by Maddee Hill | Jan 30, 2024 | Career & Future, Life Advice, Purpose & Calling, Waiting
“One of the scariest realities in life is that if you insist, God will let you do it your way.” – Louie Giglio
I convinced God that my plan was better.
Year 2023 was finally going to be MY year. The hopes and dreams I had for myself were unlike any other year. I went into 2023 with the mindset of “This is IT! This is the year things are going to happen for ME! I can just FEEL it in my bones!”. Have you ever done the same? I’ve made a vision board for the past 5 years, and it’s one of my favorite traditions at the beginning of a new year. I sit at my computer, I pull up Pinterest, and I just GO to town. Then I get all of the photos together and I print them out, then tack them on a board (highly recommend making a girls night out of this by the way). Last year, my board was COVERED in things I believed were going to happen for me in 2023. Key words… WERE going to happen. Now for starters, I need you to know, dreams are SO good! You SHOULD have hopes and dreams. You should TOTALLY have a bucket list. Dreaming excites me for the future, but it was almost as if I knew better than God for year 2023. It was like I was making a board of all the things that I was manifesting into my own life, and God was the afterthought of all of this. Whew, even writing that takes me back.
My dreaming quickly became unhealthy. I would look at my board every day when I woke up, and just wonder when God was going to make it happen for me. My vision board was COVERED in these things I was convinced my life would look like in the next 12 months. A relationship taking the next step, traveling with certain people, moving back home, planning future things, etc. It became so unhealthy, that I started to ignore red flags that were just waving right in front of me. Like, the brightest red flags you have ever seen y’all. Things that I swept under the rug, because it didn’t align with how my year was going to go. How I had PLANNED for my year to go. So I ignored them, naturally. – Fast forward just two months into that year, and a big portion of my dreams were all of a sudden stripped from me. Not only were my dreams stripped, but so was my identity. Because along the way, I had put my entire worth in everything but Jesus. I was lost, at a dead end, and searching for any ounce of hope I could find.
For the one who has found themselves in a similar place, I want you to know, I deeply empathize with you. Asking God questions like, how could this be your plan for me? Why does it seem that for so long, I have celebrated everyone else’s dreams becoming a reality, but mine are still at a stand still? Does God even care about the desires of my heart anymore? And friend, these are all questions I actually encourage you to keep running to Jesus with. He would much rather you run to him with your doubts and anger than run further away from him. He is the safest place I know. A place where I bring all my doubts, fears, frustrations, concerns, confusion, and questions.
As I sit here today writing the honest state of the place I found myself in a year ago exactly, I wish you were sitting right in front of me, so I could tell you face to face where the goodness of God was in the midst of all my unknowns. The healing that had to take place in me, required me to unclench my hands of all the things I thought I was in control of, and let go and just look to the Father in complete desperation. That’s the place I needed to be at, that’s the place he needed to show me where I needed to look all along. The things God showed me, the ways he protected me, the days to come that would soon explain why he let certain things happen, they were only just around the corner. And friend, I believe the same is true for you.
The scary thing is, I don’t think God would’ve gotten my attention any other way. I was so completely fixated on the plans I had for myself, that I didn’t even think to ask Jesus if this was even remotely where he wanted me to go. I had to be broken so he could do the mending in me. The mending that couldn’t be done by any human being on this earth. So what mending does Jesus need to do in you? What area of your life do you need to give BACK to Jesus? What area of your life are you completely OBSESSING over?
Struggles have not been absent in my life ever since, quite the opposite actually. But in the struggles, I have this unwavering faith that He who promised is faithful. He didn’t begin a good work in you to just leave you hoping for the best… no, he who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion. To find healing, you have to be vulnerable long enough to go to the places your mind tells you to avoid. There’s something that happens within us when we invite only a trusted few into our mess. It gets messy. And I believe that’s actually how Jesus created us to live. He doesn’t promise an absence of struggles in this life when we follow him, instead, he promises that he will never leave us when we find ourselves in the deepest of them. And let me tell you something, He is who I want to be with when I find myself in the valley.
Before you go, I want you to know, He is not withholding from you. Read that again. He wants GOOD things for you, friend. Things that your mind can’t even comprehend right now, because you simply wouldn’t believe it. He’s protecting you, pruning you, and maybe for the reason so that you’ll be able to bear more fruit in the season to come. He is a GOOD good Father, and He can be trusted with the deepest longings of your heart.
Cheering you on — mads
by Maddee Hill | May 16, 2023 | LO Library, Trust
DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT’S GOING TO BE GOOD?
