friends? Why did it feel like everyone around me had a “best friend” but I didn’t? Why wasn’t the deep longing in my heart to be loved filled by my friends? Wasn’t that how it is supposed to be?
Sister, if you are reading this right now, and you feel like you relate to any of those questions or feelings above, know you are not alone. But also know, that is not what God intended for you.
The deep longing in our soul to feel loved can only be fully satisfied by Jesus.
No human, no parent, no sibling, and no friend can fully satisfy the longing in our hearts to be fully known and fully loved.
For so long I had it wrong. I wasn’t running to Jesus to be filled up, I was running to people. I wanted to feel known, seen, and heard, but I was left feeling empty and confused. I was placing the expectations on my friends to love me and provide a friendship that only God could fully fulfill.
While we were created to be in community, we weren’t created to be dependent on community. When our dependency is in Christ alone we don’t need anything else but Him to sustain us.
It took me a few years before I realized – I was trapped in a cycle. It wasn’t fair of me to place these unrealistic expectations on my friends. But, God chased after my heart. He knew the deep desire I had to be a good friend. He knew the void I had in my heart for deep friendships. He saw that I was looking in the wrong places for fulfillment.
He met me in my brokenness and restored me. He reminded me that it is only Him that can fully satisfy. It is His well of love that never runs dry!
“but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14)
He is chasing you, friend. He wants to show you how He is your ultimate best friend. He will satisfy every deep longing that you have. He will fill every empty space with love and grace that never runs dry. You are not stuck where you’re at. Let Him dig up your roots and re-plant them in the soil of His never-ending love and friendship. He wants to pour His love into you so that you overflow with that love to those around you.
When we are rooted in our identity as a daughter of Christ we bloom into the sister and friend God has called us to be.
The world we live in is a very self-centered world. It is almost engrained in us to ask “well what is in it for me?” “How will I benefit from this?” This mindset has wiggled it’s way into relationships. It can be easy to walk into a relationship with a mindset that can be a little self-centered. But in the bible we are called to put on humility. Friendship isn’t about “what can I get from them?” But rather about, “what can I do for and give to them?”
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:12-14 ESV)
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4 ESV)
When we meet with Jesus and make the decision that He is our best friend, He provides our every need. When we let Christ fully satisfy our hearts, through compassion and humility, we are able to outpour with that same love to those around us.
He brings the right people at the right time into our lives. He surrounds us with the community we need. He wants us to be in sweet friendship with one another. Jesus modeled how to be the ultimate sister and friend. When we meet with Him, He transforms our heart and our minds to become more like His so that we may be the best sister and friend we can be.
Maybe you find yourself in the same lonely place where I once was – meet with Jesus.
Maybe you have friends surrounding you who aren’t a good influence on you – meet with Jesus.
Maybe you are desiring deeper friendships – meet with Jesus.
Maybe you are having conflict with a friend right now – meet with Jesus.
Maybe you want to pour into your friends more but feel empty – meet with Jesus
Maybe you have been meeting with Jesus – Keep meeting with Jesus.
The ultimate and best friend we will ever have is God, and He is all we will ever need.
Ally is a pediatric nurse in San Diego, and on her off days she is writing and creating encouraging content for her Instagram page @wordsaregolden. She is a big fan of Jesus, lover of all things pink, drinks iced coffee every day, and loves to cook for and host people in her home.
Follow her on Instagram: @wordsaregolden
by Grace Valentine | Jun 17, 2021 | Life Advice, Sisterhood |
If you’re anything like me then you’ve struggled with comparison. I love that the word of the month for Live Original is sisterhood because so often I treat other daughters of Christ as opponents instead of sisters.
Throwback to high school for instance…
One time my friend’s ex dated someone new. We did what many girls do. We stalked the new girl and compared her to my friend…
“YOU’RE PRETTIER THAN HER.”
“OH HE TOTALLY DOWNGRADED.”
Downgraded according to Urban Dictionary means:
“When someone goes from having something relatively good to something that is worse than the original. Often used with boyfriend/girlfriends.”
So basically I called some random girl who probably is a sweet girl with dreams, a family, shares the same Creator as me, and has insecurities like me….uglier than my friend. I compared my friend to a girl she didn’t know. I created tension between two girls who did not even know each other.
Two girls who are actually sisters in Christ. I thought comforting words were: “you’re prettier than her.”
The truth is this conversation may make someone feel pretty for a second… it may make someone feel “better” for a minute… but comparison can’t ever comfort someone. Only our Savior can comfort.
I look back on that night and I get so convicted by my sin. But the truth is I’ve noticed this same conversation happen with girls of all ages, including moms. We compare each other instead of love each other. We compare ourselves and find ourselves more insecure than before.
