by Gracie Tucker | Aug 7, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice |
Anybody out there love some watermelon, say YEAH. Haha, what a hook. But really I do, my roommates and I went through a phase where we would literally eat an entire watermelon every day. I think that qualifies as love. But the thing about watermelon is that they are only good in the summer… you can’t buy a good one out of season. Different fruits grow better at different times of the year. Nobody gets to pick the season or the fruit. I was planning to write about how God used a certain relationship to change my heart. How He worked a not good situation to bring forth a good change in me. And He did, He absolutely did! God has changed everything about who I am, and it is a story I love to tell, but it’s just not the story I want to tell today. I want to talk about the aftermath of the heart change; the unexpected fruit yielded from that specific season in my life… Praise.
I was in a season where I thought the fruit would be a new dating relationship, but the fruit was actually a new praising relationship. I know you must be wondering how a failed attempt at a dating relationship could result in praise. It’s easy to praise when it seems like you’re getting everything you want. It’s even easy to praise when you want something really bad. But to praise when you don’t understand, when your heart hurts, when you were seeking God and it still didn’t work out… that’s when it’s not so easy anymore.
For me, it went from really easy to really not, really fast. As I was praying about how I could write about a situation while still honoring the people involved in the situation, the Holy Spirit simply told me to look for Him. To see how He used it. This is what He showed me… If my praise is ever dependent on my feelings, my thoughts, or my circumstances then it’s not praise.
Praise is a response to God’s goodness.
God is wise and powerful! Praise Him forever and ever. (Daniel 2:20)
Sing to the LORD! Praise the LORD! He rescues the oppressed from the power of evil people. (Jeremiah 20:13)
Let us praise God for his glorious grace, for the free gift he gave us in his dear Son! (Ephesians 1:6)
Praise him – he is your God, and you have seen with your own eyes the great and astounding things that he has done for you. (Deuteronomy 10:21)
Praise the LORD who has given his people peace, as he promised he would. (1 Kings 8:56)
Peter said, “I don’t have a nickel to my name, but what I do have, I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!” He grabbed him by the right hand and pulled him up. In an instant his feet and ankles became firm. He jumped to his feet and walked. The man went into the Temple with them, walking back and forth, dancing and praising God. (Acts 3:6-9)
Who God is, ignites worship.
We have so much to praise God for!!
We should never stop praising God, because God never stops being good!
Praise fixes our eyes on Him. That’s why when we praise God, strongholds break. That’s why praise really does proceed the miracle. Praise brings breakthrough because it isn’t about our need, IT’S ABOUT OUR PROVIDER!
I’m not saying don’t praise God when you need something. Of course, DO! I’m just saying don’t praise God because you need something. Praise Him because He is still good while you’re waiting.
Because He is good when it comes to pass. And because He is good even if it never does.
Praise God when you get the job, praise God when you don’t.
Praise God in the dream home, praise God in the one-room apartment.
Praise God when you find your husband, praise God when you’re heartbroken.
Praise God when your mom beats cancer. Praise God when your parents die.
Praise God when it’s easy, and praise God when it’s not.
Praise God in every season.
I was listening to a Bill Johnson sermon and his words got me. He explained how there is no pain in heaven, so this side of forever is our only opportunity to get to praise God when it hurts! What an honor!
God is so into the details of our lives. He knows what we need, and He knows what we want. He always loves to hear from us. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. He is a good Dad, who wants to bless his kids beyond measure. So whether you’re in a season that feels so clear or you honestly don’t know how you’re going to ever be okay again, know that God is working it for good. When you don’t understand, when it doesn’t look like you wanted it to, and when it really really hurts, rest in the fact that God is good, and God is God. Praise Him.
He is producing good fruit in this season.
The fruit I thought I wanted was a relationship, but the fruit God knew I needed was praise.
I am so thankful God doesn’t give me everything I ask for because sometimes what I ask for is wrong for me. I sit on the other side of a not so easy season with the fruit of praise in my life. I didn’t pick my season, I didn’t pick my fruit… God did. He knows what I need more than I do.
