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Our Best Relationship Advice

Our Best Relationship Advice

Today’s a GOOD day on the blog, because I get to share a WTG episode I recorded with one of my favorite people – my husband! Christian and I get to answer some questions about relationships, faith, life, and all the things. I’m so excited to share this one with you! Let’s dive in to the DM’s!

Question 1: What were some things you did intentionally while you were waiting for each other?

There are tons of people out there waiting for their person and wondering what to do in the process. So, I thought Christian would be the perfect person to answer this one since he has great advice on the topic. Christian said prayer and building a community of guys around him were the two key elements in his season of waiting. In the season before he and I started dating, he was very intentional about spending alone time with God, and having bible study groups and prayer nights. He truly believes that time in his life prepared him for our relationship.

This same idea applies to girls as well. Find good Godly community with other girls who are seeking the same purpose! During that season in Christian’s life, he wasn’t just preparing himself for our relationship. He was becoming the man he wanted to be. He was focusing on the Lord and himself which is so important. You have to have a moment in your life when you’re focusing on who God is and who you are so that when you go into a relationship, you’re a whole person.

I love what I heard said once. They said that whenever two people become one, it’s not fifty-fifty. It’s two becoming one. And so many only have fifty percent to give because they were focusing on other things the whole time and never took the time to know yourself. But whenever both people truly know themselves and are rooted in who God is, two people becoming one make such a strong one.

Question 2: What would you tell your younger self who felt like they would never find the right person for them?

I think I would tell my younger self to just rest and wait. You don’t have to try to figure out who your person is. It’s just going to happen. When you say you have to “find love,” you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself because if you have to find something, then you have to go searching for it. If I’d tried to “find” Christian, I genuinely don’t know if I would’ve found him because I wouldn’t have been looking where he was. I never would’ve thought my husband would be in Seaside, FL, the day I happened to be there on vacation with my friends. I’m so grateful we found each other, but the fact is that we didn’t have to search.

You just have to show up each day with a willing spirit, present yourself in such a way that you’re ready to meet your person, and be in relationship with someone. And when you show up each day like that, you’re positioning yourself in the place to be able to meet your person. I think God makes that intentionally happen. So, I don’t think we have to find our person. I believe God connects your steps to each other.

Question 3: What have you been learning from God recently?

Christian said a lot of times when he thinks about God, he thinks “Father,” “Redeemer,” all these amazing qualities of God. But it recently hit him that God is his Creator. When he prays, it’s to the One who physically created him. All his attributes were created by God. I remember looking out at the ocean on Christian’s and my honeymoon and thinking, “Wow. The God who created the ocean created me.”

And the crazy thing is that when God made the ocean, the stars, and moon, He said it was good. When we look at those things, we think they’re amazing. And then He made us, He said it was good. But when He made man and woman come together, He said it was very good. That is so humbling to think about. And when you look at God as the One who created you, you begin to feel much more confident and loved. It also pushes you to want to further that relationship.

Question 4: Does God speak to you in dreams?

My answer is yes. I would love to share one of these instances with you! Before I tell this story, I want to say that if you’ve never had a dream from the Lord before, that is not a bad thing. That does not mean God’s withholding something from you. There are incredibly spiritual people who have never felt like they had a dream from the Lord. I will say, though, it is something to pray for. I used to hear about this girl who had God dreams and I wanted them so badly. So, I started praying for them and they started happening. It’s not like I have one every night. I probably have one once every three years. The way I can tell that it’s a God dream is when there is a moment in the dream when I feel the Lord speak.

Years ago, my team and I really wanted to go to a conference. At this point, we were hosting tours and gatherings, and decided we wanted to get poured into. Well, we saw the Global Leadership Conference was being hosted in London. So, we bought our tickets as regular attendees. A couple months before we bought our tickets, I had a dream that I was in a green room, which is the room the speakers gather in before an event. In the dream, I was looking at a map of places in the world where revival had broken out in. These places were colored in. Then, Pastor Michael Todd, who I’d never met at that time, walked in the room and looked at the map and said, “This is a divine holy moment.” Right after that, we started singing the song “Set a Fire” and all got down on our knees because the presence of God felt so heavy. I woke up and wrote down the dream.

Months later, the people from the Global Leadership Conference see my name in the sign-up list and reached out asking me to do a Q&A. This was all in March. So, I get on this call with these pastors from London and Nicky and Pippa Gumbel start speaking to me. They said, “I don’t know if you know it but this is our GLOBAL Leadership Conference. So, we’ll have leaders from all over the world representing.” Then Pippa said, “That Monday night of the conference, you’ll be speaking, along with Pastor Mike Todd.” As soon as she said that, I knew it sounded familiar. Like I had lived it before. I went back to November in my book with my dreams, and read out loud to them what it said. They had chills.

Fast forward to May. We’re in the green room and they bring in a map and say, “If this is the dream you had, we’re going to pray into it.” So, we prayed over this dream that revival would happen all around the world. After Pastor Mike and I had preached, Nicky asked me to come back up and pray for an anointing on my generation like never before. The presence of God was so thick in the room and all of a sudden, Mike Todd starts singing “Set a Fire” and everyone is on their knees praising God. This was definitely one of the craziest experiences of my life, and it was undeniably because of the Lord. But when you look at the God of the Bible, God spoke in dreams all the time. So, why wouldn’t He speak to us in dreams?