I don’t care if it’s the new girl your ex is dating or the bully at your school. I don’t care if it’s the girl in the “rival” sorority who just doesn’t seem to like you… or if it’s the prom queen. We as women need to start walking in our true purpose. And that’s to be sisters and teammates, not opponents.
The truth is comparison isn’t comforting. Comparison may make you feel good for an hour while crying that your ex moved on, and having a friend chime in saying “she isn’t as pretty as you,” but the next day you’ll wake up and look in the mirror and doubt your friend’s words. You’ll notice your waistline increasing and freak because Sally Jane, who is now dating your ex, has a smaller waistline. You’ll realize you aren’t the prettiest princess, and yes, maybe the girl next to you does have better legs than you. Her chest is bigger and the girl your boyfriend cheated on you with does get more guys than you.
Comparison highlights someone’s best and worst qualities while allowing you to only highlight your worst. It may make you feel good for a second, but comparison doesn’t comfort. Comparison doesn’t bring you peace. Jesus does. His grace completes you.
When you compare others to each other, you begin to see the worst in your self. If you speak destruction in others’ lives, you continually destruct your own.
Comparison only highlights insecurities more.
Because, truth be told, if I compared my looks to the fashion blogger on Instagram – she would probably win.
I can’t compete with her, because I was never meant to be her.
Our society already puts so much pressure on women to look a certain way and to act a certain way. Why do we as women, who firsthand know how hard it is to be a girl… still decide to put down other girls?
And the thing is, this kind of stuff doesn’t only happen in high school. We like to believe it only happens in high school… childish stalking, judging a girl by her social media, and comparing her to your best friend… but I’ve met plenty of 20-somethings, 30-somethings, and soccer moms who like to make life a competition.
Why are we women so darn competitive?
LIKE WHY DO I HAVE TO ALWAYS BE FASTER THAN THE 40 YEAR-OLD NEXT TO ME IN THE GYM.
There’s no way my quads will ever be as good as hers. Nothing wrong with that. But why do I care? Why don’t I focus on myself, instead of wasting energy trying to be someone I’m not? Why don’t I cheer her on? I should spend more time being her sister and stop trying to be her competition.
Maybe you sometimes feel the urge to compete with your ex’s new girlfriend or the girl who is dating the great guy. Or maybe you feel like your friend gets all the boys and since you don’t, she’s winning and she is prettier.
It sounds dumb, because it is dumb. But let me be clear – just because one girl is beautiful and talented does not mean you are not. Just because someone is scoring touchdowns does not mean you have to sit on the sidelines. Just because someone is happy, does not mean you are supposed to be sad.
Life was never meant to be a contest. Community is about connecting, not comparison.
Our one goal should be Christ. We should be pushed to know Him and not be pushed to be the prettiest girl in our group, to be more popular than his ex, or to be more successful than our “friend.” Our one goal should always be to know Christ and make Him known. When you know Christ, you pray for those around you to walk in their blessings and in His name.
In Acts 9 there’s a woman named Tabitha who Peter comes across while telling others that Jesus had risen from the dead. We don’t know much about Tabitha and maybe that’s why I admire her so much. We don’t know if she was the prettiest girl in the town, or if she had a successful business. We don’t know if she made the best breakfast or if she was popular. What we know is that she loved the overlooked. She made clothes for the widows and the poor. Tabitha loved others well. She was constantly looking for those others had forgotten and helping them. When she died, everyone was upset wearing the clothes she had made them. Peter rose her from the dead through Jesus’s name.
In a society that tells us we should strive to be the “main character”, I hope we can strive to be like Tabitha. She loved big, didn’t try to make her name big. She served others, not her own name. She wasn’t worried about being “prettier”, “better”, or “proving herself”… she was busy being a good sister to everyone. And when others thought she was dead, they remembered her for her love. Her love was what made her different. She loved her sisters well and her community was better for it.
We have enough women who focus on changing their relationship status and changing who they are to please society. We need more women willing to change the world.
Always remember ladies – just because another girl is beautiful does not mean you are not. She’s your sister, not your competition. Life and community was meant to be a celebration, not a competition. Run the race God called you to run, the One that leads to Heaven. AND STOP trying to compete with people who are supposed to be your teammates.
Grace is a 24 year old author of two books who also writes timely encouragement on Instagram. She lives in Orlando, FL, and her favorite food is sushi!
Follow Grace on Instagram @thegracevalentine to find out more info on her books!
by Olivia Telano | Jun 15, 2021 | Life Advice, Sisterhood
Lord of Lords. Wonderful Counselor. Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace. King of Kings.
Friend.