I’m so thankful for that season, and I’m thankful I get to tell y’all about it… because we all know the best thing about fruit is that you get to share it.
by Morgan Krueger | Jul 31, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice |
I lived in hiding for many years. In college, I became so hidden from others that I couldn’t even find myself. Does that make sense? So, like others have done, I went looking for myself. And I’m sure you’re reading this and think that my searching would lead to me finding me. But one detail that I should mention is that I looked in all the wrong places.
I looked in the wrong people’s beds, in the acceptance of my friends who weren’t going to point me to truth, and to endless scrolling on social media. I was hopelessly trying to convince myself that the key to finding myself would dwell there. But it didn’t. I was still in hiding from those around me and to myself.
And here’s the problem- if you stay hidden, you can’t experience the true beauty of living in awesome, real, and life changing community. Community always comes at cost.
It wasn’t until I went on a summer mission trip my junior year in college that I got to experience what it means to live in a true community.
In a land far, far away where they eat hot noodles for breakfast and babies wear split pants (I would say google it, but it’s too risky), I embarked on a seven-week mission trip with twenty of my closest strangers to China. I didn’t know a soul and they definitely didn’t know me (After all, if they really knew me, would they realize that I didn’t even belong on this mission trip? Would they actually realize that I was more of a mission field than the Chinese students we were there to share Jesus with?). For better or worse, we dedicated those weeks to spending every moment together.
I wasn’t too worried. After all, I was a skilled imposter and knew how to put up invisible walls that would keep people from really knowing me. They knew my name was Morgan, that I loved Jimmy Kimmel (way more of a Fallon fan now), and that I had an interest in knowing Jesus.
And if I’m being honest, I preferred not being known. It’s easier, way more comfortable, and it’s the only form of community I had ever known.
Then something happened, or should I say, someone happened.
Rachel, a girl on my trip, was funny, confident, and bold in her faith. She didn’t take herself too seriously, but girlfriend knew what she liked and how she liked it. She also knew she loved Jesus and wasn’t afraid to live like it.
There was a moment on that trip that forever changed my perception of what it meant to know someone and be known.
One afternoon, Rachel and I were drinking our zhen zhu nai cha (bubble milk tea) and walking to hangout with some new Chinese friends. She shifted the conversation to ask how the first week was going and how could she pray for me.
It sounds elementary, but the way she approached me and the genuineness I heard in her voice was something new to me. Having grown up in the church, I briefly remembered it from my childhood, but hadn’t experienced it my adult life. (If you want to call twenty an adult. Hey, it was the oldest I had ever been.)
It just so happened I was having a hard time with being in a foreign country, all the while trying to maintain a persona that wasn’t me out of fear of being known. So, in that moment I made a choice to open up. I shared with her that she could pray for my anxious heart and my faith to believe that God could use me to bring others to him.
With an attentive ear, she listened, seemed to really care, and opened up about what she was going through as well. Ending with a bond over our love of chocolate, we arrived at our destination with a new found friendship.
I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Something that seemed so small on the outside was a big deal to me. She made me feel loved and known.
That night, we all arrived back at our dorms and I was exhausted, to say the least. It was a hot summer and we were constantly translating the bible into what seemed like an impossible language. My brain was as exhausted as much as my body was!
As I walked in my room, I noticed something on my bed. It was a letter from Rachel written on a card clearly bought at a Chinese convenient store. I opened it and there was a prayer she had written over what I had shared with her earlier. At the end of the letter was more encouragement and a P.S. that said, “Check under your pillow”. Under my pillow was my favorite kind of chocolate. I just sobbed. I mean, RACH! What a saint.
Not only did we share our love of Chinese food and chocolate, we shared our hearts that day. Rachel let me know that she had really listened to me and cared about me.
Why do I tell you all this? Because the way we love people and the willingness in our hearts to invest in others will take us farther than we ever thought possible. It will allow us to ride the wave of first time acquaintances into an authentic relationship. Friends, I don’t have to know you to know you long for this. I know this because this is God’s plan for you:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
Since that trip, Rachel has been one of many that God has placed in my life to love me, challenge me, and just plain bless me with their presence. Lord willing, I have been that person for people along the way, too. You see, Rachel didn’t just teach me about friendship, she showed me that God always sees me and loves me (as I am), and that walking in a close relationship with him brings light to darkness, which ALWAYS brings freedom. Relationships on earth reflect the Father’s heart.