Isaiah 26:9 says, “My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you. When your judgments come upon the earth, the people of the world learn righteousness.”

It’s basically this prayer of longing to see God. Before I go to bed at night, I tell God that my spirit longs to see Him that night. I encourage you to keep a prayer journal by your bed and always write things down if you feel the Lord speaking, whether it be in a dream or any other time.

However, not every dream means something. Both Christian and I have crazy dreams that don’t necessarily mean anything. For instance, you might dream about your biggest fear, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to come true. I dream about losing Christian, but that doesn’t mean I actually will. I have to remind myself not to panic. I don’t think God speaks in fear. We need to have the wisdom to discern what is significant and what’s not.

Question 5: If I want to break a bad habit, where do I start and how do I do that practically?

I used to have the bad habit of being sensitive. My mom used to call me “Sensitive Sally” because it was so extreme. This habit drove me crazy. If someone looked at me wrong or said the wrong thing to me, I would be convinced that they didn’t like me. And I would get so upset about it. I feel like I grew out of that by making the conscious decision to grow thicker skin. Thank God I broke that habit because if I heard all the opinions I get from people now and was still as sensitive as I used to be, it would be terrible.

Let me say this to the person who is sensitive or anxious, you actually can control you. At the end of the day, you are the only person who can choose to change you. So, if there’s something about you that bothers you, fix it. Don’t stay in it. Ask God to help you in doing so.

As far as sinful habits go, Christian had a great take on handling them. He said that at some point, you have to lean into your conviction. And if you’re truly a follower of Christ, you should have conviction.

Hebrews 10:26 says, “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left.”

Christian went on to say that though we still struggle with things and battle sin, there’s a difference between habitually sinning and turning from sin. However, if we do sin, we have one as an advocate for us.

“My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.” (1 John 2:1)

I asked Christian to address one of the biggest struggles in our generation: pornography. I know his friend group had an incredible breakthrough from this and I wanted him to share. He started by talking about his friend group in college. Week after week, we would ask for prayer over our struggle with pornography and lust. Finally, after a few months, we all asked, “What are we actually going to do about any of this?” We took the initiative to actually do something about it. We began to hold each other accountable and slowly watched each other’s struggles deteriorate. If you struggle with something and don’t make a change, you can get comfortable in it. But the moment you decide to make a change and repent, everything shifts.

For people listening, I think there’s a couple takeaways from Christian’s experience:

  1. They held each other accountable as a group. They didn’t try to do it alone.
  2. They actually did things to help them stop. It wasn’t just a weekly check-in. They were intentional about holding each other accountable. And they hung out so much as a group.

If you’re walking through something right now that is a sinful habit, I encourage you to get with someone dealing with the same thing and decide today that it will no longer be a struggle. Yes, it is going to try to fight, but y’all will be fighting back. That doesn’t mean that you won’t mess up every now and then, but it is saying that you’re not going to let it own your life. Practice the things you have to put in to play to make sure it goes away. Because when you are fighting a giant like that, you have to know how to fight back.

I pray all this advice speaks to you and meets you where you’re at, friend! xoxo, Sadie

Active Love

Active Love

What does it mean to do something actively? In my research I found that it can be described as doing something deliberately and vigorously. God has shown us that He loves us deliberately and vigorously. Therefore, God actively loves us, and calls us to actively love others.

In the Bible we can see God’s deliberate love for us in the intentionality of Him sending His Son to die for us. This was not something that just kind of happened, rather God had designed an intricate beautiful plan to reconcile His creation back to His heart. He created us and loves us, and in our flesh we chose sin, so He had to bridge the gap that was in between us and Him. When Christ came and fulfilled every prophecy, lived a perfect holy life, and took the punishment for our sin on the cross he became a bridge over the gap that sin created. Our acceptance of Him allows us to come back to God despite our sin. This is the gospel, and this is the grandest gesture of active love imaginable. So how does this impact our daily lives and help us to actively love? We follow His example. You can share the gospel with someone every day, sometimes without saying a word. Your life is a reflection of the gospel to everyone you encounter. 

Now this can be difficult because we typically don’t encounter opportunities to lay down our lives for our friends and family literally, but there are ways that we can deliberately love them similarly to how God deliberately loved us. Practically, because I am a college student, this may look different in your life than in mine. However, I know that some people who read this may be looking for realistic ways to love their friends in college so here are some of the ways that I attempt to exercise this active love that God has shown me.

