by Lacie Berry | Nov 22, 2023 | Life Advice, Motherhood
Note from Team LO: We are SO excited to bring you this month’s post from our LO sister member, Lacie Berry! If you want to be a part of this incredible community, you can join HERE today!
Now, enjoy today’s post from Lacie 🙂
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New Mom working out every day of the week.
I haven’t worked out in months….
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New Mom is balancing a work-from-home dream job and is able to watch her child simultaneously.
I feel the furthest from “balanced.” I am barely keeping my head above water trying to maintain work and being a mom.
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New mom posting professionally made pictures taken at the hospital post giving birth.
I had a baby in NICU, bawled my eyes out, and didn’t get to have pictures of us taking him home until 11 days later.
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New mom having herself and her kids in the cutest outfits.
I haven’t washed my hair in three days, have spit up on my shirt, and my baby just peed all over his onesie.
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New mom having an aesthetically pleasing Bible time in the morning.
My quiet time with the Lord was not post worthy at all—prayed while doing dishes and read the Bible while feeding. No pastel highlighters included.
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New mom on a date night with her husband.
My husband and I haven’t been on a date since we had our baby. And I am struggling giving him the attention he needs and taking care of our child.
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New mom having a clean house with no dust or laundry piles in sight.
My floors haven’t been mopped in weeks, we have laundry piles in the living room, and mounds of dirty clothes that need to be washed.
Clicks off Instagram.
That’s when it hit me hard. The feeling of inadequacy, the feeling of not being a good wife, the feeling of not being a good mom, the feeling of just being a failure.
Tears start rolling.
Thank goodness our feelings are not who we are.
God met me right there in those tears with love and replaced my feelings with truth. He showed me that I had gone down a spiral of comparison and how toxic the thoughts were.
He showed me that I was focused on:
- Man’s perspective
- Worldly matters
- My own strength
When I should focus on:
- His perspective
- His love and grace
- His strength
Him! Period!
The world tells us we need to look like we have it all together. We need to meet the standards set on social media.
If you don’t have a Stanley or a Doona stroller are you even a good mom?
Yes, of course you are.
I am not saying that having a Stanley or Doona or working out or looking nice or having a cute Bible time is inherently bad! No! I love all of these things, and I am happy for others when they do so!
But it is bad when you base your worth on if you have the things of the world or if you meet the world’s standards.
Our worth comes from Christ Jesus and Him alone.
1 John 4:4 NLV:
“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”
The world says to be strong and have it all together, but Jesus says that He is our strength.
We should boast in our weakness because that means we need Him!!
His grace is sufficient!!
His power is made perfect in our weaknesses!!
2 Corinthians 12:9 NLV
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
He didn’t say His power is made perfect in your strength—nope! He said in our weakness.
So maybe instead of celebrating or showing off our own strength, let’s show off the strength of Jesus shining through us! Let’s show off that we are weak, but He is strong!
2 Corinthians 12:10 NLV
“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Y’all, His spirit lives within us, so we have His power! And we only receive this Spirit—His power by admitting that we are sinners in need of grace—in need of Him!
So let’s get loud!! Let’s stand up and shout our weaknesses and the Good News on the mountain tops!
The news that Jesus Christ is here to save and to be our strength—even in our weaknesses.
Matthew 5:14-16 NLV:
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Your own strength, you meeting worldly standards, you worrying about how other people think of you, that will not save you. Only Jesus can.
John 3:16 NLV:
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
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by Paula Faris | May 10, 2023 | Motherhood
Not very long ago, I had ten minutes to make dinner for JJ (my second born), take a shower, and get him to practice. So what did I do? I strategized. I tossed some chicken on the grill. I knew I had five minutes before it needed to be flipped, so I hopped in the shower and washed all the necessary body parts (you know the ones, ladies), toweled off, and threw on my overalls. I brushed the tangles from my hair while I browned the other side of the chicken. I yelled for JJ to get in the car, sliced up the chicken, threw it in a container, and hopped in the car after him.