Based on all the lessons I’ve learned and missteps I’ve taken, here is, in my opinion, the truest form of how to walk in genuine, true, life-giving community.
1. Be vulnerable:
This is maybe the costliest part of living in true friendship. In Genesis 3, we learn from Adam and Eve that hiding is a direct result of sin. The bible tells us that sin separates us from God. Although we have different wardrobes today, some of us put on metaphorical garments of leaves in an effort to hide and stay unknown daily. But that isn’t the way it is supposed to be. God loves you too much to let you stay in a hiding place. When we open up and share our lives with others, we are reminded that we’re never too far away from God’s true plan for our lives. When Rachel asked how I was doing, I had a choice. I could take the easy route and tell her that “I’m actually doing really well!” or I could, with tears in my eyes, let her in. It was just one moment, but I hope you can see how important it was. By doing that she brought Jesus to me. When I couldn’t bring myself before Him, she could and did. Is there something you need to open up about today? Take that step of vulnerability, He will use it mighty ways.
2. Embrace conflict:
As it turns out, Rachel and I continued to be good friends. After college, we went on to live together in China for an entire year. She continued to be the biggest blessing to me! We learned a lesson of embracing conflict along the way too. Being a nine on the enneagram, my biggest need in life is peace, specifically, with those around me. There were moments when Rachel and I were not living in peace, mainly because of my pride. I wanted to be important and valuable to the team and, because of that need, I felt threatened by Rachel’s natural leadership ability. Unfortunately, this brought out some of my insecurities and there was a season where we felt distant from each other. Rachel came to me one day and (in vulnerability) let me know that she felt like she had struggled with some pride in our relationship. Seriously? Me too! Both of us had soft hearts toward each other, but we struggled with communicating it. Once it was out in the open, we could deal with it. The trials of conflict, if handled in love, will always strengthen a relationship. Don’t shy away from them, friends. But, be wise and gentle in your speech as you address the problems.
3. Don’t make it about you:
If vulnerability is the costliest part of community, not making it about you might be hardest to implement. I don’t know about you, but I can be so selfish. Even when I do something good that I know God has called me to do or say, I have this little voice in the back of my mind saying, “That made you look really good, keep it up.” The imposter is at it again, just in a different form. Striving and self-centeredness belong nowhere near authentic living. Helen Keller says, “There is joy in self-forgetfulness. So, I try to make the light in others’ eyes my sun, the music in others’ ears my symphony, the smile on others’ lips my happiness.”
I’d like to pray this over you: “God, thank you for authentic community. Thank you that it is your good design, however costly in the moment it may seem. I pray for my friends out there that may have lived in hiding for years. I pray against the imposter in their hearts whispering, ‘If they only knew….’ God, would you break chains and produce more relationships that lead in vulnerability, healthy conflict, and self-forgetfulness? Thank you that you are for us always being known in community. We love you. Amen”
I want you to know Rachel and I are still close to this day. She stood by me in my wedding, and although we live far apart now, she still sends me letters reminding me that I am loved.
I pray you find your Rachel, and through those around you, see your Jesus.
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by Sarah Tucker | Jul 29, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice
My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me.
“Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.” John 10: 1-5
Jesus. The shepherd of our souls. The GOOD Shepherd of our souls.
So the past few weeks I have not been able to move past this — Jesus is our shepherd.
I don’t know about you, but for me, Psalms 23 is life to my soul. I read it and am reminded of anything I may have somehow forgotten. Jesus. My Lord. My best friend. My Shepherd. With Him — I always have more than enough. The one who offers a resting place for my soul. Leads me besides still waters. Jesus. He restores and refreshes. He leads me along his footsteps of righteousness, conquering my fear and leading me through. My strength. My peace. My Jesus. With me always. Ever near. I am not alone.
Something I LOVE about God is that when He knows our heart needs to GET something (come to have or hold something, when we need to receive it), He has a way of making sure that we do. We’ll read it four different times in four different places, it might be the underlying message in a sermon you listen to one night or the first song that comes on in the morning. For me, this theme—Jesus being my Shepherd—was one of those things. Sometimes I genuinely wonder how I miss such extravagant truths hidden in such simple words for so long? Holy Spirit, would my awareness of you be heightened, open my ears, open my eyes. You have my heart.
