by Morgan Krueger | Oct 4, 2019 | Life Advice, Testimonies |
“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance” Psalm 16:5-6
“You’re such a hypocrite, Morgan. All the things that you said you stood for, you have thrown out the window. How could you do that? Hurt your friends, give yourself away, be so selfish? Good luck trying to have God, someone else, or even yourself love you after all that you’ve done.”
This was something that was actually spoken to me by a “close friend” roughly ten years ago. Can you believe someone actually said that to me? Even as I type it out, it truly is appalling. She is the kind of person that, deep down, I know doesn’t have my best interest at heart, is more interested in manipulating me then actually knowing me, and who doesn’t believe in grace or the power of redemption.
From the start, I really never trusted this person, but the sharpness of those words actually stuck with me. Not just stuck with me, they marked me. Broke me. Changed me.
As much as I wish I could say that was the only time this happened, it wasn’t. You know those people that seem to follow you everywhere? It’s like come onnnn, of all people, really, THIS friend?? This girl has to go to the same college as me and continue to say hurtful things to me? This person HAS to take note of every new place I was going, every effort I made to escape my past, and follow me there?
I’m sure you’re thinking, “How can ONE person have such a grip over your life? After all, it’s only one opinion.”
The reality is, having someone in your life that is a loud competing voice even amidst the dozens of friends that tried to convince me that the mistakes I’d made, the sin I carried, the choices I had made apart from Jesus didn’t define me anymore, eventually ‘the one’ had the final say.
Over the past ten years, this destructive friend who spoke these lies over me eventually caused such a massive buildup of shame.
To understand WHY this happened (trust me, this is just as much for me as it is you), let’s go wayyyy back to the garden in Genesis 3.
“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” Genesis 3:6-7 (ESV)
Friend, do not mistake this act of hiding as a fashion statement. The symbolism seen through the context of shame brings actual tears to my eyes and a pit in my stomach.
Up until this point in all of creation (we’re only two chapters into the beginning of time, but still, you get the point), there had been no separation from God. That means ZERO HIDING, ZERO COVERING UP, ZERO SHAME.
This act of hiding and covering themselves was an entirely new thing. This is so foreign to us today because clothes are a fundamental part of our everyday lives (I hope), but in the garden of Eden, it just wasn’t. It wasn’t, because they knew that they were created in the Image of God and it was a beautiful thing for the Creator to behold its perfect creation. No one told Adam and Eve to do what they did. It was pure instinct to cover their bodies directly following this act of disobedience.
I want you to hear this loud and clear: If love is the first most powerful force on earth, shame is the second.
Shame lies. Shame comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Shame tells us to take hold of another cup than the cup of our double portion. Shame tells us that our inheritance isn’t as beautiful as promised by our heavenly Father and that we should take matters into our own hands. Shame covers up and scatters our lives into a million little pieces.
And that is what it has done for me. I let the shame of my past steal so much from me. On certain days it feels too strong to bear. Shame brings back memories that I would do anything to forget.
But in the midst of my endless fights with that voice, I know there is something else that covers. Just as one person can have such a grip of lies on me, there is One that has a stronger grip of freedom laid out for me.
God knew what the fig leaves meant. The day that sin entered the story is the same day that God started His eternal pursuit to win us back to Him.
“And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.” (v. 3:21)
Did you catch that? God made garments of skin and clothed them. This implies that He sacrificed and slaughtered an animal for his children in order to give them a better covering.
If this isn’t foreshadowing, I don’t know what is. Since the beginning of time, God was setting up the narrative for Jesus, the perfect sacrifice, to come, die, and trade our pitiful fig leaves for an eternal covering. This is where freedom is found.
Shame scatters, Jesus gathers.
If what you’ve read today resonates with you, please know you’re not alone in this moment. The truth is, I still have that friend in my life that occasionally makes cutting remarks to resurface my past, making me feel so hidden in fig leaves that I can’t tell where the shame ends and I begin.
