by Morgan Krueger | Jul 8, 2021 | Life Advice, Sisterhood
For the friend that feels divided in a million different ways, this post is for you. For the weary soul that feels like you’ve lost your passion for the things that once gave you life, this is for you. For those white knuckling your way through your days thinking it will just get better if you get through your to-do lists, this is for you.
Let’s talk about what it means to be whole.
This is a topic that is so close to my heart because anything I share today is such a personal part of my story. Things God is teaching me. Things God is ironing out in my life right now. And I want to invite you today to join me in a deep hunger to live a wholehearted life for God.
I want you to close your eyes. Clear your mind. Think back to a time, maybe it was yesterday, last week, five years ago, when you were five, but think about a time you truly felt alive. A time you felt wholehearted. Don’t overcomplicate it. Think about where you were. Think about who you were with. What were you doing? What were you thinking about? What were you NOT thinking about? What were you not worried or anxious about that you might be struggling with now? How present were you?
Now open your eyes.
Friend, whatever that moment was for you, I want you to realize the holiness of that moment. I want you to see that the state you were in, that’s God heart for you. Not the anxiousness and half-heartedness you might find yourself in. It doesn’t mean all our moments will be like that one, but the beauty of a life lived with Jesus is that there is a peace that surpasses our circumstances. A wholeness of heart that can transcend our broken situations.
I think for too long we have been letting our circumstances determine the way we live wholeheartedly. This IS not God’s heart for us.
If we want to be wholehearted, we have to know and have a true understanding and love for the Father’s heart.
When we know the Father’s heart for us, everything changes.
Most of you know King David. He was the appointed King of Israel from the tribe of Judah. He was an unassuming shepherd who God chose to use in mighty ways. In humility toward God, he accomplished great things in his life, check it out:
- A humble leader – and from him we get the phrase “man looks at the outward appearance, God looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
- A fierce warrior, to the point he had songs sung about him in battle.
- He killed Goliath – enough said.
- He escaped death countless times and then extending mercy to those who tried to kill him.
- He is the writer of most of the Psalms (think NYT best-selling author and top Christian Album on Apple… no big deal.)
And don’t get me wrong, David also had a past. He was a murderer and an adulterer, but still God saw David as a “man after his own heart.” If anything, this points to the goodness of the unconditional love of a Father.
And the Lord makes a covenant with David that he IS the rightful king of Israel, and that his throne will be established forever.
David had many children but one of his children was Solomon.
And one of the greatest tasks of David’s life was to prepare for a temple to be made for the Lord’s presence. He was old in age, so God charged Solomon to build it.
David knew as a Father that he had to prepare everything for Solomon to be able to pull this thing off:
“David said, “My son Solomon is young and inexperienced, and the house to be built for the Lord should be of great magnificence and fame and splendor in the sight of all the nations. Therefore, I will make preparations for it.” So David made extensive preparations before his death.” (1 Chronicles 22:5)
He prepared every stone, gold, silver, bronze, iron, all workers, all positions, musicians, gatekeepers (security), treasurers, military, and every single other thing he would need.
Maybe you need to hear that today, that your Heavenly Father prepares for you exactly what you’ll need to accomplish what He has called you to.
David did it ALL.
And at the very end of his life, he gives a monumental speech and prayer to the people of Israel and to his son.
If you’ve ever seen someone at the end of their life, you know that they use their words wisely. We should all pay attention to this charge.
He prays this prayer for his son and God’s people:
“O Lord our God, all this abundance that we have provided for building you a house for your holy name comes from your hand and is all your own. I know, my God, that you test the heart and have pleasure in uprightness. In the uprightness of my heart I have freely offered all these things, and now I have seen your people, who are present here, offering freely and joyously to you. O Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, our fathers, keep forever such purposes and thoughts in the hearts of your people, and direct their hearts toward you. Grant to Solomon my son a whole heart that he may keep your commandments, your testimonies, and your statutes, performing all, and that he may build the palace for which I have made provision.” 1 Chronicles 29:16-19
What a beautiful prayer. Solomon doesn’t pray that God would make his son rich, established, or “successful”, but wholly sincere and dedicated to God. That’s the good news – that we have a God that just asks us to be whole. Not perfect, but whole. See there’s a difference.