  • Sticker Notes: Now this may sound silly, but my friends and I all invested in stickers and began writing little notes to each other with fun stickers that reminded us of each other. Each note was like a token of intentionality. After I wrote to my friends, I had so many extra stickers so I thought why limit myself to just my close friends, why not give these to everyone? So I started writing them to a lot of people, even people I had barely talked to, and it created opportunities for me to become better friends with them, and hopefully make their day more encouraging. 
  • Turn Down Service: This works the best if you have roommates. Personally I live in a house with a lot of girls, so when people are coming home late I try to clean their room and un-make their bed so it is ready for them to sleep in when they get home. The same goes for if they get up early for something, I will make their bed so when they get back they don’t have to. It’s very simple, but when my friends do it for me I feel very loved and cared for. Reducing another person’s to-do list, even by one thing, is impactful. 
  • Matching Excitement: This is more of a state of mind, but I think one of the most damaging things that someone can do in a relationship is “yuck someone’s yum”. What I mean by this is that, I try to never be the person that makes anyone feel bad or lame for something they are passionate about. Instead, my friends and I typically attempt to match that excitement with each other. For example, two of my best friends are very musical and love to play guitar and piano, and instead of not engaging when they talk about it or play, I found my old guitar and asked them to teach me. Now we all play together all the time, because instead of putting them down I tried to build them up and asked them to help me. People love an excuse to talk about what they are passionate about, so matching others’ excitement shows them that you care and want to hear about what things have captured their heart. Not only that, but then if I am given the chance to talk about what I am passionate about, I have an opportunity to tell them about my faith.

In addition to God loving us deliberately, He loves us vigorously, powerfully, eagerly, and enthusiastically. The best example I can think of where we see this in the Bible is in the sending of Jesus to earth. We got to see how He eagerly loved the people around Him in His everyday life. In John 4, the story of the Samaritan woman at the well is told. At this time women and Samaritans were outcasts already, on top of the fact that this woman was at the well around noon (a time that no one went to draw water because of the heat) which meant that she was avoiding other women in her own town, making her an outcast of the outcasts. Yet, Jesus made the decision to take a harder trip to his destination to ensure that He would meet this woman at the well. He was eager to love her, eager to quench her spiritual thirst with living water, eager to remind her that she can’t earn the love of God but it is freely given to her despite what she has done. She was the first person that He told that He was the Messiah. What a picture of enthusiastic and vigorous love.

God wants us to love people this way, so that we can experience giving active love to others the same way that He gives it to us. Life is so much fuller when you go all out in love. What is the benefit of censored love except safety, and is it better to be safe or to experience the fullness of love which includes vulnerability? For example, my friends and I decided to do secret santa for Christmas this year, but with a twist. We called it surprise Christmas and we started this in August. As months went on we accumulated little trinkets and gifts for the person we had drawn, and then we decided on which week to give the presents to each other. Instead of exchanging gifts all at the same time, we were allowed to choose any time, day or night, to surprise our person with their gift. I can’t explain how much this leveled up the gift giving experience, and it showcased everyone’s excitement for each other. It was an idea that made us all extremely more excited to give than to receive, and it propelled us to love each other better because for five months we were listening intently to what the other person needed. It was one of the best experiences of eager and enthusiastic love I have ever had.

Active love is not an easy calling, but it is who Christ is. If I am attempting to use my life to make Christ more known, then active love is something I want to be engaging in daily. With that being said, I hope you feel challenged and encouraged with the idea of actively loving the people God has put in your life. And as a reminder you yourself are actively, eagerly, deliberately, and intentionally loved by the creator of the universe. He calls us heirs to His kingdom, and we don’t have to do anything but accept his love in the form of Christ! Now let’s go love people! 

Macy is a college student who is involved in greek life and Doulos which is a greek life ministry. She is also a spicy uno enthusiast, a lover of marine life and chocolate covered gummy bears, and a friend.

To the Believer Who Feels Alone

To the Believer Who Feels Alone

The Bible tells you to expect hardships. Christians who know their Bible and examine our culture know that following Jesus is not meant to be easy, and the world certainly affirms that truth. There is little expectation for this life to be free of trouble, uncomplicated, or painless- but what we did not expect was to walk through all of that alone.

We, as a people, feel desperately alone. Especially those of us who live in places where people who follow Jesus are few to be found. Last week, I was taking a walk in the park right in the middle of a city, walking through swarms of people. People from all walks of life, from all kinds of ethnic backgrounds- and I was overwhelmed by it all. That was the second time I had that feeling.

The first time was last summer, when I was living in a different city in which the inhabitants were 80% unreached with the Gospel. I stood at a high point, looking over the city, and asked the same question that I asked last week: “Lord, is it only me here that knows you?” And, I know I’m not the only one who’s asked this. It’s the same for you who looks over your college campus, or your high school halls, or your family, or your city. The core of the question really is this: “Lord, have you forgotten us?”

Elijah asked the same question. It was a time of pagan worship under the reign of Ahab and Jezebel, and he felt like the only one left. He says this in 1 Kings 19:10, “I have been very jealous for the Lord of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.”

Elijah tells the Lord that he is jealous for the glory of God among these people who don’t know Him. They have broken their covenant of faithfulness, they have worshipped idols, they have killed the other prophets, and now they want to kill Elijah. His despair is clear in his plea. He sees no hope, he’s alone, and he doesn’t know what God is doing. Does He not care that His people have forgotten Him?