Even last night, I went to a class taught by one of my mentors. She was laying out the concept of time and God’s plan for the fullness of it. I came alone, sat down in my chair, looked up, and you won’t believe it…THE FRIEND WAS THERE. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.
I felt so anxious the whole time knowing she was in the room and fought back tears at the thought that she would call me out.
At the end, my mentor asked everyone to write out this question: “God, how do you see me?”
Check out my answer…
No, you’re not seeing it wrong, I didn’t write anything.
The minute I wrote that question on my paper, I felt it so clearly that the word God was giving me was “proud.”
This word TERRIFIED me. Proud? There’s no way, and I had a person in the room that would agree with me. So, I sat there, fighting back tears, looking for the closest exit and some fig leaves laying around, just in case.
I actually left the night writing nothing in that space and I still haven’t.
Amidst all the fighting voices, I sit here (with tears in my eyes and hope in my heart) choosing the better portion and good cup. With that, I want to make two confessions.
First, the friend who has followed me everywhere is me. But it’s actually not me, it’s shame. It’s rooted in lies. Yes, it’s been around for so long it almost feels like a part of me, but it’s not who I am. I am choosing to not allow that voice in my life anymore. I know I will have days when I doubt, but right now, I am walking away. I will not let shame have the final word. It’s been too long, and I’m done.
Lastly, how does God see me? HE’S PROUD. Because of what Jesus has done, I have been redeemed, made new, and been forgiven. I’ve taken on my true identity; a daughter who makes her Father proud.
This truly is the beautiful inheritance–trading fig leaves for freedom.
“Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore, in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.” Isaiah 61:7 (ESV)
Morgan Krueger is part of Team LO and loves any opportunity to hear someones heart (or their enneagram number). In her free time she loves drinking coffee with friends, watching British baking shows, and dreaming big with her husband Ryan and puppy June in Franklin, TN.
by Morgan Krueger | Jul 31, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice |
I lived in hiding for many years. In college, I became so hidden from others that I couldn’t even find myself. Does that make sense? So, like others have done, I went looking for myself. And I’m sure you’re reading this and think that my searching would lead to me finding me. But one detail that I should mention is that I looked in all the wrong places.
I looked in the wrong people’s beds, in the acceptance of my friends who weren’t going to point me to truth, and to endless scrolling on social media. I was hopelessly trying to convince myself that the key to finding myself would dwell there. But it didn’t. I was still in hiding from those around me and to myself.
And here’s the problem- if you stay hidden, you can’t experience the true beauty of living in awesome, real, and life changing community. Community always comes at cost.
It wasn’t until I went on a summer mission trip my junior year in college that I got to experience what it means to live in a true community.
In a land far, far away where they eat hot noodles for breakfast and babies wear split pants (I would say google it, but it’s too risky), I embarked on a seven-week mission trip with twenty of my closest strangers to China. I didn’t know a soul and they definitely didn’t know me (After all, if they really knew me, would they realize that I didn’t even belong on this mission trip? Would they actually realize that I was more of a mission field than the Chinese students we were there to share Jesus with?). For better or worse, we dedicated those weeks to spending every moment together.
I wasn’t too worried. After all, I was a skilled imposter and knew how to put up invisible walls that would keep people from really knowing me. They knew my name was Morgan, that I loved Jimmy Kimmel (way more of a Fallon fan now), and that I had an interest in knowing Jesus.
And if I’m being honest, I preferred not being known. It’s easier, way more comfortable, and it’s the only form of community I had ever known.
Then something happened, or should I say, someone happened.
Rachel, a girl on my trip, was funny, confident, and bold in her faith. She didn’t take herself too seriously, but girlfriend knew what she liked and how she liked it. She also knew she loved Jesus and wasn’t afraid to live like it.
There was a moment on that trip that forever changed my perception of what it meant to know someone and be known.