Perfection is about achievement.
Wholeness is about giving what you have.
Perfection is all about the end result.
Wholeness is about the journey.
Perfection is about pride.
Wholeness is about humility.
David didn’t need his son to be perfect, He just needed him to give all that he had knowing that God would sustain him. Knowing that the good work he had begun in him, HE would bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6).
Hopefully right about now if you appreciate a good story, you’re asking the question, well… did he? Did Solomon remain wholehearted?
Here’s the bad news…. no, he did not. He did for a while, but he didn’t stay dedicated to the one hope that God had for him. And it’s interesting because there are three main factors that drew him away from wholeheartedness that I believe God wants us to be aware of as a warning so that we might resist the schemes of the enemy.
Let me break this down.
1. He loved the things of the world more than the things of God.
Solomon does what was commanded of him, he built the temple, he asked for wisdom, and things seemed to be going well. The people were happy. And then there’s a shift.
Because God blessed Solomon’s reign, the riches and honor came flooding in and with that, Solomon shifted from worshipping God to allowing others, and eventually himself, to become to object of his worship.
He loved that people came to him for wisdom, the wisdom given to him by God. (1 Kings 10:24)
He loved the gifts more than the Giver and kept them for himself. (1 Kings 10:25)
He loved receiving glory and status more than giving all the glory to God. (1 Kings 10:18-21)
2. He let the wrong voices be the loudest voices.
Over time, Solomon acquired many wives of foreign women who worshipped other gods. These voices, the closest voices to him, because the loudest voices in his life. (1 Kings 11:1-4)
Before you think this isn’t relatable, don’t underestimate the power of even one relationship having a huge impact on your wholeheartedness. Some of you might not even have one wife or husband, but you follow more than 100 people on Instagram, right? Each of those voices you’re letting speak things and ideas into your life without even knowing it.
The voices we let into our life will either lead or mislead us into intimacy with our Heavenly Father.
3. He filled the wrong temple.
Solomon thought he was wholeheartedly serving the Lord by building the temple as he asked. And he did to an extent. But why do you think that God wanted the temple in the first place? So He could be with us. So He could fill us with His love and presence.
The temple was God’s way to be with us. To dwell among us… and Solomon missed it. He was so caught up in doing, achieving, completing, that he left vacant the main thing God wanted to fill, which was himself. Friend, God wants us. Anything He asks us to do will only be a means to an end to bring us to him.
David asked Solomon to be whole – to have an “undivided” heart to build the temple. But really it was never fully about the building, God wanted to fill a different empty space.
And maybe today as you read this, there are idols, or some spaces, or some voices that need redemption today. If so, God is near, and loves doing the impossible.
So Solomons life ends with bondage to idolatry and a love for the world over God. (1 Kings 11:6)
I know this feels discouraging because we love a happy ending.
But praise be to God, there is one.
Solomon wasn’t the golden child of David, but God the Father was faithful.
So much so that when Jesus puts on flesh to enter the cosmos, he is called the “son of David” (Matthew 12:23).
See, Jesus was wholeheartedly devoted to the things of God. Jesus lived a perfect life. Even when met with temptation of worldly status, he rejected it by becoming a humble servant.
When the wrong voices tried to speak into his life, he retreated to let God be the loudest voice.
When everyone around him was trying to earn salvation by works, he purchased that salvation through pouring out his blood for us.
In Solomon we see failure, in Jesus we see fulfillment. Through Jesus, now we are the temple that God wants to fill. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
This IS the Father’s love on display.
SO HOW DO WE LIVE A WHOLEHEARTED LIFE?