To answer Elijah, the Lord asks him to go outside to the side of the mountain. The Lord Himself was going to meet Elijah.

A great wind tore through the mountain, so strong that it broke rocks into pieces, then an earthquake shook him where he stood, then fire swept through in front of him- but after all three of these massive demonstrations of power, the Bible says that “the Lord was not in the wind… the Lord was not in the earthquake…the Lord was not in the fire.” But don’t these show the power of God? He answered Elijah’s questions with rock-breaking wind, mountain shaking earthquake, and consuming fire-why didn’t God show up in those?

The Bible says that after these came the sound of a “low whisper.” And when Elijah heard it, he hid his face and walked out to meet God. The Lord was not in the wind, or the earthquake, or the fire- He was in the whisper. Why answer this way? Here, God was demonstrating to Elijah a truth about Himself.

Elijah was wondering why God didn’t use the same rock-breaking power to show Himself mighty to all of these people who rejected Him. After all, if everyone knew that Elijah believed in the true God, then he wouldn’t be alone. And Elijah knew the power of God- it had been demonstrated in the chapter before. But God didn’t show up that way. Not in magnificent demonstrations of power, but in a low whisper.

Isn’t that true of our Savior? He came, not as a king with a sword, but as a servant who washed feet. He had great power, yes, but Jesus was not interested in showing off His power to those who didn’t believe Him. Peter wanted Him to- when they came to get Him, to take Him to the cross, Peter grabbed a sword and started fighting. But Jesus emptied Himself, and became obedient to death on a cross. The disciples felt alone. Elijah felt alone. You and I, we feel alone. Why doesn’t God just send an earthquake to show all of our friends that we aren’t crazy to believe Him? Why didn’t God show Himself in the fire?

It’s because He has never been a God who seeks to win hearts this way. He’s much more powerful than that, friends. We understand power through great demonstrations because our view is so limited by our finiteness. The Lord has the earth as His footstool. He is sovereign over much more than the natural world- He is sovereign over every human heart.

God answers Elijah’s disbelief with this: “ Yet I have kept for myself seven thousand people in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.” He is able to raise up believers from the remnant of a people who want nothing to do with Him. That’s what it looks like to wield power and grace in the same hand. He is gentle, and patient, and able to see beyond your current loneliness to accomplish His greater, sweeter purposes. He is sovereign over the human heart, too.

Do you feel like you’re the only one? Do you feel like He has forgotten you? When Elijah felt that way, God reminded him that the Lord has much more in store for His people than we could ever imagine. He wanted to show Elijah that His ways were higher than Elijah’s ways. His thoughts are higher than ours, too. He is able to turn the hearts of men towards Him whenever He would like, and when we would despair, His is a gentle reminder that He is much bigger than we imagine, and His hand is not shortened to save. Maybe it’s time that our prayers were different- not that we forsake asking Him to move in a mighty way, because we should pray boldly, but also pray that He would change our eyes to see Him in the whisper instead of waiting on the earthquake. And who knows? Maybe He is raising a new 7000 from our midst, too.

Hi! My name is Samantha Arp and I am a sophomore in college. I am studying writing and theology and serve in the women’s and college ministry at my college. I have a passion for the Word of God and teaching our generation how to find joy in it! I love LO sis and I’m honored to share this today 🙂

God’s Plans vs. My Plans

God’s Plans vs. My Plans

What would happen if we surrendered our own plans for our life and let the true Author of life write our story? 

Many of us have created Pinterest boards full of what we hope, dream, and long for in life. Our wedding is planned. Our kids have a cute wardrobe. Life looks Instagram worthy. We have our schedules written in cute planners. We have mapped out possible outcomes so we don’t have to fear the unknown. We have painted the picture of our lives all on our own.

But, what happens when God’s plans for our lives don’t align with what we have planned? 

I have been a dancer ever since my mom put me in my first dance class at the age of 3. I fell in love with it. I loved being on a big stage, taking classes, and jamming to my favorite songs in my room. I never wanted to stop. 

As a freshman in high school, I finally felt like I was stepping into this “dream” of being a dancer. I was teaching, competing, and improving in my skills.  

Until my plan was put on hold.  

After one injury that led to another, x-rays, and way too many doctors visits, I was diagnosed with severe bilateral hip dysplasia, a condition where the hip sockets are too shallow to cover and hold the hip joints in place. I sat there in the doctor’s office stunned. I was even more shocked when I was told that surgery was the only trustworthy solution. Surgery that took 6 months to recover from. Both hips. This meant a long road before getting back to dance again, let alone getting back to my normal life again. 

This was far from my Pinterest board plans and far from the dreams I had for my life.  

I was flooded with anger, confusion, doubt, and questions. 

“Why me, God?” 

“Why is God putting me in so much pain?” 

“Why am I having to sit out on what I love most?” 

“What about the dreams and plans that I had for my life” 

“Why would God bless me with the gift of dance but then allow me to have injuries and surgeries that put me on the couch for years?” 

“What about my plans, God?” 

I’m sure many of us have been here before, sitting in doubt and fear, questioning whether God truly knew what He was doing, and wondering if His plans would really turn out better than ours. 