Hear me out, I’m no farm girl here. I’ve never wrangled a chicken or caught a goat by it’s back leg at family thanksgiving. But here’s what I’ve gathered about sheep and their shepherd and the pen and it’s gate. The sheep’s pen is where the sheep rest. It’s where they abide with Jesus as their keeper. It’s the place they stay until they hear Jesus calling them out by name. Their name. He knows your name, friends. The narrow gate is the place in which the shepherd lays across in the night working as their protector. He doesn’t move when fear or opposition come or when wolves encroach to scatter the sheep. He stays. In the morning, He calls them by name, He guides them out, He goes before them. The good shepherd.
I love how this paints the most beautiful picture of Jesus as our Shepherd. I love how Jesus tells us that anyone or anything that tries to get to us without coming through Him, the gatekeeper, reveals himself as a thief. — Ahh! How much does that change everything? I know, for me personally, I can look back at things or experiences in my life and know that had I just paused long enough to listen to the voice of my Shepherd, I could have saved myself so much heartache, regret, time, wondering, wandering, and even shame. Because anything that comes from Jesus, must first pass through Him. Our gatekeeper. I would have stayed and invited Holy Spirit in. I would have asked, does the voice that I’m hearing (the voice that I’m about to follow) sound like that which would lead me to greater faith, greater hope, and greater love? Or does it sound like the voice of a stranger? One of temptation, fear, doubt, striving? One of never enough, always lacking, is God really that good? Do you actually trust Him? So many times I wish I would have sat in the pen a little longer. Sat and waited until I heard Jesus Himself calling me out by name.
The sheep recognize His voice because they KNOW His voice, and to know His voice, we must know Him. The more we know Him, the more we know what is NOT Him. Beloved, if what you hear leading you out or coming against you is not that of faith, hope, love, truth, life, or peace, it is not the voice of our Shepherd.
How do we know Him? We know Him by spending time with Him. The sheep walk with Him; they sleep in the same place as Him; they look to Him first thing in the morning; they hide themselves IN Him, the only One who can truly keep them. They look to Him for their every need and they follow Him wherever He leads. We know Him by remaining in Him and spending time in His presence. We know Him by reading His word. By directing our thoughts and our hearts attention and affection towards Him before anything else, inviting Him into our days, to lead us and guide us, to walk with us, to hold our hands, and to carry our hearts in His. In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus. We know Him by His voice. He calls us by name, and we follow Him.
The sheep follow Him wherever He leads and they RUN away from the voice of a stranger.
Jesus. He calls us by name. Daughter. Son. Deeply loved. Highly favored. Redeemed. Treasured. Warrior. Faithful. Beloved. But the enemy of our souls also has a name for us. It may sound something like nobody, useless, unworthy, unseen, liar, cheater, slut, coward, sinner, you name your lie __________________.
Ohh, but we are (cause sometimes you have to SAY it first even if it may not be YET) a sheep, people, who know His voice. We know which name to answer to and we run from the voice of anything but Jesus. We cannot be unnamed by Him. Let’s not be a people who are more familiar with the voice of a stranger than the voice of our Papa God! Holy Spirit, we need you. I up my expectation to hear Your voice.
Here’s the thing, and this is where I land — if He wouldn’t lead me there, I don’t want it. I know that anywhere my Jesus leads me is good for me because He is a GOOD Shepherd. So much better than I even think He is. He makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside still waters. And if He’s leading me from where I am to a new place, to new ground, then the green pastures must be greener, and the streams, even stiller… even if it’s hard, even if it’s messy, EVEN IF… I will follow Him where He leads me.
Because if He’s not there, I can’t stay. I go where He goes. I hear His voice, and follow Him.
I will follow Him where He leads me.
I will follow Him where He leads me.
I will follow Him where He leads me.
Jesus, I will follow you wherever you lead me.
My Jesus. My best friend. My love. My saving grace. My protector. My defender. My redeemer. My guide. My peace. My joy. My lifeline.
That we would be like a sheep.
And like a sheep needs a Shepherd,
I am LOST without you God.
I love the way that TPT has John 10:10 written… “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. Everything in abundance, more than you expect.”
“Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to him be the glory for ever and ever. Amen.” Hebrews 13:20
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. We invite you in to the place that we’re standing. Lost without you, desperately in need of you. While yes, this is so simple and elementary and we’ve heard it a thousand times, I pray that after today for some reason, it just sits differently… that knowing that Jesus is our shepherd goes from something that we know in our heads to something that we KNOW in our hearts. That we close out of this page having received revelation of His goodness. His kindness. His sovereignty. His all-knowing, all-purposeful, all-loving self. That we know Him as our shepherd and that from here, everything changes — Jesus knows us and we know Him. Just as our Father knows Him and He, His father’s heart. Because don’t we know? Jesus changes everything. I trust you, Jesus. I trust that you are a good Shepherd of my soul. That you know what you’re doing in me. I yield myself to Your heart, I yield myself to Your voice. Oh, Holy Spirit, that we would be a people who know and love Your voice. That don’t listen and, in fact, RUN from that of a stranger. You know what we want, but even more than that, you know what we need. Help us to discern what’s good between what’s best. That we would be Your people, who after hearing Your voice, obey, and follow You with all that we are, no hesitation. You walk with me and go before me in the darkest of valley’s and the highest of mountain tops. I know I am not alone. I trust that you are aligning my steps, going before me and hemming me in behind. I will follow you where you lead me. No if’s and’s or but’s about it, because I KNOW the goodness of your heart. Life with You — our Shepherd, what a sweet one.
Sarah Tucker is the owner of Imago Dei in Franklin, TN, where the heart behind the shop is to point people back to Jesus and serve as a reminder to everyone who visits that they are made in the image of God. She loves drinking coffee, long country drives, and spending time with her friends and family!
Follow Sarah on Instagram @sarahatucker
by Sadie Robertson Huff | Jul 26, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice
It has been so fun going through Proverbs together! I cannot wait to share with you some treasures in Proverbs seven and eight. If you are just now joining us and want to catch up, I got you! Here are the previous posts:
Proverbs 1 + 2
Proverbs 3
Proverbs 4
Proverbs 5
Proverbs 6
Now let’s dive in!
PROVERBS 7 AND 8
There is nothing I can add to Proverbs 7 that would wake you up or explain anything better then the way that TPT version of the Bible lays it out. So, I encourage you, if you have been struggling with lust, pornography, sexual immorality, or adultery read it as your guide. Literally, thank you God for Proverbs! On that note we are going to pick up in Proverbs 8.
Proverbs 8 (TPT) is an absolutely beautiful illustration of what wisdom can do for your life. You will remember that Solomon is the writer of Proverbs. He is also the man who had the chance to receive anything he asked for from God and he chose wisdom. It’s important to remember this before reading the things that he writes about wisdom because more than anyone else in the world, Solomon knew the blessing the gift of wisdom can be. It’s hard for us to even understand being given this particular gift. Wisdom isn’t something we can always measure easily so how to we know we have it. We know Solomon had it because the Bible tells us he did. When we read Solomon’s account of the value of wisdom, we can know he lived with it daily. He walked in it and used it as he reigned as king.
Let’s dive in.
Proverbs 8:1-3 – “Can’t you hear the voice of Wisdom? From the top of the mountains of influence she speaks into the gateways of the glorious city. At the place where pathways merge, at the entrance of every portal, there she stands, ready to impart understanding, shouting aloud to all who enter, preaching her sermon to those who will listen. ‘I’m calling to you, sons of Adam, yes, and to you daughters as well. Listen to me and you will be prudent and wise. For even the foolish and feeble can receive an understanding heart that will change their inner being.’ ”
I have always loved the start of this chapter. I love how loud and confident wisdom in. It says that she stands, she shouts, and she preaches to those who will listen. She believes in what she is saying. She is not bothered by what people think, because she knows what she is saying is powerful. Have you ever felt confident about something you were saying or doing because you knew it was true? That is the feeling wisdom can give you. It’s a confidence in who you are and what you say. Wisdom lets you not worry about the reaction of others, and to not hide the truth that you know. Wisdom brings out the boldness in you and stirs up the passion.
I also love how this verse says even the foolish can receive it and it will change their inner most being! Wisdom is not just for the smart people or those with power or prestige; it is for everyone who seeks it.
v. 7 “For everything I say is unquestionably true, and I refuse to endure the lies of lawlessness— my words will never lead you astray.”