You see, the first thing said about Solomon was that he was loved from the start. (2 Samuel 12:24)
So today, know that you’re loved. Know that God wants to be the ultimate Provider for you. If He sent us Jesus, won’t he give us everything little thing that we’ll need? Just like Solomon, won’t God our Father provide? (Matthew 6:27-31)
Through Jesus, God has made a way for us to be a recipient of wholehearted love.
What a kind, loving Father we have.
If you want this today, or if you want to go deeper into a life of wholeheartedness, I would encourage you to repent, which means “to turn” away from the things leaving you less than whole.
The good news is that it’s through the Father’s kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4).
It’s his kindness, it’s his LOVE that gives us a whole heart. What a whole hope we have today through the loving Father and the perfect son.
Morgan Krueger is part of Team LO and loves any opportunity to hear someones heart. In her free time she loves drinking coffee with friends, watching British baking shows, and leading their local church’s young adult ministry in West Monroe, LA with her husband, Ryan.
by Morgan Krueger | Nov 24, 2020 | Life Advice |
6:00am alarm sounds.
Grab phone.
Face ID.
Alarm off.
Home button.
Click.
Scroll.
Scroll.
Click.
Swipe.
Swipe.
Like.
Scroll.
Like.
Refresh.
Swipe.
Swipe.
Scroll.
Toss.
Roll out of bed.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
2020. Thanksgiving. For a lot of us, putting those two words together feels like a bit of an oxymoron right about now. Thankfulness is the last thing we feel. And for so many of us, the feeling and reality of loss is a very real thing this year.
Millions of people lost their jobs in 2020.
Millions of lost loved ones.
Millions more sick.
And even if you aren’t in this category above, in some way or another, this year’s residual effects and massive life changes have impacted you emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
So, we can all agree it’s been hard, it’s been beyond challenging, and it almost feels like more than we can bear.
But…. what are we going to do with it?
So many of us start our days with the routine laid out above. We wake up. We grab our phones. We scroll. We search to be numbed. We search for an escape. We search for meaning. We just want a little peace. But we’ll never find peace if we’re not willing to fight for gratitude where it’s meant to be found. As long as we turn to temporary pleasure, we’ll be stolen from, actually straight up robbed of our souls in 2020.
Because truth is, we’re not getting out of 2020 unscathed. In fact, 2021 holds no promise of the “end” of what’s been challenging this year. I love you enough to tell you, 2020 will leave a scar. 2020 will wound us. So, knowing that we won’t escape the troubles and tribulations of the broken world we’re living in, what will you do with it? Will you let it be a holy scar? One that points to the glory of God? One that cries out, “This was painful, this was scary, this was one of the hardest things I’ve faced, yet God took it and used it for good. Let me tell you about my God through this scar.” Or will you let it be pain for the sake of pain without any ounce of purpose?
See, God never intends for our pain to be purposeless.
But in the wrestle, you might get bruised, you might end up with a limp, but you get God.
The apostle Paul put it like this: “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:8
Paul’s list of “wants” doesn’t look like ours today. Ours often look like this:
To ace our test.
To get the promotion.
To have our family perfectly healthy and safe.
To keep our jobs.
To have a comfortable home.
There is nothing inherently wrong with this list, but let’s compare it to Paul’s:
To know Christ.
Like Paul, if we truly desire God’s presence, we would give thanks in all circumstances.
Because God’s presence supersedes circumstances.
Have you ever thought about your biggest breakthroughs with God? Haven’t they in some form or fashion been connected to trials? To the lowest of lows? That’s not a coincidence. This is more because of us than God but it turns out we realize we need God a WHOLE LOT MORE when everything is stripped from us. And God never wants to be picked last, but in his mercy, He’ll take it. He’ll use it. And He’ll blow you away with His presence when you have nowhere else to turn.
And because God supersedes circumstances, gratitude supersedes circumstance.
God just wants us to want Him, friend. When we want Him, we give thanks for Him, not our good (or bad) circumstances. We actually give thanks for Him regardless of our circumstances.
What if our gratitude simply came from who God is and the fact that He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever? (Hebrews 13:8)
What if our gratitude was rooted in the fact that we can know God because his son Jesus came down to earth and put on sin for us, so that we could be made right with God? (2 Cor. 5:21)
What if?