Throughout this painful season of my life, I leaned into the Lord. I dug into His word because strength and comfort were only found in making God my refuge in this time of pain and struggle. 

In the letter Jeremiah is writing to the exiles in Babylon, God encourages His people with the words— 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” 

Jeremiah 29:11  

Where God leads us and what He calls us to– 

won’t always be easy, 

won’t always feel comfortable, 

won’t always come natural, 

won’t always align with our expectations. 

But, the plans God has for our life are good and are for our good–God knows this full well. We can walk through life with this unexplainable hope in knowing that no matter what our circumstances look like, our whole life is in the good and secure hands of our Father, the Author of life. 

We aren’t the only ones having to change our plans. 

David was led to fighting a giant with small weapons. 

Job was asked to let go of absolutely everything. 

Moses was called to lead people out of Egypt even though the cost was high. 

Esther took action amidst great tension and trouble. 

I doubt these would have been clipped to their vision boards back then.  

All these callings and plans for their life were far from easy, far from comfortable, and far from natural. 

But, God showed up. God was magnified through it all. God equipped them with all that they needed and continued to walk right beside them.  

He promises to do the same for you.  

God won’t lead us to a place that He hasn’t already been and prepared. He won’t leave us to handle it on our own. The Lord is always near, no matter where He leads us to.  

David, Job, Moses, Esther, and so many more had to surrender their own plans to follow the path that God was calling them to walk. They are evidence that beautiful things take place in the act of obedience to God’s callings. So, it’s time to lay our plans down at the feet of the Lord and ask Him to do what only He can do with our eager hearts.

Throughout the early parts of my recovery from my surgeries, I had many hard days. It was hard to say “yes” to the things God was showing me. I got easily upset and discouraged by where God had me in this season, but I had to learn to slow down, take time to heal, and focus on other things while I had to sit out of dance.

My circumstances never limited God. He wasn’t phased by the mountains I faced.  

To me, surgery was a roadblock, but to God, it was an opportunity for refining, transforming, and growth. Each and every plan God has for our lives serves a purpose, whether we can see the purpose in the moment or whether it takes getting to the other side to finally see it. 

When God formed our bodies, He was patient and intentional with every detail. As I went through the healing process after surgery, it felt as though God was once again renewing every nerve, every bone, every muscle, and teaching them to rely on His strength.  

I learned a lot about patience. Patience in getting back to my normal body. Patience in getting back to dance. Patience in every up and every down. Patience in awaiting the beautiful things God had in store for me. Patience in finding peace in God’s plan, not mine. 

There is peace in knowing that the same God that knows every precise detail of our bodies also knows the intentional plans for our lives.

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” 

Psalms 139:1-5 

Psalms 139 is a favorite of mine, it especially took on a new meaning while I was healing from my surgeries. It’s so comforting to know that God knew each of us and the exact plan for our lives before He even created us. 

The Lord is familiar with all of our ways. He doesn’t just have a plan for us, He knows the plan really well. So, the roadblocks in life are not a shock to God. My surgeries were not a surprise to Him and neither are the roadblocks that pop up in your life. One day your roadblocks will serve as a testimony of how God uses each and every plan in your life for a purpose. 

Looking back on my journey, I am in awe of the ways God took my circumstances and produced so much good. Dance felt so out of reach for so long, but now I am fully back doing what I love most. I never thought it was a possibility, but God proved my doubts and fears wrong. That season of my life serves as my testimony that I have gotten to share with so many people, it provides an opportunity to encourage others going through the same thing, and it is evidence of God’s past faithfulness to give me hope for His future faithfulness. 

So many ministry doors have opened in my life since going through my surgery season. One of them being how God called me to create a ministry account on Instagram, called @beautyyandthebible, to share encouragement and truth with the goal of being a light on social media during quarantine. God had a purpose for the waiting all along, I just couldn’t see it in the moment.  

Without the challenging and refining season of life, I would not be properly equipped to step into the plans God has for me right now.  

When you are feeling discouraged about what season you are in, what God has called you to, or what mountain you stand in front of, remember this–God equips where He calls, provides where He leads, and sustains what is meant for you. His plans for your life will always prevail, no matter how perfect our Pinterest boards look. His plans will always serve a purpose, even in the unknown. His plans are preparing you for great things. When we are obedient to surrender the control we grasp onto and let the Author of life write our story, beautiful things take place.  

My name is Carli Hammond and I am a high school senior! Next year I plan on studying multimedia journalism and pursuing photography on the side. I have a passion for spreading truth and encouragement through social media and have used my Instagram account @beautyyandthebible to do just that. I also get the opportunity to serve on my church’s production team as a photographer, which I love to do. In my free time, I am always dancing, drinking coffee, reading, or cuddling with my adorable dogs!