One afternoon, Rachel and I were drinking our zhen zhu nai cha (bubble milk tea) and walking to hangout with some new Chinese friends. She shifted the conversation to ask how the first week was going and how could she pray for me.
It sounds elementary, but the way she approached me and the genuineness I heard in her voice was something new to me. Having grown up in the church, I briefly remembered it from my childhood, but hadn’t experienced it my adult life. (If you want to call twenty an adult. Hey, it was the oldest I had ever been.)
It just so happened I was having a hard time with being in a foreign country, all the while trying to maintain a persona that wasn’t me out of fear of being known. So, in that moment I made a choice to open up. I shared with her that she could pray for my anxious heart and my faith to believe that God could use me to bring others to him.
With an attentive ear, she listened, seemed to really care, and opened up about what she was going through as well. Ending with a bond over our love of chocolate, we arrived at our destination with a new found friendship.
I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Something that seemed so small on the outside was a big deal to me. She made me feel loved and known.
That night, we all arrived back at our dorms and I was exhausted, to say the least. It was a hot summer and we were constantly translating the bible into what seemed like an impossible language. My brain was as exhausted as much as my body was!
As I walked in my room, I noticed something on my bed. It was a letter from Rachel written on a card clearly bought at a Chinese convenient store. I opened it and there was a prayer she had written over what I had shared with her earlier. At the end of the letter was more encouragement and a P.S. that said, “Check under your pillow”. Under my pillow was my favorite kind of chocolate. I just sobbed. I mean, RACH! What a saint.
Not only did we share our love of Chinese food and chocolate, we shared our hearts that day. Rachel let me know that she had really listened to me and cared about me.
Why do I tell you all this? Because the way we love people and the willingness in our hearts to invest in others will take us farther than we ever thought possible. It will allow us to ride the wave of first time acquaintances into an authentic relationship. Friends, I don’t have to know you to know you long for this. I know this because this is God’s plan for you:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
Since that trip, Rachel has been one of many that God has placed in my life to love me, challenge me, and just plain bless me with their presence. Lord willing, I have been that person for people along the way, too. You see, Rachel didn’t just teach me about friendship, she showed me that God always sees me and loves me (as I am), and that walking in a close relationship with him brings light to darkness, which ALWAYS brings freedom. Relationships on earth reflect the Father’s heart.
Based on all the lessons I’ve learned and missteps I’ve taken, here is, in my opinion, the truest form of how to walk in genuine, true, life-giving community.
1. Be vulnerable:
This is maybe the costliest part of living in true friendship. In Genesis 3, we learn from Adam and Eve that hiding is a direct result of sin. The bible tells us that sin separates us from God. Although we have different wardrobes today, some of us put on metaphorical garments of leaves in an effort to hide and stay unknown daily. But that isn’t the way it is supposed to be. God loves you too much to let you stay in a hiding place. When we open up and share our lives with others, we are reminded that we’re never too far away from God’s true plan for our lives. When Rachel asked how I was doing, I had a choice. I could take the easy route and tell her that “I’m actually doing really well!” or I could, with tears in my eyes, let her in. It was just one moment, but I hope you can see how important it was. By doing that she brought Jesus to me. When I couldn’t bring myself before Him, she could and did. Is there something you need to open up about today? Take that step of vulnerability, He will use it mighty ways.
2. Embrace conflict:
As it turns out, Rachel and I continued to be good friends. After college, we went on to live together in China for an entire year. She continued to be the biggest blessing to me! We learned a lesson of embracing conflict along the way too. Being a nine on the enneagram, my biggest need in life is peace, specifically, with those around me. There were moments when Rachel and I were not living in peace, mainly because of my pride. I wanted to be important and valuable to the team and, because of that need, I felt threatened by Rachel’s natural leadership ability. Unfortunately, this brought out some of my insecurities and there was a season where we felt distant from each other. Rachel came to me one day and (in vulnerability) let me know that she felt like she had struggled with some pride in our relationship. Seriously? Me too! Both of us had soft hearts toward each other, but we struggled with communicating it. Once it was out in the open, we could deal with it. The trials of conflict, if handled in love, will always strengthen a relationship. Don’t shy away from them, friends. But, be wise and gentle in your speech as you address the problems.