Done and done. Wonder Woman has nothing on the superpowers of a working mom. And it’s worth mentioning that I do not envy her costume. It’s like a strapless bathing suit and faux leather boots. I want to see a woman in yoga pants and a beat-up sweatshirt fighting evil. Now that’s a story I can get behind. She could even do it in blinged-out Golden Goose shoes.
Ready for an experiment? Put a mental checkmark beside any of these statements that are true for you:
- I have nursed a baby or pumped breastmilk on a Zoom meeting.
- I have put on a full face of makeup with a child attached to me.
- I have answered work emails in the car rider line.
- I have taken a Zoom meeting in my car while waiting on a kid to come out of practice or club.
- I have gone to the bathroom with a child on my lap.
- I have put on makeup on the way to an event, function, or meeting.
- I have cooked a meal and also
-
- Gotten some part of my person dressed or
- Had a crying child hanging off one of my limbs or
- All of the above
If you answered yes to one or more of those questions, you are a superhero. You’ve got superpowers. You can accomplish multiple things at once—meaningful, important, must-do things. This is the intrinsic value of a working mom: she gets stuff done, no matter the cost. And not only does she get it done, but she gets it done well.
That’s only reinforced by McKinney’s “Strengthen the MomForce Survey” from April 2022, which says that 81 percent of moms say that being a mother has given them increased efficiency at work.
Moms, stop apologizing. You’re baddies!
Here are just a few reasons why I want you to know your worth:
- Moms have been scientifically shown to become smarter and more empathetic during pregnancy.
- Parenting grows our emotional IQ, courage, efficiency/productivity, collaboration abilities, and compassion.
- Women-led companies are more profitable.
- The majority of employees want to work for women-led companies.
Motherhood is essentially a master class for leadership, empathy, vision, and efficiency. Getting my kids out the door for school? That’s like being a hostage negotiator. Being in charge of another human is a monumental responsibility. It doesn’t ever stop. It’s an around-the-clock, forever-and-ever kind of commitment. It’s a commitment that changes you. Being a parent develops muscles (figurative and literal) that you didn’t even know you had.
Yet, we doubt ourselves all the time, as mothers. Much of that tension is because we don’t have a realistic measure of what motherhood should look like in America. And, It doesn’t help that society continues to scrutinize us. But, listen to this bit of research.
Adam Franssen is a biology professor at Longwood University. He teamed up with other researchers, like Craig Kinsley of the University of Richmond, to prove his theory that being a mother makes a woman smarter. His findings? “Mothers are better at problem solving, handling stress and at completing certain memory tasks.”
But it’s way more fascinating than that. Adam compares the brain of a pregnant woman to a car engine when it’s revving…hang with me, because this is a bit scientific, but it’s mind-blowing:
“At the revving stage, a racecar’s engine is getting prepped for that race. It seems like there is a lot of evidence to suggest that is actually what’s happening in the mother’s brain during the period of pregnancy. There are changes happening to neurons. They are increasing in size or some neurons have been shown to not only grow but to potentially increase their capacity to produce protein in one part of the brain or perhaps increase their neuronal branches to make communications from one neuron to another neu- ron that it wasn’t talking with before—all in anticipation of the high workload of caring for a child”.
There goes the argument that a mom’s superpowers are learned behaviors. But isn’t that incredible? It’s wild, right? Moms’ brains actually grow and increase in thinking capacity, even before our babies are born, because our bodies know the circus of newborn life…and toddler life…and tween life…and basically just how intense parenting is forever and ever and ever, amen.
A mother’s brain maintains this heightened capacity throughout the remainder of her life. So when I said you’re now carrying superpowers, I meant it. You are an evolutionary wonder!
And believe it or not, there’s more to us than our big, brilliant minds. Just a few of the scientific superpowers being a mom gives us are time management mastery, empathy (self-awareness, psychological safety), and problem-solving and innovation skills.