Community Saved My Daughters Life

Community Saved My Daughters Life

I remember every detail of the drive on that April morning. In a way, it felt as if Zach and I were actors in a movie. Since the day I was born Easter Sunday began the same way – ironing dresses, curling my hair, polishing my church shoes back when that was a thing. Truly, this was the day to look my “Sunday best.” Yet, here I was speeding down the interstate with no make-up, my hair was not brushed, and I would later discover that in my rush to get out the door, I threw on my 10-year-old son’s t-shirt (I was 40.) It was windy that day, and I can remember our minivan swaying against the force of the wind as we drove in silence. The silence was deafening, but amidst the chaos, there was a peace that can only be explained by the presence of the Holy Spirit.  

One hour before this road trip began, our family of six was bundled up on the porch watching the sun come up as we read the story of the resurrection. We started the tradition of an Easter Sunrise time of devotion eight years before, and not once during the early hours of the morning was I interrupted by my phone. Most of the world was still asleep, and so, when my phone began buzzing at 6:45am on Easter Sunday, I was moved to check it but quickly recanted. Something about checking my phone while reading about the resurrected Savior didn’t feel right. Minutes later, as our devotional came to a close, I read the words “CALL ME ASAP” from the birth mother of the child we committed to adopt.

This is not meant to be a blog about our adoption story, so I will save the specifics of this story and that particular call for another setting. However, to help paint the picture of the seriousness of our situation, you should know that the birth mother was only 27 weeks pregnant and began hemorrhaging. She was rushed via ambulance to the closest hospital to her and would undergo an emergency C-section. We were two and half hours from this hospital, and as we were flying down the interstate, I was fighting the urge to begin googling “all the possible scenarios.” I could muster only stillness. I was frozen in the passenger seat, praying silently for the safety of this child that I knew was meant to live.

The silence was broken as the ringing of my phone blared through the car speakers. The number ringing was very close to this situation, and for a split second, I hesitated to answer. Bracing myself, I hit the green button and answered, “Hello.”

Am I on speaker phone?” 

Me: “Yes.”

Would you mind taking me off and handing the phone to Zach?”

Me: “Sure.” 

I watched Zach’s facial expressions, knowing within my heart that the words he would relay to me were not good. 

Zach: “She was unresponsive at birth, and he doesn’t think she made it.” 

Me: Silence. 

I picked up my phone, and the only thing I could think to do was to call on my community. I began texting everyone: “She was born not breathing; they are trying to revive her now; pray.” I copied and pasted those 13 words to everyone I knew at 10:38am Easter morning, which just so happens to be when most of my community was in church. At 10:58am, I texted: “She’s stable.” 

I could bring this blog to a close in a few short sentences. I could recall how so many of my friends told stories of their churches stopping to pray in this moment. I could highlight the beauty of a community that would stop to pray for my daughter. I would definitely love to quote a verse that I simply read over the years in my quiet time but now understand it to be truly true. 

“The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit” James 5:16-18. Prayer matters.  

I believe with all my heart that God heard the prayers of His people on that Sunday morning, and Ruth Harvest Dasher was resurrected on Easter Sunday 2021.  

But if I stopped here, it would be a dishonor to the God who works all things for the good of those who love him. If you peered into my life and heart just five short years before this Easter Sunday, you would see a shell of a girl who was ready to write off community. You would see an exhausted wife and mother who was hurt by community and wanted nothing to do with people. For years, I was the poster child for community to the point that I allowed “my community” to become an idol. Idols never work and people are far too weak to be placed on such mighty pedestals. Surely, the answer is to batten down the hatches of your life and let no one into the inner sanctuaries of your heart. Keep everyone at arm’s length. Just sit on the pew. Don’t lead, don’t get involved in peoples’ lives; just coast and keep it all in the family. Surely, this is the answer. 

I tried the “no community” life, and to be honest, it felt safe. If my relationships are only surface level, then no one can get hurt, right? Wrong. Safety cannot replace our intrinsic desire to be known and loved. We were made in the image of a relational God. Three in One. Three separate beings perfectly loving one another. God within Himself is community, and because of this, we all, even if we bury it, desire community in our lives. 

If you are hurt by community and are reading this right now, I want you to know that I deeply feel your pain. I deeply understand your fear and get your desire to crawl into a hole and swear off community. While affirming the pain you experience, I want to simultaneously challenge you to consider a thought. If you wall off your potential to be hurt by keeping everyone at arm’s length, then are you not also preventing yourself from being loved by the very people who will one day stop everything they are doing to pray for you? 

Yes, the likelihood that you will be hurt somewhere down the road by someone in your community is very high, and likewise, you will, more than once, be the cause of pain in someone else’s life. We are all broken vessels navigating dangerous waters, but still, we are better at navigating together. 

Your communities may change and that’s okay. I’m reminded of the scripture in Acts 15 where Paul and Barnabas decided to go separate ways, due to a “sharp disagreement,” but neither of them went alone. You need others and others need you. As you begin to open your heart to community once again, make sure you are not building with bricks of division. It’s easy to come out of a community gone wrong situation and allow your anger and frustration to become the DNA of your new community. This is a trap from the evil one. Communities built on division will never last. In other words, build or rebuild communities that are “FOR” and not “AGAINST.” 