3. Don’t make it about you:
If vulnerability is the costliest part of community, not making it about you might be hardest to implement. I don’t know about you, but I can be so selfish. Even when I do something good that I know God has called me to do or say, I have this little voice in the back of my mind saying, “That made you look really good, keep it up.” The imposter is at it again, just in a different form. Striving and self-centeredness belong nowhere near authentic living. Helen Keller says, “There is joy in self-forgetfulness. So, I try to make the light in others’ eyes my sun, the music in others’ ears my symphony, the smile on others’ lips my happiness.”
I’d like to pray this over you: “God, thank you for authentic community. Thank you that it is your good design, however costly in the moment it may seem. I pray for my friends out there that may have lived in hiding for years. I pray against the imposter in their hearts whispering, ‘If they only knew….’ God, would you break chains and produce more relationships that lead in vulnerability, healthy conflict, and self-forgetfulness? Thank you that you are for us always being known in community. We love you. Amen”
I want you to know Rachel and I are still close to this day. She stood by me in my wedding, and although we live far apart now, she still sends me letters reminding me that I am loved.
I pray you find your Rachel, and through those around you, see your Jesus.
If you read this and are looking for a place to start, consider joining our online community of sisterhood, LO Fam. Workshops, bible studies, and exclusive content created just for you. Join today!
by Morgan Krueger | Apr 22, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice |
This Easter season has been packed with an abundance of spiritual truths from pastors, friends, and from countless individuals on social media using their platform for powerful one-liners regarding the significance of the cross.
However, for me, the most profound truth I have received this Easter came from a spunky 3-year-old name Ryder.
Ryder is a curious little guy who will ask a million questions while trail blazing through the room, not always stopping long enough to hear the answer.
Well, this year, Ryder got a pack of the always popular, loved by all children, Resurrection Eggs.
This 12-piece set of eggs are meant to connect children to the story of Jesus, the true meaning of Easter. The eggs include a miniature cross in one, a piece of fabric in another, and on and on it goes leading children all the way through the Easter story. The last egg, however, is an empty one, displaying the beauty of the empty tomb from 2,000 years ago.
As his parents read him the Easter story, Ryder couldn’t wait to open each and every egg with all the fun toys inside. At the end of the story, Ryder was confused to find nothing in the last egg. This led to his parents sharing with him (in three-year-old talk) that Jesus wasn’t there because HE WAS RISEN.
Let’s be honest, understanding resurrection is a crazy concept for most of us to wrap our minds around, much less for a tiny tot to understand. They did the best they could to put this miracle in simple terms and let him continue to play and enjoy all the items held in the other 11 eggs.
Fast forward a couple days, Ryder was having a ball at one of his friends Easter egg hunts. In Ryder’s mind, these eggs were the best eggs of all because they had not only something inside, but some you can EAT!
As Ryder ran around the field to collect the eggs and the yummy chocolate inside, he picked up an egg that one of the parents had overlooked and forgot to fill, leaving it empty.
In the middle of the hunt, in the presence of at least 30 other children and roughly 50 parents, Ryder lifts the egg up in the air (straight lion king style) and yells out, “Mommy, JESUS IS GONE!”
As all the parents laughed, his mom, Page, couldn’t help but smile knowing the previous conversation that had taken place concerning the Resurrection eggs.
The truth is, Ryder at the ripe age of three probably doesn’t comprehend the reality of what he was saying. Non the less, Ryder’s proclamation is one that we should all lend an ear toward during this season.
Because the truth is, Jesus IS gone. Not only is he missing from that tiny egg, he is also gone from the tomb.