There’s a saying usually attributed to Plato that “desperation is the mother of invention.” That truth drives a lot of the accomplishments of women at home and at work. We’re the end of the line. The goalie. The buck stops with us as the default. We know that, often, if we don’t do it, don’t fix it, don’t address it, don’t clean it—it won’t get done, right? I’m convinced that moms are the masters of innovation and invention. Not because we’re sitting around in a laboratory with our ideas and postulations, but because we’re desperate!
In fact, over the years, women have invented some pretty cool gadgets. And every single one of them was born out of an acute need for a better way. You have to hear about some of these women18–it’s fascinating what we’re capable of.
- In 1893 Margaret Wilcox invented the car heater by creating a system to channel air over the engine and into the cab.
- In 1899 Letitia Greer invented the one-handed syringe. Before her innovation, medical professionals were required to use two hands to give injections.
- While translating some notes on the Analytical Engine for mathematics professor Charles Babbage, Ada Lovelace tripled the length of the original text with her own notes. She is credited with writing the very first computer algorithm in 1843.
- Mary Anderson got a patent for her windshield wiping device in 1903. When she tried to sell her idea to a manufacturer, she was turned down because they said windshield wipers held no practical value.
- And in the glorious year 1872, Josephine Cochran created a dishwasher that cleaned dishes using water pressure. Josephine, God love you. A woman invented the circular saw. The first aquarium. The globe, the locomotive chimney, the life raft, the fire escape, the ironing board, the retractable dog leash, the coffee filter, the foot pedal trash can, central heating, the disposable diaper (no surprise there), bullet-proof fiber, the home security system, caller ID, space station batteries, naturally colored cotton, stem cell isolation, and the space rocket propulsion system.
One of my favorite female innovators is a woman named El Dorado Jones. First of all, what an incredible name. El Dorado Jones’s nickname was Iron Woman. She invented the airplane muffler in 1917. But the coolest thing about El Dorado is that she owned her own metalworking factory in the early 1900s, where she only employed women over the age of forty. El Dorado, you are my people. You are the only Jones I’d like to keep up with!
Women, and especially working moms, we not only bring a new perspective, but we come with a roll-up-our-sleeves, there’s-gotta-be-a-solution mindset. And if there isn’t an existing solution, we’ll invent one.
Mamas, I know you’re juggling a million things, you’re probably wondering if you’re the woman for the job. And, you might not feel like you’re ever nailing it. But, I hope you are empowered by this incredible evidence that backs up your worth. You are superheroes with superpowers. And, YOU are a good mom.
Excerpt adapted from “You Don’t Have To Carry It All: Ditch the Mom Guilt and Find a Better Way Forward” by Paula Faris.
Paula Faris is a mom of three and the founder of CARRY™ Media, which advocates for working moms through load-lessening content. Prior to founding CARRY™, she spent over two decades in broadcast journalism, anchoring Good Morning America weekends and co-hosting The View. Paula, her husband and their three children live in small town South Carolina.
by Live Original | Nov 29, 2022 | Life Advice, Motherhood
Do you ever feel so tired or overwhelmed by whatever is set before you? I get it, we all go though those seasons of life when all we have to do just feels so impossible to get done. In the times when we feel like we can’t possibly get it all done there is good news, we don’t have too. His grace is sufficient for us even when we are burnt out. Because it is in our weakness, our shortcoming and flaws that His strength is made perfect and we are reminded just how much we need our savior.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength Is made perfect in weakness.”- 2 corinthians 12:9
Most mornings my days start before the sun rises and my nights don’t end until the wee hours of the next morning. Having three children, three and under is my biggest blessing but it sure does lead to lack of sleep and some questionable stains on many of my clothing items. Motherhood is such an amazing gift and it sanctifies me and shows me on a daily basis what it means to die to my flesh and rely on his strength when mine is spent.
My time really isn’t my own and these days revolve around taking care those within my arms reach, while juggling all the other responsibilities my husband and I share.