Jesus is so many wonderful things. He is perfect in every way. He’s mighty and powerful and He knows us better than anyone else could. Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in just how mighty He is that I can forget that He is also my friend. He cares about the details in my life. He cares about my worries, my dreams, and rejoices with me in my successes. He wants to hear about our days. He hurts with us. He takes pleasure in life’s special little moments with us. He is always there when we call and never fails to listen. Jesus is a lot of amazing things and He is also the greatest example of a true friend.
I think we can all agree that it is so important to find good friends. Good friends make life sweet and truly are a gift. I know it sounds cliché, but we really weren’t meant to do it on our own. We have to remember though, while we’re on the search for good friends, we must also make sure we are a good friend as well. Are we being a friend we would like to find? It is crucial for us to truly take time to step back and ask ourselves how can I be the best friend to people that I can be? Who better to look to than Jesus to learn how?
Okay friends, let’s dive in and see what scripture tells us about how to be a good sister and friend so we can be as much of a friend like Jesus as possible.
- Speak the Truth – “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Proverbs 27:5-6)
Okay, this can be a hard one sometimes. Especially for my people pleasers out there. It’s easy to want to constantly support and “hype up” friends in everything they do. In fact, it may even make you feel like you’re doing something right because people love to be told what they are doing is amazing. As friends, we should be conscious of the boundary between encouragement and accountability. The Bible even takes it as far to say enemies are the ones who multiply kisses. We need to get over the fear of telling a friend the truth, even if it’s not what they want to hear. Calling out a friend for sin is true love. Helping our friends live a holy life is so important and is a great measure of friendship. Open rebuke means to help point out a friend’s sin personally and directly. We just need to make sure we are approaching the situation out of love and not judgment.
- Take Time to Listen – “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this : Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19)
One of the most valuable things we have in life is our time. It’s one of the only things we can never get back. We can buy all the gifts, give all the compliments, and encourage friends all we want, but the way to make a person feel truly loved and heard is to take time to listen. Sometimes that’s all someone needs. Everybody wants to feel heard. We as Christians are called to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Listening is more than just hearing. Listening is defined as giving attention to. Let’s remember how valuable it is to sit and give our full attention to someone who needs it. It is a great way to show love to anyone and everyone.
- Forgive Freely – “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
It is plain to see the world is easily offended and not very forgiving at all. Bitterness is everywhere. That is why we have to be careful to not fall into the pattern of this world to write off someone as soon as they make a mistake. You can not be a good friend to someone that you are holding on to bitterness towards. We must remember how God forgives us seventy times seven and how freely He forgives us. Nobody is perfect and it’s human to make mistakes so we must show grace to the ones who hurt us. It is a lot easier said than done, but we need to remember God’s undeserved grace He freely gives us.
- Encourage One Another – “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in habit of doing, but encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Encouragement can do so much good. It can help someone find hope, lead them to success, push them to keep going, and can simply brighten a day. Encouragement is powerful. The truth is, you never know what a person could be going through and how far one simple text or compliment could go.
- Love Unconditionally – “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:12-15)
This is the good news friends. Jesus loves us so much that He laid down His life. The ultimate gift to us. God loves us with calling love. It is a commandment right from the lips of our Savior. Our love to others should reflect and direct toward Jesus’s love for us. God loves us because it’s who He is, not who we are. We don’t earn His love through our deeds or what we can do for Him. We must strive to love others like that. It doesn’t matter what they’ve done or who they are. It doesn’t matter what they can do for us. We must freely give our love. We must be a friend to all. Thank you Jesus for showing us how to be a friend to others by being the best friend this world has ever known.
Olivia is a member of Team LO and is a marketing major at Louisiana Tech University. She loves coffee dates, going on long walks, and her dogs, Max and Sophie.
Follow Olivia on Instagram @olivia_kate1
by Elizabeth Trichel | Jun 10, 2021 | Life Advice, Testimonies
You know those people you can’t live without? The ones who push you toward Jesus daily. Who pick you up when you fall down. Maybe you’re still searching for those people. If that’s the case, then trust me when I say I was right there with you for years.
I struggled in the friend department. No, I didn’t do the sorority thing. I was never the kid with a bunch of neighborhood friends and I never took dance lessons where everyone seemed to meet their best friends. I grew up with two brothers, okay. There weren’t exactly any “sisterly bonds” in my household. No mani-pedi dates or late night talks. More like swinging open my bedroom door on a Saturday morning with the speaker blaring to wake me up and annoy me. While I love my brothers, I always had slight envy toward my friends with sisters. I mean, a built-in best friend? Heck yeah, I would have taken that when I seemed to have no close friends or was so wrapped up in drama with the friends I did have. But what I found is that I was looking for true friendship in all the wrong places.