See! Wisdom knows she is leading people to a better life, so she makes sure she is heard! It is hard to be confident in life when you do not know what you stand for, who you are, or what you believe — but when you find truth, confidence follows. And when you follow wisdom, you will never go astray. Wow! That’s powerful stuff!
v. 13 “Wisdom pours into you when you begin to hate every form of evil in your life, for that’s what worship and fearing God is all about.”
PREACH! It makes sense that what we like, we pursue. We date people we like. We play sports we like. We listen to music we like. What we like, we go after. If someone likes things that are sinful, they will pursue them. This verse tells us when we begin to hate those things that cause us to sin, we will begin to run from them and pursue God. And pursuing God leads to wisdom.
v.32 “So listen, my sons and daughters to everything I tell you for no sign will bring you more joy than following my ways.”
v.34-36 “If you wait at wisdom’s doorway, longing to hear a word for every day, joy will break forth within you as you listen for what I’ll say. For the foundation of life pours into you every time that you find me, and this is the secret of growing in the delight and favor of the Lord. But those who stumble and miss me will be sorry they did! For ignoring what I have to say will bring harm to your own soul. Those who hate me are simply flirting with death!”
I love how it starts off by saying “if you wait at wisdom’s doorway.” Wisdom is not going to come looking for you, or knock on your door, you have to pursue it with patience and WAIT. Patience is such a beautiful thing and many times we miss the process of waiting at the doorway of wisdom because we do not know what it looks like to wait. This verse paints a beautiful picture of waiting and longing for wisdom’s words. In my growing relationship with Christian, I now long to hear his words each day. And his words bring me joy. That’s how we should be with our desire for wisdom. Pursuing wisdom by staying close to the Lord will bring us surpassing joy. Our father in heaven knows best and He knows everything about you and me! He wants to walk alongside of us and guide us. He wants us to experience joy.
The last verse is so real it almost seems too blunt, but God is a truth teller. It says “those who hate me (wisdom) are flirting with death.” This isn’t the only verse that talks about the troubles that follow foolishness. God’s desire is for us to have an abundant life. He’s the life-giver, but the foolish will bring their own troubles. Do the things of God and wisdom will be your reward.
We’re also told in this chapter that wisdom was with God when life began. If you’re seeking a meaningful life — seek wisdom. I hope you dive into these chapters even more! There is much WISDOM in it. 🙂
XO,
Sadie
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by Live Original | Jul 24, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice, Testimonies |
Note from Team LO: We are SO excited to bring you this month’s post from our LO Fam member, Megan! If you want to know more, check out our online community of sisters here!
Guys, God is good. I can’t say that enough. The last few years of my life have been a whirlwind of ups and downs and yet one thing has remained the same–Him. He has been faithful beyond words and has blown me away with the wonderful ways in which He works. To start this little blog post off I’ll introduce myself. I’m Megan, a twenty-something girl, who loves vegging on the couch watching a favorite show almost as much as getting out in the world and doing some good. A great book can keep me transfixed for hours and a good friend can keep me talking for more. There are days you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between me and a well behaved college student on summer break. At my all-time worst, there would barely be any of me left to see. The thing is I have OCD. The kind of OCD that destroys lives. The kind of OCD that nearly destroyed mine.
Not long before my twentieth birthday I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t function. I spent each day either standing in a room, silently waiting for the time to pass or laying at the end of the bed staring at the ceiling or in a flood of tears totally in crisis mode. Every waking moment I was trying to control my thoughts. Even when that meant not eating, barely sleeping, and certainly not living. This whole downward spiral started around the beginning of 2016. Nearly the same time the following year, I was admitted to a residential treatment facility. Several people told me that I had the most severe case of OCD they had ever seen. One even said I might never have a functioning life again. It was tough. Every step, each day, was a major hurdle. I tell you these things only to show the greatness of our God because if anyone was going to recover, it didn’t look like it was going to be me.
My life was difficult for many reasons, but one heartbreaking reason was OCD affected my ability to be engaged in my faith. I couldn’t pray without ending up in ridiculous rituals and buckets of anxiety. I couldn’t read scripture, and I couldn’t go to church. One form of OCD that I struggle with is called “scrupulosity” which The Peace of Mind Foundation defines as, “the religious form of OCD in which individuals are plagued with obsessions surrounding religion/spirituality and morals. This may include obsessions about sin, offending God, religious or moral failings, and punishment. They are burdened with worry about whether something is ‘the right thing to do’ even in trivial matters, and often perform compulsions including repetitive prayer, confessions, and avoidance.”