Last week was one of those weeks when it felt like an uphill battle.The kids were all sick. All three of them from my oldest son to my three month old baby. My husband is in the height of a busy season for one of the business’s we own and has been having to work really long hours. Deadlines for my podcast and work for my ministry were due. The kids needed me to hold them and comfort them, so the dishes piled up and the laundry baskets overflowed. I spent the days sitting and rocking my sick babies all morning and into the late hours of the night.
The days felt long and in some fleeting moments it felt as if I would never rest again.The second my eyes would shut someone would need me. It was in those moments of pure exhaustion when I couldn’t slow down, even for a moment I was pushed to rely on his strength to renew me and his grace to sustain me.
I couldn’t heal my babies and take the sickness away. I could tend to them, make all the home made remedies I could find and give them all the snuggles but still I don’t have the power to heal them. Only He does and only he can.
I could wash scrub every last dish in the sink, wipe down the counters till they shine, wash and fold the laundry but I couldn’t bring peace and grace into my home, only Jesus can change the atmosphere of a home to be peace filled. Only he can.
I could support my husband in his our business, crush all the deadlines I have for my work and yet still not be complete. Only he can satisfy and turn the work I do into good work that truly matters for His glory.
I am not sure what is causing you to feel burnt out, exhausted or is on your mile long to do list. It is my hope that through these words you are reminded to lay everything you have to do and that is weighing on you at His feet, trusting in full confidence he will carry you through with a peace this world does not understand. Whatever it is weighing on you please remember three key things:
- When you do it in your own strength it is empty with no kingdom value.
- His grace is sufficient for you even when you’re weary
- He will renewal your strength.
All throughout scripture we are shown how God is our faithful and our steadfast place of refuge. That he is near to us, working all things together for good and active in our lives. We see how he sticks closer than a friend and he renews our strength. One of my favorite verses is:
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.- Isaiah 40:31
The bible is not just a bunch of verses that sound nice but It the living word of God, it is truth to build our live upon. We can confidently know and trust that’s what written in scripture is true and what we can rely on. If we want to understand the will of God we must be reading the word of God. In reading the word of God we can see just how near to us he really is and how we are called to rely on him.
We are never promised an easy life, in fact we are told in this life we will have many troubles but to take heart, and we will have peace because he has overcome it (John 16:33). That peace and confidence trust is ours to hold fast to in all time. Even in the times when we are troubled. Troubled by what is before us and weary form lack of rest. When the task set before us seem like the impossible and that energy we need to muster up can not be found we can hold fast to him.
We can trust that the word of God stands true and that he will give us the grace and strength to renew us so that when we run the race he is calling us to we won’t grow faint and weary. We can cling to his truth and rely on him to be what gets us through.
No matter the task, no matter the day or responsibility that is put before us we can do the impossible with him alone for with Christ we can do all things (Philippians 4:13) . Just because what we have to do feels hard and heavy does not mean it is bad for whatever we do for the glory of God is good and a chance to serve him.
Each season you walk through that pushes you to your brink is what can push you to lean into him more and more. These days and moments of weakness is when his strength is made perfect and causing you to rely on him alone. Let him be where you run, let him be the energy that fills you and the place that renews you.
So friend, I hope you know and are able to remember in these day when you feel so exhausted, pushed beyond your limits and unsure how to keep going that his grace is washing over you, his strength is your renewal and that he is beside you comforting you in it all.
God’s got you friend, hold fast to him.
Gabrielle is a wife, mama of three under 3, podcast host, cancer survivor and writer. She loves spending her days with a warm cup of tea, caring for her children, and writing what God puts on her heart. She hosts The Inspiring Honey Show podcast and runs The Inspiring Honey ministry with the mission to equip and inspire women to live inspired by Gods truth alone.
by Korie Robertson | Mar 20, 2020 | Life Advice, Motherhood |
Leading your Family with Faith Over Fear
“Most young kids will remember how their family home felt during the coronavirus panic more than anything specific about the virus.”