He is God with us, our Immanuel. And because of Him, we can give thanks for the good, bad, hard, messy, and beautiful.
Friend, Jesus lives. Now that’s something to be thankful for. 2020 can take so much from us, but nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:38-39)
So, this year, when it would be so easy to throw in the towel, don’t let anything steal your heart of gratitude. But instead, throw off your anxieties, and with thanksgiving, simply tell him what you need, and receive the peace he gives through His presence and through His son Jesus.
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18
by Morgan Krueger | Sep 1, 2020 | Life Advice |
Isn’t it crazy how there are literally years of your life you can’t vividly remember and then there are some days that you’ll never forget? This was that day for me (YES that’s little Morgan!) Also shoutout to my mom for unapologetically rocking that fresh bowl cut and retro glasses.
This was the first day I ever heard the phrase “faith like a mustard seed.” This saying comes out of Matthew 17:20-21:
“He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
When this picture was taken, it was at the land that my small Christian school was praying to build on. That day, we all got in a circle, read the scripture out of Matthew, and all buried mustard seeds in the ground. I remember making my hole, shoving that little seed in there (I wasn’t the most graceful kid), and filling the hole the best I could with the surrounding dirt and rocks. I think a reason I remembered it so well was because it was such a foreign idea to me.. and sometimes still is. But, I believe God was showing me something that day that brought me all the way to writing this post.
What I didn’t know was that this little girl in the picture wasn’t just planting a mustard seed, but instead a biblical truth was planted in me and since that day, has grown and grown.. and grown.
Here are some facts about mustard seeds:
They’re either going to produce one of two things: Mustard Plants or nothing. You’re not going to get tomatoes from a mustard plant (sorry ketchup lovers).
The mustard family includes a variety of plant species, spread all over the world: white ones, black ones, brown ones, and other variations like Florida Broadleaf, Green Wave, Southern Giant Curled, Tendergreen, Red Giant, etc.
They don’t take a lot of “effort” to grow: just a little consistent water and sunlight each day.
Unlike other plants, almost every part of the mustard plant is usable.
They have incredible “bioenergy” just like humans! Meaning, even just one mustard seed measuring 1 millimeter in radius, generates a bioenergy field of 100-millimeter radius! What this bioenergy ultimately brings is healing. Healing to itself and everything surrounding it.
I could easily take all of this info and say “LOOK! YOU are the mustard seed!” But friend, the truth in love is:
Unlike mustard seeds, we try to produce things that we were never created to produce
Unlike mustard seeds, we can’t bring about unity and diversity on our own.
Unlike mustard seeds, we overcomplicate our faith, our relationships, and our call to love daily.
Unlike mustard seeds, we close off and compartmentalize parts of our life and say, “God could never use this.”
Unlike mustard seeds, on our own, we can’t bring about the healing that we or our world truly needs.
So… what is the mustard seed?
If you read earlier in Matthew 17, you see Jesus take three of his disciples (Peter, James and John) up to a mountain and they saw the transfiguration of Jesus. CRAZY STUFF! Literally his face “shining like the sun”, his “clothes becoming white” and then boom, out of nowhere, Moses and Elijah join the party. Can you imagine?! Jesus displayed his full wonder and splendor to his besties. After that sight, what else would they need to have the faith to perform the wonders and miracles that Jesus would empower them to do?
Right after, it’s told to Jesus that his disciples (most likely Peter James and John leading the charge) weren’t able to cast out a demon in a boy. Jesus, in love, then follows up their question of “why couldn’t we do it?”, with (paraphrasing) “Have faith. It can be the size of a mustard seed. That’s enough for my power to rest on you. Then, nothing will be impossible.”
I challenge us all to see the mustard seed in us today as Jesus, not our own strength. Just like Peter, James, and John, our efforts will sometimes fall short if we are leaning on our own strength. But seeing our mustard seed as the faith of Jesus in us puts HIS power and glory on display knowing that we can do what he is asking us to do, even if our faith is the size of a 1 millimeter mustard seed.