As you might be able to tell by all the things I “couldn’t” do, my main behavior in this area was avoidance. I thought if I didn’t engage I couldn’t do anything wrong. Distance from my faith was not what I wanted, but I thought it was necessary to keep the panic and unrelenting anxiety away. I was incorrect on that one. The more I avoided everything, the greater my fears became and the farther I had to run. Although it didn’t really matter that I was running because God was always right there with me, step for step. It can be challenging, when we are in the middle of something, to not wonder where God is in all of it, but let me tell you this, God sends help in the form of amazing people. He works through each one of us. If you’re willing to accept the help, He will meet you where you are. For me, His amazing grace came in the form of wonderful mental health professionals.
My first therapist at residential treatment was Lisa and she was a total gift from God. She is kind, compassionate, and insightful. She was all the things a great therapist is. At my first family session, Lisa quoted the Bible. This was surprising as I wasn’t in a Christian treatment center. I appreciated it more than she knew. I wish I remembered the verse, but regardless, it put my heart at ease. I knew I was in good hands.
During the next ten months, she reminded me of God’s grace and helped me move in a direction where I would again have a close relationship with Him. She sat with me while I poured out my worst fears and agreed with me when I told her there was no way this was all God had planned for me. She knew how much I’d love to attend church and so we even went on a little road trip to find me a good one. About a week later I went to church for the first time in a long time.
My favorite verse is one you probably know, “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13. This was the truth I spoke over myself for months–months in which I made more progress than I could have hoped for. With the help of Jesus I was getting my life back! It wasn’t easy and there was a whole long painful process, but in the end, He was faithful as always.
A few weeks before leaving I was thinking about what’s next. After tossing some ideas around, I decided to ask Lisa why she became a therapist. Lisa looked at me. She said she promised herself that if I asked she wouldn’t lie to me and told me that she herself had recovered from OCD. I truly believe God used that situation to speak some things into my heart. One was that we are never alone. Not only is He there, but He is often working to put people in our path to remind us of that truth. For a long time I struggled with the idea that maybe OCD is just an endless cycle of suffering, but through Lisa’s story, God taught me something invaluable. People do recover, they move on and live full wonderful lives. What a blessing! Lastly I knew I wanted to help others the way she helped me. At that time in my life I was continually seeing people not get the resources they needed. God put it on my heart to one day start a treatment facility with an emphasis on Christianity and the hope of Jesus. This lit a fire within me that has continued to motivate me to this day.
After leaving residential, I was scared. I didn’t know if I could possibly find a second therapist as good as the first, but God, in His goodness, did it again. I sat in a new office with my current therapist. I told her about my disorder and my treatment. She was able to talk to Lisa for a handoff. With no expectations whatsoever I told her that Lisa had lived with OCD and that her insight had really helped me. It turns out that she had OCD too. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t believe I ended up with two extraordinary therapists who have walked through this struggle by chance. I think that God placed these women in my life to assure me that, although what I went through was the most difficult process of my life, God would not waste it. Through every hopeless stroll I took that winter, trekking through the freezing snow, hoping the cold might make me feel alive again, He was preparing me for something greater. And every time I was paralyzed with the kind of fear that I will never forget, He was prepping me to show up with the kind of compassion and insight you can only get from experience. It is because of my suffering that God can use me to reach people and I will be beyond honored to share with them, not only the hope of recovery, but the hope of the Lord!
If there is anything you take away from my story I hope it is this: even in the darkest, most hopeless times of our lives, God is preparing us for something greater. He took something so destructive in my life and turned it into my purpose. How absolutely amazing is that! That’s the kind of God we serve! I went from being non-functioning and flooded with anxiety to where I am now–on my last year of undergraduate school, on the path towards grad school, becoming a licensed therapist, and chasing after the life God intended for me. No matter your situation, whether it be mental illness or not, you’re not walking through it alone. Trust me when I tell you, God’s got you!