And if Jesus is actually gone, it is for a purpose and for a mission that concerns us all.
So where did he go? He came directly to YOU, friend.
“Now after the Sabbath, toward the dawn of the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow. And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men. But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you.” So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples. And behold, Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came up and took hold of his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me.” Matthew 28:1-10 (ESV)
And guess where Jesus went after showing up to these women? He went straight to Galilee, just like he said he would.
The direct result of the resurrection means you and I get to experience the living Jesus, just like those women and the disciples 2,000 years ago.
And when Jesus shows up, what does he want to say to you?
He says that he conquered sin and death for you.
He says that he will right every one of your wrongs.
He shows you his love for you by his nail scarred hands.
He tells you that his power will go with you wherever you go.
He says that he can be the one to finally give you rest for your soul.
Finally, he says that you do not have to fear, for ALL authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Him for you.
Let Jesus swap out all your fears with His freedom. If Jesus conquered the grave, there’s nothing he can’t conquer in your life.
That’s what I like to call a LIVING HOPE.
Hope for Ryder, hope for me, and hope for you.
The truth is, besides Easter, TODAY is actually one of the most significant days of the year.
Today is the first full day that we get to take our Savior with us everywhere we go. Trusting in him, knowing that he was who he says he was.
Will you stake your life on the resurrected Jesus today and let him show up for you?
You may be asking yourself, “What is that first step?”
Look at the cross, friend! All the work has already been done! Now it’s just time to surrender and let Him love you.
So take your first step today and just praise His name for this breathtaking act of love toward us. God loves to hear your voice.
Here’s a song to get started 🙂
Living Hope
by Morgan Krueger | Feb 27, 2019 | Featured, Life Advice, Relationships |
Have you ever noticed an object that shines? And I mean, really shines? I’m not talking about your friend that got a really solid spray tan in the winter from a Groupon she stumbled upon. I’m talking about a radiant, cannot be hidden or mistaken for anything but God’s goodness kind of shine.
Around this time last year, my boyfriend (now husband) asked me to join him in a lifetime of adventure, unknowns, and a God-given covenant. Saying yes was the easiest choice I ever made. I remember the moment he slipped the ring on my finger. It was the most beautiful symbol of love I had ever seen. That ring represented and still does today a commitment to sacrificially serve, seek to understand, and believe the best in each other as long as we both shall live. It didn’t hurt that it was pretty easy on the eyes, too.
It was a rainy New Year’s Eve day in Texas, but my ring didn’t fail to bring an unexplained brightness to our night as we celebrated our future together with our families. We welcomed all that the New Year and our new life together had in store for us.
As adulting would have it, the memorable weekend ended and Monday was calling my name. I returned to my job, took a seat at my desk, and attempted to wrap my head around all that had happened and the changes that were coming for me this year. I was “afraid yet filled with joy” as described in Matthew 28. I decided to take a quick walk before the demands of the day crowded my mind.
It was still early in the morning, but as the sun was rising, I knew it was going to be a beautiful day. I was soaking in this quiet moment when something amazing happened. I looked down at my ring and it just about took my breath away. The light from the sun was hitting my ring and the brilliant shine that appeared was one I hadn’t seen over the weekend. Not only did it have a new glow, the reflection of the ring shone in what seemed like endless directions. The morning sky seemed to reveal a deeper dimension, one that was there all along, but I hadn’t seen it.
I later discovered that there are three factors that work in unison to give diamonds their trademark shine: reflection, refraction, and dispersion.
Reflection is the process of light hitting the diamond surface and immediately bouncing back. Then the light goes deeper into the diamond, reaching into the corners and ridges and filling those spaces with illumination. This is the refraction phase. Once refraction is completed, the light reaches beyond the diamonds interior and meets our eyes with a shine and that is called the dispersion. The shine created is radiant and multidimensional to the human eye and creates an internal awe that captivates the human heart.
Friends, let us look to this process and consider what it means for us in light of the gospel.