I saw this quote the other day and can’t find who to attribute it to, but have been thinking about it ever since. I don’t think it applies just to young kids, though. The truth is, parents, our children of all ages are watching and will learn more from how we act and react in difficult circumstances than from the things we say and do when everything is going good in life. For better or worse, your kids will follow your lead. I pray we lead with faith over fear.
A few thoughts on how to do that:
Focus on the here and now…This is one of those moments when we don’t really know what’s to come. I’ve found myself spending time and energy speculating on what this is going to do to our world, how it will change us…I know it’s going to have some consequences that will be with us for a while. But here’s the thing, worrying will not change a single outcome so let’s not give in to it! Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and those around you, today, here and now and tomorrow simply do that again. Take some time to read Jesus’s words in Matthew 6. He ends with this advice, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Now, more than ever, is the perfect time to practice this principle.
Keep the important things the same…Our kids have always said that the most important thing we did as a family when the Duck Dynasty phenomenon happened and life was crazy all around us is that they saw us stay the same. Our kids need to know that if everything else is changing or even seems to be crumbling around us, mom and dad are stable and our home is a safe place. Not that you’re going to be perfect, but that you’re going to be there! Our children thrive when they feel secure. We can do that by creating some consistency in our homes during this time; eat dinner together around the table each night, set a designated time to read a book together or have a devotional. My parents always told me and we’ve always told our kids that if we lose everything, we will still be the same, because the root of who we are is so much deeper than what we have or don’t have. The important things can never be taken away from us. Our kids need to know this and see it in how we act and react when the world feels uncertain.
Connect them to something greater than themselves or their problems… It’s hard to worry about yourself when you are doing something for someone else. Cook a meal and leave it on a neighbor’s doorstep, write an old fashioned letter, send someone flowers, FaceTime friends across the country or across the street. Talk to your kids and explain that the reason we are staying home is for the good of those who are at risk and that by all working together we can defeat this thing. And most importantly, connect them to God. He’s got this. He’s greater than any disease or problem this world can throw at us. Focus on this verse below from James 1:17. Read it together and talk about what it means to them and then spend some time in prayer and cast all your worries on the God who never changes.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
And last but not least have fun…Coronavirus quarantine can’t stop that! Play family games, dance in your kitchen, learn a song on the piano, a new skill on YouTube, sing, paint, draw, create, pop some popcorn and watch a funny movie, pitch a tent in the living room. Make a bucket list of things you can do in and around your home, write it on poster board and hang it where everyone can see. I know that many are experiencing some really hard times, and life is not all fun and games, but I also know that fun and games can make the hard times a little bit better. Don’t let these trials steal your joy! “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-5,17
We’re all in this together! Stay healthy friends, body, mind and spirit!
Korie Robertson is a New York Times bestselling author and speaker who is passionate about motherhood. Korie (K-Swaggy) is a mom to Sadie — and five other amazing kids. In her free time, you’ll find her playing tennis, drinking coffee and spending time with her kids and grand babies.
Follow Korie on Instagram @bosshogswife
by Korie Robertson | Feb 14, 2020 | Motherhood, Relationships |
[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” column_margin=”default” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_link_target=”_self” column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_width_inherit=”default” tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” overlay_strength=”0.3″ column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid” bg_image_animation=”none”][vc_column_text]Let’s talk about LOVE! It’s Valentine’s Day, of course, what else would we be talking about? But more than just because it’s the day everyone talks about love (which might be annoying at this moment depending on what your relationship status is right now) I want to talk about love because I think it answers the biggest questions of life.
We seem to be looking for love everywhere, but here’s the thing. You already have it.
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Rom 8:38
God loves you, it’s settled. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. If you aren’t convinced read more of His word, get to know His Son. There is absolutely no denying it.
Now for those hard questions: What is this life all about? Why am I here? Do I have a purpose? What happens after this? Those are a few of the big ones right? I think love answers all of these.