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ -Isaiah 41:10
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by Sadie Robertson Huff | Jul 18, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice |
If you know me, then you know that I tend to overthink things. It is arguably the most annoying thing about me. That might sound funny to hear that about me, but it is just true! I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the dreaded sentence, “You are overthinking it,” said to me when I am sharing 1,238,292 case scenarios that I have thought of over a single situation.
So, I wanted to just go ahead and start a new blog series called, “Things in Life I Overthought.”
Things I really just wish I had cried less tears over or thought less thoughts about or stress less about or strived less for because hindsight is 20/20 and, as I really always knew— GOD HAD IT.
Part 1 – Who am I going to marry?
I majorly overthought this one. Honestly, my dialogue was a little off when it came to my perspective of whom I would marry. Speaking in movie terms, most people might envision who they are going to marry as a rom-com or a hallmark movie, but for me, it was more of a mystery. I was always trying to look into every clue, every motive, every sign, figure out the plot, look at every suspect and make deductions. It was a full-on suspense movie going on inside my head. If you could hear my inner dialogue it may sound like this –“Who could it be? Maybe it is him, because he asked me to go to coffee and I said I want a guy who likes coffee? Coincidence or sign? Could it be him, because he said ‘God bless you’ when I sneezed and I said I wanted a man who loves God? And he’s tall, dark and handsome? Gotta be him.” Then I would go back to the house, call one of my best friends and see what they thought of all of the clues.
Like for real girl – I gotta chill!
This mystery-solving mindset will pretty much give you what any other mystery movie would give you– drama and confusion. It may be fun to watch, but it is not fun to live. What I found is this: when it comes to meeting the person you are going to marry, is it is not like a mystery movie, and truthfully, it is not always like a rom-com or a hallmark movie either. Believe it or not, everyone –it is more like a true story. *Gasp, I know, shocking, huh? There is normally not a sound track for all the magical moments or step by step clues giving you some mystical insight – it is the story that the Creator has intentionally written for you and your future spouse.
The day before I met Christian I had basically surrendered to mystery-solving dating. I had waved the white flag and said, “I’m done!” I told all of my friends (it is even on a video) that I was not going to date anyone for six months. I had become so frustrated and discouraged with months of dating and trying to figure out if he was the “one” only to end it all in a break up. Yes, it’s ironic that I met Christian the very next day! The day after my surrender!
We started to get to know one another, but this is the thing – we started to get to know each other. That’s it. I was not trying to find the clues, figure out the motive, search for the things that would give him points, or size him up to see if he fit the description I had in mind. Basically, I did not “overthink” it, because I was not thinking about it.
Christian is a super affirming person, and anytime I start a sentence with “do you think…” he always starts his answer with, “I don’t think – I know.” The funny thing is, when Christian and I started “talking,” I honestly did not think about anything – we just naturally started getting to know each other. He never even asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and still hasn’t, haha! (But he did ask me to marry him, heyo!) I just knew that I was his and that I was the only one he was pursuing. He left no room for me to ever question that – it was just known. There was never a thought about us breaking up. I just knew I did not want to spend a day of my life without him. And he felt the same.
Our futures started to make sense together. Our individual stories began to form an even better story when combined. There was not much to think about. It was always clear where both of our hearts were and where we both wanted to go. It was evident that God could use us to help one another achieve our purpose. I did not have to overthink things. Our actions and words to each other allowed us to rest in the natural progression of a relationship. It was beautiful and freeing to not have to second guess every move either of us made.
In real life, it’s never fun to know a surprise before it happens. If you do know the surprise, it’s a fact that you will not react the same way you would if you truly were surprised. Once you know about the surprise, it’s not a surprise. You tend to overthink the way you are going to act when the surprise (that is now not a surprise) happens, when you see the people, when you hear the words “SURPRISE” called out. Your response will not be as natural—no matter how hard you try. It will not be the same. I think this is God’s plan for us as He chooses our spouses. God wants to surprise you with what He has planned and prepared for you. And, if you ask for His help and His guidance, He will give it to you.
So, don’t try to figure it out before it happens. Know that God is working with two beautiful hearts and is preparing each one for the other person. It takes time to get some really important details together. For me, I will tell you this, I am so surprised it is Christian. And we are continuously surprised by the details that God puts into our story. Wait for your real life story – it will surprise you in the best way!
XO,
Sadie