We can go out and produce fruit 100 fold with that kind of faith.
We can celebrate diversity and can bring together black, white, brown, and any other variation of God’s children with that kind of faith.
We can grow by just standing in the light of Christ and drinking from HIS well with that kind of faith.
We can actually influence those around us with that kind of faith.
We can be who we were created to be with that kind of faith.
Just like a mustard seed, you are allowed to start small and let God be big.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
by Morgan Krueger | Jan 13, 2020 | Forgiveness, Life Advice |
2020. A new year. A new decade. A new song. A new opportunity.
Fam, what a year it has already been! I don’t know about you, but there is a stirring in me for God to get in my heart and take care of some of the hard stuff that maybe I didn’t want Him to touch in 2019.
I’ll say this upfront so you’re not mad at me later: this might be the last blog you want to read today but the one blog that you need to take in.
Maybe in 2019 you were hurt by something (or more accurately, someone) and you have carried it into this decade. And maybe everyone around you is living all freed up and joyful (in our flesh, that can be so frustrating, can’t it?) and you can’t quite get there because of some resentment that has been hard to let go. I feel you. I sit here writing this post on forgiveness feeling deeply convicted over a relationship with someone that I have yet to forgive from almost a year ago.
So, what if today, right now, you and I take a dive into the Word that wants to do a new thing in us this year? A good work in and through you and I that will cleanse us of bitterness, resentment, and anger from the pains of the last decade?
What I do know is that hurts run deep, and I would never want to minimize that. But what I also know to be just as true if not truer, is that God’s grace for us (shown through Jesus) runs deeper and has more power than resentment ever could.
Let’s start being the forgiven who forgive because of The Great Forgiver.
We’re taking a look at 10 verses on forgiveness that have the power to do the seemingly impossible. You’ll find a question below every verse as well to pray through or journal them out. Don’t rush through this! Take your time, let Jesus speak, and ask Him to guide you as He pleases for the purpose of forgiveness and letting go of the past.
1. “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to five us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:8-9
You probably didn’t think I was going to start with a verse on our own sin, did you? That’s right, before we can ever hope to forgive others, we have to acknowledge and be confronted by our need for forgiveness. As much as it isn’t fun to think about, God sees all sin as equal and you and I are just as in need of forgiveness as anyone else.
Is there something you need to be forgiven for today? I encourage you to first confess to God and then confess to anyone you need forgiveness from. Let’s forgive from a fresh place of being forgiven!
2. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
Paul (the author of Ephesians, speaking to the church in Ephesus), encourages us to “put away” everything that would hinder us from offering forgiveness to those around us. He explains a few verses earlier in chapter 4 to put off our old self, the self that only follows our desires. The old self holds on to past hurts and bitterness, but the new self, found in Jesus, hands our hearts over to Him to be healed and softened toward forgiveness.
What are some differences in your old and new self?
3. “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Colossians 3:12-13
We just looked at what we are told to “put off”, and in this verse, we are shown what to “put on” as our new selves. Putting on these characteristics of Christ is our only path to true forgiveness.
What are some ways you can begin to put on and practice the qualities of Jesus?
4. “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent’, you must forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4
Jesus, speaking to his disciples (and you and I), is asking a big thing of us here. He is showing us that we must stay uncapped on our forgiveness. We are called to forgive for every trespass done against us, and especially when our brother or sister comes to us in repentance. And guess what was the disciples immediate reply in verse 5? “Increase our faith!” They KNEW that this was an impossible task without Jesus doing a work in them.
Do you find yourself limiting your forgiveness? Is there a specific person it is harder to forgive?
5. “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” Luke 7:47
Jesus is so rich in mercy! Jesus is speaking to a pharisee who was offended by the service that a “sinful” woman was offering Jesus by washing his feet. The lesson here? When we know the depth that we are forgiven, forgiving becomes the better, freer option, rather than judgement.