Here’s the answer in the simplest way I can say it: You were created by love, your job here is to love, and you can spend eternity with God because of love!
Let’s dive in.
You were created by love…
The bible tells us God is love. 1 John 4:8 “Anyone who does not love, does not know God, because God is love.”
It’s not just God shows love, or God is loving. God IS love. It’s His nature. It’s who He is.
You were made in His image. Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female, He created them.”
I love how this is written three ways here, just in case we didn’t get it the first time. The writer wants to be very clear: We are all created by God in His image.
God is love, you were created by Him; therefore, you were created by love! You are here because God’s love is so great that like the good Father that He is, He created you, He wants life with you.
ALSO He wants you to love Him back with everything that is within you.
(By the way, if you’re a parent you might relate to this. We create our children because of love, and there is nothing we want more than for them to love us back, right?)
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Which leads us to this; you were created for love…
Jesus was asked, “What is the greatest commandment,” and he replied “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matt. 22:37-40
If you’re trying to figure out what you’re supposed to do in life, there you go….Love God and love others. Do that first. That’s the fencepost. Everything else hangs on those two things.
We love others not because of what they do, their status in life, or what they can do for us; we love others because every single person you meet is an image-bearer of God. “We love because God first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
Okay, I need to tell you one last thing about love, you were not just created by love, for love. Your eternity is set, your future is secure because of love.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16.
And 1 John 3:16 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
The greatest demonstration of love the world has ever seen is the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. He came, he died, he was buried, he was raised so that you might be with Him and the Father forever!
I hope you understand how much you are loved, not just today, but every day! Anytime you doubt it. Just pick up God’s word, or pull out your phone and search verses about love, and read all of them until you start believing it!
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I’ll leave you with 1 John 4:7-21 I think John sums all of this up beautifully.
“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.
And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.
If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.”
Korie Robertson is a New York Times bestselling author and speaker who is passionate about motherhood. Korie (K-Swaggy) is a mom to Sadie — and five other amazing kids. In her free time, you’ll find her playing tennis, drinking coffee and spending time with her kids and grand babies.
Follow Korie on Instagram @bosshogswife[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
by Jill Dasher | Jan 3, 2020 | Life Advice, Motherhood |
When Zach and I were dating and riding around in his 1982 yellow Grand Marquis, we dreamed about our upcoming marriage. Once married, our dreams and conversations consisted of what our kids were going to be like. And then, just like that, they were here. We talked about how cute they were and how little sleep we got, but obviously, they were going to be geniuses, so it was worth it.
Now that we are in the throes of shepherding children through middle school and high school, our conversations shifted a bit. Zach described it perfectly as we drove off to the airport a couple of days ago for a work trip. Neither of us wanted to go because, well, we are in the “all-hands-on-deck” phase of parenting that nobody prepares you for. Zach describes it as the “Whac-A-Mole” stage. Do you remember that game? Yes. I realize that I just aged myself. It was a Chuck E. Cheese favorite; the head of a mole popped up through a tiny hole, and you “whack” him with a “Thor-like” mallet, and then do it all over again as they continue to pop up through holes randomly. That is what I feel like sometimes navigating a child through adolescence while attempting to remain connected to their heart. Just when you think you have conquered one “molehill,” another emerges through the surface. Holler if you hear me!
Remaining connected to their heart transcends past the boundaries of obedience into a place where they genuinely trust that you have their best interest in mind. This is where it gets a little dicey because, while it is easy for me to assess the actions of my children, their hearts are not visibly measurable. In fact, it is quite possible for them to behave perfectly within the framework we designed, and yet, their hearts can be so far away from us. This is one of my greatest fears as a parent; yes, I confess I am quite fearful that I am going to mess up my children completely. Can I just begin by confessing that? Are there any other parents out there who live with this fear?