This was the question I felt like the Lord was asking me a couple of months ago.
I was on the phone with one of my best friends and you could say we were both feeling like the season we found ourselves in was a season we did not want to be in. Two completely different circumstances, but nonetheless, we were exhausted and confused. Do you relate? Because that’s a lonely spot to be in. I’ll never forget we would call each other every day (or send a super long voice memo, arguably my favorite feature ever) and just take turns letting our latest thoughts and feelings out. No filter, just letting it out and getting it out of our brains. Have you ever found yourself in a similar place? Are you currently in that place right now? Wondering if there is a light at the end of your tunnel, wondering if you’re going to be stuck here for a while, asking things like “Why God? Why this?”
If you currently find yourself here, if you’re coming out of a difficult circumstance, or if you’re worried you’re approaching one soon, I’m glad you’re here friend. It is no coincidence you’re reading this now, it is actually the complete opposite of coincidence. I am praying this can offer you hope, the hope that I have found in Jesus alone. There is no person that could EVER offer you the kind of comfort, love, and kindness that Jesus can, and that’s exactly how it is supposed to be. You were not made to find your validation or answers in anything this world has to offer. But the good news is, we’ve all tried too. And yet He still pursues us right where we’re at. Leave shame or pride or whatever it is for you at the door, and be open to what the Lord is wanting to say to you today.
I mentioned earlier that I was on the phone with my friend, and that phone call I can see now looking back, was a glimpse for what was to come. And let me just tell you, what is to come is so GOOD y’all. If you want to find God in everything, you will find him in everything. He is truly in it all, every little intricate detail of your life. As I was listening to her about the circumstance she found herself in that day, and also thinking about the current one I found myself in, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit offer me this thought that challenges me to this day.
“Maddee…. Don’t you believe that it’s going to be good? Don’t you believe that the plan I have for you, is unlike anything you could imagine for your life? Trust me enough to let it go and surrender it FULLY to Me.”
And I believe He is asking you the exact same thing. Don’t you remember the things He has delivered you from? Don’t you trust that if He’s done it before, surely He will do it AGAIN? I want you to know I understand that these are hard questions to ask yourself when you’re in the middle of it. It’s going to require strength, and a whole lot of it if you find yourself in a season of trial right now. Sometimes strength looks like putting one foot in front of the other and saying, “Lord, I need you to pick me up and carry me through this, because I have nothing else to give.” And believe me, He will. When we give up trying to do it in our own strength and in our own power and begin to surrender it FULLY to Jesus, is when true healing takes place. Don’t you want to live in that freedom? Good news, you can.
But my challenge for the one doubting there is still good ahead is this… If Jesus had to endure the most excruciating pain and death on a cross and there was STILL purpose in all of it, don’t you think there is purpose here for you too?
The idea of purpose being in the middle of pain actually frustrated me when I was in the thick of it. The LAST thing I wanted to believe was that there was a reason the Lord had me here, and the thought of that actually hurt me. I asked things like, “Why would you pick me for this? Out of all the girls in my season of life right now, why would you pick me to have to endure this?” And I wrestled and wrestled with God. I asked so many questions, and I actually encourage you to do the same. Because He WANTS to hear them. He wants you to bring the questions, confusion, frustrations, sadness, and mourning to Him. It was in my doubt and denial that I was actually getting closer and closer to the Vine. I was pressing in without even knowing it. And I understand now why they say we get to know Jesus more intimately in the valley, than we do on the mountaintop. There’s a different type of intimacy and closeness that you experience with Jesus in the middle of a situation you never wanted to be in. You long to hear Jesus. To hear just one word from Him. Imagine if we sat in that posture every single day friend.
My last thought for you is to ask yourself this, “What am I exalting more than Christ?” I will be the first to admit I have placed a person (multiple times in my life) in the place only the Lord should occupy. But our souls long for the One it was created for. In Psalms 84:2 “I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the Lord. With my whole being, body and soul, I will shout joyfully to the living God.”
Nothing and no one could ever satisfy you the way Jesus can. So dare to believe what He has for you is going to be good, friend. My prayer for you is that you will feel His closeness like never before in the middle of whatever it is that you find yourself in, believing that His plan for you is going to be one that overwhelms you by the magnitude of His goodness.
A sister, friend, and host team pastor at life.church who loves a good vanilla latte with oat milk! If she could get coffee with you today, she would tell you that you are worth more than you think and when you surrender your plans for His, He will absolutely blow your mind. You can be friends with her on Instagram @_maddeehill 💌