Do you live like a child deeply forgiven by Jesus? Does this affect the way you forgive?
6. “Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure — not to put it too severely — to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him … Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive.” 2 Corinthians 2:5-8,10
Do you mean it when you say you want people to know Jesus? If so, forgiveness is the best way to show them that you forgive because you have a forgiving God and that they aren’t as far away from Him as they think. In fact, He is ready to welcome them home as soon as possible (Check out the prodigal son in Luke 15!)
How can you show the forgiveness of God through the way you forgive?
7. “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25
What Mark is saying here is that prayer should be an integral part of our daily prayer life. Did you catch that? Every time we pray, we need to practice bringing our hurts to Jesus and forgiving anyone who has hurt us. When we do, we have freely received the forgiveness that’s offered to us.
How can you incorporate forgiveness into your daily prayer life?
8. “Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. – Isaiah 1:18
We see here the type of forgiveness that God offers. As you can see, God never partially forgives. His forgiveness is wholistic, turning what is completely blood stained into blemish-free. For us, this means that our forgiveness must also be full and impartial.
Is there anyone you have partially forgiven that you need to extend FULL forgiveness to today?
9. “And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.” Luke 23:34
One of the last things that Jesus did on earth before He died was advocate for forgiveness. He knows that without forgiveness, we can’t be fully free.
Have you fully accepted and received Jesus’ forgiveness for your sins paid for on the cross? If not, He is ready to show you His forgiveness today, friend!
10. “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25
God doesn’t just forgive us, He chooses to “remember our sins no more”. He lives like our past sins are not a part of us. What a gracious act of love! Maybe you feel that you’ll never be able to forget the pain of the past, but through the power of Jesus, you do have the ability to love people like they never hurt you. Through Jesus, we can be free from holding onto those pains and love without boundaries.
Friend, I hope this was a challenging and fruitful time and that God has prompted you to journal some prayers of forgiveness, call a friend for an overdue conversation, or even finally walk in the forgiveness that you’ve been given!
Forgiveness is one of the hardest realities on earth, and that is why Jesus had to die one of the hardest death to overcome it. But He did it, for us, and now we get to be the recipients of a forgiveness that is immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine.
by Morgan Krueger | Oct 4, 2019 | Life Advice, Testimonies |
“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance” Psalm 16:5-6
“You’re such a hypocrite, Morgan. All the things that you said you stood for, you have thrown out the window. How could you do that? Hurt your friends, give yourself away, be so selfish? Good luck trying to have God, someone else, or even yourself love you after all that you’ve done.”
This was something that was actually spoken to me by a “close friend” roughly ten years ago. Can you believe someone actually said that to me? Even as I type it out, it truly is appalling. She is the kind of person that, deep down, I know doesn’t have my best interest at heart, is more interested in manipulating me then actually knowing me, and who doesn’t believe in grace or the power of redemption.
From the start, I really never trusted this person, but the sharpness of those words actually stuck with me. Not just stuck with me, they marked me. Broke me. Changed me.
As much as I wish I could say that was the only time this happened, it wasn’t. You know those people that seem to follow you everywhere? It’s like come onnnn, of all people, really, THIS friend?? This girl has to go to the same college as me and continue to say hurtful things to me? This person HAS to take note of every new place I was going, every effort I made to escape my past, and follow me there?
I’m sure you’re thinking, “How can ONE person have such a grip over your life? After all, it’s only one opinion.”
The reality is, having someone in your life that is a loud competing voice even amidst the dozens of friends that tried to convince me that the mistakes I’d made, the sin I carried, the choices I had made apart from Jesus didn’t define me anymore, eventually ‘the one’ had the final say.
Over the past ten years, this destructive friend who spoke these lies over me eventually caused such a massive buildup of shame.
To understand WHY this happened (trust me, this is just as much for me as it is you), let’s go wayyyy back to the garden in Genesis 3.
“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” Genesis 3:6-7 (ESV)
Friend, do not mistake this act of hiding as a fashion statement. The symbolism seen through the context of shame brings actual tears to my eyes and a pit in my stomach.