Fear is something that has overwhelmed me at different stages of life, probably the most debilitating destroyer that lurks beneath my seemingly confident front. However, it is not just any type of fear that claims anxiety over my life; it is misplaced fear that keeps me from moving. Fear that is dependent on my performance or ability. Fear that is characterized by “what if” statements and comparisons. Fear of how others will perceive me, my children, or our home. This type of fear is really a self-absorbed fear that only graces the surface of my life and has no power to produce fruitful living. It also has no ability to produce Godly offspring but instead has a paralyzing effect over my family and my parenting.
This is the type of fear that I am daily, sometimes hourly, having to submit over to my Father. A fear based on the thoughts and viewpoints of men. One that finds faux contentment as long as all appears to be right but refuses to seek out the heart. You see, the love that I so desire from my children is many times not mirrored in my own relationship with my heavenly Father. I came to realize that, in many days of my own life, I am choosing to live for my King but refusing to give Him my heart, all the while pleading for the heart of my own children.
I cannot tell you how many times I say to my children, “You do not have to tell me what you think I want to hear” and then turn around and tell Jesus precisely what I think He wants to hear. Why do I do this? Probably the same reason my children do. Yes, my children are flawed; gasp.
Could it be that we struggle, believing that God can truly love us just the way we are? Can he really love the broken parts of us; the unkind part of us; the part of us that struggles with jealousy and discontentment; the part of us that so often seeks our own glory and praise?
God, can you really love the not so lovable parts of me? Wait, don’t answer that. I’m afraid. And since I am not confident that you can, I should probably just keep those hidden, right?
But from everlasting to everlasting, the Lord’s love is with those who fear him and his righteousness with their children’s children. (Psalm 103:17)
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. (Prov 9:10)
Fear is not our enemy; misplaced fear is our enemy.
Misplaced fear is a fear that is driven by our desire to please men. This fear leads us to a life of hiding. This fear keeps us from trying new things and pursuing dreams because, well, what if the world will not approve? This fear causes us to turn inside ourselves and keep everyone at an arm’s distance because we are almost sure that we will be rejected in some form or fashion.
Misplaced fear leads to death. The fear of the Lord leads to life. Abundant life.
But what does it mean to fear the Lord, and how is that different from the fear that results from my desire to please men?
Scripture defines it for us in Proverbs when it says: The fear of the Lord is to hate evil: pride and arrogance, and the evil way, and the perverse mouth, I hate (8:13.)
First, the fear of the Lord is to hate what he hates. He hates evil, more particularly pride, arrogance, the evil way, and a perverse mouth. When our fear is misplaced, we inevitably place ourselves in the position of manager. Yep, in our arrogance, we actually think we can manage our sin better than God. Why not just fold to the apparent fact that He is God and probably knows better? Pride. As managers, we are too prideful to take that trust fall. “It’s too humiliating,” we tell ourselves. So, we manage, we hide, and therefore, we are miserable. This leads to the evil way of hating the good around us because it reminds us of our misery. So, we gossip, slander, and hide behind sarcasm and cynicism. Sounds horrible, right?
Fortunately for us, there is a way out. It’s simple. Place our fear, not on the approval of men but the Glory of God. We fear God and respect his ways. In other words, we resign as the manager. We walk humbly with our good, good Father. We trust him, and we live.
Yes, I realize this post began about parenting, but once again, it turns out that the Lord is still working on me. He is still whacking away at my own “molehills.” Perhaps the greatest lesson that I can teach my children lies within the admittance of my failures to a God that I trust is good and has my best interest at heart.
Perhaps it is in this understanding that we can begin to move past behavior modification parenting to a Spirit-filled child who does not need to perform to seek my approval but instead realizes that they indeed are safe to be a work in progress still.
Jill Dasher is a blogger and speaker who is passionate about sharing the message of being known through authentic community with God and each other. She resides in Asheville, NC with her husband Zach and four children. In between sunset hikes and camping weekends she works alongside her husband running a media company.
Follow Jill on Instagram @jilldasher