Finally, to the one who is thriving in their community. Yay! Community is good because God is good, and He loves when His people live in unity. “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity” Psalm 133:1. As with all good things, Satan schemes to distort them for his great pleasure. One way He attempts to do this is by elevating our “community” to a place that should only be reserved for God. He does this by creating closed circles of people that become so close that there is no room for anyone else. Communities led by the Holy Spirit always have room for one more because, as God’s people, we understand that ultimately, our “community” is far and wide. Our community crosses mountains and oceans; to the ends of the earth, we are God’s people, and through His blood, we will forever be connected. 

I’m so thankful that God pulled me out of my pit of despair all those years ago. I’m thankful for my intimate community and the community of God’s people at large. To every person who prayed for us on that Easter morning just shy of a year ago, I cannot begin to thank you enough, but still, thank you. God is good. He is healer – healer of broken hearts and healer of hearts that have yet to begin beating. 

Jill Dasher is the author of the brand new book SHALLOW, drowning in the shallow end of people’s approval. She is a blogger and Christian speaker who is passionate about sharing the freedom that exists when you refuse to live in hiding & freely submit all of your fears, flaws, & failures to the God who made you. She resides in the mountains of NC with her husband and five children.

Use code LOSISTER15 for a 15% discount off Jill’s book SHALLOW!

The Truth vs. My Truth

The Truth vs. My Truth

Friend, I’m so excited to share my message from Jennie Allen’s women’s conference, IF:Gathering 2022, with you! This message is so needed in our world today and I encourage you to watch the full version here 🙂

 

Jennie actually asked me to preach on a specific topic. She asked me to preach on the difference between my truth and God’s truth. That’s a big topic. And if you’re in the Millennial or Gen Z day in age, you know that’s a really big battle that we’re facing. You see everywhere, “live your truth.” Literally, Christian and I were in LA recently and there was a huge billboard that said, “We the youth, live your truth!” It’s everywhere. This message is parading saying your truth will set you free and it’s the best way to live. But friend, I’m here to tell you that is a lie.

I want to start by giving some background on what this generation is believing when it comes to “your truth.” Urban Dictionary is a database where the most liked definition of a term becomes the proposed definition. So, here’s what Urban Dictionary says “my truth” is:

“A non-negotiable personal opinion. This is a convenient phrase for avoiding arguments because people can contradict your opinion, but not your truth.”

That’s actually kind of scary because there’s a generation that can put “my truth” behind whatever they’re feeling in a moment. And as long as it’s their truth, you can’t argue it. Used to, it seemed like the truth was pretty straight forward. We almost all knew that telling someone the truth was the most loving thing you could do. Like, if someone sitting across from me at lunch has a giant spinach leaf in their teeth, the best thing you could do in that moment is to tell that person that they have spinach in their teeth. It may be awkward, but it’s loving.

But nowadays it gets really tricky because you could literally tell someone they have spinach in their teeth and they could say, “No I don’t.” And they would stand strong to that statement because it’s their truth. Circumstances like this can get you questioning what actually is true.

What’s really difficult is when nothing is true, then what is love? What is freedom? What is anything if we don’t have a foundation of truth? It seems like this is a problem that just our generation is facing, but this has been around for a very long time, even back in Jesus’ day.

In John chapter 18, Jesus is talking to Pilate because at this point in the story, the Jews were so fed up with Jesus. He was challenging everything they believed and they were ready to get rid of Him. Since they wouldn’t kill people, they thought that if they made Jesus look bad enough to the Romans, they might crucify Him. So they turn Him in and Jesus begins having this conversation with Pilate when the truth becomes super confusing. Here’s how the conversation goes:

“Am I a Jew?” Pilate replied. “Your own people and chief priests handed you over to me. What is it you have done?”

Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.”

“You are a king, then!” said Pilate. Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.”

“What is truth?” retorted Pilate.” (John 18:35-38)

You see, this question dates all the way back to when Pilate asks Jesus, “what is truth?” Pilate had to have felt like the truth was so confusing because the Jews were saying one thing about Jesus and Jesus was claiming another. After this moment, Pilate goes away and tells the Jews he finds no guilt in Jesus. He begins claiming his own truth.

“With this he went out again to the Jews gathered there and said, “I find no basis for a charge against him. But it is your custom for me to release to you one prisoner at the time of the Passover. Do you want me to release ‘the king of the Jews’?”

They shouted back, “No, not him! Give us Barabbas!” Now Barabbas had taken part in an uprising.” (John 18:38-40)

Barabbas was a robber. This sounds crazy, right? Here Jesus is, healing the sick, making the blind see, feeding the 5,000, and Pilate doesn’t personally see any Guilt in Him. And the people still chose Barabbas. That’s what happens when you don’t have a foundation of truth. Whatever the majority says is true becomes true to you. Pilate knew there was nothing wrong with Jesus. But because the crowd said, “Give us Barabbas,” the truth changed. We live in a generation that allows the majority to rule. Whatever Instagram, Tiktok, or the news says is the truth. We don’t even need to fact check it. If everyone says it’s true, then it must be true.

Proverbs 12:15 says this:

The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.”