Up until this point in all of creation (we’re only two chapters into the beginning of time, but still, you get the point), there had been no separation from God. That means ZERO HIDING, ZERO COVERING UP, ZERO SHAME.
This act of hiding and covering themselves was an entirely new thing. This is so foreign to us today because clothes are a fundamental part of our everyday lives (I hope), but in the garden of Eden, it just wasn’t. It wasn’t, because they knew that they were created in the Image of God and it was a beautiful thing for the Creator to behold its perfect creation. No one told Adam and Eve to do what they did. It was pure instinct to cover their bodies directly following this act of disobedience.
I want you to hear this loud and clear: If love is the first most powerful force on earth, shame is the second.
Shame lies. Shame comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Shame tells us to take hold of another cup than the cup of our double portion. Shame tells us that our inheritance isn’t as beautiful as promised by our heavenly Father and that we should take matters into our own hands. Shame covers up and scatters our lives into a million little pieces.
And that is what it has done for me. I let the shame of my past steal so much from me. On certain days it feels too strong to bear. Shame brings back memories that I would do anything to forget.
But in the midst of my endless fights with that voice, I know there is something else that covers. Just as one person can have such a grip of lies on me, there is One that has a stronger grip of freedom laid out for me.
God knew what the fig leaves meant. The day that sin entered the story is the same day that God started His eternal pursuit to win us back to Him.
“And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.” (v. 3:21)
Did you catch that? God made garments of skin and clothed them. This implies that He sacrificed and slaughtered an animal for his children in order to give them a better covering.
If this isn’t foreshadowing, I don’t know what is. Since the beginning of time, God was setting up the narrative for Jesus, the perfect sacrifice, to come, die, and trade our pitiful fig leaves for an eternal covering. This is where freedom is found.
Shame scatters, Jesus gathers.
If what you’ve read today resonates with you, please know you’re not alone in this moment. The truth is, I still have that friend in my life that occasionally makes cutting remarks to resurface my past, making me feel so hidden in fig leaves that I can’t tell where the shame ends and I begin.
Even last night, I went to a class taught by one of my mentors. She was laying out the concept of time and God’s plan for the fullness of it. I came alone, sat down in my chair, looked up, and you won’t believe it…THE FRIEND WAS THERE. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.
I felt so anxious the whole time knowing she was in the room and fought back tears at the thought that she would call me out.
At the end, my mentor asked everyone to write out this question: “God, how do you see me?”
Check out my answer…
No, you’re not seeing it wrong, I didn’t write anything.
The minute I wrote that question on my paper, I felt it so clearly that the word God was giving me was “proud.”
This word TERRIFIED me. Proud? There’s no way, and I had a person in the room that would agree with me. So, I sat there, fighting back tears, looking for the closest exit and some fig leaves laying around, just in case.
I actually left the night writing nothing in that space and I still haven’t.
Amidst all the fighting voices, I sit here (with tears in my eyes and hope in my heart) choosing the better portion and good cup. With that, I want to make two confessions.
First, the friend who has followed me everywhere is me. But it’s actually not me, it’s shame. It’s rooted in lies. Yes, it’s been around for so long it almost feels like a part of me, but it’s not who I am. I am choosing to not allow that voice in my life anymore. I know I will have days when I doubt, but right now, I am walking away. I will not let shame have the final word. It’s been too long, and I’m done.
Lastly, how does God see me? HE’S PROUD. Because of what Jesus has done, I have been redeemed, made new, and been forgiven. I’ve taken on my true identity; a daughter who makes her Father proud.
This truly is the beautiful inheritance–trading fig leaves for freedom.
“Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore, in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.” Isaiah 61:7 (ESV)
Morgan Krueger is part of Team LO and loves any opportunity to hear someones heart (or their enneagram number). In her free time she loves drinking coffee with friends, watching British baking shows, and dreaming big with her husband Ryan and puppy June in Franklin, TN.