First, the light of Christ will affect us. In John 8:12 (NIV) Jesus says, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” This is a promise from Jesus that says whoever will let His light in will not be the same. Just like the reflection in a diamond, the light that He offers doesn’t have to be earned, but will be freely and immediately given to whoever is willing to walk into His presence.
Next, the light of Christ goes deeper. The complete understanding and depth of who Jesus is will be a lifelong journey for me, but one thing I can tell you is Jesus is not interested in a one-time interaction. You are far more precious to Him than a quick, “Hello, nice to meet ya.” No, He is interested in YOU. You on your good days, your bad days, with your past hurts, your habits, your quirks and your fears. Jesus, by essence, is the Great Pursuer and He will never stop being just that toward you. God called Jesus to go after the one, and as hard as it is to believe this, you, my friend, are the one.
As Jesus’ light hits us, it will go into the cracks, corners, and hidden places of our life. Just as a refraction in a diamond causes light to not discriminate the dark places, Jesus will not discriminate the dark places either. He doesn’t have a threshold of how dark is too dark. In fact, He welcomes those places all the more. He is eagerly waiting for the opportunity to debunk this very lie in your heart. That lie that says because of what you’ve done in the dark, He will withhold his love and be unwilling to qualify you by His light. He will reach deeper until His light reaches every dark place.
Lastly, the light of Christ will always create a shine in you. As you can see, there is a process to achieving a great shine. Psalm 34:5 (NIV) reveals, “Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Jesus bids our hearts to come and look. Taste and see. Step out and experience. This daily relationship based on love and trust is what produces in and through us a shine that disperses His light from the inside out, just like in the last phase of a diamond’s shine. This shine acts as a declaration to the world that we have been given a newness of purpose and identity.
A life postured correctly in the light of Christ will be illuminated and bring to the surface what was always there.
You have always been seen.
You have always been loved.
You have always been lovely.
You have always been pursued.
Sometimes this is hard to believe because of things that have happened in our lives. Perhaps you’ve hidden sin and shame from God and others for a long time. You might think the decisions you’ve made have created a dull or damaged spirit disqualifying you from this radiant life. If that’s the case, God, and diamonds, have something to say about that.
Remember this about every shiny diamond you have ever “oohed” and “awed” over: even the shiniest diamonds are a collection of light and dark places. While this may seem like it would lessen the quality of the diamond’s beauty, it is actually the thing that illuminates the shine.
William Goldberg, a diamond expert, put it this way: “It’s like a candle; the flame always appears brighter in a dark room than it does in a lighted room. It all comes down to contrast; a diamond without contrast might still shine just as much, but the shine would be significantly less impressive.”
In 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV), Paul lets us in on a word that Jesus gave to Him on this matter: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me.”
The transformative work of Jesus is the recipe for a radiant shine. No more, no less. He wants to redeem the darkest places in your life and, over time, those will be the areas that will give Him the most glory. God gave us the image of Himself through Christ that we might believe, be restored in relationship with Him, and be healed.
The irony of a diamond’s shine is that, scientifically, it’s classified as a reflection rather than that of a shine. What beautiful, freeing news this is! Our shine is actually a reflection of His pursuit of us.
Find peace and rest in this, friends. Behavior modification is not needed for life change.
A.W. Tozer said it best; “When we lift our inward eyes to gaze upon God we are sure to meet friendly eyes gazing back at us, for it is written that the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout all the earth. The sweet language of experience is ‘Thou God seest me.’ When the eyes of the soul looking out meet the eyes of Good looking in, heaven has begun right here on this earth.”
Reflect. Refract. Disperse. Repeat.
Morgan Krueger is the newest member of the LO Team and loves any opportunity to hear someones heart (or their enneagram number). In her free time she loves drinking coffee with friends, watching british baking shows, and dreaming big with her husband in Franklin, TN.
Follow Morgan on Instagram @morganwkrueger