I’ll put it the way scripture does..
“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33)
And quite frankly, my view of true friendship was a little off. I thought in order to have true friends I had to act “cool”, show up to parties, spill the latest gossip, just be the girl everyone likes. The friendships I had were surface level and stagnant, but the type of friendship I was yearning for dove far deeper than the surface. I prayed for Godly friends. Literally begged God for them. Which is quite ironic considering I wasn’t even living like the type of friend I wanted. I found myself crying while writing in my journal over and over these words: “I just want someone to really see me.” “If only someone could understand me.” Looking back, that sounds so dramatic. But I remember how real it felt in the moment. The loneliness. The hopelessness. Maybe you’re in that place today. Maybe you feel alone or completely hidden. Like you have no one to turn to and no one to listen. Well I have some good news for you, friend. You are not alone and you are not hidden. And you always have a friend. Scripture says so, and God’s Word doesn’t lie.
“The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.” (Psalm 34:15)
“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Luke 12:6-7)
The character of Jesus is steadfast and His presence is not dependent on our obedience. Thank you, Lord. Because if that were the case, He would have left my world a long time ago. I once heard a pastor say he believes when we get to Heaven we’ll look back and be shocked to realize Jesus was there in the mundane moments just as He was in the life altering ones. It’s easy to acknowledge Him when we need Him most. When we’re desperate for Him. But what about the drive to work or the walk to class? When we’re pumping gas or in a coffee shop. Even in the little argument with your boyfriend. Each mundane moment connects to another and leads to the life altering ones. And Jesus is a part of it all.
“The eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching the evil and the good.” (Proverbs 15:3)
So, if God assures us that He’s in every moment, we just have to learn to prioritize His presence.
I used to take walks with Jesus. Just Him and me down my street. I’d take the time to tell Him about my day and He’d take the time to listen. Even if I tried, I couldn’t put into words how much the fruits from those walks meant to me. Joy, peace, love, gentleness. It was as if Jesus took every worry away for those moments in time and allowed me to fully experience what truly matters in life: Him. But somehow I let myself get out of that habit and sucked into the busyness of life and I’ll be the first to say it took a toll on my relationships. And while I’m still slowly getting back into the habit, man I see such a shift in my thoughts and perspective when I take them. There’s just something about understanding that God knows everything we plan on telling Him, but He’d walk with us all day just to hear it from His children. If you’ve never taken a walk with Jesus, I highly recommend it. You can thank me later 😉
Friends are great and mine are some of my greatest treasures, but we will never know a friend like Jesus. One who can flood us with peace and make sense of our mess, even when we often press our own self-destruct button.
Once I stopped searching for fulfillment at every dead end and wrong relationship, my world changed. My perspective changed. Everything changed.
My pastor always used to say, “If you want to see God work in your life, go do the last thing He told you to do.”
Before I completely surrendered to God, I remember hearing His voice so clearly that I would write it all down in my notes so I wouldn’t miss a thing. The Lord was so patient with me and I’ll never forget the peace that came over me when I finally said yes to Him. Along with that peace came fear and heartache. Thankfully, the other two came and went, but the peace never left.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that when I started truly living for Jesus and was obedient to do the last thing He asked me to do, it was only 2 weeks later that I met my best friend, Summer Otwell, who is like a sister to me. An answered prayer. And not too long after that, my two other best friends, Olivia Telano and Lydia Dozier, stepped into my life. It was during that time I learned the beauty of Godly friendships. The ones that are rooted far deeper than the surface. Here’s some scripture to sum up what I’ve found this kind of friendship to be:
“If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:10)
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:12-13)
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:12-14)
When we get our relationship right with the Lord, then we can experience our relationships here on Earth the way Jesus intended them to be. True friends tell you who you are instead of who you’re not. But at the same time, they’re not afraid to hold you accountable to be the person they know God created you to be. They’ll laugh with you on your good days and love you on your worst. They’re compassionate and forgiving. And they don’t let you forget what God says is true about you. Friends like these are hard to find and irreplaceable once you do. If you’re in the process of searching for Godly friendships, my advice to you is to be the friend you want to have and ask God to send them your way. Then be obedient to follow wherever He leads in your life.
Finally, when God gives you those people, don’t let them go. And thank Him for them every day. You are so loved and God has not forgotten about you, friend. I’ll bet He’s preparing those friendships for you even in this moment!
Elizabeth is a writer for Team LO and is crazy about Jesus! She attends Louisiana Tech University and in her free time she loves spending time with friends, drinking coffee, and leading worship at her church in West Monroe, Louisiana.
Follow Elizabeth on Instagram @elizabethamercer
