Have You Wrestled With God?
Note from Team LO: We are SO excited to bring you this month’s post from our LO sister member, Jasmine Singh! If you want to be a part of this incredible community, you can join today! Find out more about this online sisterhood HERE. And for more info about what LO sister is all about, visit our Instagram Page!
Now, enjoy today’s post from Jasmine 🙂
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“Why me? What did I do, God? Where is your help and justice?” – me, 2023.
How often have you felt so weary, overburdened, hopeless? Have you ever felt so stressed, and yet, so deeply exhausted? Your body groaning under the weight of so, so many problems?
Maybe, many of you are feeling like the highest block on an unstable Jenga tower. One more block, one more relationship struggle, one more illness, and you’re going to crumble to pieces. Yet the blocks keep coming.
Maybe you’ve already crumbled. Or maybe you’re shaking, not yet stable, not yet fallen. Wrestling for control.
Friends, let me ask you – how good are you at wrestling? And what is God’s role in this?
A little backstory: For most of my life, I have been a Type A perfectionist, winning fancy awards for my academic and sporting achievements, at school and college now. My health was fantastic. My friends and family a true blessing. Jesus was the pinnacle of my life. I was so thankful, so happy, that He saved my life by dying on the cross.
Yet. Deep down, while I said the Sovereign Lord was in control, really, I believed it was me. I built the tower of life, not Him.
That all came crashing at the end of last year. Within a month, family members passed away, I developed three painful chronic illnesses, severe depression, and was consequently forced to drop out of college. Me, the academic, the top student, the future psychiatrist. And my friends, in their busy lives, forgot me.
Let’s just say that it felt more like a Jenga explosion than a Jenga tower.
Is this fair? Why would God allow this to happen – isn’t He a God of love, goodness, and justice?
Many of you guys may wonder the same thing and might even empathize. If so, I am so, so sorry. Thankfully, we serve a God who understands it all, knows it all. In this season – sadly, a continuing season for me – of absolute depression and genuine pain in my life, I felt God whisper to me one word: WRESTLE.
Wrestle??? What? Totally and utterly confused, I wracked my brain for all possible connections between the Lord and wrestling. God. Wrestling. And one name popped up: Jacob.
In Genesis 32, Jacob was heading back to his home in Canaan. But he is absolutely terrified because his old brother, Esau, wants to meet him – with four hundred other men (Gen 32:6). It’s not a reunion, it’s an ambush.
So the trembling, afraid Jacob prays (Gen 32:7). He begs God to save him and his family. He remembered God’s promise to make Jacob prosper, his descendants innumerable (Gen 32:11-12). He relies on His faithfulness.
How does God respond? With silence. Nothing.
All alone, in a state of pain and distress, Jacob sits. Suddenly, a man comes out of nowhere. For no reason, the man “wrestled with him till daybreak”, even breaking his hip (Gen 32:24-25)! Yet, this ‘man’ was no other than the LIVING GOD disguised. God turned, and said to Jacob, “you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” (Gen 32:28), before finally blessing him.
Okay, so what’s happening here? Using the story of Jacob, it felt like God was teaching me that to “wrestle” with Him means to understand life is not inherently ‘fair’. Things happen outside of our control. Many of it isn’t our fault. But in this story, God didn’t address Jacob’s fear with assurance. He wrestled and broke his hip.
Yet, this affliction caused Jacob to rely even more on God, to give up his own control and trust God. God was on Jacob’s side, but also on the other side. That’s what God was teaching me – that in my own love of achievements, of ‘hustling’ and striving in life, I had forgotten what it truly meant to surrender and give control to Him.
It’s a hard lesson to learn in our “hustle”, work-obsessed culture, isn’t it?
Likewise, we see from Jacob’s wrestle that the ‘blessings’ and answered prayers we get are often unexpected. We might want an instant solution, a band-aid. But we see from Genesis that God literally started a wrestling match – not to remove Jacob’s fear, as he prayed for, but to strengthen his faith. By ‘wrestling it out’, Jacob was weakened, providing an avenue for God’s love, peace, and grace to shine on Jacob. When we wrestle with our limitations, our problems, we open the room for Him to strengthen us (2 Cor 12:10).
But how can we today, amidst our pain, wrestle like Jacob? And gain an even deeper, richer faith in Jesus?
Friends, turn to Psalm 42 with me. From this Psalm, and with persistent, lamenting prayer to God, here’s some practical ways I’ve learned to keep wrestling:
- Lean into the suffering – Across the Bible, we see people ‘lamenting’ when they feel misery, depression, and frustration. In fact, there’s an entire book dedicated to it – Lamentations! Lamenting involves accepting our current suffering, taking that emotion straight to God, and trusting His character. In Psalm 42, we see the Psalmist described as someone whose “tears have been [my] food day and night.” Yet, he turns to God and says “my rock: “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”. He takes his sorrow straight to Him, who he knows, despite suffering, is his Rock (Ps 42:9). And like Jacob, when we lean on our Savior, we experience something unexpected: perfect PEACE. It’s a content calmness despite circumstances.
- Remember – The same tearful Psalmist writes “My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.” BECAUSE he is exhausted, crushed, and down, he remembers God. To remember God means to reflect on His character – which is constant – and goodness. What have you previously thanked God for? A promotion? Healing from sickness? A renewed marriage? Write it down. Stick it on your bedroom wall. Put it as your phone’s lock screen. God has restored you before. His goodness never changes, even during trials.
- Prayer and praise – When something is repeated, it’s important. It’s a cue: pay attention! In Psalm 42, the psalmist repeats “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” While anguished, the psalmist remembers that God is the source of eternal hope and salvation. He remembers God’s abounding “steadfast love” (Ps 42:8). And so, even though he doesn’t ‘feel like it’, he responds with praise and hope.
Man, that final point is SO hard when you’re struggling. It feels forced, right? But friends, just like therapy teaches us, our thoughts influence our feelings. Actions before consequences. Even when we feel distant from God, and we feel that He’s abandoned us (been there too many times!), He hasn’t. Turn to praise, and the Holy Spirit will surprise us.
In fact, just yesterday, I felt the most depressed I’d felt in a very long time. Tormenting pain and misery, wanting the shadow of death at my doorstep. In an act of complete desperation, I turned to phone beside me, swiped and clicked on Spotify, and put on ‘Open’ by LO worship.
And in 20 minutes, I was up. Out of bed. A smile plastered on my face, my soul soaring – something I never, ever expected.
Friends, the Holy Spirit is real.
The same Spirit, the same God, who loved us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us (Jn 3:16). The Son who suffered undeservingly, just as we may now. But His love is eternal, and He is always with us (Matt 28:20). And He promises that we, the Jacobs of the world, the ones wrestling, mourning, and crushed by life, will be blessed and comforted (Matt 5:3-4).
My deep prayer is that those of you (and even those who aren’t) in a season of misery, feeling like there’s no hope left, will be blessed tremendously by the Lord. May you feel His love and presence deeper than ever before, and trust in Him.
Friends, let’s walk together with radical hope and steadfast faith in the unchanging One. The God who sacrificed His life for us, suffered unjustly, and will return. The God who wrestles with us, and FOR us.
Let’s turn to the Lord with praise and prayer. Even when it seems like the hardest, most illogical, most paradoxical thing to do. Because I promise you, with all of my confidence and heart, that He bless you with His presence and enduring mercy (Ps 118:1).
I love you all – and thank you to LO sister for genuinely changing my life 🙂