I don’t want to be a generation of fools thinking our truth is the right truth. Just like when the people wanted to release Barabbas, a criminal who was actually dangerous, it didn’t make sense. Your truth is not really concerned with what makes sense or what’s better in the long run. Your truth is always going to seek what is the most comfortable thing in the moment. And Jesus made them so uncomfortable. Your truth allows you to stay the same. THE truth requires change. It requires repentance and a heart shift toward Him.

“So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

When I was preparing for this message, I couldn’t remember where that passage was in scripture. So I googled, “Where is the verse when Jesus said, ‘and the truth will set you free’?” The first thing that popped up said, “Who said the truth will set you free?” And it showed a list of people who have said this great line. Along with all these names was Jesus.

As I was reading this, I realized that’s the problem. That sentence is not true for anyone to say but Jesus. And do you know why it’s true when Jesus said it? It’s because when He said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free,” He was literally talking about Himself. He knew that He holds the power beyond the grave. He knew He would resurrect from the dead to life. So, that’s actually true for Him to say.

His truth actually will set you free. Now, if I say that MY truth will set you free, it holds no power. It’s not true. Here’s a reminder that may seem obvious but I think we forget sometimes. The reason why the truth is powerful is because it’s true.

I want to mention something that Christian often says to me. He says I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. While this really is so sweet, deep down, the practical side of me thinks that that’s just not true. I know that sounds a bit silly, but I’ve seen some gorgeous women in this world. But what’s so powerful to me is when he says, “I love you.” I love this because I know it’s true. Even after all that we’ve been through together, he loves me. And the fact that that is true makes it so powerful.

We have a generation that would rather be puffed up than set free. They’d rather be told they’re the most beautiful girl in the world than “I love you.” They’d rather be told the thing that makes them feel the most god-like than be completely loved by God. But being loved by God is so much more powerful than any moment of power that you could ever feel.

I was on Instagram one day, and this whole idea of my truth vs. the truth is stuck in my head when I scroll past one of my favorite influencer’s post. I follow her simply because I like her clothes. There’s no real spiritual tie there, just to clarify. She began talking about Wonder Woman. And for those of you who don’t know, that’s my favorite movie.

So, I click to the next slide and begins talking about how thankful she is that women have a heroic figure like her to look up to because little boys have had these their whole life. Superman, Spider Man, Black Panther. Then I click to the next slide and she says, “All of this got me thinking that maybe that’s why I don’t relate to God, because He’s a man. That’s probably why it’s never worked for me. So I heard someone talking about a woman version of God and I started praying to her. It’s been so empowering for me and my daughters.”

I sat back and thought about how tricky situations like that can get. Because she had me with Wonder Woman and the idea of her being an inspiration. But it got tricky when she took it to her relationship with God. See, if I didn’t have ears to discern the truth, it would have been easy for me to look at my own self and wonder if the same concept would work for me.

Then I clicked a few slides further and someone asked where she found that concept in scripture, and she literally said, “I actually haven’t. But if you find it, let me know.” There was no fact checking that took place to support her argument. But once again, the truth is powerful because the truth is true. Prayer is powerful because there is a real God in heaven who I am praying to. And yes, I call Him my Father. But that doesn’t mean I can’t relate to Him. He’s the one who knit me together in my mother’s womb and made me in His image.

Here’s the thing. Praying for your own empowerment won’t get you anywhere. It won’t stop the war going on and it won’t heal the sick. We have to pray for the power of God.

The enemy plays a game with us every day that we all know. Two truths and a lie. We played that game last year actually. We went out in Atlanta and asked a girl these questions:

  1. The “a” in Chick-fil-A stands for grade A meat.
  2. Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays.
  3. Chick-fil-A only uses born again chickens.

Y’all. She chose the first one. She legitimately chose the third one to be truth. What?! That’s hilarious now. But why did number 3 seem true? It’s because it was a lie mixed in with the truth. The enemy plays this same game with us. He says, “Oh you overslept this morning? True.” “Oh you’re not where you want to be in life? True.” “You’re worthless.” All of a sudden that lie seems true because the other two were true.

Let me tell you another thing the enemy does. He says, “Oh, you love your best friend. Your best friend’s beautiful. You’re attracted to your best friend.” And you think, “Wait a second. Is that true? Because the other two things were true, so maybe that means this its true.” When we’re not rooted in a foundation of truth, we begin to search those lies and see if they might be true so that we can be free. But we don’t stop long enough to say, “I find my true freedom in you, Jesus. You are the way, the truth, the life. I’m following You to get to everything my heart desires, which is God.” He is love, truth and power.

We look at the story of Jesus and Barabbas and wonder why they picked Barabbas. Well my question is, why do we choose Barabbas? Barabbas was known for three things. He was a murdered, a robber, and a rebel. These sound a lot like steal, kill, and destroy. The same characteristics of the father of lies.

You see, in life there will be a daily choice to hear the voice of truth or the lies of the enemy. Because the truth is we have a Savior and an enemy. Don’t choose Barabbas just because it’s more comfortable in a moment. Choose Jesus, because although it requires change from the inside out, it is purifying you in such a way that you can stand before a holy God blameless and truly feel the power of what freedom really is.

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